Page 49 of Tell Me Not To Kiss You (Sapphic In Seattle #1)

Chapter Forty-Nine

FALLON

I couldn’t believe the night of my party had finally arrived. It had been a long few months, and I was more than ready for tonight. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends to celebrate my birthday with.

I was hesitant to invite Rylee at first. She was Mackenzie’s best friend, and even though I told her not to choose sides, I wasn’t delusional into thinking she wouldn’t side with Mackenzie.

Although, when I finally left the house and ran into her at Brewed Awakening , she wasn’t acting any different.

When I invited her, I told her I understood if she thought it would be weird or if she didn’t want to go, but I wanted to extend the invitation anyway. She said she wanted to go, but thought it was only fair to run it by Mackenzie, which I respected.

I had to clear my throat to keep the tears away when Rylee brought up her friend. Against my better judgment, I asked how she was. She told me she was doing better, but that she missed me and asked about me often.

The next time I saw Rylee, she said she’d be at the party, and I wondered how that conversation with Mackenzie went. I didn’t invite Harper, though. I thought that would be way too weird, and it sucked.

“Holy shit, you look amazing!” Penelope shouted when I opened the door to see her, Skylar, and Drea all smiling at me, with “Happy Birthday” balloons in their hands.

I laughed. “Thanks, Pen. Come on in, I’m just about ready to go.”

I decided I wanted a color theme for my party. That was the only decision Drea let me make.

We were all decked out in various styles of black and gold. I wore a sparkly gold spaghetti-strap mini dress, while Skylar and Drea were matching—Skylar in a gold button-up shirt and Drea in a black mini dress. Penelope wore a black strapless dress, and we all had matching black-and-gold high-top shoes. I grabbed a jacket, and we headed out the door.

When we got to Pinstripes , there was a line out the door. It had just opened a few weeks ago and seemed to be doing really well.

Pinstripes was a restaurant, but they also had a bar, bowling, and a rooftop patio, which is where Drea informed me we were headed. She’d rented out the whole space for tonight, so it was going to be nice to have a place all to ourselves.

“Holy shit, babe. This is incredible!” I said as we made our way up to the roof. I didn’t have any other words. I was speechless. The space was massive. It could’ve easily fit hundreds of people.

“Do you like it? Sky and Pen helped, of course, but it was all my vision.”

Skylar elbowed her. “Really modest, babe,” she said, smiling.

Several tables were set up with bar stools, and there was a bar on either side of the roof. The tables all had gold or black tablecloths with little centerpieces, each featuring a tiny “25” balloon. A big sign read, “Happy Birthday, Fallon!” and my favorite flowers were everywhere. There was even a proper DJ station set up, along with a black inflatable photo booth that actually fit in the space.

“I can’t believe you guys did all this.” Tears slid down my face, but I couldn’t stop them. It was all too much. They pulled me into a group hug, and I couldn’t help but squeeze tight.

“Happy birthday, babe. You deserve it,” Drea said when we all finally let go.

“Yeah, happy birthday, Fal. We love you! Enjoy your night.”

Thirty minutes later, we were a few drinks in when people started to arrive. Some coworkers I had invited showed up, along with a bunch of people from my party and a few authors we had worked with at the store.

Rylee came over to our table and pulled me into a hug, making me fight back tears. “Fallon, I’m so sorry about everything. I’m glad you still wanted me here. You look amazing.”

I smiled faintly and wiped the tears away. “Thanks, Rylee. Please, have a drink and enjoy yourself.”

“It was nice you invited her,” Penelope said when Rylee left.

I shrugged, clearing my throat. “We were friends before I met…” I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could continue. I hoped that would get easier with time. “It would’ve been rude not to invite her. Besides, I wanted her here.”

“Well, it was still nice that she came. I’m going to get another drink, enjoy your party, babe,” she replied.

When Penelope left, I turned to Drea. “Drea, this party is amazing. I can’t believe you did all of this. I just wish my parents were here to celebrate with us.”

I had spent all day trying not to think about my family. I wanted to enjoy my birthday, but it was hard when all I really wanted was for them to be there with me.

