Page 38

All Kara really knows is that she wants to be with Wade in whatever capacity she’s allowed. Everything else is just a bonus.

Going out west was only a dream at first. Spoken aloud but never expected to manifest beyond a coveted fantasy that carried them through difficult times, and then just like that, it became as real as the bike between her thighs as she straddles it behind him. No longer a hope, but a tangible thing.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Wade asked before they left, as if they weren’t already moments from leaving the past behind.

“I’m sure. Are you?”

“Been sure since we talked about it.”

“What if you remember something about Cole? Will you want to come back?”

He hesitated then before offering her a matter-of-fact reply.

“If I was going to remember where we planned on going at the beginning, I would have already. Whatever plan we had, wherever place we thought would be safe, it must have made a bigger impression on him than it ever did on me because I can’t see it anymore.

And if I do, if it randomly comes back one day, I guess we’ll cross that bridge if we get there.

All I’m thinking about right now is this road trip with you. ”

That had been more than enough for her. If he remembers one day, they’ll handle it then. She’s vowed to herself that she won’t dwell on that particular what-if too much. If he ends up wanting to go back, she will just follow him. She would follow him anywhere, after all.

They have nothing and no one left now except each other.

He is her whole world, but that’s not much different from how it’s been for years.

She can’t hide it anymore. Can’t put desperate revenge ahead of it or convince herself she’s happy without him by filling that void with another man, another life, another quest.

Can’t do anything but accept it and be grateful he hasn’t been taken from her, too.

Kara isn’t leaving anything behind. Hasn’t truly been part of any community since so long ago, it often feels like an illusion.

Aside from Cole, they aren’t leaving any other strings untied. The dog is making children happy, far safer behind those walls than on this journey with them, and Kara’s previous suitor has been properly squashed.

Silas and what’s left of his operation will eventually be overtaken by the remaining communities.

They aren’t wrong to have left in an effort to chase the open road, but she still has trouble imagining why Wade would be so eager to spend all this unfiltered time alone with her.

Because he said he loves you, a voice in her head whispers above the growl of the engine.

Some part of him has always been restless and prone to wandering, though.

Maybe this is a chance to rediscover that part of himself again under the pretense of something else.

Whatever his reasons, she’ll take it. Won’t hesitate to feel lucky that he still wants to be her partner on a wild road trip, even after everything they’ve been through.

The first leg of the journey is familiar. Instead of watching the scenery, she closes her eyes, resting her cheek between his shoulder blades.

They are running away together. Just the two of them. The more she thinks about it, the more her eyes water and prickle hot. She doesn’t deserve this, but he’s giving it to her anyway, and she’ll do everything she can to make sure he never regrets it.

His palm covers her hand where it curls up his chest, and his next words have excitement coursing fast through her veins.

“Hold on. It’s clear up ahead. Gonna kick it up.”

Her heart jumps at the sudden lurch, like the rise and fall of a roller coaster and she laughs, wanting to feel it again.

They have no idea where they’ll sleep tonight. No clue where they’ll finally settle. The destination is Arizona, but what they’ll find on the road between the southeast and the west is anyone’s guess.

* * *

They’re only a couple of hours in when it starts raining. She likes the gentle tap of raindrops on her skin and trusts Wade not to crash them. Would happily stay just like this, but he slows to a stop by an old lakefront motel sprinkled with the dead.

“We should hold up here until the rain quits. The road is slick.”

“Okay, but first I have a better idea.” She’s off the bike a moment later, skirting the fencing around the motel to reach the dock.

She’s chasing a feeling and intending to check a box off a long-ignored list. Kara grabs a few rocks and tosses them in with a splash. No rotten hands reach up from the depths.

Wade waits patiently behind her for an explanation that she offers by unbuttoning her top and hauling it off her shoulders.

“Jesus, Kara,” he gasps, as if she’s offending his honor. “Ain’t even half a day in. We showered this morning.”

He’s already averting his eyes to look up at the sky, despite the tank top she has on, squinting as a wave of rain soaks him.

