Page 22

22. Fifth Impressions

Jane noticed that dinner was a nice simple meal with all the signs of having been made on short notice by a qualified cook. She made the assessment automatically and without thought, but then she wondered if she was doing her job as the eldest sister. She could recognize, based on the meal and a hundred other indications, that this was an efficient house, but she knew for certain Lydia and Kitty would have no hope of working that out and had no idea about Mary. Was she deficient in her duties to her sisters?

Mrs Bennet had always considered her most beautiful daughter as her best chance at salvation from the hedgerows. Before she became quite so nervous about the entail, she had made a real effort to train Jane. Conversely, her mother had found her second child little more than a trial, starting with the disappointment that she was not the son she was expecting, then continuing with the fact that she was an energetic and curious child, and culminating with her abandonment of the field not long after she came out for reasons nobody knew.

Jane had the sinking realisation that Mrs Bennet had expended all the maternal instruction she possessed on herself, and made no real effort with the three youngest, blithely and unwisely assuming Jane would save them all.

It was a disconcerting realisation. Coupled with the discussion a few days earlier about the fisherman casting the same old bait into the same old stream even though he never caught anything, she had the sinking feeling that she had not done anywhere near what she should. Was she entirely dependent on a Mr Bingley to save her? For that matter, did she even want a man who allowed his sisters to abuse everyone around them?

Those thoughts consumed her for much of the meal, even though she automatically kept reasonable conversation going without any effort. At the end of the meal, that made her feel even worse, because she was certain that, with the possible exception of Elizabeth, who she had never seen tested, Jane was the only sister who could boast such skills.

Since the cat was out of the bag regarding Miss Darcy, and the rest of the ladies were freed from the prohibition of speaking to each other or even acknowledging they knew one another, there was a great deal to speak about. Mrs Black had been running them ragged with something happening from morning to night the entire time, so there was a great deal of pent-up discussion to be enjoyed.

Jane was somewhat astonished to learn that, even without severe chastisement, Kitty’s and Lydia’s manners had improved considerably. Gone was the giggling, whispering, and all the other thing she had found annoying just about since the dawn of time. She wondered if their characters had been changed, or if they were only on their best behaviour and would revert. She suspected the answer to that would depend on how much exposure they had to their mother over the next year or two. She tried to disapprove of herself for making such an uncharitable assessment, but in the end, she did not have it in her. Facts were facts.

Miss Darcy had earlier exhibited fairly wide mood swings, but she had settled down to a level of shyness somewhere between Kitty and Jane, and a level of haughtiness about half of what it probably had been. Jane guessed she was about Kitty’s age and confirmed it with a question. She wondered if any of the younger girls could be friends amongst themselves. It certainly seemed possible between all the Meryton ladies, as there was nothing like being tossed around by ogres together to forge a sense of camaraderie. As for Miss Darcy, perhaps if her brother returned to Netherfield they might meet occasionally, but she doubted very much that their social circles would overlap much in the future.

When the single large course was finished, and the maid produced both Lemmon Posset and Whim-Wham for dessert, even though they were not even expected for dinner for several hours, if at all—she knew that she was in the midst of a well-run house.

