Page 50 of The Good Vampire’s Guide to Blood & Boyfriends
HOW YOU GET THE BOY
brENNAN’S JOURNAL
Operation Get Your Shit Together
Shower
Find Dom
Get Cole back
Figure out how to free Sunny & Nellie
Figure out how to stop Travis
Figure out how to stop vampires from going feral at vampire ball
brENNAN’S PHONE
You have created a new group with Tony Esposito, Mari Vasquez, and you.
Brennan
Hey all!
I’m sure you’re wondering why I gathered you all here.
Tony
this is a group chat not an intervention
Mari
yeah but I WAS wondering that
what do u want
Tony
pls imagine she said that politely
Mari
don’t undermine my tone, it was what it was.
Brennan
I was wondering if I could talk to you both.
Mari
is that not what’s happening?
Brennan
In person?
Mari
make your case here and I’ll decide if you’re worthy
Tony
for the record I’m telling her to be nice but she’s not listening
Brennan
Look, I like to think we’re friends. Outside of Cole and outside of all the vampire stuff.
Tony
I still don’t really understand the vampire stuff
Mari
cole’s my main bitch. you’re a side ho, at best.
but yes, technically and arguably we would be considered friends
Brennan
Great, so glad you clarified.
Tony
don’t listen to her, she’s secretly rooting for you guys
Brennan
Can I get to my point please?
Mari
um yes I’ve been waiting
Brennan
Okay.
I want to apologize to Cole. I also want to stop an ancient and powerful vampire from leading a vampire attack that could potentially out vampires’ existence to the world. I need your help on both counts.
Tony
say less!!! I’m in!!!
Brennan
You don’t even know what I’m asking.
Tony
consider my unquestioning loyalty an apology for all the garlic I’ve cooked in the apartment this year
Brennan
Mari?
Mari
I’m thinking about it
what exactly is your plan?
brENNAN’S JOURNAL
THE PLAN
Me
Get permission from library to use the comfort stash storage room
Deck out room with fairy lights Pinterest-style. Cole loves that shit.
Prepare apology (is a slide deck too much? Maybe note cards.)
Mari
Get Cole to the library at the right time
Tony
Help set up
Emotional support if Cole rejects me
Brennan paced back and forth in front of the storage-room door while Tony double-checked that the string lights were working. The library was busier than normal, the silent-study floor lined with people ready to give death glares to anyone who dared turn a page too loudly.
When Tony emerged from the storage room, Brennan whispered, “Do you think this is kind of—”
“Gay?” Tony finished.
“ Cheesy, ” Brennan said, rolling his eyes. “Or, I don’t know, too little too late?”
A girl studying nearby with an intimidating set of colored highlighters and pens shot them a glare for whispering and Brennan offered a sheepish smile.
Tony jerked his head toward the storage room in question, and they ducked into what used to be Cole’s Library Blanket Guy room, now lined with fairy lights. The table at the center of the room had a box of pamphlets, Brennan’s journal, and an envelope.
“Look, man,” Tony said, “it’s definitely cheesy. The gesture alone was bad enough, and the string lights brought you into rom-com territory.”
“Awesome. Great.”
“But that’s the point. It’s pretty you. And Cole loves cheesy romantic shit, that’s why he loves The Bachelorette and company so much,” said Tony. “Mari, too, secretly. If there’s one thing I learned with her, it’s that if you know what you want, you gotta put it out there.”
“Yeah?” Brennan said. “What’s the deal with you guys, anyway?”
“Eh, you know.” Tony shrugged. “She wanted to get serious, I was afraid of committing, now I want to get serious but she doesn’t trust me, so we’re kind of hate fucking. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is amazing—”
Brennan cleared his throat.
“But I should have been real about what I knew I wanted from the get-go. You never know if it’s gonna be too late.”
“I’m sure it’s not too late for you guys,” Brennan said.
But that was exactly what Brennan was afraid of, with Cole. That it was too late. That he’d fucked it up beyond repair.
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Live and learn, and all that.”
Brennan nodded slowly, going back to the storage room’s door to peek out into the library. His phone buzzed, and he fumbled for it.
Mari
incoming!
the eagle has gone rogue, I repeat, the eagle has gone rogue
Brennan blinked and read it again, still halfway through the door between the room and the library. He scanned the study space, the rows of tables and chairs surrounded by the stacks.
He angled the screen to Tony.
“What does this mean? Which one of us is the eagle?”
Tony leaned forward.
The doors from the stairwell across the floor burst open, slamming against the walls, and Cole stormed in wearing a full suit, hair wild, beautiful as fucking ever.
Rows of students twisted in their seats to show their discontent at the noisy entrance, and Brennan swiftly ditched Tony in the storage room, darting through the middle of the study space to meet Cole halfway.
