Page 58

Kota

I hadn’t expected Crew to get me a birthday present.

It made me feel even worse knowing that the only gift I had gotten him for his birthday was a pool for a bed and a fight.

My day started with a nice birthday text from Crew, followed by a billion emojis. Immediately, I wanted to hop out of bed, run into his room, and hug the fuck out of him, but Lane and Bridget were in the kitchen.

I couldn’t even be mad at them though because they were making me pancakes. So, I had no choice but to save a hug for Crew for later.

When I grabbed lunch with my mom, I wasn’t sure what it was about my aura that gave me away. She kept telling me I was glowing, and after numerous times of denying that there was a reason for it other than the fact that it was my birthday, she kindly called me out on my bullshit and demanded an answer.

Long story short, she knew all about Crew and me now. Other than all the spicy details, of course.

To sum up our roomie’s group dinner— it dragged.

I appreciated Lane and Bridget so much for celebrating my birthday with me and taking me out to dinner, but every time Crew’s hand squeezed my thigh underneath the table, it brought me closer and closer to exploding from too much sexual frustration mustering up inside me. It felt like it was tearing through me with the force of an EF5 tornado.

I’d been wearing my pink and white polka dot dress too, which gave him far too easy access to push the line of safety.

At one point, it was so much that I needed to step away from the table and pretend like I had to use the bathroom.

Luckily for me, Crew followed me and relieved some of the issue with his tongue. And fingers.

I didn’t hesitate to quickly return the favor before we went back to the table one at a time to a giggling Lane and Bridget.

Now, it was eleven pm, and I’d snuck into Crew’s room, per usual. I sat criss-crossed applesauce on his bed, eyes closed like he’d insisted even though the room was practically dark.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Yes,” I smiled, feeling like a kid on Christmas morning.

My hands nearly fell to the comforter when he dropped the gift into my hands. Eyes popping open, I scanned over a white, sparkly bag and light blue tissue paper sticking out the top.

“Can you turn your desk lamp on?” I asked. “I wanna see.”

My eyes couldn’t help following him as he wandered over to the desk, shirtless. Muscles pulled taut as he reached down and turned the lamp on, I nearly salivated before shaking it off.

The room illuminated brighter with both the lamp and TV on, and I was able to see much better, catching a glimpse of the drawing hung on Crew’s bulletin board. I smiled.

Pinching the tissue paper between my thumb and forefinger, I plucked it out and tossed it aside. My hand dug around in the bag, first grabbing a container of Oreos.

I giggled. “These are my favorites.”

“I know,” Crew smiled.

My grin flipped and I shot him a scowl. “These don’t have toothpaste in them, do they?”

“No,” Crew shook his head, still simpering. When my brows lifted in suspicion, he chuckled. “I promise.”

My face relaxed into a hint of a smile. The card in the bag had my name written on the front.

Out of instinct, I nearly spit out a remark about Crew’s child-like handwriting, but I bit my tongue because he’d done it as a kind gesture.

A Barnes it felt like more than that. This time stood out.

His gaze hadn’t roamed around my body so much. They’d stayed on my face the whole time, piercing into me like he was trying to read my soul.

He hadn’t brought my hands behind my back. Instead, his fingertips repeatedly brushed over the bracelet on my wrist, and he kept my arms beside my head, his fingers intertwined in mine.

Crew was gentle with me, loving. Each thrust was slow and intentional, taking his time like he wanted to feel every second of it.

When we were done, Crew’s arm snaked underneath me, tucking me against his side. He exhaled deeply and I did the same, our heartbeats gradually slowing to a steady pace.

As quiet as a mouse, I spoke, “Wanna play rapid fire questions?”

“Sure.”

If his arms weren’t so tight around me right now, I would’ve been shaking. “Do you still hate me?” I asked softly.

It felt like a lifetime before he spoke, even though I knew it had only been seconds. “No,” he murmured, my head rising and falling with his chest as he breathed. “Do you still hate me?”

“No.” It felt like I could throw up. I never got nervous like this, especially not when it came to a guy. “Why haven’t you ever had a girlfriend?”

My head was carried higher as Crew took a lengthy inhale, and I could hear the discomfort in his voice. “I... never really had a great example of relationships growing up, so I’ve kind of just avoided them.”

I knew I’d just asked a question, and that technically, it was no longer my turn, but I wanted to dig for more. “Do you want to explain?”

Part of me was expecting him to shut down, to tell me that he didn’t want to explain and that it wasn’t really my business, but he gave another deep sigh, his arm tensing around me before relaxing again.

“I was an only child when I was younger. My parents didn’t have the best marriage and were both having affairs at the same time when I was about ten. It turned into a whole shitshow with them fighting all the time, and eventually, they divorced, both remarried within a year, and then both had another kid at about the same time. So, they didn’t really give too much of a fuck about me for the next few years after that.”

Oh.

This... explained a lot actually.

I knew Crew had issues with his parents. That was clear after the reaction on his birthday, but I had no idea that it went this deep.

There was a pang in my chest, and a sliver of guilt washed over me from all the times I judged Crew’s lifestyle without knowing the backstory of why.

“So,” he added, running his free hand over his face, “I guess I just never really found the idea of commitment to be up my alley.”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I had no idea.”

“It’s alright.”

I had so many follow-up questions running through my head.

Have you ever found a girl that you almost committed to?

Do you still feel the same way about commitment?

Would you ever commit to me or is that out of the question?

“Do you think...” I paused, breath hitching, “that you’ll ever be okay with commitment?”

The troubled inhale he took was frightening, and I immediately regretted the words that had clawed their way out of my mouth. I was so afraid to hear his answer that I almost covered my ears.

“If it was for the right person, maybe,” Crew responded. “I mean... if you’re asking about the possibility of something happening between us in the future,” he paused, “I wouldn’t rule it out.”

“Good to know,” I whispered shakily.

A beat of silence passed, and I used it as a shitty attempt to prepare myself for whatever he was about to ask next. He had just given me a piece of him, and now, it was his turn to ask whatever had been lingering in his mind for the last six months of knowing each other.

Crew’s voice gave a small crack. “My turn?”

“Yeah,” I nuzzled my cheek against his chest.

“Why are you so hard-headed? Especially with guys?” Crew sputtered.

I internally cringed at the question. My first impulse was to spit out a rude response, to push him away, stand up, and walk out of the room. Even though I was still naked.

A trace of regret sat in a lump in my throat. Maybe this game wasn’t the best idea...

But I surprised myself by my strength as I spoke. “I’ve never met my father,” I said, matter-of-factly. “He and my mom were only dating for a few months in college when she got pregnant. He wanted her to get rid of me and she refused, so he disappeared.”

Crew’s fingertips grazed my upper back, sending a bolt of electricity through me. “I’m sorry,” he uttered. “That’s awful.”

“I know.”

“I would never do that to you. Or our kid if we ever had one.”

His words dragged me out of the self-pity-party happening in my head. Hand planting in the center of his chest, I pushed myself up to look at him.

Crew’s eyes gave a small sparkle, the same beautiful glimmer as the bracelet on my wrist.

“You’d have a kid with me?” I blurted out loudly before thinking, thankful that the TV was still on to drown out the noise. My chest lightened when Crew’s radiant smile appeared.

He chuckled lightly. “I mean, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” he said. “But if it ever did happen, everyone better watch out, because I don’t know if a mix of our personalities would be safe for the common public.”

When all I did was stare at him in awe, he pulled me back down to him, holding me even closer than he originally had.

For someone that I used to want to run over with my car, it sure was strange how perfectly we seemed to fit when laying together.