Page 14

She tosses the firewood back onto the pile when she returns to the porch, addressing Adam with an even tone that’s a mismatch for how winded she is. “The apocalypse is no excuse for a broken taillight. He should get those fixed.”

“That’s the message?” Adam cringes.

“Yep. That, and don’t send anyone else to check on us unless he wants me to try the chainsaw out back on the next carriage. I don’t know if the gas in it still works, but we can find out.”

“Got it. Sure thing. I’ll um…let him know that very clear message.”

“Thanks.”

She’s overcome with satisfaction right up until he turns to leave and something in her cracks. What the hell is she doing? Is she the type of person who smashes cars to a pulp now? It would seem so.

“Adam?” Her voice wobbles, so much smaller now. “Thank you for the supplies.”

She points to the box set by the door filled with food. Adam has always been sweet to her. It’s not his fault that Luke thinks he’s showing her he cares by disregarding her wishes.

“Anytime. Are you okay? I mean, really okay?”

“You mean, aside from the fact that I don’t play well with others anymore?”

“Aside from that.”

“Physically, I’m fine. The rest of it…we’ll get there. Me and him. We will, but we have to do this alone.”

“I get it. I’ll try to make him understand.”

“Is my bike still there?” She doesn’t think anyone took it, but it would be just her luck to learn it’s gone.

“Still waiting for you. I put it in the barn so it won’t get wet when it rains.”

“Thank you.”

It’s too soon to go back for it. The moment she can, she has every intention of going on a bike ride with Wade when he’s ready. It might be exactly what he needs.

Adam leaves in the wagon she demolished, and then she’s alone again. Squeezes her eyes shut for a single heartbeat, trying to force herself calm before going back in. If she’s losing it, then he will be, too.

Wade’s waiting just inside the door with her shotgun gripped tight in a shaky fist.

At first, she’s proud that he left the bedroom, but that’s overruled by why.

“They’re gone,” she says softly. “Luke sent them to check on us, even brought some food, but it won’t happen again.”

He takes that in for far longer than she knows what to do with before the gun slowly slides to the ground and he silently disappears into the bedroom.

It’s hard not to feel like the progress they’ve made was shunted backward again, but things are still better than they were at the start. He isn’t redirecting his aggression toward her. He can stop himself. For someone who thinks he has no control, she’s seen him wield plenty.

Steam from the kettle wafts out from the kitchen, so she busies herself heating the bucket of water in the bathroom. Puts a fluffy towel over the edge of the tub and barely keeps from fussing over how it’s folded just to give herself something to do.

He’s not on the bed when she goes looking.

That sparks panic until she finds him in the corner on the floor, wedged between the bed and the side table.

Maybe he feels safer there, tucked in somewhere small where no one can sneak up on him, she thinks sadly.

His stare stretches a thousand yards through the opposite wall and even through her when she sits in his field of vision, joining him on the ground with her back to the bed.

She stays far enough away that he could leave if he wanted, not trying to make anything feel like a cage.

“You broke the taillights,” he says simply. “I saw. There was a crack in the curtains.”

He was watching her the whole time, making sure nothing happened and ready to do something about it if it did. Adrenaline helped him there, but now that it’s eased off, he’s in no position to do much of anything. That bravery is only boosted when she’s in danger.

“Felt a little cathartic, to be honest. I might have enjoyed those wreck rooms people used to go to before the turn. You know, give someone an ax and let them break a bunch of windows.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything. This is a thing now with me and Luke. It’s not the first time he’s ignored it when I said I don’t want visitors. He thinks he’s helping, but he’s not.”

“Is he waiting on you? Missing you?” It’s a question spoken to his own kneecaps instead of her face.

There are so many gaps to fill in from their time apart, and she isn’t in the business of lying to him.

“That’s not how it is. Not anymore. Maybe at first it could have been, but it only lasted a few weeks, and then it was done.

Over before it was anything at all. That’s not going to change, even if he has a hard time accepting it. ”

“Before or after you lived in the woods?”

“Before.”

“It’s not a bad idea to make sure you’re okay,” Wade replies. “Someone needs to.”

“No, they don’t. I’m fine here. Just fine.”

He’s clearly struggling with this information, and she has no way of knowing what exactly bothers him the most. Is it that he knows she dated Luke for all of a minute?

Is it that he’s still worried about her safety here with him, in the only place she wants to be anymore?

Getting into the details is something she isn’t prepared for at the moment, but she tries her best to put a band-aid over at least one thing.

“Wade? Everyone I’d be missing is already right here in this house.” He doesn’t reply, so she changes the subject, hoping the pivot is welcome. “There’s hot water in the bathroom if you still want to wash up.”

“Did you lock the doors again?” he asks, rising to his feet with a wince as his knees crack.

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very sure.”

“And you still got your knife?”

“And the gun by the door. I’m still a good shot.”

He nods, slowly disappearing into the hall after a cursory check to make sure it’s clear.

