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eighteen

Ahvi held her breath, watching Kamari stand without assistance. Her fingers twitched at her sides. She wanted to yell and scream, but Lunar had already got on her about it, told her to chill and stop scaring him every time he did something new. So, she kept her mouth shut and pressed her lips together so tight they tingled.

“Come on, Kamari,” Lunar called, crouching down with his arms out with just enough space for Kamari to take maybe ten steps to get to him. “You got that shit.”

Ahvi kissed her teeth. “How you get to say something but I can’t?”

“You be yellin’ and shit. He don’t like that,” Lunar shot back, smirking like he was enjoying this a little too much.

Kamari laughed too like he understood what was going on. The way Lunar talked to him like he was his best friend in the whole world, Ahvi believed her baby really did understand.

“That’s crazy,” she muttered, folding her arms across her chest. “He be clapping to your music and you act like it’s a genius level…havin’ full blown conversations and celebrations. But let me get excited…”

“You do too much, Ahvi. Then you start crying and shit.”

“Nigga, please.” She rolled her eyes but didn’t let them linger, afraid she’d miss Kamari’s steps.

Kamari took one shaky step, then another. His arms flailed a little for balance, but he was locked in. His little feet moved cautiously across the hardwood.

Ahvi’s mouth parted. Her chest filled up with pride and ached as she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from squealing. She looked at Lunar out of the corner of her eye, and he was already watching her like he knew she was dying inside.

“You better not cry,” he warned, playful but lowkey serious.

“I’m not,” she whispered.

Kamari was five steps in when the front door flew open, slamming against the wall. The sound of it made Kamari focus on the noise while falling to his butt.

“Hey y’all,” Noodle shouted making Kamari fall on his butt.

“The fuck?.” Lunar stood up halfway. “Ahvi what I told you ‘bout not locking the door?” He glared at his family who just walked in like they lived there.

Aku stomped past Kamari. Throwing her whole body on the couch, she groaned into a pillow. “I’m heartbroken,” she mumbled, flipping over. Her eyes were red-rimmed, hair wild like she’d been rolling around in a field. “Ahvi, we’re going out. I need to turn up with my girls. I need loud music, irresponsible decisions, some good weed, and a fire ass drink.”

Bu walked in, shaking his head before yanking Noodle into his lap. “Aku, you really be dramatic. You was just clowning the nigga, now you crying?”

“Have you ever had your heart broke, Bethune?” Aku snapped, not waiting for his reply because she knew the answer. “I didn’t think so…we was supposed to be gang sisters,” she fake cried, holding her arms out for Noodle.

Ahvi covered her mouth to contain her laughter.

“He don’t deserve you anyway,” Noodle added, nestling deeper into Bu’s lap.

Ahvi blinked, and snapped at them, “Y’all just gon’ bust up in here like Kamari wasn’t about to win a marathon?”

“I saw him,” Aku said, sniffling. “He walking now. Love that for him, but I’m dying, so can we focus on me?”

Lunar scoffed, “He took six steps, coulda took more if y’all didn’t come bustin’ in like y’all were invited.”

Noodle got up, going into the kitchen. She was tired after jetting across the country to meet with producers though, she wasn’t actively working on her next album yet. Instead, she was keeping her options open to songs and beats. With the success of her debut album Chasing Galaxies , she had time to let it simmer before her fans demanded something new.

“Boy, shut up,” Noodle said, tossing him a Capri Sun. “You still trying to convince Ahvi to take Kamari on tour like it’s a family RV trip.”

That made everybody pause for half a beat. The energy in the room dipped just enough for Ahvi to feel it in her chest. She looked at Lunar. He raised his brows like - well, she not wrong .

Bu whispered in Noodle’s ear, telling her she was outta line for bringing that up. He’d warned Lunar on telling Aku and Noodle shit when they were building a solid relationship with Ahvi. The three of them had a group chat and checked in frequently between Aku’s stylist clients, and Noodle busy life going from artist of the decade to running Bu’s successful landscaping business in Madison Heights. All of them were busy but still made time for each other by checking in, planning Noodle’s wedding, and just making sure they were always locked in.

