Page 21 of The Lady’s Reckless Abandon (Safely in Scotland #1)

K issing was so much better when Finn wasn’t muddled in drink. He could focus on every detail. From the way her soft lips molded to his, to the enticing citrus scent that carried on the light breeze that he could just make out over the flowers. He could feel her quick breath and taste her tongue as it brushed his encouragingly.

But perhaps the best part was that he would be able to recall each detail rather than cling to the other hazy memory.

Unfortunately, after only a few wonderful moments of kissing Lily, reason began to crowd in. It became too easy to remember why he shouldn’t be doing this.

They were out in the open where any one of his staff could happen upon them. Of course, his mother had been wise to tuck this hidden bench away in the shadows of a willow where someone might need to look for a person in order to see them. So maybe that was not as much of a concern.

But even still, there was the matter of what would come of kissing Lily. Did he plan to do more with her? To do so would require marriage, and while he was quite fond of her, he didn’t know that he was ready for such a thing. He was sure he didn’t want to force either of them into something they were not ready for simply because it would be wonderful.

Which brought him to perhaps the most important reason of all. Lily had been mistreated and lied to by someone she’d thought loved her. She’d admitted she didn’t trust herself. And if he did ever want to propose, he wanted to make sure Lily knew her own mind well enough that she would not question her acceptance.

For all of those reasons he cooled their kiss to a few soft touches before pulling away and resting his forehead on hers.

“That was wonderful, but we must stop now.” He swallowed and more of the truth came out. “Not that I want to stop, mind you. I think I would be happy to do that the rest of the day. But kisses lead to more and we should be careful not to allow things to proceed so quickly that we regret anything.”

She nodded.

“Of course, you are right. I enjoyed the kiss as well. But kissing you makes my sense hazy and I already know I don’t make the best decisions when in that state.”

He smiled and pulled away from her, offering his arm to continue their walk.

“You are not alone in that. For my senses got hazy as well.”

“Truly?” she asked before she stopped walking to turn and study his face. He guessed she was watching for a lie as he’d taught her.

He had no worry when he answered for he didn’t plan to lie to her ever again.

“Aye, lass.”

She smiled with a hint of smugness she deserved to enjoy. For her kisses were the most tempting he’d ever experienced.

“You propose we should not engage in such things again, even though you enjoyed it?” she asked.

“I propose we wait until we’re both sure of our path and there is no risk of making anything worse for you.”

She pressed her lips together as if restraining an argument. He silently waited, hoping she didn’t protest for he didn’t think he possessed the strength to fight for propriety. After a moment she gave a single nod and turned to walk with him through the gardens once more.

They had escaped catastrophe unscathed this time. He worried how much longer he might protect them both. She would leave to return home in a month.

He hoped he could wait that long.

*

Two more weeks had gone by since the day Lily had kissed Finn in the gardens. They strolled the paths every day and she noticed he always glanced toward the bench where it had happened.

If she hadn’t seen the fire in his gaze that day when he told her they needed to stop, she might have thought he hadn’t liked the kiss. But she had.

And she’d seen the longing glances he cast her way occasionally, especially when she said something particularly witty. Occasionally she also caught his gaze drop to her lips and his tongue would peek out and touch his bottom lip as if after all this time he could still taste her there.

She knew it wasn’t possible for she had done the same thing herself. And while she wished he hadn’t stopped them, she was more than glad he had. She realized now just how easy it was to lose oneself in a heated kiss or even a look.

Had she not been kissed into such a muddle by Reggie, she would have liked to think she might have avoided this whole mess. If she’d not been caught up in him she might have seen him for who or what he truly was. A no-good, lying arse.

“You’re quiet this morning,” Finn said, causing Lily to startle. She’d nearly forgotten he walked beside her that morning as she’d been thinking of that day once again. Not that the duke was forgettable in any way, but her mind had wandered like it always seemed to do when they approached that bench.

The end of the Season was growing near, her father would expect her to return home in a few weeks. But she didn’t want to go. She liked it at Gealach . She was safe from rumors here. Or at least it was easy to believe as much. She was residing with an unmarried man with the world’s most inattentive chaperone.

She did wonder what was happening back in London. Had Reggie returned? Or had he fallen in a large hole that led to the center of the Earth so no one would have to see him ever again? Unfortunately, she knew her luck was not so good.

If he hadn’t fallen in a hole, he would have returned long ago. Had he told anyone what they’d done? Surely that wasn’t the kind of thing a man bragged about. Defiling a virgin was grounds for a duel if not just earning one the reputation of a scoundrel. Surely he would have to keep such a secret to hide his crimes.

What would happen when she saw him again at a ball or a musicale? What if he had another woman on his arm? She would have to warn her, but would she listen? And wouldn’t her warning serve to condemn her for knowing what he was like? If anyone were to know, she would be ruined.

In truth, she slipped further into ruin every day she stayed in Scotland with Finn. But she couldn’t make herself care about that. She only wanted to spend as much time as she could with him.

She felt ridiculous. She’d thought herself in love with Reggie and now she was all but besotted with Finn. Would she spend the rest of her life chasing after men like a lightskirt? Perhaps not, but she couldn’t help but notice how she resembled the marriage-minded debutantes who went out of their way to chase down their prey.

She looked up at the man next to her, noting she had not needed to chase him to be graced with his company.

“I wish I didn’t have to return to London,” she told him the truth. “I know it might seem cowardly to want to hide away here in Scotland rather than face my fate. But I don’t care a whit about anything or really anyone in London. I love it here.” She let out a breath and when the silence continued, she realized what he might think. “Please don’t think I have any designs on staying. I am forever grateful for all you have done for me. And for opening your home to me. It is comforting here. I feel free. I only wished you to know how happy I’ve been here.”

He stopped walking and turned to her, his expression rather serious. She hadn’t meant to ruin the lovely day. She wanted to wave off her words, but she knew it was too late for that.

“I like having you here. I will miss you when you leave.”

Her heart thrummed in her chest with happiness. He would miss her, as she would miss him. She felt a fool to ever have thought herself in love with that horrid weasel. She saw how one-sided her affections had been.

Now, with this man standing in front of her admitting that he would miss her company, she felt things Reggie had never made her feel. She wouldn’t be so foolish to think it changed her circumstances, but there was genuine attraction on both their parts.

Perhaps in a different time they might have met at a ball and they might have fallen in love and had this life. But she’d been hasty and made a mess of everything.

She didn’t think he was playing her false, for one he’d taught her how to detect a lie. But he’d not once attempted anything untoward. A few heated looks and a bit of flirting were all he’d offered since that kiss weeks ago.

Except maybe this instant as he took her hand in his and stared into her eyes.

Oh, my. His amber eyes looked like pure gold as he stared at her. Then, before she realized he’d moved, he was closer, his breath warm on her lips.

Her heart raced as she closed the remaining distance and pressed her mouth to his in a sweet kiss. They were standing behind the bench where they’d been sitting last time they’d kissed.

What mystical bloom put off such powerful scent as to cast a spell over them?

The kiss escalated quickly, growing from a soft warmth to a sizzling heat filled with pure joy and want. But as the kiss grew deeper still and his tongue entered her mouth, exploring her, she began to feel something else. Just on the edges of her desire.

It started with a gentle buzzing in her head while sparks flashed behind her closed eyes. When his lips pulled away from hers, she opened her eyes to look at him but it was still dark.

Odd , she thought to herself, a second before the world spun and she floated away.