I stayed up most of the night reading Mackenzie’s card over and over. If it had been anyone else—anyone but Rebecca—I wouldn’t have considered giving her the time of day. And honestly, I still wasn’t sure if I would. I wanted a perfect world where we could go back to how things used to be, when we were crazy about each other. But I wasn’t a total idiot.

Drea’s voice pulled me back to the present—to my party and my amazing friends. “I know, love. I’m sorry they’re not here, but you’re going to FaceTime them later, so you’ll still get to see them. I know it’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing, right?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask if you thanked Mackenzie for the flowers?” I wasn’t going to bring it up, but I knew it would eat me up inside if I didn’t.

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, love. And I was nice, I promise. As much as I wanted to rip her apart, I held back. I told her you said thank you for the flowers and the card, and she said you’re welcome. That was it.”

“Oh, cool.” I nodded. I guess I was a little upset there wasn’t more to it than that, even though I shouldn’t have been. As angry as I was, my heart still carried a piece of her, and I didn’t want her to be totally unhappy. It would make things a lot easier if I did. If I wanted her to be miserable and get what she deserved, but I just didn’t have it in me.

“Forget about her tonight, love. Enjoy your party.” She smiled and nudged my arm just as something ran into my leg.

“What the?—”

“Sissy!” My heart stopped.

“Caleb?” I hugged him tight and picked him up. “What are you doing here, buddy? How did you even get here?”

I must have been dreaming. There was no way my little brother was in Seattle. I had just talked to my mom when she said they couldn’t make it.

“We had a little help.” I heard my mom’s cheery voice and turned around.

In front of me stood my mom and Brandon. Brandon was beaming, while my mom had tears in her eyes. “Happy birthday, baby.”

“Mom! I can’t believe you guys are here. How did you even get here? You said you couldn’t make it.” My mom wiped her tears away, and I leaned into her touch.

“Other sissy brought us. She said it would mean worlds for us to be here. Happy birthday.”

I looked at my mom and Brandon, confusion written across my face. “What is he talking about?”

“Mackenzie paid us a visit the night you and I talked on the phone, honey.”

I lost the air from my lungs at the mention of Mackenzie. “She what?”

“She wanted to talk to me in person. She knew we wouldn’t be able to make it, so she paid for our tickets.”

I was speechless. Mackenzie always said she’d do anything for me, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. But I never expected it to still be true after we broke up.

I was still standing there, stunned, when Drea nudged my arm. “Why don’t you go ask her yourself, love?”

“What are you talking about?” I looked at her, confused, and she nodded toward the patio door.

I turned and nearly stumbled back when I locked eyes with the most intoxicating ocean-blue gaze.

“Mackenzie,” I whispered. All of the air from my lungs had vanished, and I wanted to fall over. Mackenzie was here and she was looking… Shit.

She was wearing the same outfit from our first “not a date” at the arcade, and my knees felt just as weak as they had that day.

“Drea… how is she here? Why is she here?” I breathed. I couldn’t look away from her.

I didn’t know what to think or do—I could only stand there, staring. She gave me a slight smile and mouthed, “Happy birthday.”

When Drea didn’t answer, I finally tore my gaze away and turned to her. “Drea, what the hell is going on?”

She grinned and pulled me into a quick hug. “Go catch your Wildcat.”

My heart pounded as I hesitantly started walking toward Mackenzie, hoping she had all the words—because right now, I couldn’t find any.

I stopped a few feet away, trying to pull myself together, which became even harder when she had the nerve to smile at me.

“Hi.” Hearing her voice for the first time in months made my legs want to give out.

I was impressed with myself for standing there as long as I did without falling apart. I couldn’t believe she was right in front of me. My legs were unstable, and I was trying to force the anger to overtake all the other emotions swirling inside me.

None of this was fair. Not her bringing my parents to Seattle, and definitely not her being there—as if nothing had happened between us—and making my lungs feel like they might collapse.

“You paid for their tickets?” was the first thing out of my mouth. I tried to sound angry, but my voice was shaky and it was taking everything I had not to lose it. I didn’t know if I wanted to slap her, kiss her, or cry. Maybe all three.

