Page 48

Kota

M y New Year’s resolution was to start becoming active again. I used to do yoga three times a week during freshman and sophomore year. During junior year, when school got more demanding, I wasn’t going as often, and eventually, I stopped going altogether.

When the weather had been nice last year, I’d go on walks at a nearby forest preserve, and Bridget would usually accompany me. But with how harsh Minnesota weather could be, and with how long winters tended to last here, there were months where I wasn’t doing much physical activity outside of walking to class.

A few months ago, I realized just how out of shape I was when it started becoming exhausting to just walk up and down the stairs. I tried signing back up for yoga, but the class was full, so I told myself I’d start going to the gym instead.

The first few weeks of the year had already passed, so I finally decided to hold myself accountable and sign up for a gym membership.

There was a gym inside the student center at Cedar, which all students were eligible to go to for free, but considering the boys went there almost daily, I wasn’t trying to run into them. Or anyone else I knew, if I was being honest.

I wanted to get active again and to make it a priority in my life by incorporating it into my weekly routine, but I most definitely didn’t want people I knew to watch me workout.

So, I chose the gym that was on the farthest side of town.

After class, I threw on a gray racerback tank and some black leggings before burying myself underneath my winter jacket and dashing out of the apartment.

I was a bit intimidated the second I walked in. There was so much equipment that it was almost overwhelming.

Mirrors took up the entire wall to my right, stretching far too long to the opposite end of the room. There was a decent amount of people there, but I didn’t recognize any faces, which was a good sign.

I scanned the equipment, noting the endless rows of machines that I was assuming were to work out your arms and legs.

But I decided to start off simple and headed towards one of the only machines I did know how to use— the treadmill.

I set my water bottle in the cup holder attached to the machine, then popped my air pods in and set the treadmill to a steady pace, slowly settling in.

Alright, no one’s looking at me. This is good.

Maybe if I built up enough confidence, I’d test out the ellipticals.

As the minutes went by, I got more comfortable, and I became motivated enough to increase the speed to a nice jog.

I stuck with it until I was breaking a sweat, and after a few more songs, I reduced the speed back down to what it originally was.

With a small jump, my feet landed on the outsides of the treadmill to give myself a breather. I couldn’t hear my heavy breathing through the music blasting in my ears, but I didn’t need to— I could feel it. My lungs were riding the struggle bus.

My water bottle was to my mouth in seconds, and I chugged it like I hadn’t had water in days. I didn’t think I’d downed any drink like that since it was my birthday freshman year and Bridget was screaming at me to chug more Fireball.

By the time I was done, the bottle was over halfway empty, and I hung my head to continue catching my breath.

As my eyes trailed back upwards, my stomach quivered at the familiar sight of the back of a head.

Uh oh. I knew that head of hair. I had my fingers running through it just yesterday .

Catching a glimpse of the side of Crew’s face, I stiffened. His jawline was facing me, looking as sharp as glass.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I need to sneak out of here.

What the hell was he even doing here?

As if I just drank ten cups of coffee, I moved at an inhuman pace, turning the treadmill off and grabbing all my belongings. I ducked my head down as I passed Crew, who was letting out a slight grunt as he used the chest press machine.

“Hey.”

Wincing, I halted, head reluctantly lifting. “Oh,” I said nonchalantly, “hey. What are you doing here?”

Crew lifted a brow, standing. The first thing I noticed was the sweat glistening on his skin, and my mind envisioned the dirtiest fantasies of licking that sweat right off him before my face twisted.

Did I really just have thoughts of licking him? His sweat ? What the fuck was wrong with me?

“What does it look like I’m doing here?” he asked, snagging his towel resting on the back of the machine and wiping his face off.

Had he been here this entire time? How did I not notice him before?

“I thought you go to the gym on campus.”

“I do.”

“Then why are you here?” I questioned.

“Because I have a membership for here too.”

“That makes no sense,” I said, noticing the guy that was waiting nearby to use the chest press.

Crew gave him a nod in acknowledgement before wiping the machine down for him and stepping off to the side.

I had no idea why, but instead of running like I originally was going to, I slid over beside him, keeping a safe distance, which also made no sense considering our hands were all over each other less than twenty-four hours ago.

“Where’s Lane?” I spit out.

“He doesn’t come here.”

“Oh,” I said, fighting a devious smile, “I see.”

Those dark brown eyes of his bore into me with suspicion, making me uneasy. “What?”

I crossed my arms lightly over my chest. “You come here to escape Lane,” I accused.

