Page 3 of That Same Old Love

Mahi tried to relax. But she couldn’t. Even though she had moved back to India for herself and no longer had feelings for Sidhu apart from fondness, she still couldn’t get the fact that Sidhu was married to Ananya.

Not even in her wildest dreams, did she ever imagine that happening. And she had mixed feelings about how she felt.

On one hand she wanted Sidhu to be ecstatically happy in his life, but on the other hand, her very human heart felt a slight betrayal that it was Ananya he had chosen to spend his life with.

Tall, shy and awkward Ananya with her perfect family now had a perfect husband to add to the mix. A husband who would never raise a hand at her in anger, or humiliate her by calling her worthless in front of anyone. A husband who would never leave the side of his heartbroken wife.

“One role… you had one effing role as a woman and you can’t even do that right. You are a pathetic worthless piece of shit.”

That had been Dinesh’s reaction after Mahi had told him about her third miscarriage.

If not perfect parents or a husband, she wished she could bond with her only sibling.

During her childhood, she had adored her brother until she was ten.

They just had a four year age gap, but somehow could never connect.

She had blindly worshipped him, even when he got irritated with her following him around, begging him to include her in his play.

Their parents had never treated them equally; she had always felt like a second-class citizen right from a young age.

Most of the time she felt as though she was simply there as a prop to fulfill the requirement of having two children, making up a typical Indian family of four.

Her grades didn’t matter. Whether she came first or last, she was met with the same disinterest from her father or heavy criticism from her mother.

Sometimes, she purposely got into trouble at school and at college to get a reaction from both of them, which her overly dramatic mother did, but never her father.

She had craved their attention and approval for several years, until her resentment festered and bubbled over, creating a monster during her teens and in her early twenties.

Most people remembered their youth fondly, but she cringed at most of her memories.

She sat up slowly on the bed and wondered for the hundredth time whether the decision to start over in India was the right one. Her parents and brother thought she was a fool for wanting to return to India. Not that they were supportive in any of the major decisions she wanted to take in her life.

She recalled her mother’s words from nearly five years ago when she told them she was divorcing Dinesh who had been abusive to her right from the beginning of their marriage.

“ You are a fool to leave your husband at your age when you no longer look desirable. You have put on weight and I’m sure your body is messed up like your face. I am telling you that you are making a huge mistake. Beg your husband to take you back and tell him you have changed your mind .”

And when Mahi had firmly said, “ No ,” her mother tried to lay down the ultimatum. “ Fine. Leave your husband and live like a middle-aged social pariah. It is your life. But don’t come crying to me or your brother after you realize how you will be treated in the society. ”

But it was her father’s words after she told him about the move to India that hurt the most.

“Mahi, I am no longer surprised by anything you do or the commotion you cause. I stopped being surprised a long time ago. You can never disappoint me…because I never expect anything of you.”

His indifference was much more devastating than simply being critical like her mother. Now she was no longer resentful about her parents all the time, since she had made peace with the fact that they didn’t care or would never care.

Shaking her head, Mahi reminded herself again not to mope over the past. A fresh new beginning was what she wanted and she would seize it even if it killed her.

The doorbell rang and she checked her watch to see that it was already one in the afternoon. Even though she had barely relaxed from the past thirty six hours, she felt happy and looked forward to rest of the day.

When she opened the door, a handsome man was standing in front of her, making a strong emotion rise within her.

“Oh my God, Rajeev! Look at you. All grown up and so handsome and so accomplished!” She hugged him on the doorstep and then pulled him inside.

Rajeev was smiling, and he had the same sweet smile as he did since the last time she saw him, when he was eight years old. “Mahi akka , you look great too. You haven’t changed much over the years. You look even better now.”

“Oh please. You still have the same charming flattery I see. It got me to buy you sweets and toys even though your mother warned me not to,” Mahi reminded him affectionately.

Rajeev laughed, probably remembering how he was able to manipulate her when he was young, and she had always indulged him, even though she knew he was putting on a show.

“How is Kamala aunty doing? And when can I see her? I spoke to her a few days ago before I started,” she enquired worriedly.

“She’s doing fine. Thank god for that. Although, it’s not completely over yet. She still has to go through a few more surgeries before she can fight back the cancer completely. I’m really thankful for your help during these difficult times. I-I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.”

“Don’t be silly Rajeev. You are family, and the only part of the family I genuinely and dearly love. You’ve no idea how Kamala aunty took care of me, even when I drove her nuts. What I did in return doesn’t even cover a portion of that debt.”

