Page 9 of The Lady’s Reckless Abandon (Safely in Scotland #1)

L ily woke in the dark of night unsure of where she was. It took a few moments for her to make out the violets on the walls and remember she was at Gealach Castle.

With the duke.

The impending fear faded away at the thought of him. His light, brown hair a mix of browns and golds. Not unlike his eyes that blended green with amber. As if one color wasn’t enough for such an important man, he needed to have a thousand shades to encompass the richness of his character.

My, she was feeling a bit muddled. And why was she still wearing the gown she’d worn to dinner?

How had she gotten into bed? She remembered playing for the duke while sipping the drink he’d poured for her. The end of the last song had taken every bit of concentration she could muster in order to finish and then the room had swayed when she opened her eyes.

The whisky.

She’d not drank anything but wine previously, and had enjoyed the smokey deep flavors of the whisky. She hadn’t been prepared for the effects.

Curling her toes, she noticed her shoes were missing.

Had the duke removed them? Had he touched her?

Again, the stirrings of fear skidded away when she pictured the duke touching her ankles. Did she want him to touch her?

Thoughts of touching suddenly took a turn when she pictured him touching other parts of her. From her ankles, to her calves, to her thighs. She recalled the way she’d felt that night with Reggie.

The way feelings of want had grown and seemed to spin out from her core. Threads pulling tighter and tighter as if something grand were about to happen. But when nothing had, she’d felt rather disappointed. No… frustrated . Even irritated by the weight of Reggie’s suddenly still body squashing her. She had shoved him off and he’d only grunted at the disruption before falling asleep.

That grunt had been the last thing he’d said to her. In the morning he’d been gone.

Closing her eyes in the already dark room, she tried to push the memories away. She had wanted every moment of what they’d done, but now she realized it had been such a large price to pay for something so unfulfilling.

She couldn’t help but wonder now if it would be different with the duke.

My, but the whisky had turned her mind to mush. Getting up, she went to the pitcher and poured a glass of water followed quickly by a second. She went to the window and looked out over the garden where they’d walked that day. The beautiful colors were muted by the night and shadows cast across the space.

She couldn’t help but feel at home here. This place she’d spent little more than a day gave her peace she never felt at Devon House or the family’s London townhome.

She didn’t think this feeling had anything to do with drink, and everything to do with the man asleep in the duke’s chambers at the end of the hall.

What was wrong with her? When had she become so fanciful? Having given her body to a man who’d paid her a few nice compliments, now she was thinking of the duke in much the same way because he’d been kind to her.

Was she doomed to be a wanton creature like her mother who was not so discreet about her many affairs? Even worse, her father was much the same way, seeking entertainments with his mistress instead of his wife.

Perhaps Lily should find her way to the nearest convent so she wouldn’t be able to give in to her inevitable destruction.

Yanking off the gown, she got back in bed wearing only her shift and pulled the fluffy covers over her. If she was destined for the harsh environs of a convent, she would enjoy such luxuries for the moment.

Then she recalled something she’d heard her brothers speak of. Something far worse than any fate at a convent.

They’d said fallen ladies often ended up in brothels. At the time, she’d not understood what it meant to have fallen. She had an understanding of what a brothel was. Or at least had an idea from the way they spoke of going there.

She now knew what it meant to have fallen. She was a fallen woman. Would she end up serving men in a brothel?

She thought of what she’d done with Reggie that night and imagined having to do that with strangers every night. Fear surged through her body drawing her muscles tight.

Never in all her life had she expected to be in such a situation.

While her mind seemed set on flipping through every unwanted thought, her body claimed her to sleep. She relented more quickly than she would have expected considering her rampant thoughts, and slept soundly until the birds outside her room woke her with their song.

She managed to dress herself in one of the loaned gowns and put up her hair in a tidy bun. As she went to the breakfast room to meet the duke, her feet seemed to want to hurry, all the more quickly to see him.

She tried to convince herself it was only because she was terribly hungry, however she knew that wasn’t true. Not only because her stomach was slightly unsettled from the drink the night before, but because the man was beautiful. And more than that, he was a good person, though endearingly gruff at times.

She paused outside the room and gave herself a stern talking to. Silently, of course, but a reprimand all the same about proper decorum of a lady. And how she may have been spawned by randy and disloyal parents, but it didn’t mean she had to give in to such depravity.

She would be all that was respectable. She thought briefly it might be too late to be respectable having been ruined just a few days past, but starting now, she would be nothing but respectability.

As soon as she walked into the room and the duke looked up at her with a smile, her stomach flew into a riot of butterflies and her pulse picked up its tempo. Her body flashed hot, especially the one place respectable ladies did not think of, where the heat seemed to focus and throb.

She offered a strained smile in return and took her seat quickly before he could even get to her to help her. She couldn’t allow him to come so close to her when she was in this state. She feared she might grasp hold of him, like some wild beast in rut.

And they’d jested about how Scots were thought to be barbarians.

“I trust you slept well? Are you feeling yourself this morning?” he asked.

“Yes, thank you. I apologize for my state last night. The whisky seems to have gotten away with me.”

He chuckled, the warm sound seemed to reach out and wrap itself around her. That place throbbed again. Why, oh why, had it awakened today with this man? It had slumbered even as Reggie fumbled about her breasts and lower body. But just a smile from the duke and she nearly melted to the floor in a puddle.

“You were not so deep in your cups. I’ve been far worse. At least you were able to get to your room under your own power.”

“Oh, good.” She didn’t admit that she didn’t remember any of it past leaving the music room. Had she been leaning on him? She closed her eyes for a moment so she might push that thought away.

With a slight nod, she looked away to focus on her meal. Perhaps if she didn’t look at him she would better be able to control her overpowering lust.

He said a few things, just idle chit chat. She offered the expected answers but didn’t elaborate or attempt to draw the conversation out longer.

As soon as the food was gone from her plate, she excused herself and practically ran to her room to escape temptation.

It seemed her passions for the duke were growing out of control and she needed to squash them. She’d been wrong before with Reggie. And she was wrong now.

The duke especially would not be interested in her as a wife, having known her situation as he did. He was only being kind to the silly girl he’d found on his travels.

He did not want her. At least not for any respectable purpose. She would do well to remember that. She was ruined and if word got out, no man would ever want her.