Page 51

Kota

M emes.

One of humanity’s greatest creations, in my opinion.

I could scroll through that shit all day long, but I always did my best to hardly touch my phone during the day, knowing that doing so would make me susceptible to falling down a rabbit hole of memes and not being productive at all.

So, I saved the scrolling for nighttime.

The only light glowing in my room was from my phone as I laid in bed, snuggled in a mess of blankets like I was wrapped in a burrito.

The boys refused to turn the heat up any more even though it was still freezing outside, which meant Bridget and I were usually dressed for arctic weather.

Rob K was curled up, sleeping soundly at the end of my bed like he did every other night when he wasn’t sleeping in Bridget’s room. I tried to pet him but couldn’t reach, giving up after the cold air hit my skin for too long.

For the fourth time in a row, I watched an Instagram Reel of a raccoon trying to open a door, and I shoved my mouth under my comforter to mute my laughter, doing my best not to wake Bridget through the wall that separated us.

We retreated to our rooms at about the same time, twenty minutes ago, but that girl’s consciousness was like a light switch. She could fall asleep in minutes. It was kind of impressive.

We’d been friends for so long though that I’d grown to know when she was passed out or not based off her lack of responses to the memes I would send her at night. It had already been ten minutes since I sent her a Twilight themed meme that she still hadn’t opened, which told me she was sleeping.

Going back to scrolling, a banner notification popped up and I squinted at it in the darkness.

Crew: Come to my room

I had to stop myself from hopping out of bed and running down the hall.

That familiar battle seeped into my skin again, tugging me back and forth between reason and want.

I didn’t see this situation between us ending in any way other than horribly.

In my past, I’d grown attached to people, to things, that always ended up screwing me over in the end. Which was why I preferred to keep my feelings bottled up, or better yet, to avoid them altogether.

And with the record that Crew had, the odds of not getting hurt weren’t in my favor.

For a second, I thought maybe I should just not answer his text and pretend to be asleep, but there was a good chance Crew would see that I was just active on Instagram.

I typed out a short text telling him no, then shook my head and hit the backspace, typing up something else.

But ultimately, that message got deleted too.

With a sigh, I finally settled on one.

Me: umm... but everyone’s home?????

Crew: So?

We’ll be quiet

Me: yeah right

Crew: (;

Just come to my room

And bring your toys

I let out a sigh, a fake sigh , because we all knew I wanted to go. At the same time, it was more so laced with disappointment in myself, because I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t stay away. Not when he was my roommate.

The saying went, “Out of sight, out of mind,” but how do you keep someone out of your thoughts when you’re forced to live with them?

I accepted the fact that I was screwed, and if I was truly doomed, then I might as well make the most of it.

Ever so carefully slipping out of the blankets without disturbing Rob K, I grabbed my box of toys from under my bed. The box was black with a lock latch in front, and a jitter of nerves shot through me when my fingers skimmed along the top. My eyes darted down both directions of the hall before the pads of my toes met the hardwood floor, tiptoeing carefully.

I clutched my box like it was my lifeline, scuffling across the floor in my penguin pajamas through the darkness like a loser.

Sucking in a gulp of frozen air when I got to Crew’s door, I wasn’t sure if knocking was risky; I didn’t want to wake anyone up. Instead, I just tested the waters and went straight for the doorknob, surprised when it turned.

As if it were summertime rather than the dead of winter, Crew was lying atop his blankets instead of under them, wearing nothing but gray sweatpants that did a fantastic job of showcasing the outline of his dick.

There was a stream of light from his small TV that was mounted on the far wall, casting a glow across his top half.

With an arm propping up his head, hair perfectly messy and taut muscles on full display, he looked like every girl’s fantasy come to life.

His voice came out like some deep, lyrical note. “Hi,” he whispered. The sound nearly carved NC into my heart, and it felt like a butterfly with razor-sharp wings was trying to claw its way out of my stomach.

If I had had any last trace of self-control, it was surely gone now. Arms wrapping tighter around my box, I responded, “Hi.”

I could make out his dark brows pulling together for a moment. “Are those penguins?”

Was he expecting me to wear something sexier?

I gave a sassy huff. “Yeah, so?”

Pearly whites lighting up the dark room, Crew shot me a smile before giving a nod. “Whatcha got in your box?”

“Voodoo dolls,” I joked. “All of you.”

“That would explain a lot.”

Lust was bursting in his eyes like fireworks in the night sky, and he sat up, patting the bed beside him. Then there was that magically angelic voice again, pulling me right into a trance. “C’mere.”

I couldn’t say no.

Like a magnet, I was drawn into Crew, sitting close enough for our legs to meet. Without a word, the box was taken from me, although I hadn’t fought it.

He popped the lid off, inspecting every item one by one, eyes lighting up as he did so.

Ninety percent of the items in this box came from Crew’s sex toy prank. A lot of the things were stuff I’d heard about or had seen online before. So not going to lie, Crew saved me a lot of money.

