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Chapter Forty-Six

MACKENZIE

Three months later

“Hey, Kenz.” Rylee waved me in as I entered Brewed Awakening.

“I smiled and walked up to the counter. “Hey, Ryles. Can I get my usual?”

“Of course. How are you?” she asked softly while she started preparing my drink.

How was I? Well, I was out of the house, so that was something. I was doing better than I was a few weeks ago, that’s for sure. “I’m hanging in there. Every day is a little easier,” I shrugged.

Since Fallon officially moved out, I hadn’t seen or talked to her—not that I expected to. That’s just how it went when you lost the best thing you had. I stopped going to the bookstore, and I avoided bars that weren’t Queer Quarters . At least there, Rylee could keep an eye on me and step in if I started spiraling. I’d managed to cut that down to every other week.

I was still nervous to come here, but it had always been my favorite coffee shop, so I took the risk. I hadn’t run into Fallon yet, but my heart stopped right before I walked in, just in case.

“How’s she been? Have you seen her?” I asked nervously. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. I needed to know she was okay.

She put my coffee on the counter and gave me a sympathetic smile. “She’s doing about as well as you, but getting better. She doesn’t come in here as often as she did, but she still comes around.”

“That’s good.” I was glad to hear she was at least getting out of the house and doing something. “Thanks for the coffee. I better go, I’m meeting someone.”

She gave me a look that told me I better choose my next words carefully. “Mackenzie, please do not tell me you’re meeting someone here for a date?!”

I laughed. “You’re joking right? You really think I would be even remotely interested in dating someone that wasn’t Fallon?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know you these days, Kenz. Since the breakup, you’ve been different. You know we all love you and want what’s best for you—both of you. We’re not choosing sides on this, and she hasn’t asked us to.”

I smiled faintly. Fallon would never ask them to do that—it wasn’t her style. “I know, and thanks. Anyway, I know I’ve been a hermit these past few weeks. I needed time to wallow. Still wallowing, obviously. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever get over her. But no, I’m not meeting a date—I’m actually meeting my dad.”

She took off her apron and yelled to the back, “I’m taking my break!”

I rolled my eyes as she dragged me to a booth and sat me down. “Okay, repeat that? You’re meeting who now?”

“I’m meeting my dad, and no, I haven’t told Harper yet. I know she’d make a big deal about it, but I need to do this for me, Ry. He’s the only parent I have, and I need closure. Even if it goes badly, I have to move on.”

“I get that, honey, I really do. But are you sure this is a good idea? It’s been almost ten years since you’ve said a word to him, and he hasn’t even tried to reach out. You’re already going through so much, and I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

She reached across the table and took my hand. I smiled at the warm gesture, grateful for her effort to comfort me. “I’ll be fine, Rylee. I’m not expecting some big, dramatic reunion with hugs and tears or anything. I just want closure.”

She looked at the clock and sighed. “Shit, I gotta get back. I’m right here if you need anything, okay?”

I smiled and nodded as she got up and went back to work. I watched her for a second, thankful she was always there for me, even when everything else felt like it was falling apart.

But I was still nervous. Hanging around too long meant risking a run-in with Fallon, and I wasn’t ready for that. It was too soon, and just the thought of seeing her felt like ripping open a wound that hadn’t even begun to heal.

My head turned every time I heard the door open, wondering if it was Fallon or my dad.

After about twenty more minutes, I turned my head one last time as the door opened, and my heart stopped. It had been so long, but not a lot had changed since the last time I saw him.

My dad looked older, but not too old. He had a dark beard with some gray mixed in, and still had a full head of hair. He dressed like the lawyer he’d always been so proud to be.

I stood up on shaky legs and walked over to him. This was the first time I’d seen him in years, and the nerves were getting to me. I was trying very hard to keep it together, unsure of what to expect.

I cleared my throat before speaking. “Hi, Dad.”

I didn’t smile, but he gave a soft grin when he replied, “Hey, Butterscotch.”

I let out a teary chuckle. “Wow, I haven’t heard that one in a while.”

