Page 43 of Someone Else's Wolf

"The sex is good?" His smile was twisted and pathetic.

Damn it. I gave him a wry smile in return. "You know it is. But that's not enough reason to... I just want more from life, okay? Doesn't it hurt, to know you love your mate more than he'll ever love you back? Didn't it hurt when you knew he was seeing other people, but you wanted him to stop? Why would you ask me to do that for you?"

His face changed then, a sudden convulsion of compassion. "Oh, Shane, no." He took me by the arms and searched my face, his expression gentle, his eyes large and soft, his hands light and as considerate as always. "No, Shane, that's not — it's not that way at all. I—"

He swallowed hard, and fell silent, searching my face as he searched for words. "If I could, it would be you. If I could go back and pick something different, I'd never have let it turn out this way. I just wouldn't have. I'd have waited for you, Shane. But I can't change how things happened. And maybe I'll never have the words and the promises I want to give — I mean, that you deserve — but I—"

He was holding my hands now. Damn it, who could resist that face?

He took a deep breath. "If you really want to find it with someone else, then, yes. Yes, you should go. I mean, you should go find someone better. But I don't want you to think that this has been a game. That I don't feel things for you just because I can't put them into words."

How fucked up was it that this was working? I was actually being won over by him saying this. I drew my hands free — but I was gentle about it. "You can see people behind your mate's back, but you can't say things likeloveor offer commitment? You can fuck me into next week, but you can't..."

I trailed off, out of words. Out of fight.

He shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't know it would get this serious."

"This is way too much drama. This is complicated and fucked up. I don't want to be part of your little...whatever it is. Wait, does Sue know?"

He swallowed and nodded. "Yes. And the Shifters and Partners organization, as well. Everyone knows. I mean, that my — that he's in jail for armed robbery, and all of that."

"When did you meet him? How?"

He licked his lips nervously. "I don't really want to talk about it."

I held up a hand. "No. You're right. Why would I want to know that, anyway?" So I could be more jealous? So I could imagine how they were together? Yeah, I really needed that in my life. "Peter, I need to go now. Stop trying to convince me to stay. I need to think about this. I need some distance. Frankly, you're just making it worse."

He flinched a little but nodded quickly, looking down. "Of course. Yeah. It must be a lot to take in."

"Yeah. It really is. I'll see you around."

He raised a hand in mute farewell. The look on his face was painful to see.

I walked out anyway. Because, really, he should have told me. No matter how fucked up it was, I'd have been better able to accept the situation if I'd had a choice in whether to accept it or not.

He should have said something sooner, not when I was walking out.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"I've decided not to see him anymore," I told Kirk.

He raised a doubtful brow. I had never met anyone who could convey skepticism as thoroughly and devastatingly as Kirk. He took another swig of his juice. "Oh?"

"I have. It's not fair that he lied to me. I know we both should have been more up front, but him especially."

"Because you assumed wolves are loyal and want forever mates." Again with the skepticism. He could throw shade in the Olympics, I swear. "I think you're being a bit naïve, Shane."

"Naïve? I'm not naïve." I had a lot more experience with sex and relationships than Kirk did.

"You thought because he was a wolf and he was fond of you that you didn't have to have that conversation. But he was honest, after a fashion. Sure, I think he was an asshole, but he was careful not to promise you anything or say he loved you till he slipped up. Now, you're hurt because you expected more. I'm not saying you're wrong to expect more, simply that he was actually fairly honest, considering."

Yeah, considering he'd kept it a huge secret as long as possible. Bloody hell, why would Kirk pick this moment to take Peter's side?

Kirk studied me thoughtfully, making me feel like I was under a microscope. "You don't have the right to be hurt here. But you are, because it's not about having a right, or being sensible. It's about falling in love."

"Stop." I felt exposed. "I'm not in love with him." At least, not anymore. I didn't need someone like that in my life.

Kirk snorted and drank the rest of his juice. "I think neither one of you is being terribly honest."