Page 31 of The Book of Heartbreak

I’m about to head out when I catch a glimpse of a pile of photographs on his desk.

The house is so starved of memories, I’m instantly drawn to the image on top: Muzaffer and his daughters.

I pluck it up with trembling fingers. Has he been looking at these?

My gaze finds Daphne, yet to become my mother, probably around the age I am now.

She grins, carefree. A happiness I’ve never seen on her face before.

She looks loved, and normal. Mum . My heart sizzles at her smile.

Beside her stands another girl.

I forget to breathe when my eyes land on her face.

‘Iris,’ I gasp.

Suddenly, the shock in Muzaffer’s eyes when we met makes sense. The way his tongue slips when he’s drunk. The way Mum called me ‘Iris’. Azmi’s reaction on the day I arrived.

The older girl is the only person in the photograph who doesn’t look happy. And I know she’s not, because I’ve seen her frown many times in the mirror.

Iris Gümüshus is my doppelganger.

A few minutes later, Azmi has already carted Muzaffer away from the mess he left behind, and now he’s trying to clean up the broken glass with a dustpan.

But I’m still anchored by the desk, unable to rip my eyes off Iris, who looks just like me. Iris, who looks like Theodora.

‘Why is he so upset?’ I hover above Azmi, clutching the photo in my hand. ‘What happened to Iris?’

‘E–excuse me?’ Azmi lifts his head.

‘Iris,’ I repeat. ‘She died, right? Didn’t you say you’ve worked for Muzaffer since you were sixteen? Surely you were here when it happened.’

‘I don’t know why you’re—’

‘He told me Iris died in an earthquake.’ I cut him off. ‘Is that true?’

‘It was an accident.’ His Adam’s apple bobs with clear discomfort. ‘Iris had an earthquake phobia. I think she was scared the old tower would collapse, and tried to make a hasty escape, and that’s why she fell.’

‘Fell?’ I echo. ‘From a tower ? What tower?’ Dread walks on my back like a spider. Even before Azmi speaks again, I feel the answer in my bones.

‘The Maiden’s Tower,’ Azmi says. ‘It used to be a restaurant back then.’

Iris died at the Maiden’s Tower. Why does everything link to that bloody tower? There’s no breeze in the room, but I feel a wind whipping around me as if I’m standing in the midst of a storm.

‘What year was it?’ I demand. ‘When did she die?’

‘2007.’ Azmi says curtly. ‘April.’

A chill creeps in my bones. Iris died just before I was born, December of that same year.

She died in the tower, of all places. Just like the maiden.

I’m reeling – a bird trapped in a cage, wings thrashing against the metal bars.

‘If you can let me clean up now,’ Azmi warns, but I’m no longer listening.

Iris , Daphne whispers in the fog of my mind. Why do you hate me so much?

My heart races. Tears sting behind my eyes.

Mum. Did you see Iris every time you looked at my face?

I grew up to resemble the sister who hated her.

I am nothing but a shadow. A haunting. A reincarnation.

I storm out, desperate for a distraction to stop myself from crying, an escape from the assault of my discovery.

Another shock awaits me as I navigate back to my room. A flicker of movement catches my eye as I step inside and I brace myself, expecting another earthquake to rattle Istanbul’s bones. My heart nearly stops when I realise the movement is actually a figure standing in the shadows.

Leon.

‘Silverbirch.’ He strides across the expansive room.

I slam the door shut behind me. ‘How did you get in here?’

‘I climbed in from the balcony,’ he explains, closing the distance between us in an instant. ‘I had to make sure you were okay after the earthquake. Are you alright?’ His embrace is tight.

I’m not used to being cared for by people other than Munu, and the fact that Leon was worried enough about me to climb up to my room fills me with an odd warmth. I want to return his hug, to wrap my arms around his sturdy frame, but I can’t seem to move.

‘I-I’m fine,’ I manage, my words stuttering as I reluctantly extricate myself from his arms.

But I’m not okay. Not when Munu has deceived me, not when I bear a striking resemblance to my late aunt, Iris, who perished at the tower.

Not when I’ve figured out Mum hated looking at me because I have the face of her estranged sister.

Leon tucks a stubborn curl behind his ears and keeps his eyes on me. I wonder how many other girls have found him in their room.

‘Do you always climb into people’s rooms?’ I ask, mostly to pull my thoughts elsewhere. Leon never fails to distract my heart from the suffocating woes that seem to follow me everywhere.

‘I tend to use the front door.’ There’s a flicker of amusement on his face, but it doesn’t affect me the way it usually does. ‘You’re not used to earthquakes. I had to check if you were okay.’

