Page 2 of That Same Old Love

Mahi walked away from Samrat’s house in a daze. Her mind was blank and she was beyond tired. What she needed was a nice hot bath and a long nap.

She got into her house and dragged her bags along. It wasn’t even seven in the morning, but the heat was slowly setting in. She had forgotten how hot it got in her hometown even during mid-February.

Grabbing a fresh towel and some toiletries from one of her bags, she headed towards the bathroom. She stepped into the shower and let the cool water wash away part of her fatigue.

As she stood there, her mind wandered.

Even though she promised herself not to think about the past, the images of the night when she had accused Samrat of kissing her rushed through her mind.

It was their final year in college and most of them had been drinking or playing cards to celebrate their friendship.

The finals were only a couple of months away and they wanted to let down their hair before scrambling with finals, visas or jobs.

Around twenty people were crammed inside Chandra Kumar’s apartment while his parents were away for the weekend.

Mahi was sitting in her boyfriend Sidhu’s lap and playing poker with six other couples.

She had been recklessly betting and losing money, while Sidhu was smiling and indulging her by pulling out the currency notes from his wallet.

“Mahi, I think we have lost a thousand already. I don’t think I have any more money left in my wallet.”

“Ohh come on Sidhu. Borrow then. We can’t lose… you know I hate losing.” She pouted at him.

Sidhu kissed her softly on her cheek. “Okay, maybe we can join back in the next round. Let’s get you some fresh air, since you are slurring a little. I have to drop you home in couple of hours and I need you to be completely sober by then.”

A delicious tasting mango based cocktail was giving her a light buzz. She was used to having alcoholic drinks, but the fact that she sipped it too fast got the alcohol into her head right away.

Sidhu wasn’t drunk, since he was both a vegetarian and a non-alcoholic. But he had never insisted that she adapt to his lifestyle and she loved him even more because of it.

He held her around her waist and hugged her close as they walked towards a balcony.

Even though they kept their other heavy make-out sessions private, Sidhu had always shown his affection publicly, by kissing her cheek or laying his hands across her shoulders or waist, making her feel loved and cherished.

He was one of the best things that had happened in her life.

Before they could reach the balcony for some fresh air, someone stopped Sidhu for information on the visa documentation.

“That’s okay Sidhu. You go ahead and talk. I’ll be near the balcony,” she said.

When she got there, she realized that someone was already occupying it.

It was Samrat.

He was staring at some distant buildings, lost in his own thoughts when she stood next to him, breathing in some fresh cool air.

He turned to look at her for a couple of seconds, before turning back to stare at the buildings some more.

“I saw that,” she said, slurring slightly.

“What?” he asked, sounding uninterested.

She scoffed. “That judging look you just gave me. You already think I’m pretty bad with lots of character flaws, and now you want to add ‘is a drunkard’ to the list.”

“Your words not mine. And believe me, I don’t spend any of my time thinking about your character flaws, or adding your habits to an imaginary list,” he replied, still looking away from her.

That annoyed her.

She recalled how he had always ignored her at their college and near their houses. He behaved as though she was invisible. And she didn’t take kindly to anyone being indifferent to her or ignoring her.

Huffing, she turned away and tried to ignore him.

“You know… you should thank god that I even acknowledge your existence or even talk to you, you nerd,” she muttered.

“Hmm. I’m going to write a thank you note to god very soon,” he replied nonchalantly.

She turned her head towards him with narrowed eyes, and then felt…

confused. She had always felt that way around him.

Samrat was nowhere as good looking or even as charming as Sidhu.

In fact Samrat looked dangerous with his eyebrow scar, a default scowl and his rugged face.

A sane girl would never find him cuddly or have soft romantic feelings looking at him.

But she felt something, some sort of weird unwanted attraction. Maybe it was the sarcastic way he always spoke to her or the chilling calm when he warned her about teasing his sister in the college. Or maybe it was simply the fact that he didn’t fawn over her like others usually did.

Irritated, she watched his profile, “Why are you even here?” she demanded. “You have never come to any of the parties before.”

He was quiet for a few seconds and she thought he wouldn’t answer, but then he finally did.

“I’m the designated driver for someone.”

She scoffed rudely. “Well… aren’t you the ever helpful nice little boy!

I know you would rather spend a Saturday night stuck in your room, building some nonsense with your cardboard boxes and a broken radio or something.

Everyone in the neighborhood thinks that you look like a fool, trying to fly those things on your terrace using your remote control. ”

Actually everyone in the neighborhood including her was fascinated by those flying things, but the already arrogant Samrat didn’t have to know that.

Samrat turned to look at her. “I didn’t know you were so interested in my work or that you spied on me. Maybe I should keep my curtains closed from now on,” he told her with a slight smirk on his usually serious face.

That damn smirk hurt her pride, and she was more than a little annoyed.

“Ohh puhleez. I should be the one worrying. I’m sure you have tried to look into my room with that shanty telescope you have on your balcony.

Well… I hope you enjoyed the view, because that’s the most excitement you’ll probably get until you are married.

No. Wait. Actually, even then, knowing your type—which is a boring repressed prig by the way—you’ll pick someone wa-a-y-y younger than you, a nice pretty little innocent, and have a five-minute fumbling that will result in a child within the first nine months.

And then, the both of you will continue to live a virtuous life while you invent your nonsense,” she said, making air quotes for invent.

At her rant, he cocked his head in amusement, rather than anger. “That’s quite a speech. For someone who is supposed to be in a loving relationship with her boyfriend, you seem to have thought a lot about my future wife, my sex life and even my child. That’s concerning.”

