Page 36

I stumble into the Amato house and groan when I see the time. My fucking luck. They’re probably all asleep right now—like I want to be. I make it as far as their fucking formal sitting room before I give up and take a seat. I’d love to grab a spare bedroom and fall to sleep, but I’m going to need to wait for Roman to get back before that’s a possibility. I, for fucking sure, don’t want to stumble into any room where people may be fucking—or worse, face Benjamin.

If you want people to respect you…

Fucking Antonio. He had to go there. Master trusted me enough to make me his Second. And now this shit? I press the palm of my hand to my chest, rubbing at it. These fucking emotions. I’d go see Sarah about a potential heart attack if I didn't think she would laugh me out of the damn room.

But what the hell am I supposed to do? I’m the one who laid with Benjamin after he was tortured by Jax. I’m the one who took care of him each step of the way, especially as we waited for Ignacio to be rescued. Fuck! I even offered to kill Ignacio. He’s the one who promised me forever…

I let my hand fall, and I slump against the couch, closing my eyes. Moments flash through my mind, and they're all centered around Benjamin. The way I wanted nothing to do with him, the way he slowly invaded my life, until we reached the stage where I don’t know how to live without him.

That’s the salt in the fucking wound. It doesn’t matter the distance, part of my soul is always with him. I love Master with everything I have; all my breath, all my pain, my pleasure…but Benjamin? Benjamin is part of me as well. And Master accepted that.

How dare Benjamin compare what Tennant did to Master being harmed? Me protecting Master from someone is one thing. Benjamin wants to be with the one who almost killed him. He was only here for a couple days—how quickly does Stockholm Syndrome take to set in?

I punch the couch cushion, wishing Roman would get back soon. I need to lay down and get my mind to settle. At least in sleep I don’t have to think about this shit. Hopefully.

“What did the cushion do to you?”

I jolt at Hollis’s voice. Opening my eyes, I take a moment to stare at him. He’s similar to my Master in more ways than one. It’s why I’m comfortable having him put me on my knees. Yet, he’s perfectly fine with Tennant almost killing my best friend. It makes no sense. Il Padrone keeps people in line—why doesn’t Hollis?

Clearing my throat, I take the papers Antonio gave me and hold them out. “Antonio found these hidden in the fed’s house. He wanted us to go over them together. He didn’t have a chance to look them over before getting back to his lovers.”

Hollis sets them on the table in front of him and takes a seat beside me. I shift uncomfortably when he doesn’t say a word. He uses silence like I use a knife, the result is equally deadly.

“Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” His voice is soft, in deference to night, but there’s an underlying steel that sends up warning flares.

Part of me thinks I should push against it, wanting to be put on my knees under him. The other part recognizes that Hollis won’t be forced to do anything he doesn’t want. Fuck .

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I shrug and avert my eyes, hoping that will cover it.

Hollis sighs and grips my wrist tightly, squeezing until I bring my attention back to him, before letting it go. My body slightly relaxes at the pain. “Yes, there is. And if you get your head out of your ass, you’ll admit it.”

“Fuck. What do you want me to say? My best friend broke my heart? He broke a promise he made to me. I’m the one who stood by him as he recovered, which FYI—physical therapists make miserable patients. I’m the one who, when I saw him awake at night, joined him on his walks. Whether he needed silence, or to talk. I. Was. There. For. Him. When he didn’t know what to do. He promised me forever. I take that shit seriously. I don’t normally make promises, but he wanted one, and I gave him it.”

Hollis fucking growls. I twist so I’m meeting him head on, pissed that he’s not seeing my side, but he puts his hand up to stop my outrage. “Will you get over yourself? Stop acting like a damn child. I was going to try and explain to you that you can love more than one person, have more than one friend, but you’re selfish. You don’t think about others.”

I rear back, stung by his accusation. I’ve never been accused of being selfish. Hell, I’m the one who babysits Cole the most. “I certainly am not selfish. I’m here, aren’t I? Instead of going to Marcus or Keegan. So that we can all be on the same side. Maybe we should just stick with what’s going on and save this delightful conversation for another time.”

When Hollis stands up, I’m almost relieved. At least we don’t have to do this kumbaya shit. I’m obviously not paying enough attention, because he grabs my hair without me seeing him move, forcefully dragging me off the couch and dumping me onto the floor in a heap. Tsking, he drops back onto the couch.

