Page 108 of Size King

“What’s the matter?” I ask them.

“Why can’t we spend the day with you?” Mason asks.

“I’ve got to get to the shop, Mase,” I say as gently as I can. “Cody and I, we’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

I hate it when Masonand Austin look sad. They both remind me of their mother. Their expressions are nearly mirror-identical.

“I want to spend the day with you guys, too,” I say. “You know that, right? Austin?”

“Yes, Dad,” says Austin with a mouthful of eggs.

“All right,” I say. “Try not to talk with your mouth full. I do have to work, but I promise that I’ll pick you both up early from Karen’s. I shouldn’t be any later than one-thirty or two at the latest. That’s not too bad, right?”

They nod and smile, but they still aren’t happy. I’m not happy either, but Cody and I are going to be deep in discussions that I don’t want my children to be witness to.

I give Mason his clothes and help Austin get dressed. Even though these boys are still growing, they are growing fast. Soon, I am going to be watching my oldest go off to elementary school. That separation is going to be a bitch for me. My only hope is that the distance won’t be too much for Mason.

Karen only lives two miles east of us and only three miles from the shop. I am grateful that I will be within a five-minute drive of them.

I drop them off with Karen, giving them both another bear hug before we wave goodbye and go our separate ways. I get back in the car and sit there, thinking about those boys inside Karen’s house. I wonder what movie or show they will watch together, and I am hoping she will feed them well.

I keep thinking about them on my way to the shop. I wonder how they are handling their mom’s death lately. Austin was too little to understand, but Mason was very sad for several days after. We all have our “sad days,” but I can’t get an overall read on them.

Before I can pull up into the shop parking lot, I get a text from Cody:

“Hey, meet at clubhouse instead. Can you pick me up some Silver Apples?”

I responded while driving. “Sure. I’ll be there in 5.”

I head to the clubhouse, picking up Cody’s Silver Apple cigarettes along the way. As I drive there, I think about my boys some more and their mother.

Our rival biker gang, the Hell-Snakes, killed my wife almost two years ago. I’m not sure if the bullet was really intended for me, but regardless, I feel responsible and guilty for her demise. I feel like a mass murderer. I didn’t just lose a wife; I’d killed a daughter and a mother.

Now, I’ve been left to take care of our two boys. Austin and Mason Walker may not get into the bike culture like me (I can only pray), but I am determined to see them through into whatever future they want for themselves.

It’s been hard for me without Rebecca, but I haven’t let that deter me from living or weaken my resolve as a parent. I’ve accepted that she’s gone, but that hasn’t made things any easier.

When I arrive at the clubhouse, Cody is already there. I join him inside, seeing that he and Blake, another member, are chilling together, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.

“Yo,” I say to Cody, tossing him his new pack of cigarettes.

“Hey,” Cody replies, catching the cigarettes. “How you doing today? How are the boys?”

“Good, good,” I answer. “Everyone’s good.”

“Hey, the bike will be done tomorrow,” Cody informs me. “You want us to both go down there, or just you?”

“I’ll get the rundown on what they did for the bike,” I say. “Don’t worry. We’ll get our answers.”

“You sure you don’t want Blake or me to go with you?” Cody asks again. “If this shop owner’s a Hell-Snake, and he sees you’re by yourself this time—”

“I’m not a child, Cody.” I laugh. “I’m good. I can handle picking up a motorcycle from a motorcycle shop.”

I am also happy for the excuse to go see Megan again. I don’t know if she’ll be working, but I have my fingers crossed.

“I’m tempted to go with you just to let them know who runs this fucking town,” says Cody. “I think if I see that guy Jacob again, I might not be as nice to him as I was the other day.”

“Bro, we need to chill,” I tell him.