There was a butterfly shaped vibrator, a mint green bullet vibrator, strawberry flavored lube, blue furry handcuffs, a hot pink rabbit, and more.

When Crew got to the rabbit, hidden at the bottom, his brow raised, and he gave a sinful half-smirk.

“Well, this looks interesting,” he said.

Suddenly, my mouth went dry, blood pumping through my veins at an inhuman rate.

Crew tapped the on button and as we both fell silent, the only noise was the light vibration from the toy. Fingertips digging into my shoulder, Crew pushed me onto my back. With the toy thrown aside, he used both hands to shimmy my pants off, following with my shirt.

He’d seen me naked a handful of times already, but it still made me nervous every time. It was like I was afraid of what he would think.

Running his hands along my sides, from my ribcage all the way down to my hips, his touch was so warm, so electric. He made me feel like a virgin, as if I was getting touched for the first time.

Staring at me like a starving animal, Crew took all of me in. “You’re so fucking perfect.”

Stealing a peek at the prominent ridges in his abs, it felt like my mouth was starting to water.

“Are you ready for this?” he held up the toy and I nodded. I wasn’t sure if I’d have to explain to him how it worked, but it seemed like he already had it figured out, not hesitating in the slightest. Tracing his thumb along my clit, he groaned. “Jesus, Kota. You’re so fucking wet already and I’ve barely touched you.”

Every time he spoke, my heart surged faster, harder, pounding against my ribcage like it was trying to escape. A whimper clogged my throat, and Crew slowly pumped the bottom part of the rabbit into me. Right as the vibrating top sat on my clit, the sensation skyrocketed down my legs like I’d just been electrocuted.

Crew was lying comfortably between my legs, his tongue tracing circles along my inner thigh. Every few moments, he’d look over to catch a glimpse of my face before he’d watch my opening intently as he continued drawing the rabbit in and out of me.

Inevitably, my eyes rolled back, and I moaned loudly.

A hot palm slammed against my mouth, my eyes shooting open in response. “Shh,” Crew hushed me, heated brown eyes trailing over my face. “You wouldn’t want our roommates to hear, would you?” Shaking my head against his hand, I watched his teeth sink into his bottom lip. “Good girl,” he murmured.

Cautiously releasing his hand to allow me to breathe, Crew worked the toy until an orgasm shattered through me so hard that I shook beneath him. My satisfied cries couldn’t be contained, and Crew shut me up by covering my mouth with his own.

Pulling away just enough to speak, his hot and sizzling breath rolled out as he muttered into my mouth, “Just moan against me, baby.”

Moan after moan rippled out and Crew swallowed every single one. Using the rabbit, he applied the perfect amount of pressure to my clit, and he didn’t stop even when I was letting out an array of whimpers against him, legs shaking like I’d just ran ten miles.

Each orgasm was stronger than the last, and by the third, Crew no longer cared for the rabbit. He wanted to be inside me instead.

Fucking me with the stamina, strength, and adrenaline of a D1 athlete, we both rode out our orgasms at the same time, lips quivering against each other.

With a final thrust, Crew collapsed beside me, gasping for air. It took minutes for me to catch my breath and for my body to stop convulsing.

Like the very first time I’d found myself in this bed, I laid with my back to Crew. But whereas that time was to create distance to keep his stupidity and heightened confidence from rubbing off on me during our sleep, this time, the purpose was to keep myself from touching him in our sleep.

My body was exhausted, craving rest, but my mind wasn’t complying. There were too many thoughts and not enough all at once, and I found myself laying there with my eyes open, studying every part of his room that I could make out.

A Chicago Blackhawks poster hung, repping every Stanley Cup win they’d ever had.

The framed photo of Crew and Lane on his desk, arms slung around each other’s shoulders, although I couldn’t tell where or when the photo was taken.

The laptop that sat opened, black screen beside the photo frame, as if Crew had been interrupted while he was doing homework and never went back to finish.

The smallest pile of what I assumed were dirty clothes, pushed into the far corner.

Remind me to tell this kid to get better at using his hamper.

The hooks above his closet, each holding a different snapback. Cedar, Blackhawks, Nike. I couldn’t make out the farthest one, granted it was all black. Although I tried not to pay any attention to him for the first few months of knowing him, I didn’t remember seeing Crew wear a snapback ever, or any hat for that matter.

“Are you awake?”

Heartbeat surging at the sound, I was relieved I was facing the opposite way. I didn’t want him to see the look on my face, to see how much the sound of his voice was starting to affect me.

“No,” I replied.

“I didn’t ask for any sarcasm.”

A sadistic smile took over. “Well, you got some for free.” Peeking over my shoulder at him, I said, “You wanna rub my back?”

His own grin danced in the darkness as he readjusted himself, lifted jawline so sharp that I was surprised it didn’t cut his pillowcase open when it met the fabric. “Hm, that’s funny.”