Rajeev’s mother was Mahi’s aunt. Her father’s widowed sister who had come to live with them when her husband had died in an accident on his farm. Her aunt had been pregnant at that time and her brother was the only family she had who could take care of her.

Not that her aunt was exactly taken care of the way anyone would imagine.

Mahi’s mother treated her like a glorified servant and cook who would earn her keep to remain in the household.

Even Mahi had treated her aunt indifferently during the first few months and never defended her during one of her mother’s rages or criticism.

But after Rajeev was born, Mahi fell in love with him the moment she saw him when he was just a day old.

Even though she had no idea how sibling love felt like, she felt fiercely protective about him.

She had taught him his first words, some of them naughty, receiving a lot of flak from her parents and her aunt.

She even played with him and spent time teaching him to read and write when he didn’t go to a play school.

He had been the oldest in his U.K.G class when he joined their neighborhood school at the age of seven.

But he was the brightest kid and smart as a whip.

The fact that he got an admission into an IIT to do his Computer engineering made her as proud as his mother.

“But you already put money towards my schooling and college education, even though you didn’t have to,” said Rajeev guiltily.

“What did I tell you before? Don’t bother about the expenses, and your mother barely used my money. Just worry about getting a good job soon.”

“I know I will get a good job as soon as I’m done with my finals. And I promise to repay you for everything,” he told her determined.

“Rajeev, stop. Don’t. It’s not like I worked too hard for that money or am broke. It was the money I inherited from my grandmother. It was sitting in my account for a long time, and what best way to use it than on someone’s education or helping someone you love.”

Her grandparents on her father’s side had passed away when she was way too young, so she never knew them or remembered them. Her mother’s mother had been a force to reckon with. Her grandmother had been widowed after five years of marriage and had to single handedly raise her two children.

Her grandmother had been very progressive for her generation and had managed to make a fledgling business that her husband left behind into something big in the next few years.

Her grandmother’s son and daughter had a very stormy relationship with their mother. She never gave them any money and expected them to work their way up or in case of Mahi’s mother, save the money her husband earned.

Her grandmother even had a very rigid will written that divided her money equally amongst her two granddaughters that would be released to them when they turned twenty-one. Even after that, the money could not be transferred in large amounts into anyone else’s account.

Mahi’s mother had been resentful and called her mother a miser and a vengeful person.

Mahi had met her grandmother only a handful of times as she never went to the village often, where her grandmother ran a fishing business.

But the few times her grandmother visited her, she remembered most of their interactions.

Mahi’s grandmother’s last words to her before she passed away were eerily significant.

“I might have done a bad job raising both my children, but it was the best I could do at that time.

There were a lot of debts on my head, left by a gambling as well as an alcoholic husband.

My priority was to first keep the roof over our heads and food in our bellies…

Maybe I should have spent more time with my children.

Well… your mother is a housewife, but is no ideal mother either.

I am not proud of what you have become now, Mahi, and I can see a disaster written in your future. But people learn from their mistakes, and you are still young. I hope someday you will rise above your mistakes and make me proud.

I remember being just like you when I was your age—self-absorbed and destructive.

And then life happened to open up my eyes soon.

Just remember to never be scared, and to be a strong woman who can stand on her own feet.

Always, and I mean always, remember that you can rely only on yourself and no one else.

Whatever money I have left you, use it wisely, either on selfless causes or on your betterment. ”

Mahi had been nineteen at that time. She was annoyed with her grandmother’s assessment and dire predictions. She was so sure that the world around her was simply waiting to be conquered by her. But it didn’t happen that way.

One thing that had kept her sane and made her feel like a human again, was the fact that she could use the money in her account to spend on Rajeev’s education.

Her aunt had insisted that she didn’t need help.

But Mahi still offered and bought some gifts or new uniforms and then later covered portion of his higher education fees without having the need to take out any student loans.

“Ma had been so thankful to you. Even though she worked her fingers to bone, stitching and tailoring, we couldn’t have afforded the good education I had without your added help,” said Rajeev.

“I was more than happy to help. Okay, now enough sappy chit chat. Let’s go visit Kamala aunty. What are the visiting hours?” she asked.

“Until seven in the night. But ma doesn’t like anyone staying for more than thirty minutes long. She feels like she’s imposing herself on people’s lives and doesn’t want to feel like a burden.”

“Yeah. That sounds like something Kamala aunty would say,” said Mahi fondly. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.”

After changing into a light-colored thin cotton dress, Mahi grabbed her ID cards and other things that she would need for later. “Okay, let’s go.”

When she sat in Rajeev’s car, she noticed that Ananya’s red car was no longer parked outside.