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Nash

“Everything you want is yours to have. Do you believe that? Because I do! And I can show you thousands of people who’ve gotten all they want by simply believing!”

The leader of The Golden Light spreads his arms out wide, as if he’s welcoming guidance from the heavens above, and looks up toward the ceiling. His tanned body and dirty blond hair in front of the royal blue curtains hanging behind him please the eye and make it hard to look away. It’s like he’s some modern day messiah come to save us all from the ugliness of life.

When he lowers his head to look at the crowd again, he smiles, and it’s like the entire room is suddenly brighter. “I know what you’re feeling. Trust me. I do. I felt it too once, but I can promise you all you desire is yours for the taking. You just have to believe.”

Micah is in rare form today. Not that he isn’t usually mesmerizing, but as I scan the audience this morning, I’m impressed by how they’re watching him in rapt attention. One guy looks like he’s going to have a seizure any minute now by the way his expression is contorting into that pained yet amazed look. The woman at the end of his row is practically levitating over her metal folding chair.

The leader never fails to get the crowd going. I bet in a past life he was one of those carnival barkers. Or maybe some crazy world leader. Then again, maybe he comes by his charisma naturally since I’ve heard him claim his great-grandfather was Jim Jones.

He moves to the left side of the dais and points at the young blond woman seated in front of him. Ramon gives me a tiny smile and then quickly returns to looking stoic, just as we’re supposed to during these things. That grin tells me he understands his job here, though. When Micah gets his treat after he’s done, Ramon’s place will be safe.

“Do you believe?” Micah asks her, staring into her eyes in that mesmerizing way that never fails to work on new recruits. “Stand and join me. Find your power deep inside.”

I know how he talks about the women here when they aren’t around, so it takes everything I have to not smirk. Power is the last thing he wants her to have.

That’s only for him.

She takes his hand and joins him on the stage, gazing up into his eyes like she’s madly in love. I’m always amazed at how easily they fall for him. All it takes are a few well-chosen words about power and believing in themselves and they’re goners.

“Tell me your name. Say it so the Universe can know you’re ready to receive all you desire,” Micah commands in a voice as smooth as silk.

The seduction plays out in front of everyone in the audience, and I have no doubt every person, male and female, would give anything to be in that blond woman’s place. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out, so he takes her by the shoulders and smiles, shaking his head as if to say, “Don’t worry. You can do this.” I’ve always thought he looked like a surfer guy or some sixties hippie at times like this.

“It’s okay. Channel that power of belief deep inside you and introduce yourself to the Universe.”

She hesitates for a few seconds, her lower lip quivering as every single person in the room waits to hear her tell Micah her name. Finally, she takes a deep breath and softly says, “Katie.”

He slides his hands from her shoulders to her face and cradles her cheeks. “I want you to know, Katie, that the Universe wants you to have all you want. Are you willing to believe that? Can you give yourself over to it so you can have all you’ve ever desired?”

The way he speaks, all breathy and soft at times and then booming and powerful at others, is nothing less than intoxicating. I look around the room again and see each person here, including some of my fellow guards, hanging on every word Micah says. Those of us who’ve been here a while are used to the show, but others like Ramon still find everything the leader says utterly enthralling.

“I am!” she says, practically sobbing. “I believe, and I’m ready to have all I’ve ever wanted!”

That breaks Ramon out of his near trance, and he turns to look at me with an expression full of relief. He may be new here, but he’s seen what happens when we don’t succeed at a task Micah’s given us. He watched Simon being led to the box last night after he failed to do what the leader wanted. He heard the screams coming from there for hours until I’m guessing Simon passed out from the agony of his punishment. Everyone heard it. It’s one of the reasons why Micah uses the box.

Fear is only useful when it’s used.

Micah and Katie turn to face the audience and smile. “Do you want to experience the bliss the Universe has given this sister of The Golden Light? If you do, say it loud! Let the Universe know you’re ready to do what it takes to have all you’ve ever dreamed of!”

As always, this part of the show becomes loud and raucous. Everyone jumps up, throws their hands in the air, and begins to profess their belief that all they want will come to them because they believe. Over and over, Micah tells them they need to show the Universe they’re ready, and each time, they react with screams and yelps.

