Page 14 of The Lady’s Reckless Abandon (Safely in Scotland #1)

“Y our Grace!” Finn heard someone call for him through the downpour that had started a few minutes earlier. He was helping the gamekeeper with some trees that had fallen on his property.

It was not his place to be laboring next to the man, but it was a distraction he welcomed. He searched for anything that would keep him away from the castle during the waking hours so he would not have to suffer the constant temptation that had become Lady Lily Cantrell.

“Your Grace!”

Finn stopped and turned to see Oliver running toward him, his clothes stuck to his body and his hair slicked tight to his scalp. Only something horrible would send the older man out in this weather.

“What is it?” Finn asked, nerves beginning to prickle along his neck. Had Lily been injured or fallen ill? What if she had a seizure or a fainting spell like Juniper suffered?

“It’s Lady Lily, Your Grace.”

His heart seemed to stop in his chest as he rushed toward his butler.

“What has happened, is she well?”

“She was well enough when last I saw her, but that was as she left, Your Grace. She is heading for London.”

Finn blinked away the rain that streamed down his face as he considered the situation. Perhaps this was good news. To have Lily out of his home ensured he would not do something improper like kiss the lass, or worse.

He’d spent nearly every night since the night of their near kiss, thinking of her, fantasizing of lying with her. Her body wrapped around his, her smiles, her face softened by ecstasy.

He was a danger to both of them. It was safer for him to keep his distance.

But for her to go to London by herself…alone…with no funds…

“Did Mrs. Prichard go with her?”

“That had been the plan, Your Grace, initially but then she said she couldn’t take the woman with her.”

“She’s alone in a carriage bound for London?”

“Nay, Your Grace.”

He tilted his head, unsure what his butler was not telling him.

“That is, she is not in a carriage. She left on foot when I didn’t bring the carriage around for her. You see, I wasn’t certain what you would have me do and she refused to wait until I could check with—”

“How long ago did she leave?” Finn snapped, cutting off his butler. He wasn’t angry with Oliver, he was irritated with himself, for he knew well enough he was the reason Lily took on such an asinine plan as to walk to London from Scotland.

“Near an hour, Your Grace. It took some time to find you.”

Lily had been out walking in this rain for the last hour? The stubborn woman would catch her death. What was she thinking?

“Gabe, may I borrow your horse?”

“Seeing that it’s actually your horse, Your Grace, you may take it without my permission.”

Finn slid up into the saddle and took off for the road. She couldn’t have gotten very far.

*

Of course, it had started to rain harder not long after Lily had reached the road. Glaring up at the gray sky, she could see it had no plans of stopping in the near future. It was just her luck.

It seemed fitting that it would be raining. When her life was already on a clear path of destruction, why wouldn’t it also be raining? And perhaps she was near to madness as well for this plan, to walk home to London, was indeed mad. But what other choice did she have?

Yes, her mind presented many other options, all of which had her returning to the castle, changing into dry clothes, and getting some of Mrs. Feather’s wonderful tea cakes. But that was not going to happen.

There was no turning back. The duke clearly didn’t want her there any longer. He had grown weary of having her in his home. Mayhap after she had cut off their near kiss he realized she would not offer the kind of companionship he wanted and decided to have nothing more to do with her. Except she didn’t really think that of Finn. He had been nothing but honorable.

She almost stumbled when she considered the other possibility. That after having been nearly trapped into marriage on multiple occasions, he thought she, too, might be set to compromise him to save the shreds of her reputation.

Did he think her so ruthless as to be like Beatrice? Lily was living in the man’s home and until a little over an hour ago, had no plans to leave.

Her stay had been far longer than either of them had expected. Almost a month, and still no word from her brother. Perhaps she should have written to her mother, but the woman was fond of drama and would no doubt make more of the situation than was warranted.

Although Lily was ruined and living with a duke in another country, so perhaps some bit of drama might be expected.

As each day passed with no word, she’d worried over what news would eventually come. Or maybe there would never be a letter returned to her. Perhaps she had been cut so effectively they wouldn’t even tell her.

Maybe she had been disowned, but until they looked her in the face and told her so, she would not give up.

She could be facing utter humiliation if she did somehow manage to get to London on foot. But at least she was doing something. She was taking her fate into her own hands.

Her little speech had given her the incentive to pick up her pace when she heard the sound of a horse approaching.

She pulled the hood of her cloak forward to hide her face as she moved farther to the side of the road to allow the rider to pass. Hopefully, without casting mud up on her.

But the horse didn’t pass. He fell into step beside her.

“Good day, my lady,” the duke said as if it was a normal thing to address her as she walked in the rain.

“Good day, Your Grace. Lovely day for a walk, is it not?” she said rather snappishly. She couldn’t help it. She was upset and he was within striking distance.

“I’m to understand you are on your way to London.”

“You understand correctly.”

“On your own, on foot, with no funds.” He hadn’t asked a question, so she didn’t feel the need to answer. “You are angry at me,” he said. Again, it wasn’t a question, just a statement of fact, but this time she addressed him because her anger had left her as quickly as it had come on.

