Page 26

His neck hurts, but there’s something warm under his cheek and a gentle hand stroking his temple.

The moment he realizes he’s on the floor in someone’s lap, he pulls back, but then Kara’s face comes into view. Wade wants to get away and fears the space between them at the same time. Grabs her arm on reflex at the last second as his back connects with the tub in a last-ditch effort.

He doesn’t want to start from scratch again. He’s already here, touching her as if it’s the most natural thing.

She lets him hold on to her like a lifeline while he struggles to put the pieces together of how they got here. Her hand covers his where it’s anchored at her elbow, urging him down until their fingers weave together instead.

“There,” she says, softly. “That’s better. Do you remember what happened?”

“Little bit. Never passed out like that before.” Even in captivity, he hadn’t fucking fainted. Been knocked out, absolutely, but blacking out while standing up isn’t a thing he’s used to.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

“Sounds about right, all things considered.”

“Need to lie down for a while.” His head throbs and body aches, and he’s still so damn tired.

Disorientation has him gripping her hand harder as half-memories filter in one by one. He’s dependent on her in a way that makes him cringe. He’s not a whole person anymore, only a shadow of himself, and no amount of progress he’s made can erase that.

How could she ever see him as anything except damaged?

Kara leads him into the bedroom like a lover, guiding him by the hand to the bed.

She’ll leave him alone and retreat to her floor mattress to give him space, and that’s the last thing he wants now.

He can’t risk separating yet, so he gives her the barest tug when she turns away, counting on her ability to read him.

When she slips in beside him under the covers, it’s both a relief and a highlight of what he’ll never truly have.

Wade had a lot of time in that cell to come to terms with his attraction to her.

He spent so long denying it, always afraid to risk losing her by confessing his feelings.

She is the only person to ever truly see him, all his faults and scars, everything he kept hidden from the rest of the world, and she never turned away.

How could he put something as precious as their friendship on the line for the slim possibility that she felt the same?

Now, he has her in his bed, but not in the way he wants. He is only her patient. A project.

“We need to leave this place,” he says, after Luke’s warning about Silas hits him like a punch to the face.

“I was thinking the same thing, but I don’t know where to go.”

“You said you had a camp in the woods?”

“It’s not any safer there. Out in the open and hard to protect.”

He mumbles a curse, trying to focus on anything except the fact that they’re still holding hands. Her palm is warm and her thumb strokes his knuckles to soothe his racing pulse.

His head finds the pillow in a frustrated flop, prompting a wince when his body shifts and a leftover ache flares in his crotch from the hit he took. His free hand instinctively reaches for himself before aborting the mission.

“I’m so sorry,” she begins. “I never thought he’d do that. I didn’t think he’d come back after I wrecked the car. Should have known it wasn’t over. How bad is it?”

“You mean how bad do my balls hurt?” he deadpans, so embarrassed already that the only option is to embrace it head-on.

“Yeah, that’s what I mean.”

“Still on fire. I’ll be alright, though. Ain’t Luke I’m worried about, anyway. He was right—”

“He wasn’t. Stop saying that,” she scowls, instantly irritated, though she makes no move to separate them. “I know what I want, Wade. I’ve also known what I don’t want for years. He just can’t accept it.”

“He cares about you. I woulda been angry too if I thought someone was doing this to you.” He lifts her hand the smallest bit to expose her bruised wrist.

“The fact that he cares has nothing to do with me. Are you listening to what I’m saying?”

He nods.

“This is where I want to be. I don’t need him or anyone else, not even you, telling me they know what’s best.”

She takes the potential sting out of that by dragging his hand into her space to rest on her stomach. It’s an awkward angle, but he doesn’t object.

“This ain’t no kinda life,” he whispers. “Taking care of me all the time. It’s not on you to do this. You know that, right? It’s not your job to make sure I eat and wash up and don’t get caught in some dark corner. That’s on me. All this, it isn’t what I want for you.”

He tried telling her this before, but he was yelling and upset at the time. A softer approach may land better.

“What do you want for me, then?”

He doesn’t have to look her way to know her face is creased with emotion that he hates to have put there.