“I believe!” some cry out. “I’m ready to receive!” others scream. Some even begin to shake uncontrollably and collapse to the ground in their enthusiasm.

It would be unnerving if I hadn’t seen this hundreds of times. I knew it was the first day I sat in the audience and listened to Micah talk about how we could all have anything our hearts desire as long as we believed and followed him.

That last part is key. Believing is not enough. Only the leader can help us have what we desire.

Ramon slowly moves over toward where I stand and stops a few inches away. “Should we do something for them?” he asks as he looks over at one guy writhing on the ground.

I shake my head without turning to face him. “No. It’s all part of the process.”

That’s what I was told the first time I saw one of Micah’s audience members begin to have a fit. I remember wanting to help the woman. She looked like she was having an epileptic attack, but the more seasoned members of the group told me, “This is how it’s supposed to go. Let the process do what it’s supposed to do.”

When I saw her later that day, she was fine, so I guess they were right. She had the same reaction to Micah every time I saw her after that, too. Some people just can’t handle what he says.

“Join me, my children, and find the light!” he calls out from the dais.

And with that, he walks out the door behind the stage like he always does at the end of one of his shows, leaving the audience sobbing and swearing only he can give them what they need. It’s quite a thing to see.

Ramon waits for me to move and follows me when I begin walking toward the door. He’s far more timid than most of Micah’s guards, but he’s an okay guy. How he’s going to handle some of the others who love to inflict pain on anyone they think is weak we’ll have to see.

“That’s the fourth time I’ve witnessed, and it’s just as exciting as the first day,” he says breathlessly once we’re outside and walking toward Micah’s rooms.

I glance over at him and smile. “It’s definitely him at his best.”

We make our way in silence to the cabin farthest away from the main building where we were and file in with the other guards and those group members closest to Micah. When we find our spots, all the guards bow to him.

He sits in his blue chair with gold arms and legs that has always reminded me of a throne and steeples his fingers in front of him. Wearing only black pants like usual, he’s shirtless, also something he likes to do. I don’t blame him since it’s got to be in the mid-nineties today. I wish he’d let the rest of us do the same, but he insists each guard wear our usual uniform of a black T-shirt and black pants along with our black shitkicker boots.

To say it’s hot is an understatement.

On his right stands Nadine, the only powerful woman in the group. Some think of her as Micah’s right hand or his girlfriend, but I’m not sure what position she holds here. All I know is he’s the leader, but she possesses far more clout with him than any of us.

Dressed in her usual dark gray dress that looks like something a strict German headmistress of some school for wayward teenage girls might wear and matronly black shoes, she scowls at all of us like we’re enemies of the state of Micah. I’ve never understood why she always looks like she hates us.

Behind her stand her own guards that protect only her. I’m not sure why Micah allows that, but if he has an issue with anything she does, he doesn’t show it.

He spreads his arms out wide and takes a deep breath in, expanding his muscular chest. Nadine watches like a proud girlfriend or mother. I can’t decide which.

“What a wonderful day it is. That was a very good session, don’t you think?”

I’ve always taken these questions he poses to the guards as rhetorical, but Ramon quickly answers, “Oh, yes! It was wonderful, Micah!”

Nadine’s eyes flash the purest anger I’ve ever seen, their darkness nearly on fire as she glares at the new guard, and my heart pounds in my chest as I wait to see what might happen next. I’ve seen her lash out at anyone she’s decided isn’t conforming to the rules, so it wouldn’t be surprising for her to order her guards to take poor Ramon out and teach him how to behave. I don’t think he’ll get the box, but it could be bad for him.

Not a single one of us says a word as we wait for Micah to react, and it feels like I’m holding my breath the whole time. I look down at the wood floor and hope whatever happens won’t involve me, but Nadine has seen me talking to Ramon more than once today.

Finally, Micah chuckles, and I lift my head to see him wearing a broad smile. Relief washes over me, and I silently thank God that didn’t turn ugly like it definitely could have.

“Ramon, I love that you’re so enthusiastic!” he says, and I take my first breath in what seems like forever. “You did well, my child. You’re officially my favorite guard today. How does that feel?”