As a kid, I used to eat all the butterscotch candies in the house. Eventually, my parents stopped buying them because I’d tear the place apart looking for them. He stopped using that nickname the day I came out.

“Uh, do you want to order something? I already got something to drink, but I have a table for us.” I was pretty sure he could see my body trembling.

“I’m okay, thanks. But yes, let’s sit down.”

We walked past the counter, where Rylee gave us a cautious smile and watched us all the way to our table.

“So, Dad, how are you?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.

He cleared his throat. “I’m doing okay. I’ve been working from home a lot more since the move. I’ve been living here since your mom passed away.”

My chest tightened at the mention of my mom. “Wow. So, you’ve been nearby and haven’t reached out in three years? Awesome.” I nodded.

He sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you girls would even want to see me after everything.” He paused for a moment, looking down at his hands folded on the table. “So, how is Harper doing?” he asked. I’d been waiting for him to bring her up.

I still felt guilty for not telling Harper before meeting with him. I knew she wouldn’t understand, and I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to go through with it or not.

“Harper’s doing fine. She’s still working as a lawyer, and she’s married now. His name’s Grant, and he’s an engineer. They met in college and have been married ever since. He’s really good to her, and?—”

My sentence died off when the door opened, and a pair of the most devastating gray eyes stared widely back into mine.

My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn’t move. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my dad turn toward the door. Fallon’s eyes flicked between us, her face full of confusion. She turned and walked out, and when I blinked, he was looking at me again.

I cleared my throat. “Uh, sorry. So, anyway, how’s work?” I couldn’t find any more words to say. I blinked a few times and looked down at my coffee.

“Who is she?” My dad’s voice cut through the silence.

My cheeks were on fire, and I was trying very hard to hold it together. That was the first time I’d seen Fallon since she left, and of course, it had to be while I was with my dad.

“That was Fallon. We used to be neighbors,” I said, glancing over his shoulder toward the door where Fallon had disappeared.

He nodded a few times, as if processing the information. “ Just neighbors?” He raised an eyebrow, silently pressing for more.

I sighed. “No, she wasn’t just my neighbor. She was so much more than that.” I clenched my jaw, trying to keep the tears from coming. That was the last thing I needed right now.

“I see. And you love her.” I looked up at him. It wasn’t a question.

“Do you really want to know? I’d rather not repeat what happened the last time I was honest with you about my life.”

“Sweetheart…” He reached for my hands.

“Don’t…” I murmured as I pulled my hands away, placing them safely in my lap.

He removed his hand. “I’m sorry, Mackenzie. I am trying my best to understand.”

I narrowed my eyebrows. “I know it’s hard for you to believe, but yes, I did. I do. I’ve never loved anyone or anything the way I love her, Dad. Without her, I feel like I can’t breathe.” I couldn’t fight the tears anymore.

“I know saying I’m sorry doesn’t justify what I did. And while I can’t agree with the decisions you’ve made in your life, I also cannot agree with the ones that I have made either. Your mother would hate this right now, you know? She would hate seeing you like this, and she would hate me for allowing so many years to go by without reaching out, especially after she left.”

At the mention of my mom, my world seemed to crash down around me. Tears started streaming down my cheeks—right in the middle of a damn coffee shop. This was definitely not the place for this conversation.

“I’m so sorry I reacted the way I did when you came out. That was wrong of me, and nothing I say will bring back the years we lost. But if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of the time we have left, trying to be a better father to you and your sister.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I sobbed out the words. I didn’t know where we would go from that, but I appreciated the apology. I had waited years to hear it, even though it couldn’t make up for everything.

“I know there’s nothing I can say or do that will ever be good enough to earn your forgiveness, but I’d really like to try. I’m willing to take the time to earn it—even if it means dealing with your sister. I’m sure she doesn’t think very highly of me.”

“I didn’t tell her we were meeting yet, so maybe let me talk to her first. Thank you for meeting with me, and I’m sorry you had to see my breakdown.”

He reached out for my hand again, and I reluctantly gave it to him. I wasn’t ready for a hug yet, and I think he knew that.

