Page 66 of The Devastation You Reap

"Right now, he is," I say, feeling sappy even admitting it.

"That's good, I'm happy for you. Charlie, however…"

"Oh yeah, I bet she's thrilled. He couldn't even get it up for her."

Nathan's eyes damn near pop out of his head.

"Who are you and what have you done with my friend?"

"Don't you have training to get to?" I say before I blurt out anything else I probably shouldn't.

“Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were good before I left."

"I am, thank you."

With a nod and a smile that would melt most other panties, he leaves me to it.

I don't have any classes today and usually, I'd spend the day in the library working but seeing as I've got a date and my first college party tonight, I decide to do something that I would never usually do.

I head for the mall.

* * *

Charlie was still in her room when I left, and despite the fact I knew she had classes today, I almost invited her to join me because where I don't have a freaking clue about what sort of thing I should wear tonight, she'd be able to pick the perfect outfit. But the thought of having her grilling me about Leon all day and the possibility of having her look at me wondering what the hell he sees in me that he didn't with her stops me.

I'm already having enough of my own thoughts along those lines, I don't need anyone else feeding into my insecurities.

For a girl who hates shopping, I spend an obscene amount of time at the mall, wandering in and out of the shops trying to find the perfect outfit for tonight.

Sadly, that perfect dress doesn't seem to exist because when I leave a few hours later I'm still not one hundred percent sure with my purchase.

Knowing that time is closing in on Leon coming to pick me up, means my nerves about tonight are starting to multiply.

Will I look good enough?

Will everyone look at me with Leon and wonder how he's managed to get stuck with me?

Will everyone think it's some kind of bet?

Is it a bet?

I feel physically sick by the time I get back to the dorms.

I was hoping that someone would be here. Mainly Nathan so he could talk me down from my panicking but the whole place is deserted.

Needing something, anything, to take the edge off my anxiety, I pull open the kitchen cupboard, pulling out a bag of chips, despite the fact Leon's taking me out for dinner in a few short hours and then when I get to the refrigerator, I can't stop myself from reaching in and grabbing one of Charlie's pre-mixed cocktail drinks.

I stand there arguing with myself. I'd normally never steal any of her stuff, let alone alcohol, so I know I must be desperate to even consider it.

I grab the bottle and a glass and without putting any more thought into it, I take it all, along with my bags to my room.

Putting some music on, I pour myself a glass of Charlie's cocktail and hesitantly take a sip. The coconut and pineapple taste explodes on my tongue, I barely even notice that it's alcoholic, which is kinda dangerous because seeing as I'm the world's biggest lightweight, who knows what will happen if I keep drinking.

Forcing myself to put it down, I grab a handful of chips and head through to the bathroom to shower.

I scrub and shave every inch of my body, exfoliate my face and apply my favorite moisturizer and by the time I step back into my room, the piña colada has begun to take effect and I'm feeling good. Excited.

Pulling off the tags of the new underwear I bought, I pull it on before stepping into the dress I finally settled on and stand in front of the mirror.