Page 22

twenty-one

The night air wrapped around Lunar like regret. It wasn’t cold, just sharp. Like the kind of air that reminded you, you were still breathing, even when everything inside felt like it was crumbling.

After he dropped Monday home and talked to his Mama and Pops, he decided to go over to his uncle and aunt’s house. Lunar loved being at French and Solar’s as a child because they seemed to be the most fun and understanding. If Ahvi needed time and space, him being in the same city as her wouldn’t give her that. The natural pull between them would have him fucking her into understanding the ways of a man in love.

So, he fled and he’d been holed up in the house ignoring the world for days now.

He sat on the steps behind French’s house, hoodie pulled low, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. His phone buzzed again.

The world wouldn’t let him sit in peace--- wouldn’t let him gather his thoughts. It was what drove him to always be so impulsive. Pimp was calling about his promotional tour now that videos of people in the club showed them vibing out to his new song, the radio had requested the files too. In the blink of an eye, everything was picking back up and he was ready to bare his soul to them on the album, but like the sun taunting him - Ahvi just had to fold. His phone buzzed again, his thumb eager to swipe right and answer but his emotions had him declining.

It was Ahvi.

She called again.

This time he let it ring.

“Little Lunar, if you let that phone ring one more damn time without answering it, I’mma chunk it in the fuckin’ woods,” French’s voice was loud as he stepped onto the patio, his bare feet padding the concrete.

Lunar didn’t lift his head. He just sighed, his fingers digging into his scalp. “Then do it.”

Behind him, the screen door slid again. Javen walked out with three glasses of brown in one hand and a rolled blunt in the other. Now that he was retired, he stayed high. “You good nephew?”

Javen often stared at Little Lunar because he was the spitting image of Big Lunar. It was like seeing what Big Lunar would’ve looked like at twenty-four.

“Lite that shit up,” French said, grabbing one of the glasses from Javen.

Javen plopped down next to Lunar, handed him the cold glass and bumped shoulders lightly. “You good?” he asked again since Lunar never answered the first time.

Lunar scoffed under his breath. “Do I look good?”

He was so out of his head, he wasn’t thinking straight. He wasn’t disrespectful to his people but his chest was so tight, shit was just spilling out all wrong.

“Calm yo’ ass down, Little Lunar.” Javen leaned his head back.

Lunar kissed his teeth. “My bad,” he mumbled.

“You getting snappy with me when I ain’t did shit,” Javen added, lighting the tip of the blunt, taking a few pulls before dodging Lunar’s hand to pass it to French. “You got me fucked up if you think you ‘bout to smoke my weed and catch an attitude.”

That made Lunar chuckle a little.

French laughed too, almost choking on the smoke filling his lungs. “You talk to her yet?”

“Nah.”

“Why?”

Lunar tilted the glass back. “Cause I ain’t have shit to say that don’t sound like begging.”

There was a long pause. Just the sound of the wildlife distant in the background, a few crickets, and the occasional plane flying in the sky.

“You love her?” Javen asked, dead serious now.

Lunar’s jaw flexed. “With everything.”

“Then what the hell are you doing out here with us?” French leaned forward, elbows on his thighs. “You don’t leave a woman you love unless you trying to lose her.”

“I ain’t leave her , she left me.” Lunar clarified. “She called me but I just need to get my mind right.”

“Yeah, well…love don’t wait around forever for people to cool off.”

The thought of Ahvi moving on hit him hard. Lunar swallowed. “I keep asking myself why love don’t seem to be in the cards for me or some,” he finally admitted. “Like why he give me a girl so damn bullheaded that she don’t accept shit that can change her life? I ain’t built to sit around and watch someone I love struggle. I got the means to make shit happen, so I made shit happen.” He gripped his forehead staring out into the tree line.

