Page 39 of The Rogue (Four Corners Ranch #11)

When Rue woke up the next morning, she felt... warm. Hot even. It was like a furnace had been plugged in right behind her.

Then she registered the weight of a heavy arm thrown over the top of her, and deep breathing coming from behind.

Justice .

That’s right.

She was on her honeymoon that was no longer a honeymoon, with Justice.

And last night...

Images from last night flashed through her mind. That second time against the wall... She didn’t even recognize that woman.

That woman that had so effortlessly lost herself. Who had given herself completely over to the experience. They had climaxed

at the same time. It had been so intense. The most altering experience.

They had gotten room service at some point. They had eaten naked in bed. And now it was... morning. The snow was falling

outside. They could go snowshoeing. They could rent a snowmobile There were any number of activities to be done at this place.

They could get a massage. She had a voucher for a couples’ massage, actually. Nothing seemed that interesting. Not when they

could just stay together.

The thought sent a worrying pang through her system.

That moment when they had both come together.

.. It had been like a vow. And it wasn’t supposed to be.

This was supposed to be about her learning to cut loose, kind of.

But it didn’t feel easy. She felt safe. She felt like she could relax and feel.

Except relaxing was the wrong word. Because there was nothing about it that was casual; there was nothing about it that was loose.

It was all just...

It’s happening. Can’t you just live in the moment?

That was something else she didn’t know how to do. She had all of her binders, all of her planners. All of the things that

she seemed to believe were going to insulate her from life. From being overwhelmed by the things her parents had been held

captive by.

That was the real lesson she hadn’t learned. That no amount of organizing the wedding had made it go forward. No amount of

Asher being good on paper had actually made them marry each other.

Maybe what she needed to do was figure out how to exist in the moment. Not be afraid of what she felt. Not catastrophize about

what it would mean in the future.

She rolled over and looked at him. He was still asleep. The lines on his face more relaxed, that wicked grin turned down as

he snoozed. She reached up and touched a lock of his hair that had fallen into his face, and pushed it back.

It felt like a deep privilege, to be next to Justice while he was sleeping.

Another thing that they had never done before. Another thing they hadn’t experienced.

“Good morning,” he said. His eyes opened, the white light from the snow highlighting what a startling blue they were.

“Good morning.”

He breathed out, heavy and filled with meaning. She laughed, butterflies rising up in her stomach. “You know we used to talk.”

“Yeah,” he said. “We did.”

He rolled her onto her back and spent the next forty-five minutes or so showing her exactly why he was the best man to have

been brought on this trip.

After that, they ordered more room service, and she got out a pamphlet with all of the activities they could do.

“I think I want to zip-line,” she said, taking a sip of coffee.

“Why?”

“Because we’re here. We’re here, and we need to do something.”

He lifted a brow.

“I’m not going to be able to walk,” she said.

“Oh, don’t be dramatic.”

“Saddle sore is a thing, Justice. Some of us don’t ride like this all the time.”

“Yeah. I guess,” he said.

He didn’t look repentant or convinced. She just thought it would be a bad idea for them to sink entirely into a 100 percent

sex situation. Yes, she wanted to live in the moment. She didn’t want to catastrophize. But she had only been sort of kidding

when this morning their gazes had collided and the only thing they could think to do was come together again. They had too

many years of friendship behind them to let it turn into that.

“What else is there to do?” he asked, so skeptical that it flattered her, even if it shouldn’t.

But what woman wouldn’t want to be the sole focus of the desire of a man that hot? She paled in comparison to zip lining.

Perhaps that was a strange thing to be complimented by but after her most recent experience with a man—she was.

“Oh, there’s all kinds of things. You can take a dog team out. I mean, guided. You can’t just grab the dogs and mush all around the place.”

“You would be kind of a cute musher.”

She sniffed. “I have no desire to be a musher.”

“I’m shocked.”

He didn’t sound shocked. He was wearing nothing but low-slung jeans, and she couldn’t help but admire his body.

“You keep looking at me like that we are not going to make it out to zip-line.”

“It’s going to be very cold.”

“Are you having second thoughts? Because if we stay in I can keep you warm.”

“I’m not having second thoughts. I think it’s something we should do.”

“Would you have done it with Asher?”

