Page 17

Sixteen

Jensen

T exas in the summer is blistering. The humidity makes everything miserable. But the one thing that Austin has going for it right now is that for the next two weeks, Theo—I mean, Isaac—will only be twenty minutes away.

It’s been ten days since I saw him in Denver. He had a photo shoot there the day after our night in the hotel. I flew home while he worked, and we’ve been texting each other every day since.

They took a couple of days to travel, and then once he got back, his work schedule was crazy, but I can be patient.

I still can’t wrap my head around this thing between us. What he said in the shower that night was so true. This relationship is blossoming so fast it’s almost terrifying. But at the same time, I’ve never been happier.

Waking up the next morning in the hotel with him in my arms was divine. Heaven on earth. Ironically, Isaac and I fit so well together. Like he was made to be there. Our dynamic is effortless.

But I can’t deny the obvious…that Isaac does not fit well in the life I’ve built around myself. More than once, I’ve considered what my life would be like if he did. What if, instead of trying to fit him into my life, I built my whole life around him? How happy would I be?

No more church. My relationship with my parents might be strained. My community. My friends.

But I’d have him.

Hell, it’s too soon to start thinking like this already. It’s only been a few weeks. He still doesn’t even know what I do for a living. Somehow, I’ve gotten by talking about work without any real specifics. The guilt of that omission is weighing on me.

Especially after he came clean about his real name. I won’t pretend that wasn’t a big deal for him. He let me into his life. His real life.

Now it’s my turn.

I have to tell him the truth. We’ll get through the rest together.

For the first day in weeks, Isaac is off work. He has a pool at his place, and he invited me over. We’re going to do nothing but sit in the sun, cool off in the pool, and be together. It sounds like a dream. Am I putting this day at risk if I tell him the truth? I don’t know if that’s a risk I want to take.

I should probably be working on my sermon for Sunday, but I can do that later. There are enough drafts on my computer to work with. I’m sure I can pull something together tonight.

If I do spend the night, there’s just the small issue of needing to leave early for service. God, I feel like such a monster for keeping this from him. The longer I hold back, the worse it will be when I finally come clean.

I’ll know what to do when I see him. My knee bounces on the entire drive over to his place. After ten days apart, the idea of having him all day today is what I’m choosing to focus on.

When I pull up to his place, I send him a quick text so he can open the gate. Immediately, there’s a beep, and the gate starts to move. As I creep up the drive, I find him standing at the top in front of his house in a pair of black shorts and a tight-fitting shirt. He looks so good that I’m grinning from ear to ear.

His house doesn’t seem too big. It’s tall, sleek, and modern, with lots of windows and little natural landscaping. Just the kind of place you’d expect a single musician to live in.

He’s beaming as I step out of my car, with dimples piercing his cheeks like parentheses. It would be too dramatic to run to him, although that’s exactly what I want to do. So, instead, I walk quickly over to him, and he does the same.

When I get my arms around his slender frame, his lips press eagerly to mine, and I manage to lift him off the ground by a few inches. I can feel his smile against my mouth.

“Oh my god, I missed you,” he mumbles.

“I missed you too,” I reply, pleased to hear his enthusiasm. I don’t want to be alone in my excitement. I like knowing he feels the same passion I do.

Holding his body tightly against mine, my hands roam down his back and over his ass. He groans huskily into our kiss, and it immediately awakens my cock. The front yard is very private so no one can see us, and it feels amazing to be able to be with him in the open like this.

I wish we could always do this.

“Let’s go inside,” he says, tugging my hand. The modern interior of his house has very few personal items and honestly doesn’t strike me as a place Isaac would decorate or prefer. I imagine more color and warmth for him. Soft, personal touches.

“The label technically owns the place,” he says as he guides me through.

“Do you like it?” I ask, still holding his hand.

“Not really, but it’s a free million-dollar house. How could I complain?”

I pull him toward me, placing my hands on his hips. “And what would you do differently if it was yours? What would your house look like?”

He smirks, looking surprised. “Well…” he starts before looking around. “I want an entire wall of vintage country album covers. And at least one Dolly Parton poster. I’d have a whole room for music and not a studio. Like guitars and a piano and a drum set just to play for fun. And I’d want a big fat cozy chair with books stacked around it.”

“You like to read?” I ask, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“Uhhh…I want to like to read if that makes sense.”

I laugh, kissing him again. “Makes perfect sense.”

We kiss a bit more, and it isn’t long before I’m backing him up to the wall of the kitchen. As my lips trail down his neck, I mumble, “I promise I came here to swim.”

