Page 18

“ T his is usually Tennant’s job,” Carter says as he sits across from me and gives me an update on what our men are currently doing. “He and Joel handle all of this; I’m just their lackey.”

“He’s currently on my shitlist,” I reply.

“Roman…” Jude sighs, but I ignore him.

Carter’s gaze intensifies, his navy blue eyes darkening. “What happened?”

Curling my fingers into my palm, I tell him as calmly as I can. “He may have cost me my friendship with the only person who understood me.”

Carter’s expression softens. “Can you blame Lio for reacting in such a way after what happened? He fears for Benjamin’s life, and he doesn’t seem to be the type of person who lets his emotions guide him. With Allesandro gone, I’m sure it’s hitting him all the more.”

“ I had nothing to do with that! The only bearing any of us have on Tennant and Benjamin’s relationship is being okay with it!”

“Are you?” Carter asks. “Or are you just saying that to make Tennant and Hollis happy.”

I glare at him. “Have you ever known me to keep my opinions to myself? I tried to stab you when I was fifteen because I was upset. Do you really think I’d hide my feelings about Tennant finding his perfect damn catnip?”

Carter sighs. “You're right. I just needed to be sure.”

I give him a strained smile. “And I appreciate that you care, but I can stand up for myself. Especially with something like this. Everything is just so…backwards right now.”

Carter's gaze softens. “Give Lio time, Figlio. Imagine if you were in his position, I'm sure you'd react the same way.”

I grimace. “Yeah… Tennant is lucky he only got tagged in the shoulder with Lio’s knife.”

I know Lio, and I know how good he is with his knives now. Either he was too emotional to aim correctly, or he purposely aimed for Ten’s arm. I’m grateful the wound wasn’t serious, though I wouldn’t have blamed Lio for showing Tennant how he isn’t one to be fucked with. I’m not happy with either Ten or Benjamin’s brand of fuckery right now.

At the same time… I can't be too upset. I admire how brave Benjamin is, and how he was able to do what none of us could—he pulled Tennant back from the edge.

Only Dad has ever been able to manage that. Not with sex, but I know both Dad and Ten have their fair share of scars from each other. Their lives are so intertwined that I'm honestly surprised it took Tennant this long to snap; it goes to show the strength he has.

I don't blame Benjamin for wanting to do what we—Jude, Hollis, and I—couldn’t. Hollis would have stopped him from doing something irreversible, but even so, the damage would have been done.

Benjamin sacrificed himself for Tennant because he knew he had nothing else to give, no chance to go up against Tennant, so he did the only thing he could. It won't be forgotten. I just hope Lio can eventually forgive him.

A fter Carter leaves the office, Jude rounds the desk and pulls me out of the chair. He sits and tugs me into his lap, holding me tightly.

“Are you sure this is what you want?”

I pull back enough to see his face, and so he can see me scowl. “I'm not a liar, not even to my dad, who I know would kick both Ten and Hollis’s asses if I told him they were jerking me around.” I tilt my head. “Do you not want this?”

He gives me a small smile and pushes some of my hair away from my face. “I've never had a relationship before the three of you—I don't know if I ever said that. I didn't want one. My family was too complicated, for one, and people couldn't handle what I wanted, for another.” Skating his fingers down my cheek, he gently curls them under my chin, raising my face more and pressing a whisper-soft kiss to my lips.

“The three of you give me so much, and maybe this isn't what you want to hear, but it's what we need to be honest about. I don't need exclusivity to know you're mine, all of you. If Benjamin makes Tennant happy, or the Ten equivalent of that, who are we to stand in their way?”

I shudder from the soft touches and the love he pours into me without having to ever say the words. Not trusting my voice, I sign, “I know. I think I'm just…rattled. Even after Tennant marked Hollis, I didn't think he'd ever come close to killing one of us. At least, someone who wasn't me. We all know he'll probably kill me one day, but that's different.”

He snorts. “Does this change your opinion or feelings?”

“No!” I shout the word and Jude winces. “Sorry,” I sign.

He shakes his head and releases his grip on me enough to pull his hearing aids out. “It's fine. I think it's safe to say you're being honest right now.”

I try to slide off his lap, but he holds me tightly around the waist.

“I had to check. You understand, right?”

I blow out a breath and nod. “Yeah. And I love you for it. I'm just…frustrated, and sad. It's like we take one step forward, only to get knocked back five. There's too much shit going on and it's… I just want Dad back. He'll know how to handle this.”

Tears fall and Jude is quick to wipe them away.

“We'll get him back, Tesoro Mio. That is what I'll die for.”

“Don't say that,” I whisper, hoping he can read my lips because I can't say the words, let alone sign them. “I can't lose any of you, it’d kill me.”

He holds me tighter. “I'm just being honest. I might not be as free with my affection as you and Hollis, or even Ten, but that doesn't mean I don't care.”

“I know. I love you, too. I don't need the words. Just being here is enough. Thank you. This,” I tell him, “Is part of the reason I chose you as my Second. You get me so well.”

“I try.”

I kiss him, slow and sweet, hoping to pour all of my emotions into the action.

When we pull back, he brushes away another rogue tear.

“Do you think Lio will let Benjamin come back?”

Jude huffs a laugh. “Something tells me Benjamin will keep the peace on a lot of things with Emilio, but staying away from Ten is not one of them.”

“I hope so.”

Before he can respond, his phone goes off from inside his pocket. He releases me and pulls it out. His expression darkens as he reads the text. Instead of saying anything, he hands me the phone and slides me off his lap.

With my heart in my throat, I read the message.

HOLLIS

Martellis were just served a warrant for their house, and there was a raid at their whorehouse. Need you on deck as Second.

“Fuck.” This is the last fucking thing any of us need.

Jude puts his hearing aids back in and I hand him the phone. “Thank you,” I tell him before he leaves.

“Whenever you need me, Tesoro Mio,” he replies before leaving me alone in the office.

As soon as the door shuts behind him, I cry. Because if his words were true, why do I feel so alone?