They refreshed themselves and appeared in the drawing room a quarter-hour early and just chatted quietly. Jane spent most of the time talking to Mary, and got the impression Mary knew something she was not telling but had no idea what it was.

~~~~~

The ladies all looked up excitedly when Elizabeth entered beside Mr Darcy.

Georgiana excitedly exclaimed, “Brother!” and ran across to give him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Ladies, I apologise for interrupting your course. I hope am not disrupting Mrs Black’s schedule too terribly.”

“I believe it was already in some distress,” Miss Elizabeth said. “Considering that this course tries to teach ladies how to be safe in a hostile world, I hardly think seeing her guardian a few days early will cripple Miss Darcy.”

The ladies all sat down again with Jane moving aside to allow Darcy to sit beside his sister.

Darcy asked, “Speaking of Mrs Black, I am anxious to properly meet her.”

“I am dying to find out who she smote on the dance floor. I assume he deserved it,” Lydia said excitedly.

Darcy looked nervous, and Elizabeth said, “He is a scoundrel of the worst sort and a deserter from the Navy. That is all any of you need to know.”

Jane asked, “That still begs the question of where Mrs Black is.”

Mary laughed a bit, which just made the rest of the ladies eye her suspiciously.

“You find the situation amusing, Miss Red,” Elizabeth said with her own quiet chuckle.

“Hilarious.”

“Do not think your keen observation that first day went unnoticed.”

Mary just smiled, but Jane said, “Might you explain to those of us who are less astute than Mary?”

Elizabeth chuckled again, then fast as lightning, Mrs Black jumped up from her chair, stood tall, and scolded Mr Darcy in a voice reminiscent of a more attractive Lady Catherine. “Mr Darcy, you should not sit there among so many single ladies. Better you sit over here.”

The abrupt change in her countenance, demeanour, voice, and even accent astonished the ladies. Everyone except Mary just sat stunned for a moment, while Darcy found himself halfway across the room by reflex before he even registered what happened, then he stopped cold and stared.

The tableau was broken a moment later when Darcy boomed out in laughter, joined immediately by Mary, and gradually the rest.

Once everyone was laughing because they found the whole situation funny, ridiculous, confusing, or all three—Darcy bowed and smiled. “It is the greatest pleasure to greet you again Mrs Duff.”

“Who is Mrs Duff?” Lydia asked, having finally recovered the power of speech.

Darcy looked over at the young girl, rather startled that her entire demeanour and voice had changed since he last saw her, but then he supposed he ought not be surprised that a course he was willing to pay a thousand pounds for actually worked.

He looked to Elizabeth, who just shrugged and nodded, so he answered.

“As you can imagine, I am not accustomed to being dragged into a dance like a trout on a line, though I did find the exercise most helpful in the end. When Mrs Duff introduced herself, it took me a minute to work it out.”

Mary said, “Very clever.”

“What is clever?” Jasmine Weatherby asked.

“Anglicised Gaelic, I think?” Mary asked questioningly. When she got a nod from Elizabeth, she said, “ Dubh means Black.”

They all laughed, but it was up to Jane to ask the burning question. “How in the world do you pull it off, Lizzy? And I suppose the more interesting question is— why? ”

“Ah, well, those are two entirely different questions. I am not certain I wish to answer the latter, so suppose I attend the former?”

She looked around to find everyone staring in anticipation, so she finally began. “Mary worked it out the very first day. Care to tell the group how you did it?”

Mary thought hard for a minute. “I do not think I am any cleverer than the rest of you. In the end, I suspect it was happenstance. I happened to look at Mrs Black from a particular angle as she did something that reminded me of Lizzy at a young age and the scales fell from my eyes. Once I saw through the disguise it was easier, but still harder to think of Mrs Black as Elizabeth than you might think.”

Elizabeth nodded. “That is expected. I can tell you the answer to the how has already been taught in your lessons, starting with the second day observing the soldiers, continuing with the gossip at the modiste, and even Miss Green’s difficulties with the chalk boxes. Who wants to speculate?”

She looked around. It seemed nobody wanted to go first, but she just waited them out as if she had all night (which she actually did).

Finally, Jane ventured, “We see what we want to see… or… what we expect to see.”

“ Correct! The disguise has been the work of years, so the initial bit of confusion took some effort. I warned you about how dangerous first impressions are. At a ball you meet one man with happy manners who dances every dance, and another who sullenly stalks the edges all night. What do you know about their character?”

Jane frowned grimly. “Very little, if anything.”

“Correct, but my experience says about eight in ten would consider the first man the superior based on first impressions alone. In subsequent meetings, he would get the benefit of the doubt, while the sullen man is guilty until proven innocent. The first man is Captain Blondish from our second day.”

“That makes sense,” Jane said while Mary nodded.

“I can walk anywhere I want wearing a servant’s dress, but none of you could safely, because I took the time to master how servants walk, talk, and act. People will see the dress and continue to see what they expect. If you did so, most would not notice, but some would think there was something just a bit off, and they would be those you least want to pierce the disguise. I work hard to make their first impression so strong they never question it again.”

“Is that why you can speak in servant’s cant with an accent one could cut with a knife?” Kitty asked.

“Yes… that took some practice and instruction… the less said about that the better. What else did I do, Mary?”

“You wore thick soled boots to make yourself taller than me that first day, but they were gone by Brutality Day,” Lydia added.

“Brutality Day?” Darcy asked in some concern.

“Not your business, Brother,” Georgiana replied quickly, which left everyone chuckling.

Elizabeth said, “There are some things you are better off not knowing, Mr Darcy.”

