Page 47 of The Rogue (Four Corners Ranch #11)

He could remember well what it had been like when that cave had collapsed. The rock shifting, his fear that he would be crushed

to death. And then, when he had survived that, the fear that no one would ever come for him.

The fear that he would die alone in the dark.

It was a fear that had never left him. It was one that he had been running from for his entire life. That he was so weak he

could be used like that. That he was so insignificant he was a tool that could be left to die when he didn’t serve his purpose.

And so he had made sure that he wasn’t alone at night. So he had made sure he had his best friend with him, but that he had

moved her into a space that didn’t require everything from him.

He had his family, the ranch, and yet his finances were separate. His home was separate. He didn’t put all his eggs in any

one basket, because he didn’t trust anything.

But he was still dying alone in the dark, and ever since Rue had left today, he had felt it. Keenly.

The rocks might not have crushed him, but he had been stuck in there ever since.

Rue was somewhere out there. On the other side of this, and he couldn’t get to her. That was what she didn’t understand.

Because you won’t let her understand.

Maybe that was true. Maybe the issue was him. What he refused to share. But the problem was he didn’t know how to share it.

He didn’t know how to look his best friend in the eyes and tell her that he was just terrified. That he was a little boy who

had never gotten out of the cave.

If he knew what he was afraid of. If he could just figure it out. If he just figured out what the hell was wrong with him,

then maybe Rue wouldn’t feel so messed up. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so alone.

Alone .

He thought of Rue, wearing that necklace. Rue in the wedding gown. His great-great-great-great grandmother had worn that necklace

out to Oregon, looking for a better life.

Rue was his better life. She always had been. The whole damned time.

She was everything.

That was what he was afraid of. She was everything .

And everything could be used against him. It had been done before.

And he knew what it was like to sit there in the darkness and feel like he had lost everything. To feel like no one was coming.

He had never wanted to feel that alone again. Ever. And then there was her.

He had loved her from the moment he’d met her. Dammit, how he loved her.

She was everything. The most glorious, beautiful creature that he had ever known, and he found her all those years ago, but didn’t know what to do with that.

Because he had never seen two people love each other in a real way. Had never seen a husband love his wife. Had never seen

a father love his children.

Everything that the King children had scraped together had been out of desperation. And he had clung to Rue in the same fashion.

She was the one person who had the potential to be everything to him. Who had the potential to leave him alone in the dark,

and now she had done it.

It was his fault.

He’d caused the cave-in. He had rejected her. He regretted it. But she had to teach him how to read. Was she going to have

to teach him how to be a good boyfriend? Be a good husband?

That isn’t the real problem. You’re just scared. Stop trying to dress it up.

You’re scared it’ll be used to hurt you.

He took a breath and stood. Then he walked out of his house without thinking. He got into his pickup truck, and he drove to

the watering hole where Rue had taken her polar plunge. When he saw the cave.

He wasn’t a six-year-old boy anymore. He wasn’t a fourteen-year-old whose father told him he just should have let him die.

He was a grown-ass man, who had made decisions about how he was going to live his life. Who had made decisions about how to

protect himself, and none of that had been about healing. It had been about protection.

He would rather face the cave than his father.

Because at least the cave couldn’t hurt him anymore.

He took a step forward, and walked inside, letting himself be enveloped by the darkness.

He didn’t go in deep, but he stayed there, taking in the scent, the surroundings.

He had been stuck here for three days. And those three days had defined the whole rest of his life.

Because of everything that had happened afterward. Everything he had learned.

It had become a monster in his mind. This darkness. This place. But he realized now that it was just a place. And fear was

just a feeling. What he wanted was her. Of course he was in love with her.

He grabbed his chest, afraid that his heart was going to burst right out the front of it. “Help me,” he said. To what, he

didn’t know. To whom. He had cried out in the darkness before, and no one had come for him.

But Rue... He knew that she would never leave him. He knew that she would always care for him. That if they had an issue

they would talk about it. She wasn’t his father. So the idea that he was holding himself back because he couldn’t trust her

was just a lie. The real issue, when he drilled right down to it, was that love hurt. It had the power to devastate.

So he’d been very careful with how he loved in all the years since. She was right. She was right about him. He had been glad

that there was another man that she would never love quite as much as she loved him. He had been glad that he had a stand-in

so he could keep himself safe, and hold on to her. But this was another of those forks in the road. He couldn’t leave Ruby

Matthews half-loved. Not when she deserved everything.

Not when he did love her.

He did.

And he knew now why it hurt so much to think of them as kids. Because he’d fallen in love with her then. He had denied that

little boy. He had denied himself. He had denied the man. Because of fear.

What bullshit that he’d told himself he was giving in to every indulgence. Every temptation.

Sex with strangers meant nothing. It was like eating and never being able to be satisfied.

Sex with Rue was something else. It was the substance of it all. The full expression of loving her. Accepting that was like

taking a breath.

The first full breath he had taken in years.

Loving her was what he’d never let himself do. All this time. But it had been there all the same. Like all the wounds he never

let himself deal with. So he had to tear every lock off every door, let them all fly free, because that was the only way.

To get down to that love. To get down to the truth. And to let it all go. Finally.

He wasn’t trapped in the cave anymore. And all there was left to do was walk out into the light.

So he did. Because Rue had shown him the way.

Bix, Arizona and Fia had done the hard work of packing everything up for her so that she could avoid him. And now her driveway

was full of boxes and furniture that her friends were helping her unpack. Her friends. She had them still. At least there

was that.

Bix had threatened to kill him, cheerfully, multiple times, while Fia and Arizona had been more measured. They had talked a lot about old wounds, childhood scars and the damage that had kept them all from finding love for years.

