Page 47 of Taking A Chance
“He was clever, oh so clever. He used to make comments about my weight, my skin, how I wore my hair. As soon as I sniped back at him, he would declare how sorry he was, that it was only a joke.” I let out another deep sigh. “But it was never a joke. He was dragging me down to a point where my self-esteem was totally obliterated.”
As my internal emotions build, a tear escapes from my ear, and slowly trails down my cheek.
Cade leans forward and with the softest touch, kisses it away.
“Then came the headaches, the pains in my stomach, the constant tiredness and fatigue. By this time, I’d started university and was struggling to keep up with my studies.” I continue, but now my voice is higher, strong and laced with annoyance, “I’d always been an outstanding student. I wasn’t Einstein by any means, but I was up there with the best in classes. I’d worked hard, determined to follow my dream of being an interior designer, but I ended up missing so many classes that it became pointless.”
“It affected you that much.” Cade squeezes my hand, his comment not a question, but a clear acknowledgment of how it was for me.”
“Cade, from the minute I woke up, pains would start and I would just curl up in bed and try to drift back to sleep. I tried to hide it from Mum, I didn’t want her to worry, but it was only a matter of time until she noticed that something was up.”
“It’s clear that you and your mother are close,” he whispers.”
“She took me to see the doctor and they did that many scans and various tests, I was dizzy. Every each one that came back negative, which only convinced me that something was seriously wrong.”
I slowly slide my hand out of his at which, at first, he gives some resilience. But when it does come free, I wrap my arms around myself to give me comfort to enable me confess the next part of my mind blowing journey.
“Then, then came the questions,” I stutter, my nervous getting the better of me.
What if my emotional baggage is too much for him and he decides to walk away?
But it’s a risk I have to take, because there’s been enough deceit already. I need to bare all.
“Stick a needle in me any day, that’s a piece of cake, but giving an honest answer to those questions, was the hardest thing I ever did.” I watch him, his eyes never drifting from my face. My heart beats a little too fast, desperately hoping that I don’t read any negativity in his expression.
“You see, the one thing that was drummed into me as a child was never to lie. But there was one question that really tested my honesty, the one that, even to myself, was hard to admit and understand.” This time it’s me that reaches out to take his hand and he gives it without hesitation.
“Cade, I didn’t lie to you about being pregnant. I just didn’t offer you the information in the first place. When you asked me if Viktoria was yours, I didn’t lie. I told you straight out she was. So, when they asked me if I’d ever thought of harming myself or taking my own life, I didn’t lie then either. I answered truthfully, I answered yes.”
He moves towards me, tugging on my hand, to bring him into his embrace, but I put my palm to his chest to keep him at arm’s length.
“Depression is what my diagnosis was. I didn’t believe it at first, but then the doctor explained how sometimes it can show physical signs as well as emotional ones. It all started to make sense, eventually, once I’d seen a counsellor. I didn’t like the medication that they gave me though, it just made me feel like I was only masking the problem.” I deep sigh. “You can try and cover up and old sofa with a fancy throw as much as you like. However, underneath, it’s still an old sofa,” I let out a half-hearted laugh. “So, I stopped taking them. Probably not the best decision if you ask a doctor, but it was what felt right for me.”
“Then something wonderful happened,” I announce with a happy exhale.
I smile, a genuine smile and I catch sight of Cade’s mouth when it twitches as if not sure if he should smile along with me too.
“Kat and I had been friends for years and right out of the blue, she asked me if I wanted to move to England with her. It was scary shit, but I wanted a new life.” Suddenly I stop for a second when I realise I’d missed an important part of my story. “Oh yes, I forgot to tell you. Through all this, it didn’t help that Michal was being a bit of a stalker, kept trying to force me to go back to him, which gave me another good reason to move. It was the best thing I could have done, Cade, because no one knew me, no one judged me and slowly I got the one thing I missed the most. I got me back.” I tap my fingers against the centre of his chest to emphasize my words before shuffling backwards and putting a little more distance between us. “I did, however, make a promise to myself that no man would ever make me feel worthless to the point of self-destruction ever again. I built a barricade around myself, one where I could step out of any time I wanted, have fun, flirt, even party. But when things got too heavy, I would take a step back, slip behind my protective wall with the biggest fuck off no entry sign you can imagine. I was in control.”
While listening to the last bit of my mumbled confession, Cade has slowly moved us further up the bed and is now sitting with his back against the head of the bed, his long legs stretched out in front of him. He looks downcast, and that wasn’t my intention when I start my revelation.
“When I first saw you at the wedding, Cade, you were hot and way out of my league, so when you sought me out at the reception, well, I was overwhelmed.”
“You didn’t show it,” he smirks. “In fact, you were confident and sassy. Oh, and by the way, I was the one that wasn’t worthy of you, not the other way around.”
“Aww give over, flatterer.” I smile and I get a smile back. “The way you took care of me that night when I was pissed. That was so sweet. The day at the market, now that got me thinking, and I realised you were quite the gentleman.”
“Flatterer, sweet and a gentleman. Wow! I guess I could have worse things on my resume.”
“How about demolition man?” I move towards him, bringing one of my legs over his so I straddle him. “Cade, I can’t be certain when or where it happened, but you’ve broken down the barricade.”
Cade’s hands go to my hips, his fingers gripping as he pulls me nearer to him. His semi-hard cock nestles between us. I go to push up on my knees so I can position myself, but he holds me firmly in place.
“What are you saying, Petra?” his lips hover over mine. “Are you telling me you want to be with me? Because I meant every word when I said I wanted us to work, that I’m willing to do whatever possible to have a legitimate relationship with you. Why do you think I agreed to work with Isaac? I was practically ready to move to Bath, to make it my base, only having to go back to New York when necessary?”
“I…”
“Also, it meant I could be with you.”