Page 33

Thirty-One

Isaac

I ’m sitting alone in my living room when the doorbell chimes, alerting me that someone is at the gate. I nearly leap out of my seat and run to the security panel.

Luke is in his car with the window rolled down, and I quickly buzz him through. He has dark tint on his windows, which is good because the last time I checked, there was a small crowd of paparazzi on the street, waiting to see me slip and, I don’t know, accidentally make out with someone on the sidewalk or something.

If I want to come and go, I have to take a chauffeur, and I’ve been advised not to have any guests other than bandmates and family members. I’m only home for three days until I leave again. I’m supposed to be on some fucking late-night show next week, and I’m too busy stressing about public rumors to be excited about it.

It’s not just a musical performance on the show. They want to talk to me. Apparently, fans eat up my interviews as much as my music, so I’m hoping I can shove all of this aside and pull out my winning personality for one night.

There’s a lot riding on tonight first.

I got back to Austin the day before yesterday, and I’ve been completely alone since. Thankfully, most of the media attention has had a chance to simmer down a bit since that night in Nashville.

Luke pulls his car around and parks it in my garage for added privacy. I’m waiting by the door when I hear their car doors slam. Then, the door opens and Jensen walks through first.

A breath of relief pours out of me as I rush over to where he’s standing and throw my arms around him. He holds me impossibly tight, breathing into my neck.

Pulling away, I hold his face as I bring his lips to mine. We don’t bother saying I miss you anymore. It’s redundant and unnecessary. I miss him even when he’s standing right in front of me. So it’s pointless to say it when he’s states away.

Luke and Sadie walk in with Henry in a car seat carrier. Reluctantly, Jensen and I break up our kiss since it can’t really get any hotter with my brother and his family around.

I hug Luke and Sadie next. “Thanks for bringing him. We couldn’t risk him driving to my house.”

“I understand,” Luke replies. “And we’re happy to help.”

My brother checks on me with a hand on my shoulder. “You ready for this?”

“Are you?” I reply.

He tilts his head. “Stop deflecting and answer the question. Besides, I feed off people being angry at me. I’m not worried about our brothers.”

“Yes, I’m ready,” I snap with irritation. My hand is clutched in Jensen’s as he squeezes it.

Sadie walks up and throws her arm over my shoulder. “If you want to bail at any second, just give me a wink and we are out of there, okay?”

I rest my head on her shoulder. “Okay.”

Out of everyone here, it feels like Sadie gets it the most. We don’t like heavy emotions, and more than likely, tonight, people will be crying, which means I am going to want to get as far away as I can.

But I need to do this like a Band-Aid. Just rip it off and be done with it.

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” I mutter, nodding toward the car.

After locking up the house, I climb into the back seat of Luke’s car with Jensen. Baby Henry is in the rear-facing car seat, smiling up at the two of us on either side as we pull out onto the road.

Watching Henry smile up at Jensen calms my nerves. Jensen gently tickles under his chin and Henry giggles, drool hanging from his pudgy little baby lip.

I glance up at Jensen, noticing how enamored he seems with my nephew. He has a way with him that seems natural. Is this something he would want someday?

Hell, is this something I would want someday? To be honest, I haven’t given much thought past my career. That was always the only goal. Relationships, family, future thoughts were never on my mind.

Just for fun, I try on the idea. Having a little kid in my life. A kid who would be mine. Who would call me Dad. A kid who would count on me.

Will Jensen still be in the picture? Is it too soon to think stuff like that? Probably, but I can’t help it. I mean…look at him. He’s a natural. Who wouldn’t want to start a family with him?

Suddenly, all that daddy energy makes sense. He is legit dad material .

Then I think about the long term. A chance to do things right. To raise a kid in the right environment. To give our kids the chance we never had.

Those would be some lucky fucking kids.

Jensen glances up at me and our eyes lock as if we’re thinking the same thing. It doesn’t matter that it’s way too early to be thinking stuff like this, because we’re thinking it anyway. We’re just two people who never thought we’d be in this situation or have this opportunity. I surely never saw myself settling down and Jensen obviously had no plans of ever attempting long term with anyone, let alone a man.

It feels incredibly freeing to finally imagine these things now.

“What’s wrong?” Sadie asks Luke, and I glance up at them with concern. He looks in the rearview mirror.

“You see that car? It’s been following us.”

She turns around, as we all do. It’s a black sedan I don’t recognize, but there’s nothing really out of the ordinary about it.

When Luke pulls off the highway at our exit, the black car does too. Then, to our relief, it turns in the opposite direction at the traffic light.

I glance up at my brother, who doesn’t bother looking relaxed, and I’m assaulted by guilt. Is this how it’s going to be now? Paranoia for the rest of my life. The sooner I come out, the sooner they can all get over it.

“See?” I say, turning forward. “Nothing to worry about.”

A few moments later, Luke pulls up to my mother’s house and all of the good feelings in my stomach turn to ice. Seeing this house again feels like being punched in the gut.