“I want you to be happy.” His thumb flutters across her fingers where their hands are still joined. “Not gonna find that here. But you could have a whole other life at Paradise Falls…with him. If you weren’t stuck in this house with me.”

He expects anger or sadness, but not her half-snorted laugh.

“This is funny?” he scowls.

“Yes. Will you listen to yourself? I almost kneecapped the man you think can make me happy. I smashed the taillights on his car as a message to stay away, but you’re trying to shove me toward him?

What do I need to do to make it clear that I’m not interested because both of you seem to have a hard time figuring it out. ”

He gapes at her. Kinda hard to argue with that. “It’s ah…I just…”

She raises a brow, almost sassy.

“You deserve a normal life. With normal people that you don’t have to clean up after and manage. Could have a family, could have—”

“You are my family,” she says firmly. “You always have been. And nothing is normal anymore. I have everything I need right here. I’m not going back to Paradise Falls.

I know I said we could talk about it in two weeks, but I can’t do it.

I need you to understand because I’m not sure I can’t explain it any better. ”

He knew she’d refuse to go when the time came. He’s not as opposed to the idea now as he was before. Things change. He isn’t as worried that he’ll hurt her while he’s awake. Sleeping is another issue, even if his hair-trigger is relaxing little by little.

He can’t think too hard about what else she may be saying. Feels like she’s bearing her heart to him, but he’s too afraid of being wrong to consider it.

“Okay,” he agrees finally. “We won’t go back, but we still need to think about finding a new spot. Like I said, it’s not Luke I’m worried about. The others are still out there. Not ready yet to deal with that. Don’t want you in the line of fire if they find us.”

“You’re worried about them, and I’m worried Luke is going to come back and force us out.”

“You think he’d do that?”

She shrugs. “I think he assumes something awful is happening here. It’s absurd, but I don’t put it past him to try to save me against my will.”

“Fuck.” He hadn’t considered that. Now, it’s an even more present danger.

“There’s another community I trade at sometimes. We could try there. Or, the camp by the river if you really want to, or…” she trails off.

“Or?”

“We stay here and refuse to let him or anyone drive us out. I’m not going to push you to go back to one of the communities before you’re ready.”

The idea of a place crawling with people has his anxiety skyrocketing hard enough that he tenses beside her. She lets out a soft little hum, rubbing a hand down the length of his arm from elbow to wrist and back again.

“It would be safer behind gates,” he admits. “Walls. Weapons.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Is it what you want? You said this is where you want to be. Here in this house.”

“No, I never said in this house. I only meant with you.”

“Oh.”

He doesn’t know how to react to something that honest. It’s another reminder that she isn’t how he remembers her.

Never used to be so plain with her words, but now the filter is gone and she doesn’t bother trying to speak in their usual riddles.

He isn’t ready to venture out into the world again, but they’re being shoved from the nest, anyway.

“Tell me that won’t be the last stop, though? If we go to that other place you trade with?” he tries sadly. “When this is over, we’ll go somewhere else? Anywhere else?”

“Run away on a road trip together?” she smiles, her tone sweet and hopeful.

“Yeah. Why not?”

“Okay. When it’s over, we’ll get on the bike and see where we end up.”

He’s lost count of how often he’s thought about it. Now, a life together, in whatever capacity she’ll allow him, is a new goal to work towards.

“I keep thinking about Cole,” he half whispers. “I wish I could remember what plan we had. Where we were going. It’s all so fucking fuzzy. He must think I’m long gone by now, if he’s even still alive.”

“He is. If there’s anyone else who can survive this life, it’s Cole.”

“Then I really hope he’s been able to make something good of it. That he doesn’t think about me anymore. That he’s moved on. ‘Cause I dunno if I’m ever getting those memories back.”

“You might. It’s still so early in your recovery. Anything can happen, Wade.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Yeah, you’re right. But in the meantime, I think we should head to that other place soon.”

He needs to prove to Kara and to himself that he’s not completely useless. He can walk out of here and take up a room in a safe community like a normal person. Options are limited yet one thing is increasingly clear, they can’t stay here.

* * *

“We don’t have to go today. We can wait,” Kara tells him as they stand on the front porch with their bags packed and the dog at their side.

“No. It’s fine. I’m fine.”