French’s home was big and beautiful. The yard was laid out perfectly and Lunar remembered how much time he spent over there kicking it with Aku and Noodle whenever Noodle wasn’t working as a child star. That seemed so long ago, now. Everyone was growing up and finding their way. His little brother wasn’t a virgin anymore and was almost a daddy. Damn, how time flew by for everyone.

French let out a slow breath. “That sound like some Big Lunar shit.”

Lunar froze.

Javen leaned back against the chair, the moonlight catching the one silver streak in his beard. “You know, your Pops was the first man I ever saw dream out loud.”

Lunar turned towards Javen, his eyes desperate to hear all the stories about his daddy.

French swallowed his own emotions before nodding. “For real - we was all broke as hell…Hood dreams. Hustling and just doing anything to get a couple dollars. Your daddy? That man used to say stuff like, ‘We gon’ own the damn moon one day. Our name gon’ mean something.’ I used to just listen because he ain’t never told me nothing that didn’t come true.”

“Facts,” Javen added, laughing. “We all did.”

“But then…” French got quiet, his brown eyes filling with tears of pain and love. “He left us too fuckin’ soon. I’d give anything just to see his face again…Shit, I’d give my life in exchange for his, just so you could feel that weird aura around him,” French wiped his face. “That man pulled me out of the darkness time and time again. He?—”

Javen stood, wrapping his arms around his best friend that was more of a brother to him. “It’s okay, French.” Javen was willing himself not to break down.

“It ain’t though,” French sniffled. “Little Lunar, you ain’t gotta be like him…you don’t have to search the universe for him because he in you, nigga.” He yanked his nephew into his arms. “You been walking around like you missed out on something when my nigga gave us the best fuckin’ parts of him…he gave us you.”

Lunar blinked quick, eyes glassy, trying his hardest not to cry. He was sick of crying and acting out because he wanted his daddy. He was special, that was for sure. Being fatherless was a curse on black kids but he lost one and gained one. Lunar had been too selfish to see his blessings. His life had been good, the road to success painted in gold with the moon and sun shining on him because Big Lunar told God, they belonged to his boy.

And not only did he get Mav, but he always had French and Javen… Qamar too when he grew up. Lunar had been looking at the glass half empty inside instead of being blessed that it was almost full. But it was okay because it’s okay if your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. He knew there was a blessing always swarming around him.

“You looking for answers to shit you already got the answers too,” Javen said. “You been chasing a ghost, trying to figure out if you enough…if you enough to hold the legacy without dropping it but Little Lunar, you are the legacy.

French added, voice gritty, “I hate you never got to meet him…hate he never got to see you but he ain’t leave you empty, boy. He left you, you. Wholesome and whole—talented beyond this world . ”

Lunar didn’t speak. He couldn’t. The lump in his throat was a damn brick. He pushed his sweaty palms against his sweatpants.

Lunar’s hands covered his face as his shoulders started to shake.

“He left the world his only son,” French said gently, his hand on Lunar’s back now. “And that son out here thinking he gotta change his heart for this cruel world...hell nah. You pour into people without thought. Yea, you a little wild but who wouldn’t be with the world in their hands?”

Lunar choked out a breath, tears falling fast and free. “How I miss a man I never knew?”

“Easy and you ain’t wrong for it.”

“Then I can feel him buried so deep in me—I know he gave me Ahvi and Kamari but she so damn stubborn when all I want to do is love her.” He allowed his words to pour out like water.

“We know,” Javen said. “And she knows, but you ain’t gotta prove love, man. You just show up for it, even when you feel small. Even when you scared…especially when she’s scared.”

French added, “And understand everybody ain’t grow up raised in love like you, Little Lunar. She has the right to run from softness, cause the world only taught her how to be hard. That woman love you in your language. She speaks it fluent. But if you have to beg her to let you love her how all black women should be loved, if it’s worth it, get on your knees and beg like Keith Sweat.”

They laughed through their tears and broken hearts.

