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Chapter Thirty-Two

MACKENZIE

It was Saturday night, and I was sitting at Reid’s with Roxxy and her girlfriend, Laura, along with Harper and Rylee.

Roxxy had planned this little girls night, with the excuse that she had some news and wanted all of us around. She still hadn’t told us anything, but we were all being patient and enjoying our drinks.

“So, Kenzie, what’s the deal with you and Fallon?” Roxxy asked.

I hadn’t told them anything for this exact reason. I didn’t want to talk about my… whatever I had with her.

“Nothing. We’re just friends,” I replied coolly.

“Just friends? Please, you two were all over each other at the bar, and I saw you dancing with her.” Harper smirked.

“And you think I didn’t hear you guys in the car?” Roxxy chimed in, laughing. “I had to put the window down, it was getting so hot in there. She doesn’t look like it, but that girl is wild!” She winked.

I looked at Harper, who cringed, and I blushed. “Oh God! I’m so fucking sorry!”

They just stared at me, saying nothing.

“Okay so maybe we did hook up that night, but we both agreed it was a mistake. We are just friends.”

Harper glared at me. “Is that what you really want?”

Part of me was saying yes. But another part was screaming… I don’t know.

“Of course it is. You know me,” I said.

“Yeah, Kenz, we do know you. Which is why I bet you two haven’t even hooked up since then, right?” Roxxy said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

I didn’t answer. I stared down at my cup and took a sip, hoping the alcohol would somehow drown out the embarrassment creeping up my neck.

“Oh my God, Kenzie, seriously?!” Harper said, her voice incredulous, pulling me right back into the moment I was trying to escape.

I groaned. “Fine! Yes, okay? We’re just keeping things casual. It’s not a big deal.”

They exchanged a look and rolled their eyes, clearly not buying it. I didn’t know why they were making a big deal out of it.

“Can we just move on, please?” I sighed, desperate to shift the attention to literally anything else. It was bad enough she was always circling my thoughts, especially tonight, knowing she was on a date with someone else.

The last thing I wanted was to sit there talking about her with my friends. I knew they meant well, but their questions would dig into things I didn’t have answers to.

“Fine,” Harper said sharply, making it clear this conversation wasn’t over. “Let’s talk about Roxxy. You’ve been keeping us in suspense all night—what’s your news?”

Roxxy looked at Laura and grinned. “Well, we wanted to tell you all together. I proposed to Laura, and she said yes!” Laura held up her hand to show off the gorgeous princess-cut diamond ring.

A series of loud squeals echoed around the table as we made a toast to the happy couple. It was surreal to see them going through such a big life change.

We’d always talked about getting married in college, but we never thought it would actually happen. It was just one of those dreams everyone had—marriage, a couple of kids, a house with a yard, and a white picket fence.

“I can’t believe you’re choosing to be stuck with her ass, Laura. Are you sure? It’s not too late to back out.” I smirked.

She laughed and snuggled up closer to her fiancée. “Yes, I definitely want to be stuck with her forever. I don’t know what I would do without this one. My life would probably be sad and boring.” Roxxy kissed her temple and I took a long sip of my drink. I was truly happy for my friends, but I was also a little envious.

At one point in my life, I wanted to share my world with someone—come home from work and have someone there waiting for me, excited to share the events of the day. I wanted someone in my bed for more than just a few hours. I wanted to wake up and turn around to see that same person smiling at me, day after day.

But then my last relationship ended, and I accepted that the life I had envisioned wasn’t one I was going to live.

Roxxy and Harper were deep in conversation about something, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was checking work emails on my phone.

Harper was saying something, but Roxxy cut her off. “Um… Kenzie, sweetie?”

“Yeah, Rox?” I asked, not bothering to glance up from my phone.

After a few seconds of silence, I looked up to see they were both looking at something behind me. “What? What’s wrong?”

They silently nodded toward the door behind me. Confused, I turned around to see what left them so stunned—and I wished I hadn’t.

A couple had just walked in the door—a blonde with a high ponytail and a black dress, and a redhead in a burgundy strapless mini dress, her face full of freckles and a smile that could stop the earth from spinning.

“Fallon,” I whispered. I swore I literally felt all the air leave my lungs and float straight out of the bar.

Fallon was here. Fine, whatever. But she wasn’t alone. She was with… Cara? That’s who she had a date with? And this was where her date was? The universe really had a cruel sense of humor.

