Page 19

Chapter nineteen

Hazel James

Things I’ve gotten good at lately:

Fake smiling

Pushing down hurt

Deluding myself into thinking I’m unaffected

Okay, that last one is a little iffy, but I’m sure I’ll get better at it in time. Emmett hasn’t returned to the way things were before the game where I apparently made a huge mistake. He hasn’t been rude or treated me poorly in any capacity. He’s just been…distant. It’s as if he’s standing on one side of this giant castle of a home, and I’m on the other. Every conversation we have is surface-level and focused entirely on June.

It’s been three days since we got back, and I’m beginning to come to terms with this being my new life. At least there’s June to bring me joy. I smile at the little girl with her curly pigtails and twin pink bows. She’s jumping on her trampoline while I sit in a patch of sun in a wooden lawn chair. I’d hoped coming outside would give me energy and use up some of hers, but I’m not so sure anymore.

It won’t be long before Emmett is back home though, and I’ll be able to go to my apartment and attempt to drown out the thoughts in my mind by playing video games and eating too many chocolate chip cookies.

“Miss Hazel, watch this!” June yells before flipping forward. She lands on her back instead of her feet, but it makes her giggle all the same.

“Great job, sweet pea!”

She grins as she pushes back to her feet and starts bouncing again. My phone buzzes in the pocket of my overalls. I pull it out and frown when I see my sister’s name on the screen.

“Hello?”

“H-hazel,” my sister sobs into the phone.

I sit up. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s M-mom,” she cries. My heart drops to my stomach. “I found her in her room. There were bottles everywhere. She wouldn’t wake up. I kept shaking her, but–” she cuts off. Her short, quick breaths stab at my heart.

“Take a deep breath, Raven. I need you to breathe for me.”

I hear her suck in a shaky breath. I wait for her to get in three more before asking any questions, even though my heart and mind are racing.

“Did you call 9-1-1?”

“Y-yes,” she says and sniffles. “They took us to the hospital and Mom is in a room. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“What hospital are you at?”

“Tenessee General.”

I place a hand over my chest to still my racing heart. I need to stay calm. Raven needs someone to lean on.

“Okay. I’ll be there in just a few minutes. If a doctor comes in, tell them I’m on my way. If they tell you any news, text it to me. Can you do that?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Just breathe. I’ll be there soon to handle everything. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

We hang up and I immediately call Emmett. My hands shake so much that I press the wrong contact three times in a row. I let out a frustrated growl before finally hitting his name and pressing the call button. He’s in a meeting with one of his sponsors, so I pray that he sees and answers.

The phone rings once. “What’s wrong?”

There’s a tinge of worry in his gruff voice that makes tears burn the backs of my eyes. I dig my nails into my palm to stifle them.

“June is okay. There’s been a family emergency. I need to go as soon as possible.” I keep my tone measured, but my throat gets tighter with each word.

“I’m leaving the meeting now. Do you need anything?”

My nails bite into my palms. Do not cry. You don’t have time for tears.

“No, just to get to my sister.”

“Okay, it should take me less than ten minutes. I’ll see you soon.”

“Thank you,” I whisper and then hang up before I do something foolish like ask him to go with me.

Once I’m off the phone, I put it back in my pocket and shake out my hands. June bounces on the trampoline, ignorant to my panic.

“How about we go inside and have a popsicle?” I ask, and her jumping halts.

“I want a red one!” she declares.

She steps down the stairs leading to plush grass, then runs to the back door. I follow after her feeling like a newborn deer on my shaking legs. I get her red popsicle out of the freezer, then help her wrap the stick in a napkin to lessen the sticky mess. She kicks her feet happily in a stool at the kitchen island while I watch the garage door for Emmett.

After what feels like an eternity, it opens. I sling my purse over my shoulder and rush to the door as Emmett walks through. The tie that was expertly knotted this morning is now loose around his neck, and his hair looks like he’s run his hand through it over and over.

“I’m sorry,” I say in a low voice. “My mom’s in the hospital and–”

He cuts me off by placing his hands on my upper arms. “Don’t worry about anything, just go take care of your family.”

I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. He lets go and I miss the warmth and stability his touch gave in that short moment. Cold fear sets in to replace it. He steps out of the way and I run out to my car without another word.