Lunar wiped his face with both hands. “I miss him,” he whispered. “I want to dance with my daddy at my wedding... That’s how much I miss him but then I remember I still got a solid Pops that’ll dance with me until his back hurts.”

“And uncles…we’ll slow dance with you if that’s what you want.” French smiled. “I don’t know what God put in our pot when he cooked all of us but I know for sure, we are the truth. We created a brilliant legacy on the back of a man that will forever be seventeen. When I die, bury me in the flyest seventeen-year-old shit cause I got so much catching up to do with my nigga when I get to them gates.” He stared up at the moon. “We own the moon.”

Lunar stared out at the stars, chest rising slow. “The sun too,” he smiled thinking about Ahvi and her bright smile and that pretty brown skin that always looked freshly kissed by the sun.

“He left me all of his dream,” he said, almost to himself.

Javen nodded. “And we gon’ make sure you never stop dreaming.”

A quiet moment passed before French muttered, “Now call that girl. Go home. Say what needs to be said.”

“And bring me a plate when y’all make up,” Javen added. “She be cheffin’ like it’s spiritual.”

Lunar stood slowly, pocketing his phone and looking between both of them. “Thank y’all. I needed this.”

French pulled him into a hug, hard and fast. “We got you.”

Javen hugged him next. “Your daddy would be proud, not ’cause you strong but ’cause you real.”

Lunar wiped his face one more time. “I need to lay eyes on my son.”

“You get that shit from French,” Javen muttered.

His brows dipped. “What you mean?” Lunar looked between them.

French pushed Javen. “Nigga just be saying shit.”

* * *

The crickets hummed low. The kind of hum that sat under silence like a steady heartbeat. The grass still held the heat of the day. It was soft under Lunar’s feet as he stood in the yard behind French’s house, just watching the sky. He’d just come out of the heaviest conversation he’d had in years. Javen and French had peeled him open, told the truth he didn’t know he was ready to hear, and somehow…made him feel lighter.

He still felt cracked open and raw but his heartbeat was calmer like it was finally resting.

What his uncles said about Big Lunar, about legacy, and about grief dressed up like responsibility—it stuck with him. But even more than that, it showed him just how heavy he’d been living, and how much lighter he wanted to be.

He was deep in his thoughts, his eyes pinned to the stars, when he heard the crunch of the earth.

Slow steps…familiar rhythm.

Lunar turned and froze. “Ahvi?”

There she was—like a storm he’d been praying for. Hoodie sleeves pushed up—his hoodie, hair barely tamed and her eyes wet before she even got all the way to him.

He stepped forward like he wasn’t sure if she was real. “You… what you doing here?”

Ahvi stopped a few feet from him. Her chest was rising like she’d run the whole way from Jade City. “I had to see you,” she said. “I couldn’t sleep…couldn’t think…couldn’t pretend like I’m good at being away from you.”

Lunar’s throat tightened. “I didn’t think— I thought you needed time.”

“I did and I took it. I sat in that shit. It showed me everything I didn’t wanna admit.” She took a step closer, hands tucked into her sleeves. “I left Kamari with Tiny. I didn’t even tell her where I was going. I just drove, because I realized I wasn’t trying to protect my peace—I was trying to protect my fear.”

Aku sent her the address like she knew her girl needed to go get her man.

Lunar’s thick brows pushed together.

“I was scared,” she confessed, her voice trembling. “Scared of becoming somebody I didn’t recognize – soft…open…led,” she sniffed. “All my life, I had to lead myself, raise myself and heal myself. So, when you came in with all that love, all that stillness, all that structure, whew… that shit scared me. I didn’t know where I fit in.”

Lunar stepped closer. “You fit with me, Ahvi.”

She shook her head gently. “I didn’t know how to trust that, and I didn’t wanna get lost in your world just to be close to you.”

“You never had to lose yourself for me,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I never wanted you small. I just wanted you real.”

She stepped even closer now, inches away. She looked up at him like her whole heart was hanging in her throat. “You broke me.”