‘I told you, I’m fine.’ Leon has no idea how familiar earthquakes are for me. As the last thing I experience before every death, this one was a mere hiccup; there are far more terrifying things lurking in this house.

‘You look pale.’ Leon’s voice falters as he glances at my face, then to the frame in my hand. It’s only then I realise I’m still clinging on to it. ‘Who is she?’

‘My mother’s sister,’ I mutter after a brief hesitation. ‘Iris.’

‘Bloody hell,’ he says. ‘She looks just like—’

‘Me.’ I turn away. And Theodora.

‘Where is she?’ Leon’s gaze hardens.

‘She died.’ My voice is a whimper.

Leon’s jaw clenches. ‘Why haven’t you told me this before?’

‘Because I just found out what she looks like,’ I snap. With a sudden exhaustion, I drag my feet over to the bed and sink down onto it.

‘Do you still think your likeness to Theodora is a coincidence?’ Leon follows suit.

‘I don’t know what to believe any more.’ My heart, my worst enemy, stirs in my chest. ‘Perhaps you’re right, and I was once Theodora – and . . .’

‘Iris too?’ Leon crouches before me, like he did in the basement office of the tower. But this time, his proximity doesn’t alarm me. There’s something in his touch that heals and diverts me from the fluttering. I don’t shy away from his gaze as he studies my face.

‘I-I don’t know.’ All I do know is that something dark and sinister lies in my family history, and it ties me to the Maiden’s Tower.

There’s no peace in the past, Muzaffer had said at the dinner table, and perhaps he is right. Look how the discovery of a single photograph shook me to the core.

I’m so absorbed in my self-pity that I don’t even realise Leon has been speaking.

‘I said, what will you sacrifice?’ Leon leans over to me to be heard, so close that I can smell his woody scent. ‘What will happen when you’re eighteen?’

I shake my head. ‘Now isn’t the time to discuss it.’ As if there’s ever a right time.

‘You’re sacrificing yourself, to break the curse, and that’s why you’re so secretive about it.’ His words are heavy, as if he’s chewing on barbed wire.

At that moment, I understand why he’s been pressing for answers. He thinks I’ll sacrifice my life when I’m eighteen. ‘N-no,’ I stammer. ‘Don’t be daft. I won’t sacrifice myself.’

It’s only my emotions that will die. Not me.

Leon scrutinises me with evident disbelief, likely because I must look like a wreck with the whirlwind of emotions swirling within me.

‘Munu was here earlier,’ I tell him, eager to steer away from the subject.

‘She knows Theodora. She gave it away. But it’s hopeless, she won’t speak of it, won’t tell me anything.

’ I reach out and seek his hand. My skin is cool against his warmth.

‘Can you really make her talk? Would you still . . . bend her for me?’

He nods. ‘I will, if you want.’

There’s nothing else I want now more than the truth. And Munu owes me that.

‘But even if she tells me—’ I don’t have the courage to hope, not after all the disappointment and heartbreak I’ve suffered. ‘It still doesn’t mean that I can break the curse.’

‘You will break the curse.’ Leon’s eyes are bright now with determination. ‘The book chose you for a reason. Understanding the curse, with its origin and triggers, will present the solution.’

Outside the room, heavy footsteps echo on the staircase.

‘You need to leave.’ I stand from the bed and urge him towards the balcony. ‘No one’s in a good mood tonight, and if they catch you here—’

But Leon doesn’t seem to mind.

‘Come to the tower with me,’ he says. ‘I’d say tonight, but some professor is doing a field study. We can go tomorrow night.’

‘I’m not sure.’ I can’t find the strength to go there when I just found out that Iris died there.

‘Silverbirch,’ Leon says, ‘visiting at night is vital. If you really are reborn, if you really were trapped there in another life, you’ll remember something. The dark hides the seen, but it unveils the hidden. And then you can summon Munu and I can bend her.’

‘This “bending” won’t hurt her, right?’ It’s not easy to explain to Leon that the bond between Munu and me runs deep as blood, strong as any familial tie.

‘I promise,’ Leon says. ‘I won’t do her any harm.’

In the dim light, he looks like a prince from an ancient tale. Suddenly, I wish he wouldn’t leave. But this is a business partnership , I have to remind myself. He’s only helping me because of the curse. I can’t let any feelings in.

Beyond the window, a baby’s shrill cry echoes between the buildings.

‘I’ll wait for you tomorrow.’ He rises to his feet, letting go of my hand. ‘Downstairs, at midnight.’

I nod, uncertain whether or not I’m actually agreeing to his request.

‘Goodnight, Silverbirch,’ Leon says, then slips away into the shadows outside, leaving me alone with nothing but my mother’s old family photograph for company.