How did they even know each other? Where did they meet? I felt sick, and I didn’t want to know any of those answers. Luckily, she didn’t notice we were there.

I couldn’t pull my eyes away even if I wanted to. I was drawn to her like a stupid moth to a flame. They chose a seat at the bar and already seemed cozy, giving me the answer I wasn’t ready for—they knew each other.

I wondered if this was their first date or if they’d been seeing each other for a while, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t care who she dated. I just hoped they had a good time together.

Groaning, I covered up my shocked expression and turned back toward my friends, who were still staring at Fallon.

“Fallon’s here, so what?” I asked.

“We can go, Kenzie,” Harper finally said. “We don’t have to stay.”

I took a sip of my drink, hiding my feelings about seeing her there. I knew she had a date, and I was totally fine with that—I just hadn’t expected to see her with her date.

I laughed nervously. “We don’t need to leave, Harp. I told you, we’re friends. She can date whoever she wants.”

They looked at me like they weren’t buying it. “I’m serious! I don’t care,” I added.

“Okay, Boog. Calm down. We just wanted to make sure you were okay. We can stay if you want.”

Hell no, I didn’t want to stay and watch Fallon on her date, but if I left now, they’d definitely see me.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. “I’m fine, guys, I promise. There’s no reason to leave.”

They shrugged and returned to their conversations. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince them that I was fine, or myself.

When Harper and Roxxy weren’t looking, I would sneak glances over to where Fallon sat at the bar.

They were sitting close—intimate—which was to be expected on a date, I guess.

My jaw ticked slightly when I saw she was touching Fallon’s thigh, and I forced myself to look away. I definitely didn’t care.

“Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving, Kenz? You know you’re more than welcome to come over and spend it with us if you ever get sick of Harper’s cooking,” Roxxy said.

“What? Oh, uh I’ll let you know.”

“Wait, you guys aren’t coming over this year?” Harper asked.

Roxxy laughed. “Of course we are. I was just trying to get Kenzie’s attention. She thinks we can’t see her staring holes into the back of Fallon’s head.”

I whipped my head to Roxxy. I wasn’t being that obvious, right? “What?! I’m not staring at anyone. I don’t care, remember?” I knew they didn’t believe me, but they were smart enough to let it go.

As soon as they looked down at their phones again, I stole another glance at the bar—and my stomach twisted. My eyes narrowed, shoulders locking up so tight it hurt. I had to bite back a scream, my nails digging into my palm. She was touching Fallon— my Fallon.

Cara had her hands on Fallon’s beautiful, delicate face, caressing her while they kissed. They pulled away, and Fallon smiled—a real smile, not one of those fake ones she’d throw my way sometimes. Then she put her hand on Cara’s leg, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m going to the restroom,” I said harshly, not looking away from them.

I stood up with my drink and started walking toward the bar, blocking everything else out. I didn’t hear anything or see anyone. Rage had cast a fiery red film over the entire bar.

I walked a little faster until I reached the happy couple, and of course, I tripped and stumbled right into her date. Our drinks spilled—mine and hers—soaking her pretty little black dress.

“Oh my God!” she yelled as she stumbled off her stool, but Fallon quickly caught her. Fallon’s eyes grew wide when they met mine, and she turned two shades paler, as if she’d seen a ghost.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” I muttered, my voice tight with frustration. “I didn’t see you there.” I didn’t take my eyes off Fallon, who stood there staring at me, still not saying anything.

“It’s fine, it’s just a little—Mackenzie?” Cara asked.

I finally looked at her and smiled. Her gaze was frozen in surprise, her lips parted in disbelief. “Oh, hey, Cara. So nice to see you again. Sorry about your dress.” I winced half-heartedly. I wasn’t sorry about her dress at all.

“Yeah, it’s nice to see you, too,” she replied hesitantly. “Fallon, this is Mac?—”

“Oh, Fallon and I know each other very well, Cara.”

“Oh, my God,” Fallon mumbled.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt your date. I’m just curious how you two know each other. Do you pick up a lot of your dates at coffee shops?” I smirked. I didn’t look at Fallon, but I could feel her stare burning into me.

“Not particularly, no. We have mutual friends and have become really close,” she said, pulling Fallon closer to her, kissing her temple. I gritted my teeth and finally moved my eyes to Fallon, who pasted a smile on her face that didn’t reach her eyes, and she visibly tensed.

