Page 25

25

Nash

The building where they hide the phones should be at the far end of the farm, but I can’t find it now. That’s crazy, though. People don’t go around just moving entire buildings around, so I must be mistaken.

I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Let me think for a minute. I’m sure I can remember where it is.

Two women walk by and smile, which is good because that means Micah hasn’t told the others to shun me or kill me. He was acting very weird at lunch today. And what’s with the clothes he was wearing yesterday?

Something strange has happened here. I just wish I knew what was going on.

I shield my eyes from the bright sun and look around at the buildings in front of me. None of them look like the one where they hide the phones.

This heat is crazy today. I rub the back of my hand across my forehead to catch the sweat forming at my hairline. It’s got to be in the mid-nineties already. I suddenly feel woozy. Walking toward the shade from the building to my right, I nearly collapse as the heat quickly saps me of all my strength.

Damn, that happened quick. It must be even hotter than I think today. But that doesn’t explain how everything seems to be swimming in front of me. Or maybe it does. I’m not sure. All I know is I felt fine up until a minute ago.

Then a tiny flame of understanding ignites in my mind. It’s not the heat. I only ate a single piece of bread and drank a little bit of lemonade, but that would be enough if they drugged it. That explains why my eyesight is playing tricks on me.

He drugged me. Guards are never fed that stuff. My heart skips a beat as reality sets in.

I must not be a guard anymore.

Closing my eyes, I hope this feeling goes away now that I’m out of the sun. Yes, I know it’s not that making me sick, but it wasn’t helping. Taking a deep breath in, I wish the air wasn’t so thick, but beggars can’t be choosers. I take a second breath in through my nose and let it out of my mouth, calming myself and actually making me feel better.

Okay, I can find that building. I just need to think.

A banging sound distracts me from figuring out where it might be, and I open my eyes to look around for where it’s coming from. It sounds like someone’s locked themselves in a room and they need help.

The problem is I don’t see anyone when I scan the area. Am I hearing things that aren’t there now? Knowing what those drugs do to the women around here, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Ignoring the noise, I focus on finding the building I need to go to. I step out into the sun again and begin walking toward where it should be, but that banging makes thinking of anything else impossible.

Where is that coming from?

Unable to concentrate, I backtrack and follow the sound. It grows louder with every step I take, so it must be coming from somewhere close. I look at each window but find no one.

Is this all in my head? Damnit, I shouldn’t have consumed anything, but I was so hungry by the time lunch rolled around that I couldn’t help myself. That was stupid, though. I know what they do to the food and drink here to keep the women under control.

I just thought I was safe because I was a guard.

As I try to determine if I’m losing my mind or not, a muffled voice joins with the banging noise. I look around again, desperate to find who’s making the noise not only to help them but to know I’m not crazy.

After nearly giving up hope, out of the corner of my eye I see someone waving their arms in the window of a nearby building. I can’t make out who they are, so I hurry over to see what’s wrong.

I’m stunned to see Lara flailing her arms around her head and screaming at me. I can’t understand what she’s saying, so I move closer to the window through the bushes planted beneath it.

Her mouth opens wide and I can tell she’s yelling something, but even next to the window I can’t hear the words. She looks upset and frustrated with me.

“I’m sorry. I can’t hear you,” I say loudly, pointing at my ear to make her understand whatever she’s saying isn’t coming through the glass.

Her expression falls, and she shakes her head. I can’t tell for sure, but I think she might be crying. Damnit, I have to find out what’s wrong with her.

I tap on the window and smile as I point toward the nearby door. “I’m going to come in. Just wait, okay?”

Lara shakes her head, and I don’t know if she’s trying to tell me she can’t hear me or I shouldn’t try to come inside to see her. I can’t stand out here not understanding what she’s saying, though. She needs help, and I want to give it to her.

It’s the least I can do for her now.

Happy to find the door unlocked, I walk into the building and knock on the first door I think could be her room. I get no response, so I knock again and then turn the doorknob.

Locked. Why is she in a room locked from the outside?

I grip the doorknob tightly and jerk it down toward the floor, snapping it off the door. Lara throws the door open and pulls me inside her room. “Shut the door! I don’t want them finding you here!” she whispers before hurrying over to the window to close the blinds.

“What’s wrong? Why are you in here?” I ask as I look around her room for any sign of cameras but see none.

Plain white walls, white industrial tiles on the floor, and furniture screwed to the floor make this place look like a prison cell. Why is she being held in this room?

“I don’t know. I nearly escaped this morning, but they got me and brought me back here.”

She stops and lets out a heavy sigh. “Or maybe that was all in my head. I think it’s possible they drugged me while I was asleep.”

“I know. I think I got some of it too in a piece of bread. Or maybe it was the lemonade.”

Lara’s eyes open wide. “Don’t drink the lemonade! That’s one of the ways they drug the women here. Lemonade and those damn cookies.”

She sounds frantic bordering on mad, but I believe her. “Okay. We’re going to be okay. I don’t think Micah gave me much. I’m much bigger than the women here, so the dose probably wasn’t strong enough.”

As she shakes her head, Lara asks, “Where is this building on the farm? And you should see Micah. Your leader has suddenly started wearing shirts and Crocs. Crocs! That’s proof enough he’s not some prophet who knows all.”

The words tumble out of her mouth like an avalanche of sounds. Some I understand, but others make no sense. I’ve heard nothing of her nearly escaping. I think Micah would have mentioned that to me when we talked since I was supposed to be watching her.

“What do you mean you nearly escaped?” I ask as she paces back and forth across the room.

