Page 24 of Someone Else's Wolf

"Difficult emotionally? What does that mean? Why is it even a consideration? People are dying every day because they don't get the care they require quickly enough, because the doctors are futzing around with slow, archaic tests and painfully unnecessary exploratory surgeries. But, oh, it might bedifficult emotionallyto tell someone they're probably dying."

He turned and frowned at me, angry in earnest. "Does it really matter how I feel about it? Me, a professional — 'Sorry, it's too difficult. Why don't you wallow in uncertainty for a while longer while we try to find out why you're in pain?' 'Why don't we torture you with so-called medical care because, oh, there isn't anyone who can be bothered to take a quick sniff test and declare that no, this isn't cancer?'"

He turned away savagely, but there were tears in his eyes.

Whoa."I'm sorry."

He wiped the back of his hand across his face irritably. "So were they. But it didn't save her life." After a moment, he added, "My mother. They didn't have this sort of thing back then. It would have helped so much."

"I'm sorry."

Of course he was right. Even if you knew sooner that a medical condition was completely beyond hope — not a frequent occurrence these days, I thought — it would let you use your remaining time more wisely, doing what you wanted during your last months of life, rather than sitting around in a backless gown, waiting for a doctor to figure out that they couldn't fix you, putting you through more agony in the meantime.

I would want someone like Kirk in my corner, if it were me. I hadn't known why the medical field seemed like an important thing to look into, and even though a big part of it was selfish — that I would be able to keep seeing Peter without having to worry about being outed on the job — there was definitely an unselfish element to Kirk's desire for this kind of work.

If I could help him get a job, it would be a valuable thing to do — even if I basically did nothing but paperwork and tried to talk him through the emotional challenges. Which I probably couldn't. But still, I'd do my best, like a partner should.

"We'll give it a go, if you want," I told him.

He seemed to be holding himself rigidly, perhaps as if he'd fly apart if he let go. His grief was still strong, and his anger had burned for a long time, perhaps with no real outlet. It wasn't anyone's fault there hadn't been a better program to detect cancer when his mother was dying, but there hadn't been, and now there was.

"I can't promise to be the partner you need, but I'll try."

"I don't think I should even need a partner," he said, his voice tight, as if he was trying not to cry any more. "I should be able to do it alone."

"Yes, you should. And I don't know if I can be as supportive as I should. But I'll try. Do you think you can stand me having a wolf boyfriend, though?" It seemed a petty thing to mention just now, but it did matter. I was thinking of doing this at least in part so I could be with Peter. I couldn't give him up for Kirk, no matter what.

He sniffed and shrugged a shoulder. "I could. Probably." He hesitated, then added, "It would probably be a good idea if I could meet him before we make any final decisions. Just to be sure."

I patted him on the back. "Good thought. I'll ask him to come here and meet you soon."

He cast me a look that was more curious than angry. "Why are you interested in working with me?"

Since he'd opened up to me, it seemed only fair to tell him. This wasn't easy for me to talk about, though, so I looked down at my feet. "I'm in the closet at work, and if I come out, they'll find a way to make my life hell. I'm not sure there's any police department near where my boyfriend works that would be different, but I think the medical establishment would be. I don't see why they should care, why it would even need to come out, and I wouldn't be around anyone long enough to let them make my life hell. Unless you decided to." I quirked a smile at him, but it came out funny.

"Your wolf boyfriend — he's worth this? Changing jobs?"

"I think so. I hope so." I reflected that I should be a little more honest here. "Actually, I'm not even sure we're boyfriends. But I like him a lot."He's everything I want."And I've been a bit burned out as a cop for a while now. Working with you sounds easier — and still important."

"It would be." He looked intensely into my eyes, searching for something. "Let me meet him. We'll see. If it doesn't work out, I'll try to help you find someone you can work with instead."

"Okay. And I'll help you, too."

We shook on it. I felt better, knowing the prickly deer shifter was in my corner. Somehow, just saying the words aloud made me feel settled inside. It wasn't wrong to feel how I did, to want Peter for my boyfriend, to want a fresh start and a new shot.

Now, I needed to work to make all that happen. If I didn't take the chance, I'd always wonder what could have been.

#

"It's nice to see you, don't get me wrong. I'm just not quite sure why I needed to meet your...potential partner." Peter, lovely to see as he was, was even more ill at ease than normal — and so was I, to be honest.

Now that I knew what I wanted (or, rather, now that I was admitting it to myself), it was hard to be casual about this. I needed to tread carefully, but part of me wanted to burst out with all of it: my feelings for him, how much he meant to me, that I wouldn't work with anyone who couldn't accept that he was going to be a huge part of my life — if he wanted to be.

"He, um... I wanted you to meet him." I scratched at my chin and smiled apologetically. "Hope it wasn't too much trouble?"

"No, no. It — that's fine."

Obviously, he'd come out of his way to travel here and see me. But he was acting like it didn't matter at all.