Cole came to a stop in front of Brennan and crossed his arms over his chest. Brennan was distantly aware of the library-goers’ eyes on him, but his senses were fully focused on Cole.
He took in his skewed tie, the dark circles under his eyes, the determined jut of his jaw, the ever-lingering smell of coffee.
“Listen,” Cole said. “Everyone’s telling me to hear you out, but first, you need to hear me out.”
A few people hissed shushing noises. Cole continued.
“You didn’t want to listen before? Fine. I’ll say it again. I don’t regret it and I’d do it again. I chose what I did.”
Brennan blinked, once again overwhelmed by Cole in his presence, by Cole so determined and fiery. It was kind of hot.
“Hey Brokeback Mountain, I’m trying to study,” someone said. A few people snickered, followed by more shushing.
Flustered and pulled out of his Cole tunnel vision, Brennan was suddenly much more aware of the eyes on them.
“Look,” he tried, “let’s just step into the storage room.”
“No,” said Cole, and Brennan fucking loved him. “I’ve been letting people tell me what to do my whole life, from Mari telling me who to be friends with to my parents planning out the first eighteen years of my life to the letter to—”
“Seriously, shut up!” someone said.
“Let the boy speak!” said someone else.
A round of affirmative noises and yeah s, and then silence fell. Over Cole’s shoulder, Brennan noted someone was pointing a phone at them, recording.
Cole stepped closer. “But you,” he says. “ You never asked me for anything. Everything I gave you, I wanted to give. I’d give you more. And if you don’t—” He broke off, seemed to gather his determination, and looked Brennan in the eye to finish: “If this is too much, you need to say so.”
Then Cole seemed to be aware of onlookers for the first time, glancing around, nervous.
“Let’s talk in private,” Brennan tried again, softer.
“Cop-out!” Another onlooker.
“Answer the question!”
“Yeah!”
Brennan’s face was burning. He was probably blue.
“It’s not too much. I’m sorry for freaking out so much.
I’ve been tied up in hating… certain things about myself, and I didn’t want you to think of me like that.
Because you’re the coolest, kindest person, and I’m just me.
But you always saw me, right from the beginning.
” He blinked rapidly and glanced around the watching crowd.
“So can we please go speak in the private room I set up all fancy for what I thought would be me groveling?”
Cole’s face was red, but: “Yeah, let’s do that.”
They ducked into the storage room, people cheering and hooting and shushing one another as they did. Tony gave Brennan a thumbs-up and an exaggerated wink before the door shut behind them.
The old comfort stash room was cozier than ever before, and Brennan’s journal and pamphlets sat prominently on the table. On the floor was a nest of blankets and pillows. Cole took it in, and Brennan forgot to breathe.
But then Cole’s eyes fell back on Brennan, and he half smiled.
“Hey,” Cole said.
“Hey.”
“So.” Cole arched an eyebrow. “What was this about groveling?”
Brennan laughed. “I. I had a letter.”
“Well, go right ahead.”
“I don’t know if I can top all that,” Brennan said, nodding vaguely to Cole’s grand entrance and declaration.
“Mama always said I had a flair for the dramatics. I always thought she was being homophobic.”
Brennan laughed. His heart was light and hopeful. “Does this mean,” he said. “Do you still—?”
“Depends how good this letter is.” But Cole was failing to bite back a smile.
“I’m suddenly feeling like it could have used another round of revision.” Then he blurted, “Have I mentioned you look really good in that suit?”
“Brennan,” Cole scolded, laughing.
“It’s true! I can’t help it!”
“Stop flirting and start groveling.”
“Yes, sir,” Brennan said. “Sit down, then, get comfortable.”
Brennan grabbed the envelope while Cole settled in the nest of blankets, glancing around, still slightly pink. Brennan extended the envelope to Cole but Cole hesitated, then said, “Read it to me?”
Brennan’s heart picked up with a mix of anxiety and the thrill of Cole being in his presence again. He nodded, then fumbled to open the envelope and unfold the papers that had been ripped out of his notebook. Clearing his throat, he scanned the first few lines of the letter.
“Actually,” he said, “this is kind of mortifying. Do I have to read it out loud?”
“Yes.”
Brennan laughed despite himself, rubbed the back of his neck, and paced, trying to center himself. Eventually he sat down across from Cole on the floor, crossing his legs, letter in his lap.
“Okay.”
Brennan steeled himself, then allowed himself to be vulnerable.
“ My brain likes to make trouble when I think too much, ” Brennan read. “ All the what-ifs and maybes and questions and rabbit holes and ways something could possibly go wrong. So when I’m trying to understand something, I try to think about what I know to be true. The facts. ”