Lunar’s face crumpled. “Ahvi…”

“No - listen.” She grabbed his hands, placed them on her chest. “You broke me so good , now I’m okay with letting you put me back together…the way I was intended to be. Soft, feminine, a mother and a boss-ass bitch who ain’t afraid to be loved and led at the same damn time.”

His lips parted but no words came out. Lunar let her talk, let her get her shit off though inside he was jumping for joy.

“I’ve been strong for so long, I didn’t know how to be anything else. I thought being soft meant being weak. I thought following you meant I’d disappear. But I don’t wanna disappear…I wanna merge … I wanna grow…I wanna build…with you and Kamari.” Her voice cracked on the last word, and she grabbed the front of his shirt like it was the only thing keeping her upright.

“I want you , Lunar, not just when it’s easy. I want you when it’s messy, when it’s loud, when it’s hard, when I’m scared, when I’m tired. I want you when I’m doubting myself, and I want to learn how to let you love me - fully.”

He finally breathed, pulling her in so slow, like she was made of something precious. “I don’t want to lead you,” he said, voice deep and thick with emotion. “I want to walk with you. You ain’t gotta hand me the reins. Just give me your hand.”

She dropped her forehead to his chest, body trembling in his arms. “I’m tired of being afraid of peace,” she whispered.

“You don’t have to be - not with me.”

They stood like that for a long moment, her wrapped in his arms, the moon spilling light over both of them like God was watching and finally exhaled. Then slowly, he bent down and picked her up like she weighed nothing, like she was the last answer to every question he’d ever asked.

He carried her into the grass gently, his lips brushing her temple, her cheek, and her throat - just inhaling her.

She sank into the earth, into him, into the love that had always been waiting for her on the other side of surrender.

“I love you, Ahvi,” Lunar crooned, rubbing his face against hers.

“I love you so much that it hurts. My heart pumps so much blood when I think about loving you like you love me…like you love Kamari. Like you love your family—our family because they said I can stay even if you don’t want me no more,” she smiled making him do the same.

“I was never coming up off you, Ahvi… I was just giving you time but trust I was ‘bout to be on your ass. You ain’t even let me get to the good parts of loving me - the wining and dining, the trips, the businesses we’ll create together and the legacy I’m going to build for us.” He kissed her neck.

They didn’t undress like people desperate—they undressed like people coming home. Every piece of clothing peeled off with a whisper. Every kiss a confirmation.

He laid her down under the stars, fingers running down the side of her face like she was scripture. “I love you,” he breathed against her skin. “I love you in every version. But I’ve been praying for this one - the real you…the free you.”

Ahvi blinked, trying to hold in her tears. “Fuck me under the moon, finish breaking me while the stars watch so you can love me when the sun comes up.” Ahvi kissed his nose. “I just want to stand in the sun with you, baby… just?—”

He pressed his finger against her lips. “Shh, I know what you need. Don’t I always know what you need, Ahvi?”

She nodded, spreading her legs so wide. “Break me, Lunar.

They made love like it was healing, like it was reclamation, like something that was broken but never lost.

Her hands gripped his shoulders as he moved inside her like worship, like she was the moon and he was finally learning how to orbit again.

She cried again, but it wasn’t pain - it was release. It was her body remembering it was safe to feel .

He kissed her mouth, her collarbone, her stomach - kissed his name into her skin.

And when they collapsed together, breath tangled, and hearts synced—they didn’t speak…they didn’t have to.

The stars said it for them.

So did the quiet.

So did the peace.

“Standing in the sun is cool and all, but standing next to you? That’s where the real heat is. You got me burning up, and I ain’t even mad about it.” Lunar told her, needing her to know just how much he loved her.

If Lunar was the moon, Ahvi had to be the sun. They were destined to live together while still remaining true to what life and love had for them—independent in their right, but together because it was what God had intended. There was no night without morning, no grief without love, and no love without a little pain.