Page 45

Chapter Forty-Five

MACKENZIE

I hadn’t left the house since Fallon walked out of it four days ago. My solitude was coming to an end, though, because family dinner wasn’t up for negotiation.

The last thing I wanted, was to face Harper and admit I’d screwed everything up. Honestly, locking myself in my room and avoiding daylight forever sounded like a solid plan. But knowing my sister, she’d barge in, find me, and haul me out by the ear.

Stepping into the hall, I noticed Fallon’s door was open. Her apartment looked bare, moving boxes scattered across the floor, like she was in the middle of packing up her life and starting over. The sight was miserable, and knowing I was the reason behind it hit me hard.

I felt my chest tighten when I saw her walking toward the front door. I wanted to go back inside or start walking away, but my feet wouldn’t move. She paused when she saw me, and it took her a good while before she started walking again.

When she approached me, I could see the tears starting to form in her eyes, and I had to force my own away. She didn’t deserve to feel the pain and heartbreak I’d caused.

“Mackenzie. Hi.” Her voice was soft.

I glanced over her shoulder, then back at her. She looked so sad holding a moving box, and I had to clench my jaw to keep it together.

Even with her hands full, I could tell she was uncomfortable—the way her eyes never landed on mine, the way she chewed her bottom lip. I knew her too well to miss how she really felt.

I swallowed hard. “So, you’re really leaving?”

She turned to her apartment filled with boxes. “Uhh, yeah. I’m going to stay with Drea for a while.”

I couldn’t stand this. A few days ago we were happy and in love. I would’ve given anything to have that back. “Fallon, you don’t need to do this.”

She blinked as a few tears escaped, and I had to force myself not to reach out and wipe them away. I wasn’t in a position to do that anymore.

“Yes, I do. It’s too hard, I…” She shook her head, clearing her throat. “This is the best thing for both of us.”

“This is not what’s best. Please stay and let me explain so we can move past this,” I begged.

She sighed. “Mackenzie, please don’t, okay? This is already hard enough for me. I have to go.” Her voice cracked, and so did my heart.

For the last time, I looked away from the love of my life. I couldn’t stick around to watch her leave—it hurt too much.

Despite myself, I went to Harper’s for our monthly dinner, plastering on a fake smile as I sat across from my sister. With Grant at work, it was just the two of us—not exactly an ideal scenario.

Being alone with my sister meant talking, which would lead to opening up when I didn’t want to, and that would inevitably end in a breakdown—the last thing I wanted.

“I love my husband, but sometimes I want some quality sister time. Cheers to a partner-free night.” She raised her glass of wine, and I lifted mine.

“Cheers,” I said with a faint smile.

I took a long drink and looked up to see Harper looking at me with an arched eyebrow.

“What? I was thirsty.” She didn’t answer right away, just studied me, like she was waiting for me to crack.

“You’re not fooling anyone, you know,” she said softly, setting her glass down. “You’ve been quiet all night, and the way you just inhaled that drink tells me something is bothering you.”

My chest was starting to feel too tight. She could always read me like a damn book, and I hated it. I bit my lip to keep the truth inside. I didn’t want to talk about what happened. I didn’t want to face the fact that I lost her.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she added, her voice gentle. “But you can’t hide it from me, Kenz.”

“Everything’s fine, Harper.” I smiled and went back to eating my food, desperate for a distraction. “Have you talked to our father?” I knew that would get the attention off me. It might cause a fight, but that was better than facing the truth.

She scowled at me. “Why would you ask me that? You know I haven’t.”

I shrugged. “I’m just making conversation, Harper. Sorry.”

She relaxed her shoulders and took a drink. “It’s fine, and I’m sorry, too. You know how I am about him. Anyway, how’s work going?”

“Yeah, I know. Work is fine, what’s new with you?” I needed her to keep talking and let me sit there quietly.

She started talking about her life and how everything was going. She kept asking me questions and I responded with one or two word answers until she got to her next question, when all the color had left my face.

“Since you aren’t very chatty this evening, why don’t we talk about something I know will get me more of a response? How are things with Fallon? I haven’t seen her in a while—I miss her. You should bring her to the next family dinner.”

I tensed at the mention of Fallon. “I don’t think that’s going to happen. We…” I had to swallow the lump in my throat before continuing. I didn’t think it would ever get easier. I clenched my jaw, lifted my head slightly, and forced the words out. “We broke up.”

Harper froze, fork halfway to her mouth. “Wait, what? What happened?”

I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands. “Uhh, Rebecca happened.” I went on to tell her everything that happened that night, only managing to hold back tears a few times.