I forced a fake smile of my own. “Well, isn’t that nice. Since you’re so close, I’m sure you already know how she comes harder and faster when you call her ‘baby girl’?” At that point, my smile was no longer forced, but when I looked back at Fallon, it fell away.

“Mackenzie!” Fallon said through a clenched jaw. Her face turned fire red, and Cara stared at me, mouth wide open. I admit, that wasn’t one of my proudest moments.

“Wow, Kenzie. Uh, no, I didn’t know that.” Cara took a small step away from Fallon, and inside, I smiled.

“I guess you aren’t as close to her as you thought, huh? Oh, and thanks again for the drink last week. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

Cara looked at me and then at fallon. “Oh, uhh… it’s okay… it happens.” She cleared her throat.

“Anyway, I think maybe you might want to go get cleaned up. That stain is going to set soon.” I smirked.

“Yeah, whatever,” Cara said, throwing her hands up as she walked out of the bar.

“It was nice seeing you again!” I called after her.

Fallon slowly turned to me, her eyes going stormy. “Wow… I just… I don’t even know what to say to you right now!” The anger in her eyes was so intense, I couldn’t look at them any longer.

“Excuse me,” I replied dryly before walking toward the bathroom.

I passed the table where Roxxy sat, staring at me with her mouth hanging open. Harper was scowling, but I ignored her and kept walking. I stormed into the bathroom and turned on the faucet.

I shouldn’t have been upset. We weren’t even together. I shouldn’t have cared who she slept with. And yet, I did care—too damn much.

The thought of anyone else touching her made my skin crawl, and that only pissed me off more. I had agreed to this. It was never supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be just sex—nothing more. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. But somewhere along the way, it started to. Maybe it always had.

Not even thirty seconds later, the door swung open, and a furious Fallon stormed in.

Her eyes were dark and her face was flushed. “What the fuck was that, Mackenzie?!”

The door shut behind her, and she stood beside me with her arms crossed over her chest, waiting for an explanation I didn’t have.

“What was what?” I asked, avoiding eye contact.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about. You spilled your drink on my date!”

I turned off the water. “I tripped.” I dried my face off and turned to her.

“You tripped,” she repeated.

“Yeah. It happens all the time,” I answered dryly.

She scoffed. “I’m sure it does. Care to tell me when you picked her up in a coffee shop, Mackenzie? Please don’t tell me you picked her up at Brewed Awakening !”

When I didn’t answer, she gasped, coming to her own conclusions. “Was she your date the night of the book signing? After you fucked me in my best friend’s bookstore?!” She groaned. “Oh my God!” She covered her face and turned around.

“Technically, she picked me up, but yes,” I said. “Also, no, it wasn’t Brewed Awakening .”

She whipped her head back toward me. “Seriously, Mackenzie?”

“Why does it matter? This is what you wanted, right? To keep things casual and be honest? That’s what I was doing, and you said you were fine with it. You were certainly fine with it when I fucked you.”

Her eyes went narrow and she gaped at me. “Wow. I was—I am fine with it. Date whoever you want, I don’t care. That is what we agreed to, and that’s what I was doing, too, until you came in and fucked…” She sighed. “You know what, you’re right. Thank you so much for your honesty, really. Maybe we should go call Cara and tell her more things to do that will make me come!”

Are you fucking for real?! I guess I had that coming. What was wrong with me?

I didn’t respond—I didn’t have the words. I was too angry to find the right ones.

Angry at myself for feeling this way. Never angry at her. Instead, I just rubbed my face in my hands.

“What the hell was that, Mackenzie?”

I sighed. “A really stupid thing to do.”

“Yeah, no fucking shit! You are unbelievable, do you know that?!”

“I know, I just…” I trailed off.

It was nearly impossible to look her in the eyes. She was furious, and she had every right to be, but I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t be honest—it was never supposed to get like this.

So, I did the only thing I could think of to drown the fury in her eyes. I turned to her and stepped closer. “I’m sorry, Fallon. Have I mentioned how amazing you look in that dress?”

She scoffed. “No, and you can’t get out of this with compliments. You had no right?—”

“I know, I know. I’m not trying to get out of anything.”

