Page 13 of That Same Old Love

Smitha held one of Mahi’s hands. “It’s not your fault Mahi.

Education helps to an extent, but not completely.

My first husband was a doctor who was trained in these matters.

That didn’t stop him from abusing me or his own son.

He often used to label it as work stress.

Violence or control is apparently used as a compensation for the partner’s insecurity or weaker position in a relationship.

It is the attempt made by the abuser to balance the power in a relationship.

It doesn’t matter how strong or weak you are either.

Believe me, doctors, lawyers and maybe even the queens are not immune from domestic abuse. “

Smitha told Mahi about her first marriage that was also abusive and ended in a divorce.

“Dinesh was mostly verbally abusive, which he thought was okay, since he didn’t actually hit me each time. Sometimes… even I thought it was okay and felt grateful.”

“And whenever he did hit me, it was always on top of my head where it wouldn’t show or just shake me violently.

It didn’t physically hurt, but I felt humiliated.

I-I threatened to leave him several times and even left him a few times.

But each time he would beg, cajole, apologize and then make elaborate gestures with surprise birthday parties, expensive dinners, expensive trips, diamond jewelry…

All of that made me sick to the stomach, but I still went back upon my parents and his insistence and stuck around thinking it would change. Or that a baby would change it.”

Mahi felt humiliated even now as she recalled those times.

“It wasn’t just confined to home. He used to call me at work to shout at me for something I did at home.

I couldn’t deal with it there, as I didn’t want my work suffering.

Work was where I could be myself and be normal.

It was my only sanctuary. I didn’t tell anyone at workplace because they would think I was weak and had a problem that might affect my performance. ”

She stared at her hands that were fidgeting a little.

“During the eight year of my marriage, I had my third miscarriage, and I was at a very bad place. Dinesh had made me quit my job and we weren’t intimate anymore, because he said I killed his mood, just by showing my sad face.”

“I was devastated. Not because I missed being intimate, but because I knew that he didn’t even respect me as a human, let alone love me…

After one of his rages and outbursts, I had the courage to walk out and file for a divorce.

Dinesh refused to give me one, and made my parents try and brainwash me into going back to him again, but I refused.

I was adamant and moved out of the house to an apartment.

That’s when I became close to Rahul, who lived in the same apartments. ”

“He was a resident doctor at the same hospital as my sister-in-law who was also my doctor. He knew about my separation and miscarriages and we had met a few times before at some common parties as well. I knew he was attracted to me right from the beginning. He was so good looking, sweet and charming and he… he reminded me so much of Sidhu. For a change it felt nice to be treated with respect, kindness and… like an attractive woman.”

“I gave in to the temptation a few times and felt bad later. Not because I was cheating on Dinesh, since even though we were separated, we were still legally married. But because of the fact that I was messing with Rahul who was really a nice and decent person. I initially thought that Rahul was just looking for a physical relationship, but after a few weeks he declared his love, shocking me. I didn’t return his love at all and had a sick fantasy that I could go back in time to rectify my past mistake of giving up Sidhu.

And that… it was Sidhu whom I was making love with.

“Even though we had used condoms all the times, I ended up pregnant. Dinesh tried to bully me to reconcile with him even after I told him about my relationship with another man and my pregnancy. But when I threatened to let everyone in Dinesh’s family and friends know about my baby’s paternity, he finally relented and divorced me. ”

The next part was difficult for her to get out and she felt too choked. She had to pause for a few seconds before she continued.

“My baby son Aryan was born pre-mature. He had a lot of complications that required frequent emergency visits to the hospital because of which I couldn’t get back to work.

Rahul begged me to marry him several times, declaring his love for me and our son, but I just couldn’t let him be stuck in a loveless marriage. ”

“ Three years later, he fell in love with and eventually married a very nice understanding woman who was a doctor like him. She actually treated Aryan several times during his emergency visits. Around eight months ago… my son passed away, right after he turned four. I just went into pieces and considered ending my life by overdosing.”

“But Rahul found me and I ended up staying with my brother’s family upon my sister-in-law’s insistence.

I went through grief counseling and therapy sessions and even joined groups to help me, but they didn’t dull my pain at all.