She didn’t say anything for a while, and she took a sip of her wine before she spoke again. “Well, I have a few notes.”

“Of course.” I nodded my head as she scowled at me. I knew she would’ve had something to say, which was exactly why I didn’t want to tell her.

“Well, for one, that was a fuckload of information.”

“Yeah, I know. What am I going to do? She doesn’t even want to look at me. I can’t say I blame her, but this fucking sucks, Harp!”

“First of all, Rebecca is a dumpster fire of a human. I think that’s a communal agreement amongst the population. So, note number two. You are a goddamn idiot. Which I’m assuming you already know, or else you wouldn’t be acting like this.”

I hung my head in shame and nodded like an insubordinate child. “Yes, I’m well aware.”

“What the fuck were you thinking, letting her through the door? And kissing her? Really, Mackenzie? I thought you had more sense than that. I really did!”

I slouched in my chair. “I screwed up, okay? I know that. I shouldn’t have let her in. And she kissed me, but I didn’t kiss her back! I was about to stop it when Fallon walked in. I begged her to let me explain, but she wouldn’t even give me a chance. The whole ex-fiancée revelation didn’t help matters, either.”

Harper rolled her eyes. “Well, put yourself in her shoes. If you walked in on Fallon kissing someone, then found out you had the same ex—who just so happens to be the one who cheated on you—would you even listen to her excuses? Would you believe her in that situation?”

I paused. She was right. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to hear anything from her. “But to completely move out?”

She sighed. “Honey, you’re only seeing this through your eyes. She did what she thought was best. She needs space, and being neighbors makes things more complicated—it makes it harder for her to get the space she needs to think. You both said from the beginning it would be a mistake, and here we are. You ignored each other’s reservations, and now it’s biting you in the ass.”

I couldn’t talk about it anymore. “Thank you for dinner, sis. I love you, but I need to get going.” I kissed her cheek and left without another word and she didn’t try to stop me.

When I left Harper’s, I didn’t go home. That was the last place I wanted to be. Instead, I took a Lyft straight to Queer Quarters .

Rylee was working and waved at me, but I only nodded and headed for a booth in the corner.

I sat down and started off with three shots. I didn’t care what they were, only that they were strong enough to make me forget.

Rylee was the one to bring the drinks and I rolled my eyes, throwing my head back. I should’ve known she wouldn’t let me drink in peace.

“Please don’t start. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to drink.”

She put the drinks down and sat next to me. “Okay, babe. We won’t talk about it right now. These are on the house.” She patted my arm and got up.

I took the drinks and almost gagged at the taste. “Perfect,” I mumbled.

I ordered two more rounds of shots, and Rylee brought them each time, shaking her head at me as she set them down. “Still don’t want to talk?” she asked.

“Nope,” I said, waving her off.

A few more shots later, and gravity had become my enemy, so I decided to lie down in the booth for a while.

I had just closed my eyes when I heard a voice. “Thanks, Rylee. Yeah, we got her. Hey, sweetie.” I looked up to see four people crowded around me.

“Fuck Ryl.” That was all I could get out. I couldn’t believe Rylee snitched on me to my sister.

“Kenz, are you okay?” Roxxy number one said in a soothing tone.

Harper number one scooted in next to me and helped me sit up. “OhmyGod. My sissterr. Everyone, thisis my sister, Harvey?—”

“Harper,” she corrected.

“Yes, right. Harper.”

“Mackenzie, we love you.” One of the Harper’s spoke next.

“What?” I asked in a high pitched slurred voice. “I love you guys, too. So somuch!”

Harper, with a gentle smile, shook her head and said, “We know, kenz. Talk to us, babe.”

I groaned and took a sip of either vodka or water, honestly I was too drunk to care which. “I… I fucked up. I fucked up so bad an’ I don’ know how t’ fix it.” My words were slurring, but I pushed on. “I love her so much… I feel like nothin’ without her. I need her, y’know? She’s the best thing in my life. She’s my person… like… she’s it, y’know? There’s… nothin’ an’ no one after her.”

Roxxy number two spoke next. “Jesus, Harper, I think she’s lost it. You really have it bad, huh?”

I sighed. “What do I do? I can’t go on… without her.”

“Yes, you can. You have to,” Harper number one said, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. “I know it hurts now, and it’s going to take time before it hurts less, but you have to give her space. If you really love her?—”

“I dooo… I really dooo! I’d do anythin’ for her!” I yelled, swaying a bit as I clutched my glass.

“Then you need to give her space and if she wants to move on, you have to let her go.”

