Page 42 of The Good Vampire’s Guide to Blood & Boyfriends

I don’t know what I’m worried about. Everything, I guess. That they’ll be scared of me. That my mom will go right past the bullshit toward the living forever bit and she’ll get all concerned and ask if I’m okay and I don’t think I could stand it!

And how am I supposed to tell my mom she’s not getting grandkids? She’ll kill me for that alone.

By the way, whatever you decide to do, whatever happens, I’ll be there, and so will Mari and Tony, and Sunny and Nellie, and all the “Cute Library Blanket Guy” fangirls of the internet. I can only hope one day your parents will see the adorable hipster you are.

If you ever want to brainstorm potential career ideas, I’m down. I’ll even start:

1. Sexy Librarian

2. Charming Baker-Next-Door

3. Hot Teacher

4. BILF (Barista I’d Like to Fuck)

I could go on.

My book rec is The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:

“There comes an end to all things; the most capacious measure is filled at last; and this brief condescension to evil finally destroyed the balance of my soul.”

brENNAN’S PHONE

Call Log 12/31

Cole Brennan 5 hr 52 min

Brennan

You snore. It’s cute.

Cole

oh hush

Brennan

Happy new year

Cole

Happy new year

Dr. Mom

Okay, are you gonna tell me what’s up or not?

Brennan

Nothing’s up? Why do you think something’s up?

And why are you texting me? We’re in the same house.

Dr. Mom

First of all, I’m texting because you’ve been hiding in your room all break and when you do come out, you’re staring at your phone anyway. I figured it was my best bet.

Brennan

Okay.

Dr. Mom

Second of all, there are many reasons I think something is up! You keep leaving unexpectedly, and making excuses not to eat. I feel like you’re not talking to me.

Brennan

We never talked much! You’re just noticing because you’re actually around right now.

Dr. Mom

I’m sorry I wasn’t around before. I want to listen now.

I worry about you

Brennan

Well, don’t.

Dr. Mom

Don’t you think I’m a little justified?

This is how you were acting last year.

Brennan

This is nothing like last year.

Cole

so I was talking to nellie…

Brennan

Uh oh.

Why the ellipses? What’s up?

Cole

well. obviously I don’t have any expectations and I want you to be comfortable.

but she was saying how.

a vampire bite

could be, like, sexual?

Brennan

Lmao.

Cole

why lmao?

Brennan

Lmao because it’s funny?

Unless you’re being serious?

In which case, sorry, absolutely not?

Cole

wow, okay.

Brennan

Should this be a call thing? Can I call you?

Cole

I’m at dinner.

Brennan

And this is what you’re thinking about??

I’m sorry, I don’t understand why you would want that.

Why anyone would want that, really.

Cole

I get it. I’m sorry too, I’m just curious, I guess.

Brennan

Okay. I mean. If you’re interested in fifty shades type of stuff we can talk about that.

Cole

lmao. that’s not it.

Brennan

Then what is it?

Cole

I would trust you to, is all.

r/occultboston

u/micahlandau

A New England Vampire Ball

When I first saw this flyer, I thought it was cute and could be fun to go to, get dressed up, you know? But I couldn’t help being suspicious. With all of the recent deaths and attacks and rumors, could this be connected somehow?

I called the host venue, the Old Florence Inn, and I asked some questions. Discreetly. Don’t ask how. But some interesting details came up.

Apparently whoever sponsors this thing has booked the same date, every year, for as far back as their records go. And they’ve booked ahead for the next decade, paid in full ahead of time, in cash. The hotel lady I talked to emphasized this was an exception and not normal practice.

What if this is legit? A standing holiday for the vampires?

I, for one, will be in attendance.

u/writhinganatomy: That is so wild, it’s giving… cult ritual vibes? Count me in.

u/weepncreep: Some friends of mine attend every year, and they’re definitely not vampires, but they say it’s a good time.

u/willfullyignorant: “Definitely not vampires,” sounds like some famous last words.

Brennan

[link]

Um.

Sunny

Handling. It.

Brennan

Nellie

Sunny said you’re being passive aggressive.

Brennan

Maybe so

Nellie

Frowny face

I mean

Cole

Brennan darling my boyfriend who likes me,

Brennan

Why does this feel threatening?

Cole

no! No threats!

however

I may have mentioned to my (mildly homophobic) parents that I have a boyfriend.

and my parents say they’d like to meet you

and I’m like haha sure, yeah

thinking that they mean *someday* like in the future

then my dad says he has a conference in Boston in January

and how maybe they would both fly up for that weekend

now, because of how they are, they’ll probably only have like. One meal together scheduled in.

but all this to say, they want to meet you, sorry???

Brennan

You had me worried for a second, but yeah, I can meet your parents?

Unless, you don’t want me to meet your parents?

Cole

I do! Really! Thank you!

Brennan

We’re back tomorrow, what’s the situation??

Nellie

We’re not gonna stop until we figure this out, okay? I promise.

Brennan

So nothing yet?

Nellie

Nothing yet.