Aku sat up, holding her arms out for Kamari who had moved onto the next thing, crawling over to his pile of cars and entertaining himself. Mari shook his head at her. “Big head ass,” she teased, smiling at how active he was now.

“I’m just saying,” Lunar said, voice calmer now. “It don’t gotta be crazy. A short run…couple uh cities. Y’all could fly out, be in and out - hotel room with two beds, Kamari gets his own crib.”

Ahvi looked down at Kamari, who had made it to the coffee table and was now banging on it like it owed him money.

“He just started walking,” she said, not even realizing she said it out loud.

“And I wanna be there to see the rest,” Lunar drawled., “not on FaceTime.”

Noodle made a loud gagging noise. “Can y’all not have a moment right now? We got pain in the room…real pain.” She’d smoked a blunt with Bu on the ride over from the airport so she was loose and goofy.

“I’m in mourning,” Aku mumbled. “He had dimples, y’all. Dimples! ”

“Lunar has dimples,” Ahvi blurted, earning her a smirk from him.

“Girl, not now,” Aku waved her off, her messy bob bouncing with her.

Noodle pushed the straw into the capri sun and raised it like a glass. “To the dimples.”

Ahvi rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. This house stayed full of noise, chaos, and a rotating cast of emotionally unstable twenty-somethings. And somehow, it still felt peaceful.

If it wasn’t Pimp, Noodle, Aku, and Bu, then it was her sister, Monday, Jaci, JJ, and Halo. Even Belinay, Qamar’s youngest daughter who lived in Jade City came over a few times. Stephanie also made it her business to stop by unannounced with food and stuff for Kamari. Her baby loved when the house was lively. She knew it was why he was taking steps. He was afraid of missing out.

Kamari got up, made 3 quick steps, stumbled and landed on his butt again with a soft thud, looking up like y’all saw that, right? Lunar picked him up with a proud grin and kissed the top of his head.

Ahvi leaned against the wall, arms still folded, her eyes on both of them. “I’m not saying no,” she said thoughtfully, more to herself than anyone else. “I’m just saying…let me think about it.”

Lunar nodded, like that was enough, like he could wait because he would. He was willing to drag her with him if he had too. He refused to leave them behind.

From the couch, Aku sniffled again. “Can we think about it after we get some tequila?”

“Ouuu, let’s go shopping,” Noodle suggested, sitting up.

Aku sucked her teeth. “Why - so you can buy some more red shit?” her mouth fell open as she let out another fake cry. “I was supposed to start wearing red too.”

They all cracked up, laughing at Aku.

“Ummm,” Ahvi chewed on her lip. She was never one to not want to do a little retail therapy but even with the advanced salary from Lunar, she didn’t feel comfortable going shopping with them. They were rich and she knew they were about to go to the mall with all the designer shit and she’d never set foot in there before.

Noodle saw the look on her face, her eyes bucking to Aku wondering what was up with Ahvi.

“Ahvi, hold your hand up like you about to bite a cheeseburger,” Aku said making everyone look at her like she was crazy. Aku rolled her eyes, “Girl, just do it.”

Ahvi played along, holding up her right hand like she was holding a juicy burger.

“Lunar, that’s how much money she needs.”

Everyone laughed again. Aku was crazy but so serious.

Lunar walked up to Ahvi with Kamari in his hands. He pushed himself into her. “What you willing to do for it?” His voice gave her chills.

Snickering, she looked at them. “Give me ten minutes. Let me put some clothes on before y’all drag me into your heartbreak tour.”

“Hoe, you ‘bout to do something nasty. Give me my nephew,” Aku held her hands out. “He the only one that love me anyway.”

Kamari wiggled and whined when Lunar handed him to Aku.

“If you think that, you’re more delusional than I thought,” Noodle laughed when Kamari fell out.

* * *

Treetop was lit and packed from wall to wall with bodies swaying, lights flashing, and bass dropping in thick waves that made the floor feel like it might cave in. It was the newest spot in Jade City, and with summer on its last leg, everybody and their mama was out, holding onto those last wild nights before school started.

Ahvi stood in the middle of it all, letting the music thump through her bones, pretending like she belonged.

