Page 45 of Size King

“I don’t know what to do,” I confess. “This whole thing is a fucking mess.”

“Why the fuck are you turning into such a mush-mouth around this girl?” Adam asks while looking for our bartender. “With all the shit you said, it’s a miracle that you get any girls to sleep with you. Thank God you’re rich.”

“Fuck you,” I retort. “I know I don’t know how to word things sometimes. I’m fucking brilliant—you’re brilliant, too—but you know sometimes we think before we speak and vice versa.”

“It’s a blessing and a curse to be so great,” Adam says sarcastically.

“I don’t know how to fix things,” I admit. “Fixing things is Kate’s job. I hate being away from her, man.”

Adam gives me a smirk and elbows me playfully. “Look at you.”

“Look at me, what?” I ask.

“I suspect that maybe you actually really like this girl,” says Adam. “It sounds like you don’t just want your media image fully restored. You aren’t just doing this weird fake marriage shit because you need to look like a guy in love. Maybe you’re really heading that way for real. You think?”

I do think. “I do want things to work out between us. I do like the idea of us being together. I don’t know about beingengaged.I mean, we’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks.”

“Hey, when it’s right, it’s right,” says Adam. “I’m not saying it is or isn’t, but you know. You do. You just don’t realize you know it.”

“Do you think it’s possible?” I ask. “Could I bein lovewith Kate? I’ve never been in love, Adam. I don’t know what it feels like. Everyone always says, ‘You’ll know it.’ But what if I really don’t know it?”

“Does that thought scare you?” he asks. “Are you afraid you really are falling for this chick?”

“The thought freaks me out like you don’t know, bro,” I say. “In fact, I could easily freak out in here and totally ruin the vibe.”

“Yeah, don’t do that,” Adam says, patting me on the back, trying to calm me down. “Relax, mate. You’ve got this. My recommendation? Tell her everything you just told me. She has to know you’re at leastthinkingabout a real future together. Otherwise, she’s thinking she’s just a slam piece for you when you’re horny, you know?”

I do know. “I wish it was that easy. After all this crazy shit we’ve been through together, I thought she’d let me have my say. But she didn’t let me get a word in. I’m pretty sure I’ve blown my chances with her.”

“You don’t know that for a fact,” says Adam. “You might have, you might not. She came to your office for lunch. She is willing to see you again. Just talk to her, man. Lay it on the line.”

18

Kate

Lily and I agree to meet at the Manhattan diner, where we’d seen Aiden and Adam before, for Saturday brunch. She knows we’re meeting for the sole purpose of discussing everything: Aiden, the engagement, our sex, our separation, and all the matter in the middle.

While I unload my stories to Lily at the diner, I start to come to a conclusion that eventually makes me face a hard truth. By the end, I don’t feel stupid posing this question to her: “Do you think I could have actually been starting to fall in love with Aiden?”

Lily gives a hearty chuckle. “I thinkyouknow you’re falling in love with him.”

“But this is allwrong!” I whine. “He’s just confused, and he’s confusing me. He doesn’t have real feelings for me. I think we’ve just been too high off each other to know the difference. What we have—had, whatever—isn’t real.”

“I don’t know about that,” says Lily doubtfully. “What you have is flippingweird, but it seems pretty real to me.”

“I feel defeated,” I continue. “I’m like, powerless to save myself from a broken heart. I have to work for him. I have to keep wearing his ring on my finger.”

“Actually, honey, you don’t have to do shit.” She laughs. “You’re doing this on your own. No one’s making you do anything. Take that ring and go sell the shit out of it. Let’s take a road trip to Vegas, girl.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” she asks. “You didn’t sign any fucking paperwork. This is a real engagement. Treat it like one.”

“Okay, then I’m definitely not selling the ring,” I say, covering it up out of her sight. “I just, I don’t want to waste mytime. I’m tired of wasting my time on the wrong guys. I can’t be with someone that can’t admit if he has feelings for me or not.”

“He’s told you that he has feelings for you,” says Lily. “What do you mean?”

“I’m afraid there’s no chance that Aiden will ever really be in love with me,” I say while trying to stifle tears. “He says he’s never been in love before. What if he never will? Lily, what do I do?”