Page 44

Chapter Forty-Four

FALLON

As soon as I turned my back on Mackenzie, tears started flooding out. What I thought was the best part of me was gone.

I walked away, unable to turn around no matter how much I wanted to. My feet carried me to the first place that came to mind—the only place I knew I’d be safe. I texted Drea when I arrived at the bookstore, thankful she’d given me a key:

Me: Hey Dre. I’m at the bookstore.

Drea: Please don’t fuck in my store again. You know I have cameras, right?

Drea: Lucky for both of us, I didn’t have them in the backroom. Now I do thanks to you horn dogs!

Me: Sorry. And you won’t have to worry about that again.

Me: I’m staying here tonight. Stay with me? I don’t think I can be alone.

Drea: Of course. What happened?

Me: I really don’t want to talk about it right now.

When I got to the bookstore, I locked the door and didn’t bother turning on any lights. There was no point in shining a light on the situation. I went straight to the back room, but stopped when I reached the door. The last time I was back there… it was with her.

I shook the memory away and sat down on the couch in the far back, intentionally avoiding the chair—and everything it reminded me of.

After a while of sitting alone, with only my thoughts surrounding me and a dim light on, I heard Drea calling out, “Where are you, sweetie?”

“I’m back here.” I had to summon every ounce of strength to get the words out loud enough for her to hear. My voice sounded like I’d been screaming for days.

I was curled up in a blanket on the couch. When she came to the back, she walked slowly toward me, as if I were a delicate baby deer, and she was afraid I’d flee at any sudden movement. “Honey, what’s wrong?” She noticed my red eyes and the puffiness that circled them. “Talk to me, babe. What happened?”

For a moment, I couldn’t say anything, but as soon as I felt her caress my arm, I leaned into her and started crying all over again.

“I… she.” I couldn’t get the words out. I didn’t want to believe any of it was real. I fell so hard for that woman. Despite all my reservations and resistance in the beginning, I fell anyway.

Who would’ve thought the person who made me build the walls before Mackenzie would help rebuild them? Three seconds—that’s all it took to ruin everything.

Drea sat there, letting me gather my thoughts. When the tears stopped, I sat up, my face solemn, my tone defeated. “Mackenzie and I…” It was impossible for me to get the words out. I didn’t want it to be true. “We broke up.”

“I will kill her! I will hunt her down, and?—”

“Drea, stop. Please. I love you, you know I do, but I don’t need the dramatics right now. It’s been a long, horrible night.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, sweetie. Do you want to talk about it?”

Not really, but I knew she wouldn’t let it go. And, honestly, it probably wasn’t healthy to keep it all bottled up.

I took a deep breath, swallowing the new tears that threatened to start coming up. “Tonight was supposed to be a date night… with dinner and a movie. I was in charge of dinner, which was probably her plan the whole time.” I let out a soft chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation.

She sat next to me, listening and patiently waiting for me to go on. “When I walked into her apartment, she was kissing someone else.” I put up a hand to stop whatever profanity and threats she was about to start shouting. I could see it in the way her mouth hung open, and how her eyes got wide, that she was about to explode. “Unfortunately, it gets a lot worse.”

At this point I couldn’t tell if I was laughing or crying, or a combination of the two. I probably looked like a lunatic.

“I walked in on her kissing her ex… her ex-fiancée,” I said, shaking my head when I saw her eyes widen. “She caught her ex with someone else on their couch a few years ago. The messed-up part? I was that someone, but I didn’t know it at the time. Want to hear the best part? Her ex is Rebecca. Yes, that Rebecca. I didn’t think anyone walked in on us, and I had no idea she was engaged and living with someone else.” A bitter laugh spilled out. “How could I have been so stupid, Dre?” I collapsed into her arms, sobbing again.

I once thought she was my happily ever after, but then I met Mackenzie, and she proved me incredibly wrong. What I had with Rebecca wasn’t love at all. Mackenzie showed me what real love was, and how I deserved to be treated.

Before I walked out of her apartment for the last time, I thought I knew in my heart that Mackenzie and I were meant to be—that there was no one else in this world who could ever compare to her.

But it turned out our feelings weren’t mutual. Our love was one-sided, and once again, I wasn’t good enough for someone. For the second time, I gave my heart away, only for Mackenzie to slap a “return to sender” label on it.

When would I learn that I’d never get my happy ending? Was I really that horrible of a person, that I didn’t deserve love? My dad never loved me, Rebecca didn’t, and Mackenzie—clearly, I was just a joke to her. Maybe I never should’ve answered the door that night we met.

Maybe I was destined to spend my life alone. This was the second time I’d let myself be consumed by love, only to have it blind me to the red flags. Rebecca had torn me down—body and soul—until I began to believe there was something wrong with me.

When I initially moved in with Rebecca, I accepted her hectic work schedule and her long trips out of town. After a while, part of me knew something was off, but I chose to ignore it because I didn’t want her to leave me if I questioned her about it.

One day, when she came back from a work trip, I started getting suspicious. She was always on her phone, getting text after text, but wouldn’t tell me who it was. So, when she went into the shower, I decided to check her phone. I knew I shouldn’t have, but something told me I had to. And what I found, destroyed any future I thought we might have.

She was sending dirty texts to a bunch of different women and had a few dating apps on her phone. Honestly, I had no idea how she kept everything straight without mixing anyone up. None of the contacts had their full names displayed.

When I confronted her, she accused me of violating her privacy. She told me she was seeing other people because I “changed” after we moved in together. Then she called me jealous, manipulative, and said all I did was argue with her whenever she came home. It was all lies—but what if I really was being too needy?

That night, I packed up my things and moved back in with my parents. I tried calling a few of our mutual friends for support, but either they didn’t pick up, or they sided with Rebecca.

She’d convinced them that I was jealous, mentally abusive, and that she ended things because I was crazy. Maybe I was crazy, to believe we had something special together.

Drea let me pull myself together before she finally found her words. “First of all, if I ever see Rebecca again, I swear to God, that homewrecker is going to need a nose job. Also, honey, fuck, Mackenzie, okay?”

I let out a chuckled sob, but she went on. “Seriously, though, I told her what would happen if she ever hurt you again, and I meant it.”

“I appreciate you, but you cannot kill her. I can’t lose you, too. I want to forget about her and forget this night ever happened.” I knew it would be a long time before that ever happened—if it did at all.

I didn’t know who I was more furious with—myself, for being so careless and giving my heart away just to have it shredded again, Rebecca, for messing everything up in my life for a second time, or Mackenzie fucking Thompson, for coming into my life, making me fall in love with her every single day, and then breaking it all within a matter of minutes. I think it was a twisted combination of all three.

“Is there anything you need, love? Just say the word, and I will go over there right now!” She stood up, but I sat her back down.

“Seriously, Drea. I just want to sleep this night off and have a few days to figure out what I’m going to do next.” I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I couldn’t hide out in the bookstore forever.

“Fal, you know you can stay here for as long as you want. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, babe. If it means anything, I never liked Mackenzie, anyway.”

I forced a small smile. “Thanks, but you loved her, Dre.” I loved her, too. Who was I kidding? I still did. Fuck her and this whole situation!

She sighed. “Yeah, I kind of did. Get some sleep, love. I’m going to call Sky. She was working when I left, so she doesn’t know where I am, and I don’t want her to worry. I love you, sweetie.” I nodded, and she kissed my forehead.

Forehead kisses from Mackenzie used to be my favorite thing. Now, receiving one from Drea only brought me sadness, leaving me feeling hollow and empty.