She winced. “I’m sorry. That was such a Rebecca thing to do, wasn’t it? But I knew how much it meant to you for them to be here, so I wanted to help.”

I stiffened at the name, unable to hide my glare.

“Too soon? Got it. I’m sorry. Anyway, happy birthday, Fallon. You look incredible.”

And like nothing happened, I blushed at her compliment. “Thank you.” I cleared my throat. “You talked to Drea?”

This whole situation was bizarre. We’d broken up months ago, but she was still doing the same things she always did.

The last time she dealt with an angry Drea was after my night out with Cara. Honestly, I was impressed she’d braved that dragon to begin with. But even that couldn’t compare to the fire burning in Drea now. Or so I thought…

She groaned. “Yeah, that one was harder to convince. But thanks to her promise to you not to kill me, I made it happen.”

“Well, thank you. But what are you doing here, Mackenzie?”

I needed to know what the point of all of this was. Having my family here meant everything, but seeing her again? I wasn’t sure how to feel about that yet.

She sighed. “I know I don’t have the right to be here, and I shouldn’t be. I just… I wanted you to have everything you deserve on your birthday. My words probably don’t mean much to you right now, and I get that. I thought maybe my actions would. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me and prove I’d do anything for you. I’d really like a chance to explain. I know what you saw, but it’s not the whole story. I’m not here to ruin your day, and I’m not sticking around. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. And maybe after the party, or whenever you’re ready, we could talk?”

I told myself my makeup was too expensive to ruin with tears. It was the only thing holding me together.

I cleared my throat and looked around. Everyone was having a great time, and when I looked back to Drea and my parents, they all smiled and nodded encouragingly.

“No… you don’t have to go. You went through all this trouble, the least I can do is spare you a few minutes. Let’s talk inside.”

“Thank you, Fallon.” She smiled softly and led me to a more secluded area. I trembled as we walked to a table, hoping she didn’t notice. She pulled out my chair and sat across from me. I appreciated the fact that she was giving me at least that much distance. I was afraid if we were any closer and accidentally touched, I’d lose my composure, and I wouldn’t let that happen, not anymore.

“So, I’ve been wanting to know, who was that man you were with at the coffee shop?”

She sighed. “Oh, well, that was my dad.”

I blinked. “What? You saw your dad?” I asked.

Her coming out story had made me so angry for her. I couldn’t understand why she would even want to see him again.

“Yeah. We’ve been talking, actually. I told him about you. He saw the way I looked at you that day. I hadn’t seen or talked to him in almost ten years, and after just fifteen seconds of looking at you, he knew exactly how I felt. But that doesn’t really matter. Harper still won’t talk to him—not yet, anyway—but I think she’s getting there. I haven’t forgiven him, but we’re working toward… something.”

I sat stunned. “Wow, what made you reach out to him?”

She smiled. “To be honest, it was you, Fallon. Losing you was my biggest regret, and I learned not to let the things I really care about slip away. You taught me to see the beauty in life, and by spending time with you and your family, I realized I had to at least try to fight for mine.”

I cleared my throat, forcing the tears back down. “Well, I’m happy for you. It seems like you’re doing really well, so why are you here? It looks like our breakup helped you grow, so I don’t get it.”

“It has shown me some things, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing well. I’m better than I was a few months ago, but I’m still not complete. The only way I can be complete is if I’m with you.”

I scoffed. “Give it some time, Mackenzie, I’m sure you’ll get there. It’s only been a few months.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t want to get there, not unless you’re going with me. If you honestly don’t want anything to do with me, if the love you had for me is genuinely gone, then I’ll have to learn to accept that someday. But if there is even a little bit of it left, I’ll never stop fighting to show you how much I love you and how sorry I am.”

“Love has nothing to do with it. Whether I love you or not has never been a question. But I won’t be someone’s second choice. I can’t do that to myself anymore.”

“Fallon, you’re not the first or the second choice. You’re the only choice. I know I fucked up. I never should’ve let her in. I should’ve told her I was madly in love with the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. And I never should’ve let her kiss me. I didn’t kiss her back. I need you to know that, but I should’ve never let it happen in the first place.”

I finally couldn’t stop the tears from coming down. I knew I would cry at my party, but I figured it would be from missing my family, not from having this conversation with Mackenzie.

