Page 38 of Taking A Chance

“But it’s different. Amy wanted you too, while Petra pushes me away.”

“Don’t you believe it, brother; it wasn’t as easy as that. I had to fight for her, do everything that was in my power. Hell, I even bought this fucking company so I could get her back into my life.”

“So, what should I do?”

“If you want her, you go get her. If not, you walk away.”

“I want her,” I admit. Not only to Isaac but also to myself.

“Then stop being a pussy and man up!” he growls back. “You get your sorry ass on the next plane to Bratislava, find your girl and don’t take no for an answer.”

Ifeel a soft hand caress the back of my head. I push slightly against it, relishing the sign of affection.

“Ty si plakala (You’ve been crying),” my mother whispers.

“Nie mami, len mam cervene oci od unavy (No mamma, my eyes are just red because I’m tired).”

“Neklam mi Petra, pocula som ta minulu noc zlatko. Je to kvoli tomu muzovi? (Don’t lie to me Petra, I heard you last night, honey. Is it because of this man?)”

“Mami, nechcem o tom hovorit (Mamma, I don’t want to talk about it).”

“Ale music o tom hovorit. Tvoje srdce sa lame pred mojimi ocami a strasne ma to boli takto ta vidiet (But you need to talk about it. Your heart is breaking right in front of my eyes, and it hurts me to see you in so much pain).”

“Mami, prosim ta. Nemozem o tom s tebou diskutovat. Nebudem o tom s tebou diskutovat (Mamma, please. I can’t discuss this. I won’t discuss this).”

“Tak co budes robit Petra? Budes pokracovat takto dalej? Chces sa priviest do skoreho hrobu? (So, what are you going to do, Petra? Carry on like this? Put yourself into an early grave?)” My mother never shouts, but this is as close to it as she ever gets. “Nikdy som si nemyslela ze ti takto budem kazat, ale si sebecka a hlupa (I never thought I would have to preach to you Petra, but you are being selfish and stupid).”

Her words are more painful than a physical slap to my face. I think I would have preferred that. I can’t do this. I can’t sit in the same room and have my mother look at me this way.

“Idem von (I’m going out),” I snap back, jumping out of my seat.

“Kam ides? (Where are you going?)”

“Potrebujem ist na vzduch (I need to get some air).”

“Ides naozaj iba na vzduch? Alebo zase utekas (Is that really what you’re doing Petra? Or are you running away again?)”

“Mami? (Mamma?)” I choke out the word.

“Chod sa prejst Petra a kym sa prechadzas rozmyslaj. Zamysli sa nad tym co robis a ktorym smerom sa chces dalej poberat. Pretoze kym sa zbadas, cas ubehne a bude neskoro (Go for a walk Petra, and while you’re walking, think. Think about what you are doing and where you want to go. Because before you know it, too much time will have passed and it will be too late).”

I grab my jacket from the coat peg on my way out, slamming the door as I leave.

My mother is right. However, how do you decide on your future when you have no idea what it is you want?

They say that life is a selection of pathways, each one leading in a different direction. You have a starting point, that is guaranteed. But then it’s up to you which path you take. When you get to the end, there is another set, then another, until you reach your ultimate destination. Whether the road is smooth as silk or as rocky as a mountain trail, it’s simply down to fate.

I call bullshit!

I didn’t see any roads; I didn’t get any choices. Things just happened, and I had no option but to roll with it.

I keep walking, no actual idea of where I’m going or where I want to be. How ironic, just like in my life.

By the time I get into the centre of the town, my feet hurt. So, after checking my pocket and finding a few euros, I make my way to a little café that faces out onto the main street. The smell of decadent, rich coffee hits my senses as soon as I step through the door. I quickly order at the counter, then take a seat at a small round table near the window.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I jump when the server places the steaming cup in front of me. He utters a quick apology for scaring me before backing away.

I’m sure I look a sight. Swollen eyes, red nose and blotchy skin from all the crying. Slept in clothes and hair that hasn’t seen a brush or comb since I got here. The house was empty when I first arrived here back in Bratislava, so I collapsed on my bed and let my emotions spill out. My whole body and mind exhausted. Eventually, I had drifted off to sleep, albeit broken and disturbed. When I did wake, my face was wet with tears and I had a stress headache from hell. All I had wanted was a strong cup of black coffee before I needed to put on my happy face, but my mother had interrupted my plans.