“So?” She tugs down the zipper on her jeans. “It’s hot. I wanna go swimming and there’s a lake right here. I don’t see the problem. It’s not like we haven’t skinny dipped before.”

Her pants hit the ground, and he curses, turning his back like some doe-eyed virgin while she strips.

There are always so many mixed signals between them, and this is no different.

Perhaps she wondered if his reaction might change after their declarations, but old habits run deep, and they are experts at withholding what they want from themselves and each other.

Plus, he never disappoints when it comes to making him blush, and did she ever miss that. Hasn’t seen it in forever and doubted he still could, or would. In this moment, it’s like they’re back at the lake when they were teenagers and he’s newly squirming under her attention.

There is a safety in knowing him as well as she does.

He’ll look away, be respectful. Never try anything without explicit permission, even if a part of her wishes he would cross the line.

It’s easy to be exposed with him because there’s no risk involved.

He’s predictable in a good way, and that gives her the freedom to shed all her layers.

Her splash into the water cues him to turn with his mouth hanging open and eyes shifting to her pile of clothes, realization dawning that she’s naked.

She only wants to feel free after so long with various chains holding her back, and who better to experience that with than him?

“You coming in or what? Water’s warm.”

He hesitates. Rubs the bridge of his nose with two fingers and glances back at the rotters by the motel that haven’t even looked their way, far more consumed with a bird in a tree than them.

“I promise I won’t look,” she teases.

Wade has always been good at letting loose and having fun with everyone except her.

He was the man at the bonfire telling wild stories, or the one leading a trip to Vegas with dollar bills in his pocket for the strippers.

He would harass Cole six ways to Sunday about ‘getting his dick wet’ with a good natured punch to the shoulder and a chuckle, and then date the women Cole failed to ask out.

He has been ready and willing to follow his impulses for as long as she’s known him, unless those impulses involve Kara, and then he shutters his inhibitions like a priest.

He reacts to her now the same way he did when she encouraged him to skinny dip the first time, with manufactured resistance.

At least, at first. Maybe time has changed them both because he shocks her by whipping his shirt off and working the buckle of his pants in a bold acceptance of the challenge.

She enjoys the sight of that for a loaded second before shifting around to watch the opposite shoreline.

She’s so good at bullshitting that she’s often convinced herself she wasn’t attracted to him but sometimes….sometimes the stars align just right and she can’t deny it, like now, when he jumps in behind her and she knows he’s naked as she is under the murky water.

Why did she ever think this was a good idea? It’s self-torture on a whole new level.

Their I love yous never included plans to take that further. Even if they agreed to, she isn’t sure he’s ready for that kind of contact yet.

“Alright, it’s nice. You win,” he admits, with a lopsided grin that feels like a hard-won victory.

She bites her lower lip, turning the skin pink. “I bet you can’t catch me.”

He gets a face full of splashed water as she swims away, leaving him momentarily stunned.

“It’s on,” he growls, chasing her as best he can in a slow race.

They’re both terrible swimmers. From the outside looking in, it must seem as if they’re drowning, but she’s enjoying herself far too much.

Barely holds in a shriek when his hand ghosts her ankle and she ducks under the water to evade him a second time, but he’s determined, and when she pops up again, assuming herself far away, she miscalculated.

“Gotcha.” The smile is clear in his voice, ghosting her ear as he grabs her from behind.

Kara admits defeat with a pleased sigh, having to hold in a snort when the fabric of his boxers brushes her ass. Of course he left them on. She should have known he would.

There was no ulterior motive with any of this, but her mistake is clear when his forearm finds the underside of her breast. He practically flies across the lake to get away from her, mumbling apologies.

“It’s okay. I’m the one who lured you in here,” she says sadly. “I’m sorry. Let’s get out and go clear that motel. We could use some food.”

They easily devise a silent plan to exit the lake one at a time while the other turns away, but truth be told, she doesn’t care if he sees her.

She trusts him with her heart and soul, there’s no reason she wouldn’t trust him with her body, too, but she’s not about to make him even more uncomfortable.

She’s already fucking up. Pushing too hard in an effort to feel as free as she’s always dreamed of being and dragging him along with her.