I put my hand around her waist, erasing even more of the distance that separated us. “She wasn’t your type anyway,” I murmured, then kissed her. For a brief second, I thought she might kiss me back, but she pushed me away, frowning.

“Why, because she’s yours?”

“No,” I said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to me again.

“And you think you know my type?” she asked, turning her head slightly when I tried to kiss her again.

“Well, let’s see. Did you leave with her, or are you here, desperate for me.”

“You don’t know anything,” she whispered. Then, finally, she let me kiss her. It was brief, barely more than a brush of our lips, but it was enough.

“Really? So if I touched your clit right now, my fingers wouldn’t come back, glistening with your need for me?” Her only response was a slight gasp.

“I know you all too well, Sunshine.” I smirked as I caressed her arms, causing her to shiver.

“That you do,” she whispered.

I grasped the back of her neck and crashed our mouths together. She moaned into my mouth, her arms wrapping tightly around my neck.

Turning us so her back faced the sink, I gripped her hips and lifted her onto the counter. She squealed, her fingers tangling in my hair, pulling me even closer.

Someone could’ve walked in at any moment, but I didn’t give a shit. I was taking her right there. I wanted her to know that she was mine. Even if I couldn’t say it with words, I needed her to know.

I slid her underwear to the side and slowly rubbed her clit, not wasting any of the time I had with her.

She let out a moan when I started licking the spot just below her ear. “This doesn’t excuse… fuck, Kenzie,” she breathed.

“I know it doesn’t. I haven’t even begun to apologize,” I whispered against the shell of her ear.

I slid two fingers inside her and she gasped, throwing her head back and hitting it on the mirror. “Oh my God!” she moaned.

All of a sudden, the bathroom door opened, and I quickly pulled out of Fallon. The woman stopped for a second, her face unreadable, before continuing to a stall and shutting the door. If she was bothered that I was fucking Fallon on the sink, she didn’t show it.

Fallon, on the other hand, definitely did. She jumped down and adjusted her dress. “Mackenzie, what?—”

“I don’t know. Goddammit, Fallon!” I said, rubbing my face. “I’m sorry, I can’t… maybe you should go find Cara.”

She looked at me with narrowed brows. “What? You can’t be serious.”

I ignored her and stormed out.

“Mackenzie!” She yelled after me, but I kept walking until I was out the door. I didn’t even say goodbye to any of my friends, though I knew they saw me leave.

I didn’t turn around until I reached the elevators in my building. I wasn’t even a little surprised that Fallon hadn’t followed me.

I had to get out of there. It was all too much—the alcohol, the fighting, the feelings. Too many feelings making my head spin.

This was just a casual thing. There was no place for feelings—especially not feelings of falling in—no! That was not what was happening!

When I got in the elevator, I slumped on the floor and threw my head back. Fuck, me!

Out of nowhere, my phone started going off. I glanced at the screen and saw new messages from the group chat. Well, that was fast:

Roxxy: Fallon said you guys got into a fight? Are you okay? WTF?!

Harper: Sis, wtf?! You just dipped? Fallon just stormed out! What happened??

I groaned and started typing:

Me: You talked to her? I’m fine. No fight. Sorry I bailed. Not feeling well.

I knew they wouldn’t buy it, but I didn’t know what else to say. I was hoping if I was short with them, they would drop it.

Roxxy: We saw you trip into Fallon and her date, Kenzie. That doesn’t seem fine.

Me: I did trip, I didn’t see them.

Harper:

Me: Goodnight guys.

I turned off my phone and shoved it into my pocket. I didn’t want to deal with anyone else.

I felt like such a dumbass. I kept screwing things up because I didn’t know how to be honest. Or maybe I did know how, but I just couldn’t get the words out. And when I finally managed to say something, it was always the wrong thing. I knew what I wanted, but I was too afraid of getting hurt to admit it.

When the elevator doors opened, I stepped out. But instead of heading home, I kept walking. I didn’t stop until I reached the stairs leading up to the roof. I needed fresh air and quiet to clear my head. Too many feelings were swirling around, and I had to sort through them before I talked to Fallon again.

I had no idea what I was going to say—I just knew I had to fix things. I hated seeing her upset, and I hated being away from her.

But I couldn’t fall in love with her. I couldn’t let myself fall in love at all.

When I reached the roof, I didn’t bother propping the door open. I didn’t care if I stayed out there all night.