The drive to the hospital is nothing but blurred buildings and the occasional slamming on brakes when a light turns red before I expect it to. I pull into the hospital parking lot and jog inside, my purse hitting my ribs with each frantic movement.

The scent of stale antiseptic greets me when I enter the lobby. I rush toward what looks to be the front desk.

“How can I help you?” a woman wearing turquoise scrubs asks with a flat expression.

“My mom, Lydia James, came in an ambulance not long ago. I need to find her room.”

“I need your I.D.”

My wallet drops to the floor when I pull it out. I pick it up with trembling fingers and struggle to get my license out. I settle on handing her my whole wallet. Her pencil-thin brow raises, but she accepts it. Black cherry fingernails click on her keyboard before she returns my wallet, then passes me a visitor sticker.

“Go up to the sixth floor. Let the nurses’ station know you’re there, and they’ll tell you whether you can see the patient or if you need to wait in the waiting room.”

I put the sticker on the center of my overalls. “Sixth floor, nurses’ station. Okay, thank you.”

She goes back to her typing. I swivel and search for the elevators, but don’t see them.

“Where is–”

“Down the hall on the left.”

I bob my head. “Thank you again.”

I walk down the hall, step on the elevator, and press the number six button.

The closer I get to seeing my mother, the more knotted my stomach becomes. My insides feel like a box of tangled necklaces. It’s hard enough interacting with her on a normal basis, much less after something like this.

I rub my face with my hands. I wish that the only emotion in my body was worry for my mom and for Raven. But anger and bitterness have their hooks in me. She’s put Raven in a terrible position again . She’s gone against her word again . She’s been selfish and reckless again . Time after time she proves she’s unfit to be a mother, but she’s still my mother, so I don’t know what to do with all these feelings. It’s like I’ve picked up too many things and gotten to a door that I can’t open because my arms are full.

The elevator opens before I’m ready. Everything is always before I’m ready though. I step out and head straight for the circular desk in the middle of the sprawling area. A woman in purple scrubs with a tight ballerina bun looks up from a tablet on her desk.

“How can I help you, honey?” she asks. Her tone is much kinder than that of the receptionist.

“I’m looking for my mom, Lydia James. I was told she is on this floor.”

The nurse nods. “Yes, your sister said you were on your way. I’m your mom’s nurse. My name is Deon.” She stands up, tucks the tablet under her arm, and walks out from behind the desk. “Your mom has alcohol poisoning,” she explains in a gentle tone. “She was unconscious when she arrived and had a low body temperature. We were able to pump her stomach, and she’s on oxygen right now just to keep her breathing level while her body recovers.”

“Is she going to be okay? Were there any other issues?” I ask, though it sounds muffled due to the blood rushing in my ears.

“She’s doing well, all things considered. We’re going to keep an eye on her, but our tests showed that she’s not suffering from organ failure or any other issues beyond the common poisoning symptoms.”

“That’s good,” I say quietly, my gaze wandering. Most of the rooms have curtains drawn over their windows, so I can’t see which one she’s in or if my sister is with her.

“She did wake up for a short period after we pumped her stomach. She was very confused and disoriented, but she’s sleeping again now. I think it would be best if you waited to visit her until she was further along in her recovery.”

I nod. “Okay, and my sister?”

“She’s in the family waiting room, right over there.” She gestures to a closed door with a small silver plaque. “I gave her some crackers and apple juice since she was fairly shaky when she arrived. The last time I checked on her, she seemed to be settled.”

“Okay, I’m going to go see her. Thank you for letting me know all of this.”

Deon smiles. “Of course, honey. Let me know if you need anything, and I’ll come get you if there are any changes.”

She pats me on the shoulder before I turn to head to the waiting room. I reach out and place a hand on the doorknob, but before I go in, I force myself to straighten my drooping shoulders and steel my expression. My sister needs a rock to lean on, not a blubbering, anxious mess.

The metal clicks as I twist the knob. The door opens to a sad, beige room with ugly, faded green chairs. Raven is huddled in the corner, a half-eaten packet of peanut butter crackers in the chair next to her. The juice box she’s holding falls to the floor when she sees me. She stands and rushes toward me. I meet her in the middle and wrap her in my arms.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” I murmur into her hair. “It’s going to be okay.”

She sobs in my arms and I hold strong like a fortress against a battering ram of emotion. If my parents can’t be this for her, I have to be. I can deal with my own heart later.