If she needed any reason to feel out of place, walking in with The Jacory and her two security guards was enough to push her into the corner to hide from all eyes being on them.

She never really hung out, not without watching the clock or checking her phone every five minutes. Having a father like Ish meant sneaking around was survival, not rebellion. Once Kamari came-- nights like this were impossible, they didn’t even exist in her imagination. Her idea of going out was a folding chair on Sheena’s porch, slapping cards on tables and talking shit with people twice her age or a quiet kickback with Dro and takeout food. That was her version of fun.

So, tonight felt foreign. It felt good, too, but…foreign, nonetheless.

After hitting the mall and taking food to the guys, the girls made it out. Ahvi had been pacing around her room until Lunar pushed an edible in her mouth and kissed her forehead like a blessing for her to go out and have fun.

“Go - have fun. I got our boy,” he promised, voice all soft and commanding.

Now here she was, in the club, surrounded by heat and hormones, trying to relax and not spend the entire night in her own damn head.

“This is just what the fuckin’ doctor ordered!” Aku screamed over the music, her sleek black bob bouncing as she rolled her hips. “There’s some fine shit in here, too!”

“Lord, please don’t let Aku get us in no mess,” Noodle muttered, glancing up at the ceiling.

“Girl, Jackie all in your head with that Bible,” Aku waved her off, mentioning her biological mom that she’d just started rekindling a relationship with.

Ahvi laughed, even though her stomach was doing tiny flips.

Noodle and Aku were crazy as hell together. Noodle was all calm energy and wisdom wrapped in baby hair and gloss. Aku was a wild thing—loud, reckless, and impossible to ignore. And now there was Ahvi… some weird blend of solitude and patient fire. She wasn’t sure what she added to this group yet, but it was real. Their connection…their love – it was all real, and she wasn’t about to question it too much.

Still, her mind was drifting. Always drifting back to Kamari. Was he really sleeping or just giving Lunar hell?

And what if Lunar wasn’t the man she kept thinking he was? What if she said ‘yes’ to LA and it all crumbled and she was left picking up the pieces with her baby on her hip and Ish shaking his damn head like he told her so?

There was so much on her mind that she almost forgot she was in the club and supposed to be mending Aku’s fake broken heart with drinks and ass shaking.

The DJ spun a perfect set of slow jams. Back-to-back bangers, the kind that made you feel grown and sexy. Ahvi leaned back, sipping on her drink, trying to vibe and enjoy her first kid-free night since she was locked up. But even as her hips moved, her thoughts were stuck on Lunar’s voice asking her, “What if you just said yes?”

It scared the hell out of her.

“What’s wrong with you?” Aku bumped her, catching the far-off look in her eyes. “I’m the heartbroken one. Why you lookin’ all sad?” Her gloss was shiny, eyes glistening—either from drink number five or unspoken shit clawing at her chest…probably both.

Ahvi bumped her back. “First of all, you are not heartbroken. Second, you damn near knocked my ribs loose, hoe.”

Aku’s ears only heard what she wanted. “How you gon’ tell me if I’m heartbroken or not?!”

Ahvi sighed and turned to face her fully, her face sober now. “Because if you were heartbroken, like really heartbroken… you wouldn’t even be able to get out the bed. It would feel like somebody put their fist through your chest. You would cry until your body gave out and you would stop eating. You’d feel him like a sickness in your bloodstream.” Her voice dropped, “And Aku…that’s not what this is. Devin didn’t break your heart. He just didn’t become the man you needed him to be. That’s not the same thing.”

Aku’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. That shit hit something she hadn’t said out loud…hadn’t even said to herself. Because truthfully? She wasn’t mourning the man, she was mourning the dream - the picture she painted in her head. She wanted a future - he didn’t.

Noodle slid closer, her eyes flicking between them.

“Noodle, do you think I’m heartbroken?” Aku asked, like the verdict might kill her.

Noodle chewed on her lip for a second, then slowly shook her head.

Aku gasped. “What?!”

Noodle cracked up, falling into Ahvi’s shoulder, buzzed and honest. “You just mad your little fantasy fell apart. That ain’t heartbreak, babe -that’s just life.”