“I shall take your word for it.”

“Always good advice. Pray continue, Mary.”

“I suspect the boots serve two purposes. They made you taller and your gate more—”

Elizabeth laughed. “You can say it: mannish … deliberately so.”

“I think the rest was just actor’s or conjurer’s tricks to mislead the eye. You put something in your hair and skin to darken it, then added rouge to highlight the colour, the same for your eyebrows, and if I am not mistaken, you used kohl or something on your eyes to make them more striking. Of course, those giant red earrings were the coup de grace . One could hardly look away.”

Everyone laughed.

Alicia added, “With the accent, walk, and severe manners, the illusion was complete.”

“Yes. But also keep in mind that I stayed away from those who knew me best until I had your minds thoroughly engaged in the instruction.”

“It is astonishing!” Jane said.

“Not really,” Elizabeth replied pensively. “It is just practice, and I have done far worse.”

They all gulped at that, but she did not elaborate.

“Is this your course, Lizzy?” Kitty asked timidly.

“It is. Do you remember me telling Mrs Bennet that she would not starve in the Hedgerows when her husband died?”

Everyone noticed the complete lack of ‘Mama’ or ‘Papa’ in her speech, and several of them wondered how long it had been absent when they were not directly in front of her.

“I do,” Lydia replied calmly and demurely. “You also said her not starving depended on us completing this course.”

“That is correct, but I confess I may have stretched the truth just a tiny bit.”

“How so?”

She stared her down, and finally said, “I was desperate to save you two from your upbringing. Many would condemn your behaviour at the ball and before that with the officers… correct Mr Darcy?”

He gulped but answered honestly. “Their path was not auspicious, and I admit that my thinking was as you suggest.”

Elizabeth turned to her sisters. “I am going to save you part of the harangue you were due the last day by explaining it right now. Your behaviour is the combination of your selfishness and your upbringing . You do not deserve all the blame, but you were both headed toward disaster, and you will never make anything of yourselves unless you shoulder your part of the responsibility. Whatever your parents did or did not teach, you had Jane, Mary, and Charlotte for examples.”

The two looked chagrined but thoughtful, so Elizabeth let them stew in it for a while.

“Out of curiosity,” Mary asked, “what would you have done if we had not agreed.”

Elizabeth looked back and forth among the whole group. “What is said in this room stays in this room!” She stared down each participant, including Mr Darcy, until she had universal agreement. “I reach my majority soon, so I will never return to Longbourn or be Elizabeth Bennet again. Except for the few months when Jane visited, I have been Miss Gardiner of Gracechurch Street for nearly five years.”

The Bennet ladies looked stunned by the revelation, but Mary eventually added, “Or Mrs Black?”

Releasing a chuckle, Elizabeth answered, “Yes. You asked how I manage the subterfuge. I set my own course years ago, but I have put up fences around myself and my aliases to protect the rest of you. I have been Mrs Black so long I can put her on with less effort than most of you spent preparing for the Netherfield ball.”

They all gasped, so she continued. “As Mr Darcy learnt, I was Mrs Duff, but I have also been Mrs Blanche, Miss Celeste, Miss Rosso, Mrs Braun… you get the idea.”

“Why so many?”

Elizabeth thought a minute. “Each name is a suit of armour… an identity with looks and behaviours that go with it. Why do you think I can so casually instruct you on what the men around you are thinking? I have studied this extensively… for years. I recognize their lies and techniques because they are babes in the woods compared to me.”

“What are those other women, if I might ask?” Amber inquired.

“What they need to be. Maid, governess, companion, milkmaid, lady, countess… I have been each at one time or another.”

They all stared in stunned silence.

Kitty asked, “You said Mama would not starve, and Papa asked if you had that much power over Uncle Gardiner. I doubt he was within a league of the truth.”

Elizabeth turned her attention to her sister. “That is a clever observation, Kitty. I hope you keep it up.”

“I will try, but if I return to Longbourn it will be hard.”

“Most worthwhile things in life are. Do you think inventing Mrs Black from whole cloth was easy? Do you think it is fun to disguise myself as a servant or companion to protect an heiress?”

Apparently not to be intimidated, Kitty ventured, “Are those things so hard you cannot answer a simple question,” which left Elizabeth laughing.

“Our uncle has no respect for our parents… none at all. If your father died, he would send his men to set up a house and move the family, but he would not lift a finger beyond what they could afford with the interest from Mrs Bennet’s portion. That is, as I said, enough to live slightly worse than Mrs Phillips, but hardly starving in the hedgerows.”

“So… if Uncle Gardiner will not lift a shilling?”

Elizabeth sighed. “Now you know the secret. This course… this school… this curriculum… this house—they are mine. The obscene amount of money I charged Mr Darcy to beat some sense into Miss Darcy is mine. My business and the Cheapside Runners are mutually supportive. I help his business, and he feeds me clients, but the school is all me.”

Everyone stared at her in confused wonder, and Lydia finally asked, “Are you telling us you are wealthy, Lizzy?”

“That is a vulgar question, Lydia. I shall just say that whether our mother lives well or poorly after our father’s demise depends entirely on my mood at the time.”

“What about us?”

“What about you? I have been begging our father to let you come to this course for years. The three of you are not old enough to marry, and you will have to stand up to your mother when you return. You will probably be married before your father dies, but assuming your behaviour is as I expect, you will always be welcome in my home, as are you all,” she said, including Maria and the Weatherbys. “After all, as I told you this morning, I am not an ogre! ”

Mary laughed. “You do not need to be, since you keep two on staff.”

Darcy looked pensive at that, but let it go.

They had been talking for some time, so Elizabeth suggested they call for some tea and take a break.