“Kenzie, I saw you kissing her. How do you expect me to believe that you didn’t kiss her back?”

“I don’t expect you to believe anything I say, but I hope you will, because I love you and I’m telling the truth. I’ve been nothing but honest with you from the start. No, I didn’t tell you I was engaged, and I messed up there, too, but I didn’t lie. When she showed up, I was still shocked from seeing her after two years of nothing. I didn’t even have a chance to react before she kissed me. The second it happened, I was about to push her away when you walked in. And I promise you, I had no idea you were the one on the couch. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a coward, I could’ve confronted her back then, and we wouldn’t be in this mess. But honestly, I don’t want that, because if I had, I wouldn’t have been lucky enough to fall in love with you. I made a promise to you and to Caleb that I’d never hurt you, and she forced me to break it. For that, I’m eternally sorry. You are the last person I ever wanted to hurt.”

“And yet, here I am—hurt and angry. I’m so damn angry, Mackenzie! I fell so hard for you. Do you have any idea what it did to me, to come home and walk in on the two of you making out in your kitchen?”

I had pushed away all the doubts and reservations I had about us because I was so tired of fighting what I was feeling. I let her into my life, into my heart, and she poisoned it.

Mackenzie lowered her gaze to the ground. Defeat was written all over her face, and tears formed in her eyes. It was a struggle for me to hold it together. My love for her hadn’t faded since our time apart. The grip she had on me still held firmly in place.

“I trusted you, and I shouldn’t have. I should’ve walked away that night on the roof.” The tears were threatening to come out, but I forced them away. I wouldn’t let her see the vulnerability anymore.

“I’m so glad you didn’t. I fought for us then, and I’m fighting for us now. I will always fight for us. I know I messed up, and I will never forgive myself for allowing her to come in and ruin everything.” Her eyes never left mine, and I had to pinch myself under the table, just to force the eye contact to remain.

“There were two sets of lips that ruined everything. It wasn’t just Rebecca’s.”

“Trust me, I know. I’m not putting all the blame on her, and I’ll never forgive myself for making you feel like I didn’t love you. I swear to you, I didn’t kiss her back. I should’ve been honest about my engagement and that she was still trying to reach out to me. It was dishonest of me to hide that from you. I promise, hurting you was never my intention. You have every right to walk away and never want to see me again, and I’ll respect that. I can only hope you’ll give me the chance to beg on my knees for your forgiveness. You have to know, somewhere deep down, that I am madly in love with you and that will never go away. How could I think about kissing someone who wasn’t you? I don’t even want to exist with anyone who isn’t you, Fallon.”

I rubbed my face in my hands and wiped the tears away. “Fuck you.”

She narrowed her brows. “What?”

I sighed. “Fuck you for coming in here, right when I was starting to pick up the pieces of my life. For knowing my favorite flower and knowing exactly what to say to make me smile, even when I wanted to hate you. For bringing my family here, knowing it was all I would’ve wanted for my birthday. And just… fuck you, Mackenzie, for making it impossible to hate you because I love you too damn much. I really don’t want to believe you, but I can’t help that I do. If I didn’t know Rebecca, I’m not sure I’d believe you so easily, but that doesn’t mean I can just go back to how things were before. I’m going to need time before I can trust you again, but I think I want to get there someday.”

She choked out a tearful laugh. “I’m so sorry, Fallon. I will spend the rest of my life showing you how sorry I am and how much you mean to me.”

I wiped away a stray tear. “I will hold you to that.”

She stood up and grabbed my hand, connecting us for the first time in a long time. “Please tell me you still love me, Sunshine,” she asked, brushing my tears away with her thumb.

I smiled and leaned into her touch. “I never stopped, Wildcat. But you owe me dinner. You made me waste good Thai food!”

She laughed. “Anything for you,” she said, her voice low, her eyes filled with promise.

Before I could say anything else, she pulled me closer, and I let her kiss me, every ounce of frustration and hurt from the past melting away. This wasn’t just a kiss—it was everything I’d been holding back. It was a promise, a second chance, and a reminder that love, messy as it was, was still worth fighting for.