Page 53 of Size King

“What? Are you looking for a brunette or a redhead?”

“I don’t know what I’m looking for,” I say. “I just want to be happy.”

“All I know is, I’m happy when I’m having sex,” he says. “Since when have you wanted something more meaningful?”

“I’ve always wanted something deeper than casual sex,” I say. “I just wasn’t sure when I’d be ready for it. I’ve always wanted a family. I guess maybe now I’m ready for it. I mean, I’m thirty, have my own business, make good money, and I think it’d be fun to share that with someone.”

“I didn’t know you wanted a family,” says Luke. “Since when?”

“Since I was little actually,” I answer. “I was heading in that direction way before now, you know? Brittany was a real bump in the road to hit in terms of where I was headed originally.”

Brittany is a girl that I had fallen for seven years prior to that night. She was someone that I had been seeing seriously, and she was the girl that I thought I was going to end up with. But she broke my heart, turning me off to the idea of something remotely serious that could lead to deeper heartbreak. My reaction to the messy separation was to sleep around and enjoy myself, free of the woes that came with commitments. Luke has always been like that, so we would hang out all the time, party, and get girls. We were true L.A. playboys.

“Don’t bring that bitch’s name up again,” Luke says, referring to Brittany.

“Sorry.” I chuckle.

“So, you’re looking for a change,” he says. “What is it that you want out of life, exactly?”

“What do you mean?”

“I guess I’m just wondering if you want to keep doing deliveries for a living,” says Luke. “Isthatwhat you really want to do?”

“I have no fucking idea,” I snap. “What? You don’t think I’m running my life the right way?”

“I don’t mean to press you too hard,” says Luke. “It’s just that you come to L.A. so often, I wonder why you aren’t living here. How many girls are you going to find in Wrightwood? There’s practically no one living there.”

“That’s the thing, Luke,” I say. “I’m not looking for girls anymore. I want a woman. Those are two totally different creatures.”

“They are?” he asks. “So, I guess you’re not up for group-play tonight?”

“I don’t even know what you mean, but I’m going to pass.” I laugh. “As for a career, I’m not sure about that, either. In terms of doing what makes me happy? Who knows. Maybe I’ll leave my business, or sell it, or whatever. And then, I’ll open up a small café in town.”

“Yeah, I had no idea you had goals like that,” says Luke. “You want to open up a café in L.A.?”

“Nah, I’d open it near where I live,” I say. “There aren’t many people in Wrightwood, but they love to spend money. I could make a living with a café near their market district.”

“Sounds kinda boring,” he says.

“Maybe I’ll even get married down the road,” I continue. “We’ll get a dog.”

Luke laughs heartily, slapping me on the shoulder.

“Mason Dunn, get married?” he asks in disbelief. “Please! You must be high. Where’s all this coming from? Can I get a hit of whatever you’re smoking?”

“Forget it, man,” I say.

The night goes on and on. Luke gets into his shenanigans, and I feel like jumping in the car and driving back to Wrightwood. However, I have been drinking and don’t want to risk getting a DUI, courtesy of the LAPD. Instead, I go into the only room in the house that is empty, lock the door, and pass out on the bed.

As I drift to sleep, I worry that I might go the way of my dad, sinking to a low that will be hard to climb back up from. I don’t know if I am headed for depression, or if the alcohol is just convincing me of crazy things. I do know one thing: while I am content and comfortable with my life, I’m not happy.

I know that I need a good woman. My only question is: Where will I find her? I have no idea, but I know that a search is about to begin.

21

Jillian

I’m nervous as hell throughout my entire plane ride from New York to Los Angeles. The closer we get to LAX, the harder it is for me to sit still.