Aku groaned and clutched her chest like she’d been shot. “Y’all don’t know shit about love! Noodle, this your first time and Ahvi… please …you scared of love.”

Ahvi laughed a little too loud, because…no lies detected. “I am scared,” she admitted, her voice less confident than before. “Love ain’t never done nothing but leave me broken.”

And that was the truth, from Ish’s cold grip to Kamari’s absent father, and the deep-rooted belief that if she let someone in too deep, she’d lose herself. She wanted to trust Lunar, wanted to believe he was the real thing but fear was familiar - love wasn’t.

Just then, Jagged Edge’s voice slid through the speakers like molasses, “ What’s it like to be in love…” And Aku went full on dramatic. She threw her arms in the air, yelling the lyrics like they came from her own diary.

Ahvi shook her head and shoved her phone in Noodle’s hands. “Get your cousin. For real.”

But she was already pulling it out to record, Noodle laughing so hard she could barely keep the camera straight.

Throwing caution to the wind, Ahvi downed her drink and grabbed Aku around the waist. Noodle followed, and the three of them stood in their section, swaying and holding onto each other like their lives depended on it.

“What’s it like to be in love? That’s all I’ve been thinking of,” Aku belted off key, deep in her feelings. “Will love ever know me?”

Noodle laughed the hardest, probably because she could really sing.

“Y’all really my best bitches,” Aku cried, hanging on them like a baby.

Ahvi just held her tighter. Having friends— real ones was new. Before them, she moved alone. Her walls were high, barbed wire thick. Now, she had people. People who didn’t expect her to be anything but herself.

“I need a drink,” Aku sniffled.

“Girl, maybe you don’t,” Ahvi said, brows raised.

Noodle squinted at her. “I think we all need one more…just one.”

Ahvi exhaled. “Y’all gon’ be the reason I can’t get out the bed in the morning.”

They walked to the self-serve bar in their section. Aku poured heavy before lifting her glass. “To healing.”

“To him realizing he fumbled,” Ahvi added, smirking, knowing Devin didn’t fumble—he just stood on what he wanted for his life.

“To never dating a rapper, again,” Noodle giggled.

They clinked their glasses then tossed them back. Aku’s throat tightened—her dreams louder than her pride. She wanted love - wanted the real thing so bad it ached. And even though Devin wasn’t it, that didn’t stop the want.

They danced after that - hard and free. The night moved in snapshots - slow and blurry. Aku was already eyeing someone across the room, Noodle was at the DJ booth talking big noise, and Ahvi found herself leaned up against the velvet ropes, watching it all.

Ahvi was still in her head, still wondering if saying yes to Lunar meant losing herself…or finally finding peace.

Ahvi stayed posted up at the table for a minute with her phone in her hand looking at the picture of Kamari, Lunar sent earlier. It was the most beautiful thing. Both of them were shirtless with Kamari asleep on his chest. The club was cool but she wanted to be there with them, knowing their bubble was close to being popped with Lunar ready to step back into the world.

Just when Ahvi was about to put her phone up and go back to dancing, she felt him.

Snaking up behind her, Lunar whispered in her ear. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you in this dress and heels.”

Ahvi’s body shook like a gust of cold swept around her. She smiled big when his teeth scrapped across her ear. She blinked. “What you doing here?”

“I missed my girl.” He shrugged, with a glint in his eyes. “And based on y’all IG videos I came to make sure nobody ended up on Ken Barbie.”

“Where is Kamari?” Ahvi asked, still wrapped up in his arms. He always smelled so good and the feel of his slim muscles against her back did something to her.

“Butta,” he replied, swaying his body to the music, not acknowledging the DJ shouting him out now. “I called her to come spend the night with him.”

Ahvi nodded, resting her worried mind. She knew her son was better than good with her little sister.

Bu strolled in shortly after him, going to Noodle’s security to ask where she was. He laughed when he saw her at the DJ booth. His Noodle had slowly started to come out of her shell and he loved being able to witness it.

Aku did a double take. Stomping back over to their section, she rested her hand on her hip with a displeased look on her face. “Now what about my healing made y’all think I wanted to see my girls all in love?”

Lunar mushed her head. “Aku, stop playing with me.”

