Page 14

14

Nash

The sun beats down on the women tending to the gardens that produce the food we eat here, and I can’t help but wonder how they do it day in and day out. It’s got to be at least ninety degrees already today, and we haven’t even hit the hottest time of the afternoon. Yet they’re out there without a hint of shade picking vegetables like it’s a lovely spring day with a nice breeze and barely any humidity.

A twinge of embarrassment pinches at me for all the times I’ve complained about how Micah forces us guards to wear black T-shirts, black pants, and boots year round. Compared to those women out there in the scorching hot sun every day taking care of the gardens so we all can eat, my discomfort with the temperature feels petty and small, especially now as I watch them from the shady area next to one of the sleeping quarters.

Footsteps behind me tear my attention away from the gardens, and I turn around to see Adam coming toward where I stand. Damnit, I hate having to deal with him, and for that, I won’t chastise myself. This guy’s a jackass. I can’t figure out why Micah keeps him around as a guard.

Then again, if he wasn’t doing that job, I don’t know what the hell he’d be here for.

“I want to talk to you,” he barks as he stops a few feet away.

Well, I don’t want to talk to you.

If I could say that and not get into trouble, I would, but I know better. Micah may never have said the actual words telling me to get along with Adam, but he’s insinuated it enough times that I know I have to at least make the effort.

“What do we have to talk about?” I ask, instantly wishing I had chosen a better way to say that.

He gives me a look of utter disgust, as if I’m supposed to know what the hell his problem is now. Does he think I’m a mind reader?

“You should have backed me up on that Maren bullshit, Nash. You know as well as I do that she wasn’t right in the head. Even if we got her into the car, she probably would have tried to drive us all off the fucking road at some point!”

God, he’s such a whiner. Like some tiny woman was going to be able to do anything safely secured in the back seat of the car. It’s like this guy lives his life in some ridiculous fantasy story where women who weigh nearly a hundred pounds less than us can’t be handled easily.

I’ve got news for him. As much as I wanted her to get back here safe and sound, I would have done whatever I had to in order to make that happen, and that includes knocking her unconscious if I had to.

Staring at him, I say, “I told the truth. Nothing more. You went over the line, man. She wasn’t going to outrun me. I’ve got at least a foot on her, for God’s sake. Add to that the temperature outside that day, and it wouldn’t have taken long to catch her. You just got overzealous, something you need to get in check before the next time we have to work together.”

Adam seethes, unsurprisingly, and then takes a giant step closer to me so our noses are nearly touching. Rage fills his eyes as he says, “I don’t need to change a damn thing about how I do my job, Nash. Maybe you need to remember what we were trained to do and fucking do it once in a while!”

Spittle flies from his mouth as he tries to intimidate me, and it takes every ounce of willpower I posses to not roll my eyes and push him away. I want to more than he even realizes, but I know he’ll just go running back to Micah and cry about how I disrespected him.

What a baby.

So instead, I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out through my nose to calm myself down. There’s no need to do anything stupid with this guy. He takes care of that all on his own.

“I remember full well what I was trained to do, and it’s not shooting down scared women in cold blood. You fucked that up. Own it. I’d think you would have had time to figure that out while you were in the box last night. I guess not. But don’t come up in my face with your bullshit.”

His eyes grow wide, and I know he’s about to try to push me over the edge to do something I shouldn’t. “Oh, I had time to think about things in the box. A lot of things. Like how some of us guards can’t be trusted. I’d watch my back if I were you, Nash. You might be one of his favorites now, but we all know how quickly that can change. And when it does, I’ll be there to give you a taste of your new reality.”

Adam storms away before I can say another word, but that’s probably for the better. There’s no point in arguing with him. He just wants to fight. It doesn’t matter that he’s in the wrong for what he did to Maren out at that farm. Like always, he’s a crybaby who can’t accept any responsibility for his actions and wants to blame everyone but himself.

I know my status with Micah is only temporary. I don’t need the likes of Adam to inform me about that. I’ve seen how people rise and fall around this place. Other than Nadine, nobody who’s ever been a favorite of the leader is still enjoying that position with him. Some have fallen only a little in his favor, while others have tumbled so low that they aren’t part of The Golden Light anymore.

That fact never leaves my mind. The worst part is no matter what I do, it can’t change the reality that when it’s my time to suddenly be out of favor, it will have little to do with my behavior and mostly to do with how Micah feels that day.

Such is the reality of this place.

Before I head back to see how his meeting went with Lara, I take one last look at the women in the gardens and silently hope the ones responsible for making sure they get enough water are doing their jobs today. We can’t handle another death around here so soon after Maren and that new recruit last night.

As I stand at the door wondering if I should knock or just wait until Micah summons me, I hear him call out, “Come in, Nash!”

Then I remember the cameras. Looking up, I smile as I silently wonder how I could have forgotten everything around here is seen. Stupid. You’d think I’m new here.

I open the door and quickly scan the room to see him sitting alone on his chair. Relief washes over me, and I step inside happy to only have to deal with him. I don’t know why I feel that way, though. I’ve never experienced anything like this before with one of the women he’s chosen to show interest in, so why is it happening now?

“Come, come,” Micah says as he waves me toward him.

Stopping before him, I bow and wait for him to speak. Unlike other times, he remains silent for so long that I lift my gaze to see if something’s wrong. He looks like he always does. He’s smiling and looking at me with no hint of anger or unhappiness in his eyes, so what’s going on?

Before my mind can start racing with possibilities, Micah laughs and says, “You know why you’re one of my best guards, Nash? Because you never make the wrong move. Rise and talk to me about what’s happening in our world today.”

I do as he commands and say, “The women who tend to the gardens are hard at work. It’s quite hot out there today, so I hope the ones whose job it is to bring them water are just as hard at work.”