“There is no reason for me to be angry at you. You did more than anyone else would have done upon finding me in my unfortunate situation.” Those words still seemed inadequate for what had happened. “You do not owe me anything else. It is time for me to be on my way. I relieve you of the responsibility and thank you for your kindness.”

When he hopped down from the horse, his boots making a squishing sound in the mud, she knew he was not going to make this easy. He still felt responsible for her, because he was a good man. She would have to make him understand.

“I refuse to be relieved,” he said.

“I admire your honor, but please get back on your horse and return to your home.”

“I will not. Not without you.”

She stopped and turned to look him in the eye. Hopefully seeing her seriousness would allow him to let her go.

“Please do not think this is some dramatic ploy to gain your attention. I am not a silly girl who has need to throw a fit because I am being ignored. I have spent most of my life being ignored, Your Grace, so while I didn’t like going weeks without seeing you, it wasn’t something I had not encountered before. I am not going off in a snit because I didn’t get what I wanted.” She’d seen her mother do that many times, and for whatever reason it always seemed to work. As if her father rewarded her poor behavior. This wasn’t the same. “It is simply time for me to be on my way.”

“And what if your family does not allow you to stay?”

“Then I will find work. I can be a governess, or a music instructor.” She hoped. She didn’t know much about being a mistress except for the things her mother had said about her father paying for the woman’s home and trinkets. It wouldn’t be her preference, but it was something she could consider as a last resort to put a roof over her head.

She was done living a passive life. She was going to make decisions and see them through. Stand by her mistakes and rejoice in her triumphs knowing everything from here on out was her choice.

“I wish to hire you,” the duke said. For a moment her mind was still thinking of becoming a mistress and thought he wished to employ her as such. But then she thought back to the last thing she’d said out loud. “I will hire you to be a music instructor.”

She laughed. “You wish to learn how to play the harp, Your Grace?”

“Nay. Not the harp.”

“I know what you are trying to do, and again, I thank you for your concern. But I will be quite all right.” She might have been selling it a bit thick, but she had to hope that one day it would be true.

“I was wrong to stay away for so long. I was not punishing you and I had not grown weary of having you in my home. I was… I thought it would be easier.”

“Easier?”

“To stay away from you so I wouldn’t be tempted to do something improper.”

As much as it warmed her to hear such a thing, it changed nothing.

“I understand.” And she did understand, for she had felt the same temptation. She was glad he wasn’t afraid she planned to trap him, or that he despised her. Still, it didn’t matter the reason he had been avoiding her, only that he would rather do manual labor in the rain to be away from her. And it wasn’t fair to him.

He came to stand in front of her when she started walking again.

“Lily,” he said.

At the sound of her name on his lips, the fight went out of her and she was suddenly exhausted.

“Come home,” he said, taking her hand in his ungloved ones. “Please?”

“What if they never respond?” she voiced her biggest fear. “What will I do then?”

“It has not been so long yet, to jump to such conclusions.”

She nodded.

“Come, let me get you home. Everyone is worried. We’ll see you warm and dry and we’ll figure out what to do next. You will not be alone, Lily. I promise.”

Still holding her hand, he gave it a steady pull until she managed to move her sodden feet in the direction of his horse. He lifted her up to the saddle first and then swung up behind her. Caging her in with his arms, he took the reins and turned the horse back toward the castle.

Having him so close, soaking in his warmth, she apologized.

“I’m very sorry.”

“Nothing for you to be sorry for.”

“It just seems to be taking so long for my brother to respond. I don’t wish to overstay my welcome. I imagine I have been overstaying since the day I—”

“Lily, you are welcome to stay as long as it takes to hear back from your family. I’ll not turn you out. And I’d rather you stay here where it is safe until we know for certain you’ll be received by your family. Besides…” He tilted his head and leaned closer to her ear. “I have missed listening to you play for my entertainment after dinner.”

She laughed and shook her head.

“But what if my brother never writes back because he has been forbidden to associate with me?”

“I would think if that were the case, someone would be all too willing to tell you such a thing.”

“Maybe,” she said. “I’m sorry I made you come out in the rain to get me. I feel rather foolish for thinking I could walk to London.”

“I don’t doubt you could do whatever you put your mind to. From what I have seen, you are willing to do whatever is necessary. I admire you.”

“You admire me? The woman who was duped by a scoundrel and left behind after she was ruined?” She shook her head, but he closed his arms around her and she felt what she thought was his lips against her hair before he spoke.

“You are not ruined, dear Lily. He may have taken your virginity, but that sort of man is not able to ruin someone as strong as you, lass. Hold your head high. You have not been bested by the likes of a ferret-faced weasel of an arse.”

He’d made her laugh, which she guessed was what he was aiming for.

“I will not be a victim,” she said.

“That’s my lass,” he answered, and she felt her body tremble at his claiming of her as his lass. She knew he didn’t mean it the way she’d thought, but she wasn’t willing to shake off the warm feeling his words offered. Not when the rest of her was so cold.