“I do not come here to escape Lane,” Crew said firmly, tossing his towel over his shoulder. “I come here when Lane’s busy.”

“Why?”

He trekked over to another machine, and I felt compelled to follow before silently chiding myself for it.

Speaking between reps, he said, “Because I hate going to the other gym without him. There’s always people I know, and I feel awkward.”

“Like who? Past hookups?” I snorted.

But based on the side eye I earned from Crew, along with the strange new cloud of embarrassment that seemed to settle over him, I realized there was seemingly some truth to my joke.

“Yikes,” I murmured. Pretending like he hadn’t heard me, Crew hit a few more reps before taking a rest.

Darkness loomed in his eyes, but it wasn’t that lust-filled fog I’d gotten used to over the last few weeks. It was a glimpse of the past, of the remaining bit of animosity between us, regardless of the fact that his hands skimmed my skin yesterday like I was the best thing he’d ever laid a finger on.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I whirred.

“Like what?” he dared, darkness still roaming.

“Like you didn’t have your dick in me yesterday.”

Crew froze for a moment, the darkness lifting to starry-eyed. Mouth parting in surprise before the corners ticked upwards, he gave the smallest nod. “You want it in you again?”

Suddenly, I couldn’t help the sting of embarrassment staining my cheeks. My head dipped, mouth dry. The lines were blurring again between hatred and lust, two emotions I never knew could be connected until I met Nicholas Crew.

“Are you blushing?” he smiled wider.

The edge in my voice could slit a throat. “No. I don’t blush.”

“Sure,” he teased, wandering past me.

I scoffed before stomping out.

So much for starting to come to the gym.

***

I’d admit, I actually felt pretty good physically and mentally after going to the gym today. I somehow felt like I’d had a more productive day.

I was annoyed after my run-in with Crew, but I refused to let him ruin my New Years resolution. I was going to go to the gym as often as I wanted without worrying about whether he’d be there or not.

Bridget and I had debated going out, but we were both exhausted, so a movie night sounded much better.

We’d both chosen a rom com to watch as a double feature, but shortly after I had turned mine on, she’d gotten a Facetime call from her parents, and she’d been locked away in her room for the past fifteen minutes.

I was bundled up in my navy blue snuggie, a glass of wine beside me while my feet rested on the coffee table.

The couch dipped on the opposite half, and I nearly rolled into the incline. Crew got comfortable, shimmying against the couch like he was there to stay.

“What’re you watching?” he wondered aloud.

“ How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days ,” I muttered.

“I’ve never seen it.”

I swung around, blinking rapidly at him. “You’ve never seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days ?”

“No,” he shrugged. “It looks like a girl movie.”

My eyes rolled so hard they nearly got stuck in the back of my head. “It is not a girl movie . It’s called a rom com.” His nasty hand dug into the bowl of popcorn beside me, and I swatted it away. “Hey! Get your own.”

Crew looked at me like I’d just killed his puppy. He gave the smallest scoff. “You can share.”

“I only share with Bridget.”

With the most subtle tick of his jaw, his eyes skimmed both hallways, checking that Lane was still in the shower and Bridget was still in her room. Crew leaned towards me in the slightest before his glare dropped to the bowl between us. My heartbeat sped as he placed it on the coffee table and leaned nearer, forcing me on my back and caging me in.

He towered over me, and the closer his mouth got, the more the pressure in my chest built. With his mouth settled inches away, the rasp in his voice was enough to make me surrender to him like some sort of sex potion.

“You can share.”

I held my breath until my lungs burned, watching his chocolate brown eyes bore into mine like he was waiting for an answer.

My teeth cut into my bottom lip as I nodded, trying not to notice his heat seeping through my snuggie or the smell of mint on his breath.

“Good,” he suddenly smirked, eyes dropping to my lips before ever-so- slowly touching mine with a startling softness, one that I didn’t think he was capable of.

The tenderness of it left a small, uncomfortable swirl in my stomach. Butterflies.

Um, what the fuck was happening to me?

When he hopped back onto his side of the couch, he grabbed the bowl of popcorn and tossed handfuls into his mouth like nothing happened.

I was tempted to dart into the kitchen and find a bottle of vodka to drown the beautiful, traitorous insects flying around in my belly because apparently the wine was just egging them on.

For the next thirty minutes while Bridget was still on the phone, I didn’t even pay attention to the movie. I was too busy trying to ignore the evil little voice in my head that was whispering to scoot closer to him. At one point, I even grabbed a decorative pillow and tried to create a border between us with it, but one tiny, measly pillow wasn’t enough.

I wasn’t sure if anything would’ve been enough.