Page 13

13

Lara

Nash slowly opens the green door and stands back as I walk into Micah’s home. Or maybe it’s just where he meets with troublemakers. I’m not sure. All I know is the second I step into this building, I’m sure someone important is here.

Unlike the rest of this farm, Micah’s rooms are furnished for true comfort. The sofa is expensive, and I’m pretty sure it’s exactly like the one my mother told my father she must have a few months ago. He, being a thrifty soul, balked at eight thousand dollars for a single piece of furniture, no matter how exquisite she said it looked on the showroom floor. My mother’s choice had been light tan, but whoever chose this one went with deep red.

The floor is new hardwood, not the kind in the cabin I slept in or in that building Nadine and her goons took me to with old wood floors with splinters. The walls aren’t simple wood boards over studs either. These are sheetrock primed and painted in light tan, eggshell sheen, I guess. And hanging around the room are pictures in pricey frames of nature scenes that undoubtedly were taken by a professional photographer.

The leader of The Golden Light likes to be surrounded by nice things. Interesting.

The man himself sits in a chair that I swear reminds me of a throne. I wonder if he requires people to call him king too?

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Nash’s gaze isn’t on his leader but focused on the floor. He appears distinctly submissive right now, and I’m not sure if I should be copying his behavior.

I can’t deny there’s something about Micah that’s intriguing. Sitting shirtless, he almost seems to be showing off his muscular chest and abs. It strikes me as odd that he welcomes people like this, although I guess it could fit with the whole positivity thing. I certainly could understand if he was hot, but this room we’re in right now is obviously air conditioned and quite comfortable compared to outside.

I look over at Nash to see him bow and feel my mouth drop open. So everyone has to bow to Micah? That doesn’t sound like something a group based in positivity would do.

The leader smiles, and I can’t help but admit he’s quite attractive. “Nash, thank you for bringing Lara here. Did you two have a good talk?” he asks in a silky smooth voice.

Nash stands up to his full height and nods. “You’re welcome. I think so. I hope we did, at least.”

Nothing in his tone of voice or the words he’s saying sounds like the man I’ve spent the last nearly half hour with. This man couldn’t protect me from Nadine’s men if he had a gun. They’d chew this Nash up and spit him out without breaking a sweat, even in the oppressive heat outside.

With a wave of his hand, Micah says, “Well, thank you, Nash. You may go now.”

I watch Nash bow once more before leaving me with his leader. Clearly, Micah has a strong hold over him. Perhaps not total control, but close to it.

The door closes behind him, and then it’s just Micah and me. I assume I’m supposed to bow, but something inside me makes that impossible. It’s not a sense of rebellion as much as a disbelief that anyone would have to bow to a man in the United States. He’s not royalty, no matter what that chair of his looks like, and I am not his subject.

He appears to wait for me to act like Nash, and when I don’t, he nods like we’re having some unspoken discussion and I’ve just informed him there will be no bowing from me. It’s probably not the best way to start this meeting, but if he presses me on why I didn’t do it, I’ll play dumb and claim I thought only men had to bow.

“How are you doing today, Lara?” Micah asks like he knows me and truly cares about my welfare.

I sigh as I decide how to answer. I can’t tell the truth. He won’t take hearing I’ve come to his group looking for my sister well. I can’t complain about my treatment from Nadine and her henchmen. Nash said she’s important here, which means she’s important to Micah.

So I choose the least offensive route and say, “I was very hot until I walked in here. It’s quite comfortable in this room. How are you?”

Instantly, I worry I’ve made a mistake being polite. No questions was the one thing Nash repeated over and over, and right out of the gate, I ask a question. Stupid Lara.

I quickly apologize for my misstep. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. It’s just habit to ask people how they are after they’ve asked me.”

His smile never fades, even when I ask him a question. He simply stares directly at my face looking genuinely interested in every word I utter.

“Society has trained you well, I see.”