Ahvi’s laugh made her chest bounce and Lunar lick his lips.

His low eyes were back on her. “Why I let you leave home dressed like this?”

When Ahvi went shopping with Noodle and Aku, she let them talk her into buying her first ever designer dress. The green Balmain dress fit her like a glove, and hugged her body so good, the slight budge in her stomach disappeared. Since she was new to heels, Aku convinced her to wear platforms for stability.

She looked so good when she got dressed, Lunar almost didn’t let her leave.

And her hair was pulled back into a low bun showing off her baby face. Aku also beat her face and Ahvi had to admit she felt sexy.

Aku gushed. “Lunar, I hope Ahvi is the one because you look so happy with her,” she wiped a fake tear putting the spotlight on Ahvi.

He looked down at Ahvi. “Are you the one, Ahvi?”

Her name on his lips would never get old to her.

“I want to be,” she mouthed and he heard her loud and clear.

“Man do we have a special treat for y’all tonight,” the DJ announced, pulling everyone’s attention to him.

He passed the mic to Noodle, who smiled like she had something up her sleeve. The whole time she was up there, she was talking to the DJ and texting Pimp. “As y’all know, we have Nar in the building tonight. Make some noise for him.”

Lunar smiled that panty wetting smile and threw his hand up to everyone while his eyes shot daggers into Noodle.

“He’s dropping a new single and y’all gonna hear it first. Come up here,” Noodle called out with that familiar grin, waving him toward the stage.

Lunar didn’t hesitate. He grabbed Ahvi’s hand, like it was the most natural thing in the world - like they’d always been a unit, but she didn’t move.

Instead, she pulled back.

Ahvi’s fingers slipped from his and that tiny hesitation made him stop. His eyes locked on hers - sharp, unmoving, and full of words he still hadn’t said out loud. But that stare of his…never needed much translation. It pierced through her like always, setting off something stubborn in her chest. That stare always asked for surrender, but not out of weakness— out of trust, and trust was a damn muscle she didn’t know how to work.

Ahvi’s body flinched again, just as Aku’s hand pressed gently into the small of her back – a gentle nudge.

Not forceful, or loud just belief—Aku’s belief in love would never waiver even if she hadn’t been granted it yet. That was the difference between them. Ahvi figured out where she fit into their trio. She was the afraid one - the one they’d have to encourage the most to let love lead.

Ahvi swallowed, her pulse ticking in her throat. She wasn’t scared of the crowd or the lights or being seen. She was scared of being seen with Lunar because in rooms like this, she was the nobody and Lunar was…all of it.

The whole club seemed to orbit around him without effort.

They were stars and she was still figuring out how to glow without burning herself out. But somehow, he kept pulling her into his gravity, like he saw the sun in her she hadn’t noticed yet.

To him, Ahvi was the biggest star—she was his sun.

Lunar turned to her fully, his hands cupping her face with a warmth that quieted the noise around them. His thumbs brushed her cheeks like they belonged there, like she belonged there.

“Come on, Ahvi,” he whispered, low enough to slice through her chest. “I want to show you off to the world.”

Her lips parted to speak, but no words came out. Just breath—shaky, caught, unsure, and then his mouth was on hers.

It wasn’t rushed. It wasn’t for show. It was just… him . His mouth pressed against hers. His tongue dipped into her like a promise, like an anchor, like something holy in a room full of smoke and sound.

And suddenly, the edible, the drinks, the music, the nerves - it all swirled around her. All she wanted was to drift wherever he was going. Her feet, once glued to the floor, started whispering yes before her lips even did.

She nodded.

And his smile curved against her mouth like he already knew she would agree. “You still letting me break you?”

“I think I’m already broken,” she breathed, her words barely brushing his lips, her body already betraying her mouth, leaning into him like he was the safest danger she’d ever known.

Broke…broken. It wasn’t just about sex. It never was.

The breaking he kept talking about wasn’t about control either. it was the undoing of every lie she’d been taught to protect herself with. The ones that said softness was a weakness, that asking for help meant you’d failed, that a man would always leave, and that survival meant never needing anyone too much.

Lunar wasn’t teaching her how to need—he was teaching her how to be met, to be matched and to be held.