“No. It’s pretty safe to say that 90 percent of what we’ve done so far I wouldn’t do with Asher.”

He smirked. “A man does like to hear that. If he’s going to be compared it might as well be favorably.”

“They do have an ice cave,” she said, pointing to the brochure. Then she blinked. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

He looked tense. And a little bit angry. “It’s fine,” he said. “But yeah. I might skip the ice cave if it’s all the same to you.”

How had she not known this? She’d stepped on it twice now in the past week and it just...

She cared for Justice. She’d known him for so much of their lives. It meant they didn’t have “getting to know you” conversations,

though. She’d known him since he was eight so she figured she knew it all, but she’d missed this glaring trauma that had happened

to him.

He was her tall, handsome, confident friend.

How had she not seen the depth of his vulnerability?

He was her brave, larger-than-life surrogate, who lived life in a way she was too timid to.

“What happened?” she asked.

“I told you. I got stuck in a cave-in.”

“You were just down there playing?”

“More or less,” he said, shrugging.

She knew him, though. She knew it wasn’t a casual gesture. Knew that his muscles were tense. That he was upset.

“More or less,” she repeated. “What does that mean?”

“Let’s go zip lining. I’m fine with zip lining.”

“What happened?” She knew she was being persistent, but she just felt like all the doors between them had opened last night,

and he was still keeping things from her. And it just seemed silly.

“I got sent on an errand, okay?” He shook his head.

“I was doing something for somebody. I went into the cave, there was a cave-in. Nobody was looking for me. Or maybe they did, but they didn’t look in that spot.

It was a long, shitty few days. But I survived it.

But no, I don’t go back in the caves for fun. ”

“ Somebody sent you?”

“It’s not...” He let out a long breath. “You really want to have this conversation now?”

“When else can we have it?”

“Maybe when the focus of the week is not us... doing this. Why do we need to talk about personal stuff on top of that?”

“I know that you’re in a little bit of a different space with this kind of thing than I am, but for me, what we just did is

personal. So it all seems compatible.”

“My dad used to give me... packages. To put in the cave.”

“What?”

“He told me it was important, and that he could only trust me with it. Not even Denver. And Denver was... He was the oldest,

and I always thought he was Dad’s favorite. If you knew... if you knew how magnetic my dad was. How fun he could be. How

much I looked up to him. He told me it was a special job only I could do and I wanted to be special.” His eyes went vacant.

“I didn’t understand what I was doing. I... I thought I was doing something good. Helping the family. Helping my dad.”

“What was it?”

He looked away. “Drugs. I found that out later when Denver finally started talking about some of his own experiences with Dad. I used to take them out there and stick them in the back of the cave. Because only a kid could get back there. I have no idea who was picking them up. Probably some other kid that was acting like a mule. My dad told me the most important thing was keeping it secret. So when the cave-in happened, and I was trapped in there with the package I... I was terrified to be found. Terrified not to be. I knew... I knew if someone found out I’d have failed my dad.

It could have ruined everything. They’d have found the drugs and. .. and he’d have been arrested.”

“Why haven’t you ever told me this?”

“Because it doesn’t matter. It’s a thing that happened when I was like seven years old.”

“You were a child.” Her chest hurt. She could barely breathe. “Why didn’t your dad come for you?”

“He... he had to make sure if he did that his secret wouldn’t get out.”

“Justice, you were a child. Why didn’t you ever tell me this happened? It’s horrifying.”

“It was a long time ago. And the only lingering issue is really the fear of caves. All things considered, I got out pretty

well unscathed.”

“Are you serious? You think you got out of it unscathed? You think that all you have is a slight phobia of caves ? You don’t think that any of your other issues—”

“What other issues?”

“Your need to control your environment, your desperate need to pretend you aren’t affected by anything, your fear of commitment...”

“You don’t have a fear of commitment. Does that mean you don’t have issues?”

She sputtered. “No. But this isn’t about me. This is about you. And you know what, you know all of my stuff.”

“That’s bullshit. No, I didn’t. I didn’t know about all the sex stuff.”

“That was personal.”

“This felt personal to me. It’s not any different. You choose to keep certain things to yourself. You’re a liar if you think

you don’t. Were you attracted to me when we were teenagers?”

“Justice...”

“Were you?”