I shook my head. “Nooo. Anything, but that. I can’t, Harperp. I… couldn’t let her go, even if I wanted to.”

I knew they were right, but honestly, in that moment, I couldn’t even imagine a world where that was an option.

“I… I don’t know where to go from here,” I mumbled, tears spilling down my face.

Harper number two started rubbing my arm softly and I leaned into the gesture. “I do.”

“Of course you do, Harvey! You’re the smartest and I’m the dumbest.”

She laughed. “You’re not dumb, you just did a dumb thing. But what you’re going to do is go home. I’m going to help you up, and we’re going to get you nice and cozy in your bed.” I shook my head in protest, but she pressed on. “Yes, Kenzie. You’re going to sleep this off, and tomorrow you’ll start with a clear head.”

I looked at her, and she wiped my tears away like she was trying to make everything better. “That sounds good,” I muttered, sniffling.

She nodded and helped me stand, even though I was swaying a little. She got me out of the booth, her hand on my back, and it felt nice, like I wasn’t as completely alone as I felt.

We didn’t talk much on the way to the car—honestly, I don’t think I could’ve even formed a sentence. It felt nice to just have her support, no matter how stupid I got.

Harper was helping me out of the elevator when she stopped, nearly causing me to fall over.

“What the hell—” My words died in my throat when I looked up and saw Fallon down the hall. She stood there, holding a moving box, frozen as we approached. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It had only been a few hours since I’d last seen her, but it felt like a lifetime.

I didn’t say anything as we got closer, but Fallon was the first to speak. “Hi,” she said softly. She cleared her throat and turned to Harper. “Uh, is she hurt?”

Harper winced. “Only emotionally.”

Fallon looked at me and narrowed her brows. “What?—”

“I’m fine. I’ve never been better, actually. We were just out celebrating how fine I really am. Anyway, uhh… I’ll be inside.” I patted Harper’s arm. “Fallon.” I nodded and waved as I turned and went inside.

I slouched against the door and rested my head back, fighting the urge to cry. She still looked perfect, even with a thin layer of sweat on her freckled face. I couldn’t miss the redness around her eyes, but I told myself it was from a swim. The idea of her crying over me like I had over her? I couldn’t handle it.

I sat up when I started hearing voices coming from the hall. “How’s she doing?”

“Uh, well, I mean, you saw her. She’s not doing the best.”

I couldn’t hear Fallon’s response, but I heard Harper’s comforting voice. “Hey, it’s okay. Please don’t cry. You did what you thought was best. I’m not here to take sides or explain anyone’s reasonings. This is between the two of you, just…” I stood up and looked through the peephole when I heard Harper stop talking.

“I know, Harper. It just... sucks. I hate this whole situation, but I think this is the best thing for everyone. I can’t stay here. I can’t be anywhere near her. It hurts too much.” My chest tightened when they hugged, and I hated that I wasn’t the one comforting her.

“Take care, okay, Fallon? Take some time, and maybe don’t write her off completely just yet? I know she messed up, but she’s a good person and she really loves you.”

Fallon didn’t say another word as she turned and left. I quickly went to the couch and sat down when Harper came in. I didn’t want her to know I was listening to their conversation. Honestly, I just wanted to see Fallon one last time.

“How much of that did you hear?” She scowled.

I waved her off and closed my eyes. “Enough.”

She came down and sat next to me on the couch. “Give her time, Kenz. If it makes you feel any better, she seemed pretty broken up about the whole thing.”

I scoffed. “It doesn’t. It’s killing me to see her like that, but it’s only been a few days. She’ll move on… I’m sure.”

“I really don’t think so, Boog. I think you underestimate the love she has for you. If she didn’t love you, it wouldn’t hurt so damn much.”

I adjusted myself on the couch. “Dad would be happy to see me now, huh? Getting what I deserve for being gay.” I laughed.

“Oh, sweetie, don’t say that. I mean, yeah, maybe he’d be happy, but he’s a piece of shit, and you don’t deserve any of this. Yeah, you messed up, but we all do. You still deserve a happy ending. Just give her some space.”

“Thanks, Harp. I don’t know what I would do without you, to be honest. Mom would be proud of you, that’s for sure. You’ve done a great job of taking over for her.” I snuggled up to her while she played with my hair. She looked more like our mom than I did, and I closed my eyes, pretending she was there with us.

“She would be proud of both of us. We turned out pretty decent. Get some sleep, Kenz. We can talk more…” I didn’t hear the rest of her sentence as I slowly drifted to sleep.