The breaking was a slow unraveling of all the threads Ish had stitched into her. And to be fair, Ish had only ever known how to teach her to be a man. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know what to do with a daughter built like storm and silk. He taught her to be tough, to never fold, to do it all herself.

But Lunar…Lunar was showing her a different kind of strength. One that didn’t stand alone. One that knew power in partnership. One that said - I got this part, so you don’t have to carry it all.

It was unfamiliar and terrifying, but it was working.

And for the first time, Ahvi felt the crack open a little wider. Not to let the pain back in, but to let love in - real love. The kind that showed up without question, the kind that whispered, You don’t have to be everything, Ahvi - just be you. I’ll meet you there.

So maybe she was breaking or already broken.

Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.

The moment she gave in, even just a little, Lunar’s hand found hers again. This time gentler - no pull, no pressure, just a thread between them - steady and sure.

Ahvi’s legs moved slow at first, like her body was still catching up to her decision, but Lunar never let her feel alone in it. He walked beside her, his hand wrapped around hers. Not dragging her into the spotlight but walking her into it, step by step, like they were building something with each footfall.

The club’s lighting shifted as they approached the small, elevated platform near the DJ booth. It wasn’t a full-blown stage, just a space that was elevated enough to be seen.

Conversations ceased and phones rose. All eyes were on him, but Lunar didn’t flinch or shrink.

Instead, he turned to Ahvi, one hand still holding hers while the other adjusted the mic someone passed to him. He looked at her like she was the moment, not the music. Then, with a low hum in his chest, he kissed the top of her hand.

“Y’all ever been so in love with someone,” he started, his voice smooth and relaxed, “that they start changin’ the way you hear music?”

In love? His words looped in her head.

A few playful hoots came from the crowd with big smiles from the ladies that wanted to be where she was. They wanted to stand next to Nar and be his muse while she was still thinking about running.

He glanced back at Ahvi and smiled, his eyes filled with love for her. “This woman right here…I ain’t gotta give you the whole story, just know she changed the way the sun hits everything.”

Ahvi’s heart thudded so hard she felt it in her throat. Her face became flushed, but she didn’t move.

“She hate this shit.” Lunar grinned at the crowd, lifting their clasped hands. “But that’s what makes it even more beautiful.”

The lights dipped a little lower, shadows melting into the warmth of the moment. Then the beat dropped—soft, familiar, but flipped.

A sped-up version of Sunshine by Alexander O’Neal slid through the speakers like silk over skin. It was nostalgic but fresh, something old-school made new again—just like everything Ahvi was learning to believe in.

The crowd swayed, heads nodded, and a couple of voices even hummed the first line before the beat kicked in harder, with drums that hit a little deeper than expected. Lunar let the moment sit for a second, soaking into the walls, the floor, and the people.

Then he spoke into the mic again, right as the hook reworked itself into the beat.

“This my new single. It’s called Standing in the Sun in Jade City , cause that’s what she is. Even when she trying to pretend she don’t glow.”

Ahvi would never hear the song the same again but every time she heard his version, she remembered their first dance together to it. Lunar rapped the first verse. How he remembered the freestyle she challenged him to do was beyond her. It showed his true talent that he not only remembered but put it on a song. A song for her. Sheena never talked about the possibility of a man dedicating a song to a woman.

“Standing in the sun, feeling the fire on my face,

Ain’t no need to run, when I’m lost in your space.

Let it burn, let it shine, let it wrap me in gold,

With you right beside me, Love’ll never get old.”

He rapped the chorus so smooth.

And as Lunar let the music play, his arm slid around her waist, holding her close like he always did. Not to claim her, but to center her, to remind her that she belonged there just as much as he did.

Ahvi’s nerves didn’t leave completely, but they eased up, like they were stepping aside to make room for something bigger as the hook played again. “ You are my sunshine… ” remixed and looped with new fire and soul, she closed her eyes for a second, letting it wash over her, allowing herself to be seen, and letting herself feel the fullness of the moment.

When she looked back at Lunar, she wasn’t afraid anymore.

Maybe she really was broken. When she thought she was irreparable… thought she had nothing to give… Lunar kept finding the pieces of her she never even knew she had.