As much as I want to ask what that comment means, I do as Nash said and keep my mouth shut. When I don’t reply, Micah stands from his chair and walks over, stopping directly in front of me.

“I’m guessing you don’t know what I mean by that. Do you?” he says, staring directly into my eyes.

His gaze is almost hypnotic, but I don’t look away. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

“You asked me how I was because it was habit. Not because you truly wanted to know how I was feeling. Not that you genuinely cared about my well-being. That’s society’s training you to be a good little soldier, not to offend anyone but not to actually be interested in anyone either.”

As much as I want to disagree with him, I can’t because he’s not wrong about this. Modern society expects a surface level of empathy, but caring too much makes you appear soft and weak. So we all go around asking how people are and never really caring. How many times have I asked someone how they were and hated when they actually told me the truth? Nobody wants to know what anyone else is going through. That’s a burden we never asked for. Just say you’re fine, and then we can all move on with our day, right?

“But that’s not all you’re supposed to be, Lara. Caring about people is admirable. No one should ever shy away from truly caring about their fellow man. Merely asking how someone is simply because it’s polite is useless. It does nothing for them and nothing for you. Neither one of us gained anything by that question. In fact, I believe it hurts our souls to be so disinterested in our fellow man.”

I consider telling him what my father once said to me about manners being the lubricant of polite society, but I press my lips together and stay quiet as Nash told me to. I’m supposed to be silent and listen, and if that will help me locate my sister, then that’s what I’ll do.

Still gazing into my eyes, Micah continues. “Society doesn’t care about you achieving the greatness you were meant to have, Lara. It cares about you conforming. That’s it. Step out of line—neglect to ask someone how they are after they’ve asked you—and you’re rude, and you’ll have to be punished for that.”

I want to tell him that’s exactly what’s happened to me this morning, but I decide not to. It’s just that staying quiet when I have so much to say is hard.

“Society is wrong, though. You have so much inside you that society has pushed down or snuffed out. I can see it when I look at you. I bet you don’t see it, though, and that’s a true shame. Society has made you think your greatness is based on how you look or how well you follow rules, but I can help you see your greatness is based on something entirely different and more fulfilling than you’ve ever experienced.”

Even though I know this isn’t what The Golden Light is about, especially after spending time with Nadine, it’s hard not to wish the world and this place could be exactly as he says. However, I sense he doesn’t see the irony of what he’s preaching while everyone outside of this room must follow The Golden Light’s rules or risk being punished by his favorite Nadine. At the same time, though, I’m beginning to see why someone would find his ideas appealing. This man has a way about him that’s nothing short of mesmerizing.

Since he didn’t ask me a direct question or my opinion, I stay silent and wait for him to continue as I study his expression. He exudes confidence, which likely makes him more appealing than his good looks do. There’s something else about him, though, that I can’t put my finger on, something that makes it hard to imagine he’s anything but that caring leader Nash described.

He takes a step forward so our chests are practically touching and inhales deeply, letting the air out through his nostrils. I imagine I don’t smell as fresh as I’d like to in such close quarters with anyone after spending more than a day in the same clothes in temperatures that barely dipped into the low seventies last night and have to be up in the high nineties today. If I smell bad, though, there’s no sign of disgust in the way he looks at me after taking a big breath in.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Nadine this morning, Lara. I know you were just expressing sadness over what happened with that girl.”

I want so much to tell him that’s exactly why I spoke out, but I simply nod and hope that’s not stepping out of line. If only his buddy Nadine had understood why I was sad and wanted a moment to mourn Anna, none of what happened today would have been necessary. I don’t know if he thinks that way, though.

He sighs and says, “You’re a sensitive person. I can see in your eyes the truth about what the world has done to you. You’ve cared, and society has run all over your feelings. You’ve loved wholeheartedly, and people who were too damaged or too callous took that love and twisted it into something they could use against you. I know, Lara. I do. You have no idea how many people I’ve seen just like you. People who have so much capacity for love and the greatness that comes from that ability to love, and just like you, they weren’t appreciated for how wonderful they are.”