“Thank you!” Ramon answers. “I’m so happy. Thank you, Micah.”

Once more, Nadine glares at the poor guy. Why is she so particularly surly today? Even as I think that, I know we won’t have to wait long to find out. What that will mean only God knows.

“Everyone, you did well today. Go enjoy some food and get some exercise. I’ll call for you later.”

I turn to walk out, but Micah adds, “Nash and Adam, you two stay.”

My stomach clenches when my name hits my ears. Being ordered to face Micah is never a good thing. Quickly, everything I’ve done in the past few days races through my mind, but I can’t find anything that would warrant this private meeting.

Everyone else hurries out of the room, no doubt thankful their names weren’t the ones Micah spoke, but Nadine and her four guards remain. As Ramon reaches the door, he looks back at me with genuine terror in his eyes.

Maybe he’s not as na?ve as I thought.

Micah waves us forward to stand in front of him, so I walk up to his chair and bow. I don’t give a damn about what Adam does. He mostly gets on my nerves, so thinking about him is the last thing I need right now.

When the two of us stand up, we wait to hear what the leader of The Golden Light has to say to us. I stay away from this guard as much as possible because of his temper, so I can’t imagine what Micah wants from the two of us.

Nadine studies Adam and then me, never cracking even the tiniest hint of a smile. Her guards stare over our heads as they’ve been ordered to. It’s an odd requirement she forces on them, but none of the four men who protect her ever make eye contact with anyone in the group when she’s around.

Micah turns to her and sighs. “I want to speak to my guards privately. Please take your men and leave for the time being.”

That gets the two of us one final nasty glare before she bows to him and spins on her heel to leave with her guards. I’m more at ease now that she’s gone because I have a feeling despite being Micah’s biggest supporter, Nadine has a bad effect on his mood most days.

The stifling heat of the day begins to get to me, and I wipe my forehead of sweat beads that are forming at my hairline. I’ve never been jealous of the leader of The Golden Light, but I’d give anything to be shirtless like him at this moment.

“Gentlemen, we have a problem.”

My stomach drops at those five words. What problem could he be talking about? Adam and I rarely spend any time around each other, and I’ve racked my brain to think of what I could have done that would deserve reprimand. I’ve come up with nothing.

Micah is a master of manipulation, and meetings like this show his particular ability to keep people on edge. He stares at us without saying a word, and I don’t know about Adam, but terror builds inside me second by second until it’s almost unbearable.

I’ve seen what happens to people when Micah is displeased with them. The box. Whipping. Sometimes a person will just disappear. One day they’re adoring him in every way required of a Golden Light member, and the next they’re gone and no one dares ask where they are or what happened to them.

Questions are not part of life here.

Finally, Micah smiles, and the effect is like the sun appearing after days and days of nothing but dark clouds and rain. “Maren has left our loving embrace. I want her back here with us, along with that little friend of hers. Go get them for me.”

I can’t explain how much I want to laugh or cry or simply show some kind of emotion at this moment. I don’t because it’s not allowed, but it takes every ounce of self-control to keep my expression placid like it needs to be.

Nodding, I bow but say nothing. There is no response required. When Micah tells you what to do, you do it without comment and hopefully the way he wants you to. If not, then surely punishment will follow.

“Nash, you take the lead. Adam, he’s your superior and acting on my behalf. Remember that.”

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. A minute ago, I feared I’d done something to displease Micah and wondered what punishment I’d have to endure. Now he’s just made me the boss for this job, ensuring that Adam must follow my orders or suffer the consequences.

Adam and I both say in unison, “Yes, Micah. As you wish,” and then wait for him to dismiss us. With a wave of his hand, he sends us on our way, and I hope as I make my way to the door it isn’t obvious how much I want to get the hell out of this room right now.

Just as I walk outside, I turn around and see that pretty blond girl named Katie being escorted in through the back door. Ramon leads her to Micah and is quickly excused, giving me a smile as he hurries out the way he came.

With her big eyes full of awe as she stares at the leader, she’s exactly the kind he likes. I leave before I see anything happen between them, but it’s the worst kept secret here what he expects from her.