Page 21

B eing in the limo with Benjamin is so incredibly painful—it’s wave after wave of pain, self-loathing, and desire. He’s so close, but always so far away now.

I bite back my questions about the bruises around his neck. I know they’ve likely been caused by the man I hate. Tennant may as well have taken a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. I’m left out in the cold, unable to find any warmth. What’s the point of living without the love of my life?

“Fuck. Jenna’s sending her partner, but she warned me not to show up at the whorehouse. Not when they’re still processing the scene.” Benjamin knocks his head against the back of his seat, and my fingers twitch to reach out and reassure him. Grinding my teeth, I force myself to stay still.

“She has a point. Her partner can help process the scene. Do we know who was injured? We can start there.”

Benjamin shakes his head, bending over his phone as he rapidly sends out texts. Part of me wants to take over, to reduce his stress, but the other part knows to keep back. I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to trying to step in front of him. It’s clear he doesn’t need someone to act as his shield anyway. Fuck . All those months… I snort quietly as I think about how my desire to protect him set everything on fire.

It must not have been quiet enough because Benjamin looks up, cocking his head in a silent request that I talk. It’s the last thing I want to do. Clearing my throat, I give him a wry smile. “Just admiring how well you’re doing. And recognizing how much I fucked up.”

There’s silence before he finally speaks. It’s in a deliberate, slow manner that's completely inarguable. “You did. And I can’t do this right now. It’s not the time.”

Inclining my head, I agree. This isn’t the time to talk about relationship problems. Although, can it even be called ‘relationship problems’ when the relationship itself has crumbled to dust?

Breathing out, I try to let it go. Right now, there’s nothing that can be done. When he growls at a text, I have a sinking feeling things are going to get worse for us.

“What did you find?” I swallow when he looks up at me, rage dancing in his eyes.

“They shot one of Antonio’s lovers. I’m not sure how bad. Possibly worse than that, Antonio has been hauled into the police station.”

“Fuck. Which one of the twins?”

Benjamin growls out, “I’m not sure. Who the fuck just says ‘one of the twins’? It’s not like they’re the same fucking person.”

“Let me call Sarah. She may be able to reach out to the hospital using her credentials. She’s still the hospital administrator, even though she’s been recalled to help us.”

Snapping his fingers, he points at me. “Yes. That. That’s what I need from you.”

Trying not to smile, I call Sarah to get the information. Once she tells me she’ll get back with me, there’s nothing we can do but wait. We can’t head to the whorehouse, we’re not sure whether we’d be allowed at the hospital, and fuck knows neither of us want to be near the cops right now.

The limo pulls over and we sit there, not saying a word. It’s uncomfortable, which is something I’ve never experienced with him. Fuck if I don’t know the limits right now.

Sighing, he finally caves to the silence. “We may as well talk.”

He states it so simply, but what the hell do I say? How do I avoid the traps of the past and move forward? He’s no longer the same person, neither of us are. We couldn’t leave captivity and torture behind like it was nothing. I just didn’t notice he was drowning—possibly because I was too.

“It was a good move to clean out the house. I never suspected a search warrant. This situation is fucking bizarre. I’m not sure if they’re trying to focus more on taking us down, since the heads of the Family aren’t here, or prevent us from finding them. It’s stupid to think we can’t find a way through this. There’s always been a contingency. I don’t know the Amatos well, we’ve never been this close an ally, but I sure as hell know Lio has been trained, and can handle shit. And Lio picked the right Second on this.”

The look of relief on his face kills me. I know it’s not the compliment, it’s the fact I’m not pushing to talk about anything personal. It’s a bittersweet feeling to do what’s right for once. He accused me of not listening to him before, but I sure as fuck will from now on—what he says with his words and his body.

“You’re right. We do need to figure out the split though. And I’d feel better if I could figure out who the fuck is doing this.”

“Hmm. I can’t give you an answer, but maybe think of why? It may lead you to who. These are law enforcement officers. They’re used to coloring within the lines. What would make them break that?

“You were from outside of the Family and were brought in. Even after being brought in, you stayed out of the dirty part for quite a while. Ask yourself, what made you change? Perhaps that’s why the person in charge did as well.”

“Oh, fuck,” he breathes. “You’re so right. I can’t believe I was so stupid. We’ve been thinking about this all wrong. Focusing too much on someone trying to take us both down. The reason I first broke into doing something against how I was raised was because of Lio. The fucking Fire Chief.”

I nod, remembering that moment well—and fondly, even if that is fucked up. Then again, I do enjoy some bloodthirstiness. He’s far exceeded that now, and I have to mentally adjust to that. I’m not sure whether I truly like it or not, but he’s certainly blossomed under Lio’s care. Fuck if I’ll give Tennant any credit for my Little Mouse’s growth.

“Right. So, we’re probably looking for someone who has lost a person close to them.”

Growling, Benjamin makes a slashing gesture, shaking his head. “No, it doesn't even need to be a loss. It could be a significant injury. Or fuck, even the threat, like Lio was for me. It depends on how close the person was to this fucking Judas. But how the hell do I find them with that many possibilities? It’s like looking for a needle in a bunch of other needles.”

“Hmm. Well, we know the Amatos are stronger at this. They have Hollis and Leandro.” I force myself to say it, not wanting to give any acknowledgment to them, but the way Benjamin lights up, it was the right thing to do.

“You’re right. Let me text Hollis.” His face goes white as he glances up at me. “Leandro…”

I bite my tongue and raise an eyebrow, as if in question. But I know what he’s thinking. Leandro is Tennant’s son. I wonder if he’s willing to be a step-father already…

My phone lights up and I answer it quickly, listening to Sarah’s rapid instructions. Hanging up, I gesture to Benjamin that we can get moving. Grimly, I say, “It was Nicolo who was hit. It doesn’t look good. We can head to the hospital. There’s a cop on the premises, but Sarah says they’re going to pull him soon. Something about there not being enough evidence for them. Whatever magic Antonio did at the whorehouse, it must have worked. A bigger problem is how they still managed to pick Antonio up…”

Benjamin curses and bangs on the partition between the driver and us, snapping out instructions to get to the hospital immediately. Breathing out, his eyes that are full of fire meet mine, and I am sure they match his vitriol. We can’t keep having our men picked up, and I'm fucking sure we can’t have any taken from us permanently.

“I need my Chaos. I want to know what the cops are planning. And we deserve payback.”

I smile in anticipation, my skin already tingling with excitement. As soon as we get to the hospital and check what’s going on, I’ll be off. It’s time to spread a little fun around. “Yes, Boss. My pleasure.”