“Mackenzie, I don’t know what happened between you two, and I’m not sure if I want to know, but I can see this isn’t like when you were young and thought you were in love with Alexis. This is real, unfathomable love, and you can’t let it go.”

I frowned. “What? You saw how she left. She doesn’t want anything to do with me, and she has a pretty good reason.”

“I know what I saw. She didn’t walk away so easily. If you really love her, which I can see you do, then you’ve got to fight for her. Give it everything you’ve got until you can’t fight anymore, and when you think you’ve given everything, give more and keep fighting. Don’t let her go that easily. Go get her.”

I let out a sobbed laugh. “Thanks, Dad.”

I stood up and we walked down to his car. We talked about life, and I made a mental note to meet up with Harper later. It was better that she heard it from me in person.

“Your mother would be so proud of the woman you’ve become, and I’m ashamed I missed the journey, but I hope you’ll let me stick around to see where you go next.” He smiled, and I did something I hadn’t done since I was ten—I hugged him.

“You don’t know the woman I’ve become, but I’d really like you to.”

“I’m sorry, you fucking did what now?!” Harper dropped her fork down on her plate and looked at me with dark, furious eyes.

Later that afternoon, I was sitting across from Harper and Grant for our family dinner. I purposefully brought up our dad when Grant was around. I needed witnesses.

“Harper, just calm down and let me explain, please.”

“Explain what? Why you not only talked to that piece of shit, but went to see him?! This breakup has really fucked with you head!” I knew she was upset, so I let her harsh words slide.

Grant stood up slowly. “Well, I’m going to?—”

“Sit down, Grant!” we both said in unison. I really needed him here for this. He sat back down and stared at his food like it was doing the most interesting dance.

“Look, you’re right. This breakup has really fucked me up, and I’ve had a lot of time to think.”

She scoffed. “Clearly not enough. Mackenzie, seriously, what the hell?”

“Just listen, okay?” She sat there, staring at me, waiting for me to continue. I cleared my throat. “Yes, I met with him. He is our dad?—”

“Your dad, Kenz. I don’t have a dad, remember?” she cut in.

I rolled my eyes. “Harper, come on, it was a long time ago. I’m not making excuses for what he did, but I feel like you shouldn’t hate him more than me. And I don’t think I do. I know I probably should, and I don’t know if we’ll ever have a relationship, but if my relationship with Fallon taught me anything, it’s that life is too short for regrets, and you have to enjoy what you have.” I was trying to keep the tears away.

She was still sitting there with her arms crossed, not saying anything, so I took that as my sign to continue. “He’s acknowledged that he regrets what happened and knows that saying ‘I’m sorry,’ won’t fix things, but he said some things that made me realize maybe forgiveness could be a possibility.”

“Yeah, and what lying bullshit point was that, Kenz?”

I looked into those angry eyes, and tried to get them to soften. “That mom would hate all of this. She would hate that we lost the love we had for him when we were little. She would hate that none of us have reached out to try and fix things. He’s the only part of her we have left, Harper. We all make mistakes, and with what I’m living through right now, I’m no one to judge. I’m not doing this for him, or for me—I’m doing it for mom. Life’s too short to hold a grudge.”

She had tears running down her face and Grant was caressing her hand.

“I know it doesn’t fix anything, but it’s a start. I’m so tired of feeling angry, Harper. Aren’t you?”

She cleared her throat. “I will say he’s right about one thing—she would hate this. And I do, too. I’ll forgive him when you do. But don’t expect me to talk to him or want to see him right away. I’ll need time for that. When did you become the wiser sister?” She stood up to hug me.

I laughed, wiping the tears from my eyes. “When the best thing in my life walked out of it, and made me open my eyes.”

She gave me a sad look. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Eventually, yes.” I nodded. “I’m taking it one day at a time. Today is dinner with my family, and tomorrow, I’m going to get the love of my life back.”

Harper pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, her hands wrapping around my arms with a reassuring squeeze. She gave me a soft smile, her eyes filled with love. “Go get your girl, Boog.”