“Who cares about swimming?” he murmurs. “That feels so good.”

He reaches for my hips and pulls me closer, looking for friction. I’m already hard and aching for him, and as much as I want it, something stops me from taking this any further.

I can’t lie to him anymore. The guilt of my omission is starting to pop up in moments between us, and I can’t live with that. I promised he could trust me. I promised I wouldn’t hurt him, and I’m going to keep that promise.

“Isaac,” I whisper, pulling away and putting my forehead against his.

“God, I love hearing you call me that.”

“I need to tell you something.” My heart starts pounding uncontrollably. What if he kicks me out? What if he’s so mad he never wants to see me again?

The thought is too awful to bear.

But I have to, for him.

His eyes grow serious as he stares back at me.

“It’s about my job, and after you came clean with your name last time we were together, I realized that I should come clean, too. I don’t want to lie to you.” My voice sounds tight and uncomfortable.

He pushes me away a few inches to really look at me. There is nowhere for me to hide.

Gazing into his eyes, I decide to just come out with it.

“I said I worked for a nonprofit because I didn’t think you’d want to see me again if you knew the truth.”

“You’re scaring me,” he mumbles.

“The nonprofit I work for is…a church.”

His brow furrows. “You work for a church?”

“Yes.”

The corner of his mouth lifts in a smirk. “That’s your big secret?”

I step away and run my fingers through my hair. “Yes, Isaac. Because I don’t just work there…I’m a pastor.”

His brows lift in surprise. “Holy shit.”

I nod. “Yes, holy shit, indeed.”

“I didn’t know pastors could be…”

“Gay? Well, technically, yes, of course we can. But I’m not out about it. Just like you.”

He paces away from me, walking around his kitchen island before coming back to stare at me. “A pastor? Really?”

“I’m sorry for lying and not telling you.”

He watches me, his face tense in concentration. He’s trying to figure out if he should be mad about this, and honestly, I hope he’s at least a little mad. He can’t be so forgiving of people when they lie to him or abuse his trust.

But at the same time, I want to earn his trust more than anything.

“A pastor?” he asks, rubbing his jaw. “Really?”

“Really,” I reply once again. My shoulders tense as I wait for an outburst.

“You’re not like any pastor I’ve ever met,” he says with his eyes narrowed, almost as if he has a bad experience with men of faith and he’s trying to reconcile how I can be one of them.

“I’m sure I’m not,” I reply calmly.

He contemplates this for a while, staring at me like he’s looking for answers. “Okay,” he says with finality.

My eyes widen. “Okay?”

“Yeah, Jensen. Okay. I have no reason to judge you for your job or being in the closet. I’m obviously in a similar situation.”

Walking toward him, I take his face in my hands. “Do not trust so easily,” I say.

“I trust you, Jensen.” He’s so confident, and something about it breaks my heart.

“Yes, but I’ve kept this from you for weeks.”

“So?” he argues. “I kept my fucking name from you. So, we have boundaries. It’s not that big of a deal. You can be a pastor, and I can be a country singer, and to the world, we’ll just be friends. And everything will be fine.”

I let out a huff of frustration. I don’t want the world to think we’re friends . I don’t want Isaac to think it’s not a big deal.

It irks me to no end that he’s so forgiving and accepting of this news. This is why Isaac needs me. Someone has to protect him because his family has fucked him up too much.

“Relax,” he says with a smile as he grabs me by the back of the neck. “If it were any other guy who lied to me, I’d tell him to fuck off. But I don’t normally let people get this close to me, Jensen. I don’t date, and I rarely trust anyone, but I really, really like you. And I know you were just as guarded coming into this relationship as I was. Of course, we kept intimate details close to our chests. But it’s fine.”

I let out a heavy, surrendering breath and relax my shoulders. He leans in and kisses me. The moment his tongue brushes against mine, it silences all the fears and doubts in my mind.

He always has a way of doing that.

“Now, let’s fire up the grill, crack open a few drinks, and relax by the pool. Please?” he says with an adorable plea. When I don’t immediately relent, he sticks out his lower lip, and it’s my undoing.

“Fine,” I mumble with a crooked smirk.

It feels like a weight has been lifted, but at the same time…there is still something heavy burdening my soul. Maybe it’s the tireless claws of Eternal Harmony buried deep within my psyche. Maybe it’s the fear that either of us could be caught and our livelihoods put in jeopardy. Maybe it’s the fear that my presence is a threat to Isaac’s success.

Or maybe it’s the nagging reminder in the back of my mind that Isaac and I have many more hills to climb in our future. And we’re a long way off from anything resembling a happily ever after.