She stops and throws her hands up in the air. “I nearly got out! That’s what I mean. I got to the gate, but then everyone appeared out of nowhere. When Bethany was passed out and needed help, I couldn’t find a soul, but when I’m about to get my freedom, these people materialize out of thin air? I blame Micah. He did it. He let me think I was going to be free, and then he yanked it away from me at the last moment. I think the drugs are messing me up. I’m having a hard time remembering things correctly, but I know it’s not me. It’s the drugs.”

I don’t know what she’s talking about, but she might be right about them drugging her. I’m convinced they’re doing it to me too.

“You need to make sure you don’t eat anything, Lara. That’s how they get the drugs into your system. It’s in the food and everything you drink.”

She stops pacing and takes me by the hand to sit on the bed with her. Her eyes filled with concern, she stares at me for a few seconds before asking, “What happened to you? I heard you screaming for what seemed like hours the other night. What did they do to you? I thought you were one of Micah’s favorites.”

I hadn’t thought about my time in the box for the past few hours, but her mention of it brings all those terrible memories rushing back into my mind. Shaking my head, I look down at the bed and mumble, “I’m not sure.”

That’s not the truth, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet. Not even with Lara, the only person I think I can trust in this place now.

She strokes the space between my thumb and forefinger with her fingertip, instantly easing my nerves. “It wasn’t because of me, was it?”

I shrug and try to make it seem like I wasn’t sent to the box because of helping her, but she sees right through my silent denial. “I’m sorry, Nash. You didn’t do anything wrong. They shouldn’t have punished you.”

Nodding, I try to smile when I look up at her, but I can’t fake being happy right now. “I know. Micah didn’t even really want to do it. I think he just had to because if he didn’t, he’d have guards spending time with women all over the place.”

“Even though we didn’t do anything together?”

“Yeah. I broke the rules by taking you back to my room. I’m probably breaking the rules just being here right now, but I didn’t want you to think I forgot about getting your phone for you.”

I stop for a moment and then say in a low voice that can’t hide my embarrassment, “I just can’t find the building.”

“What do you mean you can’t find the building?” Lara asks, a logical question since I’ve asked myself the same thing already.

Avoiding her gaze, I answer, “I can’t find it. The building I thought they put the phones in isn’t where I thought it was.”

She doesn’t say anything, so I add, “To be honest, I’m not sure where this is. I don’t think we’re on the farm anymore.”

Lara gives my hand a squeeze that feels all too real. “What did they do to you, Nash?”

I hate the way that sounds, like I’m some broken creature Micah and his people have ruined. I’m not that man. I’m fine. They’re just messing with me with the food and lemonade.

“Lunch. I think it was drugged.”

“But you told me they don’t drug the guards. Why would Micah let that happen to you?”

Looking up at her, I shrug even as I can’t help but be worried if he’s allowing that he’s not going to stop when Nadine suggests her guys get rid of me. “I’m not a favorite anymore, I guess. Just don’t eat or drink anything, okay? If you do, you’re going to feel all messed up like I do, and I don’t want that for you.”

“I won’t.”

We fall into silence, and I wish I could tell her things are going to be okay. They aren’t, though. I don’t want to scare her, so I need to pretend, but I’ve lost all hope that Micah is the man I believed he was.

Lara wraps her arms around me, and for the first time in days, I feel safe. I close my eyes and revel in her head resting on my shoulder. I can’t explain it, but it’s like this simple act eases my soul.

I put my arms around her and let out a heavy sigh. For five years, I’ve lived here at the farm believing in Micah and The Golden Light. I sacrificed all human warmth for the belief that if I did everything he ordered of me that I’d find the happiness and fulfillment he promised existed inside me.

All I needed to do was believe in my greatness.

Now I know that wasn’t true. I don’t know if I possess any greatness. All I know is at this moment, all I want is to be here next to Lara. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed the feel of another person holding me.

“We need to get out of here, Nash. The two of us. Come with me when I try to escape again. You don’t belong here.”

Fear spikes inside my brain at the mere thought of leaving. I haven’t lived away from The Golden Light in so long I don’t know if I can function in the outside world.

I nod, although I’m not sure I can do it.

“Do you think you can get my phone today?”

“I don’t know,” I answer, hating how pathetic that sounds.

How can I not know where a building is? Then again, I’m not even sure I know where I am. I’ve lost a day of my life, and nothing I’ve believed in for years seems to be true anymore.

Lara stands up from the bed and begins pacing again. “Then we need to devise a plan to get out of here tonight. Phone or no phone, I can’t stay here any longer. If I can’t eat or drink anything, it’s quickly going to get to the point where I won’t have the strength to run when I need to.”

Quietly, I tell her what will really happen if she doesn’t eat or drink for a few days. “They’ll force feed you if you get to that point.”

She stops dead on the other side of the room and stares at me in horror. “I won’t let them do that.”

I don’t have the heart to tell her she won’t have a choice. I’ve seen it before. Every so often, a new recruit doesn’t handle the drugs well, but they never think that’s the problem. They blame not feeling well on the food here, so naturally, they ask for something else. When they don’t get it, they stop eating to avoid the discomfort.

What happens next is as horrible as my time in the box. Guards hold the woman down and jam a tube down her throat to force the food into her stomach. I’ve witnessed it, and the sound of the women’s screams of terror will never leave my memories.

“Tell me when. I’ll do whatever I can to get us out.”

I’ve reached the point of no return. From this point on, everything about The Golden Light is on borrowed time.