“Puppies don’t belong on the furniture. And if you’re not going to show any decorum, you can remain down there.”

Gasping, I’m unsure if I should be outraged or turned on, because damn, his take charge attitude is a sight to see. “What the fuck?”

I go to stand, but Hollis forces me down again. “Look, I was going to give you the gentle speech. The one where I point out that Tennant is my love, and yet, I’m happy to give him Benjamin because he makes him happy. I know that him being with Benjamin does not negate our relationship, or diminish it in any way. In fact, it strengthens it because we know each other so well that we want to give one another what we desire or need. But you? You sit there like a fucking baby who never went to kindergarten, crying because your friend dares have something of his own that does not. Fucking. Revolve. Around. You.”

Slamming my hand against the floor, fury floods my system even more. “It’s not that he wants to be with Tennant. It’s that he almost fucking died. And what does he do then? He goes skipping right back to the man who did it.”

“Yes, because we’re all about safety here,” Hollis drawls, and I fight a cringe at that. “Not many people can face Tennant when he's like that. Cristian can. And now Benjamin. It’s a fucking miracle. It also means that Tennant knows what he has, and he isn’t going to let go. He’s more loyal than you can even imagine. Benjamin is safe with Tennant, probably safer than he’d be anywhere else in this world. The only one who will risk his safety now is him—and he’s a fucking adult. He gets to make those decisions.”

This time I remain silent. I hate that he has a fucking point. The panic doesn’t leave me, though. The idea of Benjamin being in danger…Fuck. It’s hard enough knowing that being a Martelli puts him in danger, the fact he willingly marches towards it on a personal level? That's terrifying.

How can I protect him from himself? Sighing, I drop my head into my hands. I fucking can’t, and I know it. Even if it was an Amato that made me realize it.

“I was acting like Ignacio,” I groan. Hollis raises an eyebrow, but keeps his mouth shut. “Yeah, I know. But, fuck. Still, him and I need to…talk.”

“Without knives,” Hollis warns. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten you stabbed Tennant. We’ll be dealing with that at a later date.”

If he thinks that’s a threat, he’s very wrong. If anything, that relaxes me more. Because punishment? That I understand. This relationship shit? Fuck, no.

“Understood. Now, can we get working on the papers?” Silence ticks by and I barely suppress an eyeroll. “Please.”

Hollis jerks his head toward the couch, and I scramble up gratefully. My body is tired as fuck, and while I enjoy playing games, I’m not up to it tonight. I hand the papers over again, and we both bend down to begin reading.

“This is…interesting.” Personally, I think that’s a fucking understatement, but it appears Hollis is already locked in his own head, thinking things through rapidly.

“The fact the fed has everything laid out? Our suppliers, our warehouses. Hell, he even has lists of our soldiers, the cops and the judges we pay off… That is more than interesting. I don’t know who would have that information. We don’t keep it all in one place.”

“And they’d need access to both yours and ours. This makes no sense.” Hollis thumbs through the sheets once more, but nothing explains this shit.

I tap out a message to Antonio and wait for a response. Grunting when I receive it, I look at Hollis with a frown. “Antonio says he thinks the fed is a dud. There was nothing really set up in the office in his house, and he didn’t seem to know anything at the precinct. He likely was given that info, and kidnapping him wouldn’t yield anything new.”

“In other words, it would just wave a red flag. Well, there’s things that can be found out in-person, and things that can be found online. Trust me, that is usually where the best info can be found.”

Standing, I stretch out my sore muscles. If I stay seated any longer, I’m going to pass out, regardless of this fuckery. Hollis gives an aborted laugh, but stands as well.

“Let’s get you situated for the night. You can crash while I work on some of this.”

Shaking my head, I grab the paperwork. “Nope. Show me to someplace where I can sleep, and then you should go to bed as well. We’ll deal with it in the morning. I’ve heard you binge on shit like this. You need to take care of yourself.”

Hollis doesn’t say anything. I’m worried I’ve crossed a line, but I refuse to back down. After a few taut beats, he brushes past me and leads me to a guest room.

I go to slip inside, but he grabs my jacket and pulls me to him roughly. He gives me a fucking searing kiss before shoving me back. Fuck .

When he turns and walks away, my eyes are glued to his ass, and I have to adjust my cock. As he turns the corner, he flips me off without even looking back, and I smile for the first time in a while. There’s something about him… I’m not sure what it is, but fuck if he doesn’t just get to me.