We discussed it earlier and decided to serve the family with the surprise of a lifetime, which means we haven’t told any of them I’m coming. Why? Because I’m a dick sometimes, and while I know they probably could have used some time to mentally and emotionally prepare, I was slightly afraid that if I told them I was coming, I’d back out last minute and feel like shit for it.

So… surprise .

Luke pulls into the large circular driveway before anyone else has arrived. We planned to come early on purpose—for Mom. She deserves a few minutes alone with me before the chaos ensues.

Jensen and Luke both open their mouths to speak at the same time, but I quickly interject.

“If either of you asks if I’m ready again, I’m going to walk back home. Got it?”

They both close their mouths. “Got it,” Jensen says.

Sadie winks at me from the front seat.

Henry starts to get fussy as soon as the car stops moving, so we all climb out of the car. It’s like there’s a weight on my chest as I stare up at the same house I walked out of eleven years ago.

This is the house seventeen-year-old me stood in while my father slapped me across the face for telling him I was gay—for calling him a bigot. This is where I stood that night when I promised myself I’d never return.

I freeze on the front porch steps. Jensen is by my side when he glances my way. Everyone stops and looks at me as if waiting for me to make the first move.

“If I walk in there…am I betraying the kid who ran away?”

Luke turns toward me with the baby on his hip. His eyes bore into me with severity as he says, “You’re not betraying anyone. You got that kid out, Isaac. But you hold the power now, which means you can choose to leave. And having that choice is what really matters.”

The tension melts away from my shoulders as I stare at my big brother.

Sadie reaches out and squeezes my arm. “You’re not betraying anyone, Isaac.”

I smile at her before nodding to Luke.

“Thanks. Okay…let’s do this.”

Luke reaches for the front door first. I stand behind him, sliding my hand into Jensen’s. There are no cameras or paparazzi here. So he leans in and presses his lips to my temple.

Suddenly, I feel grounded and safe.

The first thing that hits me when I walk in the door is the scent. It’s the smell of home, so deep within my psyche that I forgot it even existed. I couldn’t put a name on it if I tried. It’s my childhood and holidays and hugs from my mother all rolled into one.

“Hey, Mom,” Lucas calls. “We’re early.”

The four of us step into the house with Henry in Luke’s arms, and I’m hiding behind him like a scared child.

“Okay, darlin’,” my mother calls from the kitchen. “I’m just putting the casserole in the oven.” Goose bumps erupt over my skin.

I’ve spoken to my mother regularly since I left. She and Luke were the only two who had tabs on me the whole time.

But hearing her voice in person now, knowing she’s in the next room, hits me with a tidal wave of emotion I wasn’t expecting. Already, I want to turn and bolt out the door.

I force myself to swallow, although my throat feels like it’s closing up on me at the moment. My molars clench so tight I can feel the muscles clicking in my jaw.

“Gimme that grandbaby,” she says as she turns the corner into the foyer while wiping her hands on a kitchen towel and tossing it over her shoulder.

She falters when she notices two extra people in her entryway. She looks at Jensen first. Then, she looks at me.

My mother has aged so much in the past eleven years. Her light-blonde hair is mostly gray now and her skin seems so much softer. Otherwise, she is exactly how I remember.

Her eyes hold that motherly sense of intuition they always did. As if she knows everything, but will never let anyone see it.

Tears fill her eyes as she stares at me. I can’t move. Maybe I should be the one to run to her, but I can’t. It’s hard enough to just pull air into my lungs at the moment.

Nobody moves for what feels like ages. Then my mom walks toward me. There’s a shake in her hands as she wrings them in front of her. The others step aside, and when my mother reaches me, she places her hand on my cheek, smiling up at me with tears in her eyes.

“Welcome home, baby,” she whispers.

“Thanks, Mama,” I reply, feeling like a little kid all of a sudden. Her arms wrap around my neck and she pulls me roughly toward her for a hug. I have to practically fold myself in half to reach her, but I relax into her embrace.

I haven’t had a mom hug in eleven years, and I hadn’t thought much about how much I missed it, but now I’m remembering how good it feels. With the scent of an old perfume and fresh-baked cookies, she pats my back and squeezes me tight and makes everything feel just a little easier.

When she pulls away, her mascara is smudged under her eyes, and she makes a big fuss about fixing it. Then, she grabs my hand and looks at Jensen.

“And who is this?” she asks without hesitation.

My chest feels tight as I put my other hand out toward him. “Mom, this is Jensen Miles. He’s my…boyfriend.”

I see the moment in my mother’s eyes when she puts it all together. I have no doubt that Melanie Goode has kept up with the gossip around Austin when it comes to the church and community she once helped build. I am quite sure she knows exactly who Jensen Miles is, if not by face, then by name.

“Oh,” she says, looking at me and then him and back to me.

“Yeah…” I stammer with a nod.

It’s going to be a long night.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Jensen says like the perfect fucking gentleman he is.

“You too, Jensen. Welcome to our home,” she says.