Before I can continue with what I’ve seen since I was last here in his rooms, he holds up his hand to stop me. “Are you worried about them?”

The memory of a time when another guard mentioned something about a group of workers here on the farm and Micah lost his mind on him for making it seem like he’s not caring for his followers flashes through my brain. The Golden Light can be incredibly capricious, and at this moment, I can’t tell by the blank expression he wears if he’s about to explode on me for doing the same thing.

I don’t say anything for a long moment before taking a chance that he won’t be upset if I nod, but I make sure to smile as I do. “I worry about anyone working in this heat. It can be quite overwhelming if you don’t keep hydrated.”

That sounds like I’m some guest on one of those TV talk shows where they bring on people who sound and look like doctors but they’re really just charlatans acting like medical professionals. I’d rather be far more straightforward with him, but I’ve learned that’s not always what he wants.

Micah nods like he’s mulling over what I’ve said and then tilts his head back to look up at the ceiling. “Do you believe I take good care of my flock, Nash?”

His question hits me like a sledgehammer to the center of my chest. He feels I’ve stepped over the line by saying I was worried about the women in the garden. Dammit! Now he’s asking me a question I can’t answer to his satisfaction. If I say yes, then he’ll demand to know why I think those women would be in danger in this heat.

And if I say no…

Well, I don’t want to think about what he’d do if I answered that way. No one has ever said no to Micah that I know of and was here the next day.

So I answer as I believe but also as I must. “Yes.”

He’s a master of making people wait to see how he’s going to react, and he seems to be in rare form today. I don’t look away, not wanting him to think I’m lying, so we stare at one another for what seems like an eternity until finally he smiles and I notice it goes all the way up to his eyes.

“I appreciate your concern for your fellow believers, Nash. You’re right to worry. Those women take care of a very important job here at the farm, and they must be protected. I’ll be sure to check that they’re getting enough water.”

I let out a sigh of relief, but then he adds, “I hope that eases your mind.”

An edge at the bottom of his words makes me wonder if he’s being sarcastic or truly cares about how I feel. Whatever his intention, he didn’t ask a question, so I don’t say anything.

“What else is going on today?” he asks, again smiling like he’s happy.

Eager to move on from the earlier topic, I explain how lunch was mini chicken pot pies and I think all the guards enjoyed themselves. It’s not much to report, but most of my day has been devoted to handling the new recruit with the problem.

I don’t mind being his eyes and ears with everyone, but when there’s not much to tell him, I get the sense he thinks I’m slacking off, or worse, keeping things from him. Micah has a habit of always believing the worst in people, despite the way he appears to the rest of his group.

He nods and steeples his fingers in front of his face as he hums. When I finish giving him the boring news of the day, he looks up at the ceiling again.

“I want you to keep a close eye on the new girl Lara.”

“Okay.”

I want to ask why, but I think I know the answer already. I’m not his only spy, and one of my fellow guards has seen her acting oddly since she arrived.

When he lowers his head again to look at me, he grimaces. “I don’t think she’s truly one of us.”

My stomach clenches, and I have to work to keep my expression calm. Those words are the kiss of death for any member of The Golden Light. Lara has no idea the trouble she’s already in.

Worse, now he’s got me associated with her, and that’s not a good thing for my place here.

“I’ll keep a close eye on her. I’m sure Nadine will also, so if she’s no good, we’ll know soon enough,” I say far more aggressively than I usually speak to him.

I’ll take the reprimand if it means he thinks I’m actively working to help him root out the troublemakers in his flock.

He surprises me when he shakes his head and frowns. “Nadine has strict orders not to bother with her in any way. We won’t find out anything by terrorizing her. Better to let her think she’s safe so she behaves in the way she truly wants to. I think she trusts you. That’s why you’re the perfect person to watch her.”

As much as I don’t want to disagree with him, I hurriedly explain she couldn’t possibly trust me. “I may have been less intimidating than Nadine and her men, but I doubt she trusts me. I’ve given her no reason to.”

Micah smiles. “I know, but I got the sense she liked you. You’re not difficult on the eyes, so it might be even more than like. Encourage that. I want to know what she’s really doing here.”

I nod and pray that the fact that I already know the truth of why she’s here isn’t written all over my face. “Okay.”

“By the way, did I ever tell you that I know how to read lips, Nash?”

My blood runs cold at his question. Is he saying he knows what I said to her when we were alone earlier? I’ve never known for sure if the cameras placed all around the farm can record sound, but now I’m thinking they can’t so he’s figured out a way to know what everyone here is saying at any time.

I shake my head. “No. That’s a very unique skill. Did you know someone who was deaf and that’s how you learned?”

Every word out of my mouth signals how afraid I am right now. I know better than to ask Micah questions, but I’d rather take his wrath for stepping out of line than let him think he can’t trust me.

He doesn’t answer at first, and then a maniacal laugh explodes out of him. “No. I was just joking. I can’t read lips. I liked that you thought I could, though. That’s another reason why I like having you around. You never doubt me. That’s a trait I wish every one of my guards had.”

I smile even as I feel like I’m going to throw up from the emotional rollercoaster this meeting has been. “Thank you.”

The words taste like ash on my tongue, but I say them because I know I must. He likes how appreciative I am and stands up from his chair to pat me on the shoulder.

“You really are one of the best, Nash. Don’t change a thing, and you’ll go far here. Now go see what you can learn about our new member while I check on our garden girls. We don’t want them dying out there in the summer heat, now do we?”

I don’t answer since I believe his question to be rhetorical. Bowing, I receive his approval to leave and get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. He doesn’t follow me as I thought he might to make sure the women get enough water and instead walks into the room adjacent to the one I was in, closing the door behind him.