With every word he speaks, it’s like he’s breaking down my barriers, walls I didn’t know existed and those I thought were needed because I’m an educated woman in modern society. All this touchy-feely stuff isn’t supposed to be real, but he makes it sound so true.

No! I can’t let myself get sucked into this kumbaya world of his. As much as I wish life was kinder and gentler, that isn’t the case. Reality is what it is.

I can only hope Rina didn’t fall for this feel-good stuff.

And then, just as I think I’m in control of myself, he cups my cheek, and it’s like my body is instantly covered in warmth and love.

“It’s okay to not be sure, Lara. You’ve spent your entire life dealing with what society has forced you to handle. You’ve built up defenses to make sure you don’t suffer. I understand. I felt that way all my life until I found the light. All I had to do was let it in, and I instantly knew happiness like I’d never known before. I want that for you. Do you want that for you, Lara?”

The deep green flecks around his pupils seem to sparkle as I stare into his green eyes, almost as if they’re part of this performance he’s doing. Now I understand why so many people willingly join this group and follow him. The things he says make you feel like he has the answers to questions you didn’t even know you had until he spoke them. Who wouldn’t want to feel complete love and acceptance and find their greatness?

I’m not like them, though. I know this game he’s playing. If he truly cared about the people here, he wouldn’t let the likes of Nadine and her gang terrorize them simply for stepping out of line. That’s not unconditional love.

That’s manipulation, and I have a feeling he’s an expert at it.

My goal coming here was to find my sister, though, so for the time being, I need to play his game. He wants to be the one to lead me to the promised land, and I need to make him believe I’ve bought into his system completely.

Micah waits to see me succumb to his sales pitch to follow him to find happiness like I’ve never know before, so I need to make it believable when I say yes. I open my eyes wide like I’m enthralled by his offer and nod. I imagine I look exactly like I did when I was twelve and that boy I liked asked if I wanted him to kiss me.

But just as I feel now, I knew then too that what was expected of me was sweetness and compliance. Micah and that pre-teen boy are the same. They want control but don’t want to fight for it, so instead they use a softer, more seductive ploy. I doubt Donnie Cimino knew precisely what he was doing, but Micah does.

He cradles my face and leans forward to kiss me softly on the lips. My eyes remain open as I watch him enjoy the first taste of me, and when he pulls away, he smiles just as a conquering hero would. He’s sure he’s converted yet another unhappy female tired of the world taking advantage of her good nature, and all he’s had to do was promise to give me the one thing that can only be found inside me.

There is no way my sister fell for this. No one will ever be able to convince me of that. She may be here because she likes the positivity these people espouse, but I cannot believe she’s like one of those mindless zombies I saw walking around outside.

“Okay. Now that I know you believe as we do, I’d like to officially welcome you to The Golden Light. Please don’t let what happened earlier stop you from achieving your innate greatness. Do you have any questions?”

Every cell in my body practically screams out that I have nothing but questions about what’s going on in this place. I know better than to voice most of them, though. I need to act like I’m a true convert if I want to find out what happened with Rina, so I shake my head and smile.

“I’ll have one of the women explain how everything here works. You’ll be given a job that will accentuate your natural abilities, and therefore, increase your happiness. You’ve found a place where you can truly be your best self here, Lara. I’m so glad you’ve joined us.”

Although Nash told me not to speak unless Micah asks me a direct question, I decide I’m going to say something and whisper, “Thank you.”

My new leader smiles and sets his hands on my shoulders. “You don’t have to thank me. That’s what society expects from you, but that’s empty and hollow. Unless you truly are thankful for what you’ve found here. Are you truly thankful?”

“Yes. I think I’ve always wanted what I’ve found here, so I mean it when I say thank you.”

Micah studies my face for a long moment before nodding. “I think you do. I like that for you, Lara. Are you ready to experience true fulfillment and happiness like you’ve never had before?”

“I am.”