Then, bless my mother’s fucking heart, she turns to Luke and acts like absolutely nothing is out of the ordinary. She steals Henry and gives him big grandma kisses on the cheek like tonight is just any other night.

Luke and Sadie walk ahead of us, and I follow behind, with Jensen by my side.

“One down, two to go,” I whisper.

“It’s going to be okay,” he replies.

As we step into the large dining room, I notice the table is much bigger than I remember. In fact, all the decorations in my mother’s house are different. She’s updated a lot. But the table is definitely the most jarring.

There are two high chairs pulled up to the table and what looks like six more chairs. It’s now a table for twelve, and for some reason, seeing the visual representation of how much my family has changed since I left hits me like a truck.

Is this even still my family? Do I still have a seat at this table? They’ve moved on since I left. And I know they missed me, but it hurts a little to see that they moved on at the same time. But that’s what life does, I guess. It moves on.

No one sits. Maybe we’re all a little too anxious.

So we stand around and wait for the others to arrive. Luke brings me a beer and I crack it open with relief. It goes down way too fast.

My mom asks me about the tour and how things have been this week, and I try to spare her from the gory details. I don’t want her to worry. It’s been intense, but I can handle it.

When we hear a car door close outside, we all tense. The foyer is out of view from here, so we just wait. I consider hiding, but that would be juvenile. It’s not exactly the occasion to jump out from behind the couch and shout surprise . Although it sounds a lot easier and less tense.

I hear a female’s voice outside and then a child’s, so I know it must be Caleb and his family. Inching closer to Jensen, I watch the door with anxiety brewing inside me.

This shouldn’t be too bad. I saw Caleb a couple years ago, and he got me up to speed on his family and the new addition—Dean—who just happens to be my ex-boyfriend .

So, yeah, I don’t know why I’m worried. This shouldn’t be awkward at all.

The door opens and I hear a little girl arguing with someone in the entryway.

“You cheated!” she shrieks.

“Don’t be a sore loser just because I won.” I recognize Dean’s voice like a ghost from my past. I haven’t seen him since I was fifteen years old. He was the first boy I kissed. The first dick I touched. The first person who let me say out loud that I was gay.

Then, one day, he just…disappeared. He stopped hanging out with me and stopped calling. Until poof—he showed up at my brother’s house twelve years later and started fucking my brother and his wife.

I’m sure there was more to the story than that, but that’s all I caught.

“Daddy, tell Dean he’s cheating!”

“Please stop yelling, Peanut,” my brother replies.

“You can’t let her win one thumb wrestle?” Briar mumbles as the family walks into the house.

When they turn the corner and find us all awkwardly hovering around the dining room table, they freeze.

“What the hell—” Caleb mutters before his eyes collide with mine.

“Hey,” I stammer as I wave at him.

“Who’s that?” Abby says loudly, and I smile down at her. Immediately, I see my brother in her face. Brown hair, big eyes, freckles.

“That’s your uncle Isaac,” Caleb stutters before eating up the distance between us. “That’s my brother.”

He’s smiling as he pulls me into a tight hug. Patting my back harshly, he lets out a laugh. “It’s good to have you back.”

To my relief, seeing Caleb again is far more chill than I’m sure seeing Adam will be. He pulls away from our hug and smiles brightly at me. “This is amazing. I can’t believe you’re really here.”

“I’m here,” I say, doing an awkward shoulder shrug. When I feel Jensen at my side, I turn toward him. “And this is my boyfriend, Jensen.” Damn, that feels nice to say.

The two of them do their little handshake greeting. Then Caleb calls over his daughter, and I kneel to greet her as well. To my surprise, she throws her arms around my neck and squeezes me tightly, as if I’m not a complete stranger to her.

When I stand up with tears in my eyes, I make eye contact with Dean for the first time. We might as well be strangers at this point. I’m sure neither of us are the same people we were as teenagers.

“And you remember Dean…” Caleb says as he walks over and puts his arm around the man’s back.

I thought I could prepare myself for what it would be like to actually see my brother with another man, but it still shocks me to my core. There’s this unspoken conversation Caleb and I haven’t had yet. The one where we face the harsh truth about him being queer this whole time and never telling me. Letting me take the brunt of our father’s wrath when he could have spoken up, too.

And maybe he never knew. I guess that’s a possibility—that until he met Dean and let himself finally admit those feelings, they were so repressed he was blind to his own sexuality.

That will be a fun conversation to have, but not tonight.

Dean has a stoic, cold expression on his face as he faces me. He always was such a serious guy that I know for sure we never would have worked out even if we had made it past fifteen together.

Instead of putting out my hand to shake his, I put my arms out for a hug. Although I’m the one coming home, I’m sure it’s awkward for him, too. He’s more a part of this family than I am at this point.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I mumble into our hug.

“I was just thinking the same,” he replies as he pats my back.

As we pull apart, I hug Briar too, and introduce them all to Jensen. Then, it’s just…normal. It feels like home.

It is home.