“What?”

“I don’t remember signing up to be your masseuse.”

“Hmm,” I hummed, shifting onto my back and closing my eyes after a moment of studying his ceiling.

Five seconds of silence passed, turning to ten. Broken once again by my enemy whose sigh even sounded heavenly.

“Do you want me to rub your back?” he asked.

Did I want him to? Yes.

Did I want him to know that I wanted him to? No.

“No,” I murmured.

“Alright,” he said quietly.

Back to silence.

But it didn’t last.

“When’s your birthday?” he suddenly asked.

I needed him to shut up. Every sound that came out of his mouth was making that razor-sharp butterfly more and more frantic inside me, and if I didn’t find some sort of control soon, it was going to tear me right open.

“Why?” my voice cracked like thunder.

“I thought I heard Bridget say something the other day about it.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. “It’s in a few weeks.”

“Oh.” The bed dipped in the slightest, nearly rolling me inwards as Crew inched closer to me. Close enough to graze me with his arm. I could feel his heat radiating towards me, as if daring me to touch him in a way that wasn’t sexual.

“Are you excited?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I admitted.

“Do you like your birthday?”

“Usually,” I said, blinking rapidly at the ceiling.

“Why just usually?”

“Why do you keep asking me questions about myself?” I wondered aloud.

I knew he was facing me; his breath was trailing across my skin and if I were to turn, he’d only be inches away. My cheek was burning where he was staring at it. As the seconds ticked by, and the longer he stayed this way, the more I was convinced that maybe he wanted me to turn towards him.

Or maybe I was just delusional.

Only one way to find out.

Biting the bullet, I made the shift, placing my hands underneath my cheek, and although Crew and I had technically been this close before, we’d never been this close in an emotionally intimate manner.

The second I was able to focus on his face, I held back a gasp. I’d never studied him so closely before, never noticed the tiny freckle under his eye, never noticed how long his lashes were, never noticed how one side of his mouth tended to pull upwards before the other.

All the details, I memorized as well as I possibly could so that I’d have something to think about when we were no longer in this moment.

The rasp in his voice pushed my soul back into my body, snapping me to reality. “Maybe I’m just trying to find out what your weakness is.”

“Is that so?”

“Maybe,” he smirked slightly. The more his eyes bounced across my face, glittering, the more the lines blurred.

Jesus. I need to stop this borderline lovey dovey shit.

“Do I get to figure out your weakness too then?” I asked.

His breath fell against my lips as he let out a light sigh, so light that if the rest of the apartment wasn’t so quiet, I wouldn’t have heard it.

“I guess,” he finally agreed.

“Alright,” I said, exhaling deeply out my nose. “Rapid fire questions then.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” I said.

He spoke softly, sounding like some sort of sacred prayer. “You go first.”

“Biggest fear?”

“Clowns,” he responded. I raised a brow, but he didn’t explain further. “You?”

“Small spaces. I’m claustrophobic.”

“Something you hate?” he asked.

“You,” I responded, the lightest grin dancing across my lips as I waited to hear his answer.

“You,” he answered gingerly, a certain fire catching in his eyes.

There was that dangerous butterfly again, both beautiful and nauseating.

“Favorite movie?” I asked.

“The Terminator. What’s yours?”

“Of all-time? Monster’s Inc.”

He gave a husky chuckle. “That’s a classic. Can’t go wrong with that.”

“I know,” I grinned. “I love Disney movies.”

“Somewhere you’ve always wanted to travel to?”

I stared off in thought through the darkness. “There are a lot, but my top answer is pretty basic— Hawaii.”

“That’s on my list too. I wanna go there in the next few years,” Crew said. “I think Spain is probably my top though.”

“Spain is cool,” I nodded against the pillow.

“You’ve been?”

Snuggling up into a ball with two fistfuls of the comforter, I responded, “I have actually. I went senior year of high school on a class trip.”

“Was the food good?” he wondered.

“ So good.”

A lighthearted smile flashed across his face for just a moment before he asked, “Favorite season?”

“Spring. You?”

“Winter. I prefer the cold.”

“That’s the most hockey player answer,” I rolled my eyes.

Crew’s irises dug deeper into me as one dimple appeared through the darkness, the other hidden beneath his pillow.

I wondered if he did this with all his hookups— acted curious to get to know them before kicking them to the curb. And just from that thought alone, in the time it would’ve taken me to snap my fingers, all my lovey dovey bullshit thoughts were replaced with reminders of every reason why I hated him in the first place.

“Well, I am a hockey player,” he murmured through his grin.

“Yes,” I sighed. “You are.”

Turning onto my back once more, I shut my eyes, waiting for tragedy to strike, for him to kick me out and tell me to go back to my own room.

But silence was all that hung in the air, and as I got closer and closer to passing out, I could’ve sworn I felt the warmth of his lips stain my forehead.