And then a few months later Rajeev called me, asking me for help with Kamala aunty’s cancer treatment.

I spoke to her, and she asked me to fight, and to not give up on life.

I saw that as a sign and packed up everything I had and flew back to India. ”

Mahi sat calmly, reflecting those dark times when she thought all hope was lost.

Everyone had tears in their eyes and they hugged her.

She shook her head and wiped away her tears. “Hey enough with the mushy and weepy talk. I put a total damper in the mood. So what else is up bitches?” she asked smiling, using the slang they had often used to greet each other in the gang.

They all burst out giggling like school girls through the tears.

Soon, they had lunch delivered from outside and caught up on what each of their classmates were doing. Soon it was almost evening time and Mahi suggested that they go to the upstairs balcony for some fresh air.

Mahi filled up some plates with snacks, and Jhanvi opened a wine bottle and served it into some steel glasses since Mahi didn’t have any wine glasses yet.

“To our everlasting friendship. Now make eye contact,” Jhanvi toasted.

They clinked their glasses together and sipped as they saw someone on the opposite balcony. It was Samrat and he was talking on his cell phone in a sleeveless workout shirt and shorts.

Mahi couldn’t take her eyes off him.

“Red hot dude and eye candy alert,” Ashwini announced dramatically.

“Wait. Isn’t that Tarzan? Oh my god. Why is he still living in his old house when he’s a billionaire?” asked Jhanvi.

Mahi was still staring at him. “I asked him the same thing on the first day and he almost bit my head off saying it was none of my business,” she said absently.

Samrat looked towards Mahi’s house and saw the group of women watching him keenly. He scanned everyone but stopped and stared at Mahi for several grim seconds before he turned away to get back inside his house.

Everyone was extremely quiet for a few seconds.

“Holy fudge! That was really hot and he totally checked you out Mahi,” said Jhanvi.

“What? No. That’s a glower. He probably wants me dead and gone from here,” said Mahi.

“Oh puhleez,” said Ashwini. “One of the times my hubby glowered at me like that, I gave birth to our second daughter nine months later.”

Everyone giggled at that information.

“Naah. He’s bummed at me. He pretty much thinks I have ulterior motives and am scheming to ruin his family. He thinks I’m a loose woman who is out to seduce all the hapless men,” said Mahi with a frown.

“I don’t think so Mahi. It looked like he wanted to eat you up. And that’s the same look he used to give you in college too and you were oblivious to it. You were with Sidhu at that time,” said Parvathi.

Mahi was stunned. “Oh please. Samrat hated me back then. Remember what I did to his sister and then to him? I was a mean bitch back then,” she said cringing.

“We all were. But we’ve come a long way. All of us have changed,” said Smitha

“Yeah. It started out as simple ragging, but it got out of control. We were ragged by our seniors too, but we went too far with Ananya,” said Parvathi.

“Sidhu married her and they have a ten year old daughter,” Mahi said softly.

Everyone was quiet and they didn’t appear shocked.

“You girls knew that already, didn’t you?” Mahi asked.

All of them nodded silently.

“Sidhu was so heartbroken, Mahi. We even thought he would kill himself. And later, all of a sudden after a couple of months he announced his marriage to Ananya who just completed her third year. Obviously by now you must have done the math and found out why they had to get married,” said Jhanvi softly.

“Sidhu slowly lost in touch with all of us too. Maybe he found it too painful to associate with us because we must have reminded him of you,” said Smitha.

Mahi told them about how she met Sidhu’s and Ananya’s daughter Srishti. Then the incidents during the birthday party.

Jhanvi was outraged. “How dare they speak to you like that!”

“I think they were being protective of Ananya and felt threatened thinking that I was trying to steal back Sidhu. And they are right about me being the most unlikely bride. Samrat and I would definitely make a match made in hell,” said Mahi smiling.

“Don’t support them Mahi! They can crow women empowerment from rooftops and write and watch about powerful modern women every day, but when they actually meet a woman who didn’t lead their idea of perfect life, they begin casting whore accusations or worse.

They need a swift kick in their asses,” said Ashwini.

Mahi smiled. “True. But I still think they wanted to protect Ananya and warn me off Sidhu.”

Mahi’s friends were silent.