“I don’t have any patience for it,” Bix said angrily. “I didn’t have any patience for it when Daughtry had his big mantrum,

and I don’t have any patience for it now.”

“You’re consistent,” Fia said, patting Bix on the shoulder. “I like that about you.”

But then, they had gotten all the things moved, and everyone had left, and Rue was just there, alone with this big hole inside

of herself that wouldn’t ease up. Wouldn’t heal. Because she wanted him. Regardless of whether or not he was being a dick.

She wanted him.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes, trying to decide what she was going to do.

Because part of her really did think she had to take away the crutch of their relationship for him to ever get better. Part

of her really did think she needed to demand the best for herself.

Part of her really did believe that staying away from him was the best course of action.

Another part of her felt like she had cut her own arm off and was just letting it bleed when she could easily reattach it.

And she hated the idea of abandoning him.

She kept imagining him alone. Alone and buried. With nobody looking for him. Nobody coming after him. Had she left him alone

like everybody else?

This kind of thing was supposed to be so easy. The decision to love herself enough to ask for what she wanted. Enough to demand she get what she deserved.

But it wasn’t that simple. It never could be.

Because she loved him. Because she had loved him for most of her life. And losing her house, losing the wedding, all of that

she’d been able to make a binder about, make new plans over. Deal with. But this... This wasn’t the same. And she didn’t

know the right thing to do. She wanted to hold him. She wanted to go hide out in the barn with him. She wanted to talk to

her best friend about her heartbreak, but he was the heartbreak.

She wanted him to come over and hold her and watch 13 Going on 30 . She wanted him. And she didn’t know how that was ever going to be okay. They had been foolish. Because the stakes for this

were far too high. And neither of them had been equipped to handle it. She had put it all on the line for love, and he’d held

his ground of friendship. And they were left standing on two different sides of a line she didn’t know if they could cross.

What did you do with something like that? What were you supposed to do?

She sucked in a sharp breath, right in time with the knock on her door.

She stopped, and went to answer it. The door pushed open, and there he was. Standing there in the suit he had gotten for the

wedding she didn’t have. Reminding her of that day he had come over for the fitting, and she’d been so damned proud of how

beautiful her best friend was.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to come get you,” he said.

“Did you come to get me... to be your friend or...?”

“Everything, Rue. Absolutely everything.”

On a sob, she threw herself into his arms.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” she said. “I didn’t know if I should come back to you and tell you that we could be friends or

if I should try and hold some kind of line. Because the thing is, I love you. Whether you’re giving me exactly what I ask

for or not. I love you. I hated being without you. I hated it so much.”

“Me too,” he said. “But I’m grateful. Because you taught me something. You taught me that I had to deal with myself. I was

scared of being without you. Of being alone, and I never wanted you to be my everything because then if I lost you my world

would end. I would be trapped in the cave all over again. I couldn’t face it.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t trust you,

but it’s because I didn’t trust myself either. I don’t trust my feelings, because they’ve been twisted and used before. But

you’ve been there for me, Rue. You deserve my trust. You don’t deserve... You didn’t deserve what I did.”

“Justice,” she said. “It’s okay that you didn’t know what to do in a situation neither of us have been in before. You didn’t

need to be perfect. I know it seems like I was asking you to...”

“No. You were asking me to stand on my own two feet, and not use you to hold me up while I denied you what we both needed. You had to leave for me to real ize it was too late.” He took his grandmother’s necklace out of his pocket and held it out to her. “I want you to keep this.”

“Then it’s not borrowed anymore,” she said.

“No. You’ll have to borrow something else for our wedding. But this is for you to keep. I want you to wear it. On your way

to our better life. I have loved you from the beginning. But I didn’t know what love was. And if I would’ve paid fucking attention,

Rue, I would’ve realized that you were showing me.”

“It wasn’t just you. I was afraid of it too. I was afraid of giving all of myself to someone. I could feel myself wanting

it from you. And I didn’t ever want that to turn me into my parents. But that isn’t us. It never could be.”

He shook his head. “No. You were right. You never did anything to deserve my lack of trust. It wasn’t you I was afraid of.

I was just afraid in general. But our friendship was love without risk. I guess that was what was left. For us to take a risk.

Do the zip lining, the polar plunge.”

“Was I practicing for the two of us to get together the whole time?” Rue asked.

“Maybe. Maybe.”

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too. I always have. It just took me this whole time to figure out how much I was willing to risk for that.”

“It turns out we were both willing to risk everything.” Then she laughed. Because it was true. They were just everything.

That was all.

“Everything.”

“I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful man in the world. But I didn’t think you could ever really belong to anyone,”

she said.

“Don’t you know, Ruby Matthews, I belong to you. Always.”

She knew that it was true. Because she knew him.

Justice King was her best friend in the whole world.

And he always would be.

“Remember how we talked about me giving you away at your wedding?”

“Yes,” she said, laughing.

“What if I married you instead?”

“That sounds perfect.”

Ruby Matthews had her life together. It just didn’t look like she’d thought it would. She would be leaving this perfect little

house, with a perfect little yard, for the place she loved most in the world, King’s Crest.

All of her organization systems would have to change. They’d have to be shared. Because her life would be shared. She’d had

plans before, but she had something better than plans now. She had life; she had love.

She’d be planning another wedding, and this one really would be perfect.

She’d always known Justice belonged right up at the front of the church with her, because he was her best friend in the whole

wide world.

She just hadn’t realized that he belonged there as her groom.

The love of her life. For always, forever.

Then he leaned in and kissed her, her Cowboy James Bond, in blue jeans or a tux.

“I love you,” he said.

She sighed, then smiled.

Everything was perfect.

Everything was in its rightful place.

Finally.

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