His nonchalance challenged her and drove her mad. She had always wondered why he couldn’t fall for her, just a little bit.

Maybe it was time to bring out the big guns, and see his facade crack a little. She knew that no one was immune to her charms for too long.

Slowly moving closer, and leaving only a few inches between them, she smiled at him. “Actually… yes. You should be concerned, especially because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. You are all I think of these days,” she said huskily.

He looked amused at her display. “That is very concerning… but not for me, just for Sidhu. I thought both of you are getting married in a few years.”

She shrugged. “Who knows what will happen in a few years.” And then, she changed her smile, making it more sultry and seductive. “But aren’t you curious about the thoughts I have of you… Samrat?”

He watched her quietly for a few seconds. To her satisfaction, she could see the amusement vanishing rapidly from his face.

“What do you want Mahi?” he asked with a deliberate slowness.

His voice caused every fine hair on her neck to rise in awareness. Low, gravelly, it sounded as if he was growling.

“What do I want?” she repeated, forcing out a laugh and feeling out of sorts. “You are pretty direct. But that’s what I like about you.”

Rising to the challenge of wanting to unnerve him in return, she slowly raised her hand, and ran a finger across his thin eyebrow scar, and was about to trail it lower to his square jaw. But he caught her hand and jerked it away from his face.

“Don’t embarrass yourself Mahi. Let it go. Drop your pretense. You can’t get me to be interested in you… now or ever. I would never be interested in someone like you. Get it?”

Shallow, arrogant, bad influence and many more such descriptions that followed behind her over the years rang in her head.

But she focused only on his rejection and her hurt pride. Directly her fury towards him, “You arrogant idiot,” she hissed. “Do you really think you can talk to me like that?”

She tried to slap him with her free hand, but he stopped her, and held both her hands. She struggled furiously, to free her hands, and to claw his face for making her humiliate herself.

Watching her grimly, Samrat waited for her to calm down.

And that’s how Sidhu found them.

“Mahi?”

When Sidhu looked at them questioningly, she struggled again to free herself from Samrat’s hold. That time he let her go.

“Sidhu!” she said and ran to him and hugged him tightly, while also managing to squeeze out some tears.

“Are you alright?” Sidhu asked her gently as he held her.

“No. I’m not,” she said with her voice trembling and accused Samrat of grabbing her and then forcibly kissing her.

Soon her voice rose and she became hysterical. Their other classmates and friends from the party heard her shout, and gathered around them, and she repeated her accusations again in front of everyone.

Samrat was silent all the while and he didn’t defend himself.

Even Sidhu looked torn, since he knew her pretty well.

But she had goaded Sidhu to defend her honor by hitting Samrat. Sidhu had no choice, but to punch him. And Samrat didn’t lift a finger in defense. He simply left the party right away with his friends.

Mahi cringed, recalling Samrat’s expression when she hurled those false accusations in front of everyone. She wanted to go back in time and slap some sense into her twenty one year old self brat. Maybe even sit on top of her to have a long talk with that messed up kid.

“God, what was I thinking, when I accused him with those horrible allegations, and just because he rejected my drunken advances. No wonder he hates me even now,” she muttered as she stepped out of the shower and quickly dried herself.

She decided to skip the moisturizer, since it was already pretty humid and hot, and wore a comfortable long mid-thigh length Minnie Mouse night shirt with loose cotton pajamas.

The past years had changed her a lot, in both appearance and in her mind.

She had never been classically beautiful to begin with, and now she was no longer striking , as some people had described her during her teens and in her twenties. Her five feet five inches body had filled out, making her look like a woman and no longer a young girl.

But she knew that some of that sarcastic, attention seeking teenager still lived inside her, and probably would remain there, until the day she died. The only good thing was that she had changed considerably and could have more control on herself.

She got out of the bathroom, and remembered that there was no food at home except for a couple of granola bars in one of her bags.

She was way too tired to bother with some chores or shopping.

So, she simply lay down on the bed, and stared at the rotating ceiling fan, recalling the main reason she had wanted to move back to India.

Mahi, most of us are hit by tragedies one way or the other, and curse our fates.

But fate is not our enemy. We are. When you lock yourself away from the world and retreat to yourself, you are destroying any chance of happiness you may ever find in your future.

You can never control your life, but you can choose who you want to be, and what you want your life to be like.

After her aunt had said those words, she felt ashamed. Her aunt didn’t have much choice on whether or not she could live. But she did.

At that instant she knew that there was still a lot of fight left inside her, making her want to grab the chance to start over. She didn’t want to be that broken person anymore, drowning in self-pity.

Soon she had purchased her parents’ house—who were more than willing to sell—and flew to her hometown with all her belongings.

Just then, her stomach grumbled loudly, interrupting her thoughts. Feeling hungry all of a sudden, she walked into the living room where her bags were still lying unpacked.

She got out the cell phone and put on the headphones before playing songs from her music list. She sat next to one of the bags and began to rummage through it, looking for the protein bars.

It was getting really hot, making her break into a slight sweat in-spite of her recent shower.

Deciding not to take her top off, she removed her pajamas to cool down.

She sighed loudly in relief as soon as she felt the cool breeze on her legs, and continued to dig through the bags.

By the time she found the protein bars, the floor was littered with her clothes and other belongings.

She was just about to tear one of them open, when she had a weird feeling that someone was behind her, and was watching her.

She quickly turned around and almost had a heart attack seeing someone standing inside the wide open door.