Page 13 of The Lady’s Reckless Abandon (Safely in Scotland #1)

L ily leaned against the door in the Violet room, her chest heaving and her heart thumping. She had managed to stop the duke from kissing her. It was not difficult as the duke was an honorable man and would never force himself on her, she was sure.

The thing that had been remarkable was that she had stopped him at all. When she had wanted nothing more than to lean up and press her lips to his. She wanted to fall apart in his arms as he kissed her into oblivion.

And she knew that was what would have happened because she’d been kissed and lost all sense before with Reggie. Somehow, she thought it would be even better with the duke. His lips were full and curved enticingly when he grinned at her. Lips like those would know how to kiss a woman and make her lose all sense.

But then what? When the moment was over and awareness returned, what would happen? He would not wish to marry her. A fallen woman left in a tavern would not become the Duchess of Granton and bear the duke’s heir.

She was nothing but a folly. Convenient.

He was attracted to her; she saw that in his eyes as the colors churned like an impending storm cloud. Gold and green battling for position.

But attraction would not be enough. He may be able to show her all the things Reggie had not. All those feelings that seemed to be leading somewhere only to fade away before realized. But what then?

After the passion, and she knew there would be passion between them, she would be alone and possibly broken into more pieces than she was already.

She’d managed to come through Reggie’s betrayal with her heart intact if not her maidenhead, but she didn’t think her heart would survive losing all she would give to the duke.

No. Not to the duke . To Finn.

If she had not learned anything else from her mistake with Reggie it was that she was worth more than a dalliance. She would demand better from the next man. And if no other man found her worthy, she’d pass through life alone, for she knew she was worthy of more.

The next morning, she found herself pausing at the breakfast room again. She expected some awkwardness after what had almost happened between them the night before.

What she hadn’t expected was to find the room empty, but for the footmen who were standing at the ready near the sideboard.

Had the duke overslept? He’d always been in the room upon her arrival.

She spotted Mrs. MacDougal from the doorway and nodded at her.

“Have you seen His Grace this morning?” she asked.

The older woman pressed her lips together and nodded.

“Aye. He’s already been down and gone. Says he has business to see to in the village today and that he won’t be home before dinner.”

“Oh. I see.” For a fraction of a second Lily wondered if the business was a mistress. Had he turned to someone else after he’d not gotten what he wanted from her?

But Lily cast that thought aside for two reasons. One, the duke did not seem like her father, and secondly, it was none of Lily’s business what the duke’s business entailed. She was only glad she was able to think of him as the duke again.

Back in the breakfast room, Lily ate her meal and then went to the music room to continue working on her piece. Throughout the day she found herself looking toward the door, hoping to find the duke standing there watching as he sometimes did. Urging her to ignore him and go on with her playing.

As if she could ignore someone so compelling.

She ate the noon meal alone as well and then dinner. And so it continued into the next day, and the next.

The duke was always busy, in the village, or checking the crops in the fields. Day after day he would leave before she had the chance to speak to him or even see him.

She took to asking after the post with the butler, but each day Oliver assured her no letter had arrived for her from her family.

Finally, after two weeks longer, Lily lost her patience. It was beyond clear the duke no longer wanted her in his home. If she left, he might feel comfortable enough to stay in the castle especially on days like today when the sky was heavy with rain.

Her presence in his home might cause the man to take a chill, and she would not have it.

Lily packed her small case and asked Mrs. Prichard to pack her things as well so she might escort Lily to London. The woman seemed to come alive with excitement and was quick to pack her bag as well.

She found Mrs. MacDougal and asked the woman to pack a lunch for them.

“Will ye be taking your noon meal by the lake today? It’s a bit damp outside.”

“No. I’ll not be eating by the lake, I will need food for travel.”

“Travel?” the woman asked, but Lily didn’t stop to explain. She moved to the foyer and asked Oliver to have the coach made ready to leave shortly.

“And where would you be needing to go, miss?” the butler asked.

“To London.”

“London? But does the duke know you are leaving Gealach ?”

“No. But since I have not seen hide nor hair of the duke for weeks, I cannot be sure he is not already in London himself. Regardless, it matters not, for I wish to leave. Can the coach be brought around for me and my chaperone, please?”

Oliver looked over Lily’s shoulder and when she turned, she spotted Mrs. MacDougal looking back at the man with wide eyes.

Lily was put out by the servants. She understood why they would be loyal to the duke as they worked for him and she was no one of importance. Just a responsibility, a duty he took upon himself to allay a guilty conscience.

She would be his burden no longer.

“I was told by the duke I was not a prisoner here. I am able to come and go as I please. If you would please have the carriage readied and food brought, I will be on my way.”

“You are not a prisoner, of course, but I do worry the duke will be upset if you were to leave and take his employee without him knowing.”

“Very well, then. I will go on my own.” She was ready to walk back to London if that was what it took, no matter how many months it might take. The housekeeper was right. Lily couldn’t take Mrs. Prichard with her. Even if Lily could afford to employ the woman herself, she would need a nap before they got to the end of the drive.

Besides, Lily still had no money. She didn’t know what she would do, but she would find a way. It was time to take her fate into her hands.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Prichard, but you’ll need to stay here as I do not have access to a conveyance. I thank you for your service and wish you well. As I do to you, Oliver, and Mrs. MacDougal. Good day.”

With that, she gave them each a nod and walked through the door.

“My lady, I would ask you to wait to speak to the duke,” Oliver called after her while looking back at the ladies as if begging them to do something. Both ladies merely stared back at him.

Lily continued walking down the drive.

“Wait,” Mrs. MacDougal called a moment later and Lily, not wanting to be delayed with such a long journey before her, kept walking. The portly woman caught up to her, cheeks ruddy and out of breath and held out a bundle toward Lily.

“Here is some cheese and bread for ye. Please, be careful.”

“Thank you, Mrs. MacDougal.”

“By the way, I understand why you are sore with the duke.”

“I’m not sore with the duke,” Lily said, knowing it was a lie. “I just wish to be home.”

An odd feeling lurched in her stomach. The feeling that she was leaving her home rather than going to find it. But this was not her home.

“Thank you,” she told the woman and turned to be on her way without looking back.

As the rain pelted her face, she pulled her pelisse closer and kept on. She could only hope this didn’t turn out to be yet another mistake.