Page 26 of Someone Else's Wolf

I took a breath. "If we keep seeing each other, it's going to come out. You know it is."

Should I mention Sue? I still didn't want to come between them. It was getting hard to dance around the issue, though. She'd told the recruiter about us, and who else would she tell if she got the chance?

He was staring at me uncomprehendingly.

"It would make life difficult if it came out at the precinct, or even if I ended up at the neighboring precinct."

"You might move precincts?" That seemed to alarm him. "But how will I keep an eye on you?"

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I squinted at him and drew back. "You don't need to keep an eye on me. We're not partners."

"No. Of course. No, I get that." He nodded fast and swallowed. "I just didn't realize you'd be leaving the — the precinct."

"It's almost certain. I thought you knew that. I highly doubt they can afford two teams. Even if they could, there's still the sticky issue of what happens when it gets out that we're together. And I'd like to be together, Peter. Even as—"

"But it doesn't need to come out," Peter said desperately. "It doesn't have to all be so serious."

"It's serious to me." I stared at him. "You want me to stay, but not think through the consequences. You don't want me to go elsewhere, but it's not serious. Come on, Peter. Which is it? The truth is, it will come out. Your partner is spoiling to tell everyone. She's already spilled the beans to the recruiter."

Shit. So much for not mentioning that.

"What? No, she didn't. She — she wouldn't."

I threw my hands up. "Believe what you want, okay? You're going to, anyway. But you're living in a dream world if you think it's going to remain a secret, or that I could handle the hell they'd put me through when it gets out."

"What are you talking about? They're not allowed to—"

"I've been there longer than you have, okay?" I said quietly, all the fight draining out of me. "Don't tell me what they're like. And, no, they wouldn't be that way towards you, because they can't afford to lose you."

"Okay. Okay. If that's what you think, I guess there's no arguing about it." He swallowed hard, nodded once, turned and started to walk away, almost stumbling, as if he couldn't quite see where he was going.

"Peter." My heart thumped hard as I started after him, a queasy, fluttery feeling starting up inside me, the need to vomit growing uncomfortably real. "Peter, I'd like to—" I touched his arm.

He drew away from me and kept walking, his long strides ragged, his steps stabbing the ground. "You have to do what you think is best. If that's to quit being a cop and working with a stag instead, that's your prerogative. But I wish you wouldn't try to put the blame on me or Sue."

"I'm not blaming anyone, Peter. Honestly, I'm not." I gathered breath, half-jogging to keep up with him. "I'm simply acknowledging what for me is the reality of this. I like you. I mean, we don't have to work together to be, like, together, right? I'd be nearby. Working medical."

I was almost panting by this time. He knew he was faster than I was, right? Wouldn't it be fair to slow down a little?

He stopped so suddenly, I almost plowed into him. "Working medical." He stared down at me, like he was judging me. Then he reached out and touched my arm, his expression wistful now, his eyes gentling a little. "Peter, it's your life. But you don't even like that guy, do you? What's the point?"

"I — I think he's all right. We could help save lives." I gulped. "I do a lot of paperwork, Peter. I don't save a lot of lives now." I searched his gaze, trying not to sound pleading. "It wouldn't be so awful, would it, not working together?"

"No, of course not." He reached out and rubbed a thumb near my mouth, as if he was wiping off a bit of dirt. I hadn't gotten dirt on my face, had I?

I felt exposed standing there on that windy day, staring at him, right out in the open, his hand on my cheek like that, my feelings probably showing on my face too damned much. "Peter. I don't want you to freak out about this, okay? Whatever happens." I closed my hand around his wrist, and we stood like that till he lowered his hand from my face.

"Okay." He sounded resigned, not happy.

"Maybe we can even be—"

He turned away, his gaze high and distant, looking out over the treed landscape, his hands curling tightly at his sides. He sighed. "It really isn't serious, Shane. We can always call it a day between us. I mean, if you don't want to quit your job."

It felt like I'd been sucker-punched. I blew out a breath, and my laugh sounded strange and harsh. I really didn't know what to say. I wrapped my arms around myself, only partly because it was cold. My head was starting to hurt, the way it does after a too-long night full of eye strain and possibly a little bit of crying while you're drunk-watching a sad movie. Not that I'd ever done that.

"Okay. Yeah," I said, sounding breathless and strange. "You want to call it off, that'syourprerogative."You're a coward, Peter. It was my turn to walk away, stumbling a little.