She settles herself into the chair, grabs a book she can’t focus on enough to read, and waits.

* * *

“We gotta set some traps,” he says, returning ten minutes later with damp hair and shining skin that reminds her she needs to find him a shirt.

“I was thinking the same thing.”

“Just because it wasn’t them this time doesn’t mean it won’t be the next. Gotta be ready.” He fluffs his hair with a towel, on the verge of pacing again.

She catches his eye, tilting her head toward the bed to silently ask him to sit, relieved when he does. “They’re not looking for you.”

“You don’t know that. They won’t give up. Dunno how I got away, but they ain’t gonna stop. Silas won’t stop.”

“I know how. You were dropped off on purpose with a note.”

He blinks in surprise, obviously not remembering much about how he went from being held captive to being dumped at the Paradise Falls gates. “What did it say?”

“That Silas thought it was time to… unload what I was looking for. He’s not out there trying to get you back. He returned you to get us off his ass.”

“Us?”

She’s quickly growing uncomfortable with how this is turning into a conversation about what she’s done in the past six years. “Well, maybe us is an exaggeration.”

“You? Just you?”

It’s not a slight, but spoken reverently like she’s an avenging angel who unshackled him herself. That’s not at all how it was. “Doesn’t mean we don’t need to be careful. Or that he’s getting away with any of this, but it does mean that we’re safe here. No one’s coming for us.”

“We moved a lot,” Wade says suddenly. “More often the past few months. Always a new place. Always in the middle of the night. So much arguing outside the cell…thought they were running from something. Someone. Didn’t know who, but it was you that whole time? You did that all by yourself?”

She doesn’t know how to answer. Nothing she’s done feels heroic.

She has accumulated many sins during her search that have left their mark.

There’s an accurate running tally in her mind of how many lives she’s taken on her quest. Some things she may never be able to confess to him.

In a way, her choices were even selfish.

She couldn’t go on without knowing she’d overturned every rock and checked every corner.

Couldn’t sleep at night if she moved on, hoping one day he’d show up on his own or accepting him gone for good.

He never would have stopped looking for her. So she got up every morning and crafted a new plan to find him each day. Would have done that until her last breath if he wasn’t in front of her right now.

Pressure builds behind her eyes that she persistently fights, tucking both legs up in the chair with a defeated sigh.

“I felt so close so many times, and then you were just gone again. He was always one step ahead. Silas has been a thorn in the side of every community for a hundred miles or more. Him and his men siphon out resources they haven’t earned, like the mob asking for a monthly payment.

They kill without remorse. They’ll do even worse given the chance.

I only found out he had you a couple of years ago.

Always knew they kept captives, but could never be sure you were one of them until a defector offered up details of what really goes on. ”

She blew through anyone left in her path if they refused to point her in the right direction.

Silas’s army was large, but she did her best to pick off who she could in her search, never imagining it would be enough to persuade him to release Wade.

Their numbers must be reduced even more than she realized.

“I knew you wouldn’t give up,” he whispers. “I’m only here now because of you.”

It’s so easy to feel like she hadn’t done enough. She let this continue for years while terrible things were happening to him, but he’s not looking at her like she failed, and for a moment, she indulges in the smooth cadence of his words and the meaning behind them.

Wants more than anything to crawl into his lap, feel that clean skin pressed warm to her own, and nuzzle her face into his neck. She settles for letting her eyes roam just enough to be satisfying, imagining what it might feel like to be close again.

“What?”

“Nothing, you just look good,” she admits, even as he doubts her.

“Dunno about that, but you do. I like your hair. Suits you.”

“You do?” Her surprised grin is quick. All it takes is the smallest hint of a compliment from him, and everything feels right with the world again, if only for the moment.

“Letting it grow didn’t work out so well for me,” he runs a hand over his own head, attempting his first joke since he appeared in her life again.

“I might be fond of the shaggy look. I can help you with that later if you want, though. When you’re ready.”

“Maybe someday.” Is all he says, clearly doubting that she’ll ever get close enough to cut it for him.

It’s then that she notices something brand new. “Hey, you’re hearing me better. I’m across the room.”

“Little bit. Still kinda underwater, but think it’s getting better.”

“Good. That’s good. I, um, probably should wait to ask you this, but I’ve been wanting to for so long.”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you remember anything from before we got separated? That night we spent in my apartment, right after the turn, you told me we were meeting up with Cole. That the two of you had plans to head somewhere safe, but we hadn’t discussed the details yet.

You said you never told him it was me you were coming to look for.

He would have said going that far into the city was too big a risk.

Only told him you had to ‘go check on a girl’ and would be right back. ”

“I barely remember what happened last week,” he replies sadly. “I’ve had a lot of concussions. Things from long before the turn are easier to see. But everything around the time we got separated, and everything right after, is full of holes now. I was meeting up with Cole? Is he okay?”

Her heart sinks at knowing she may never find the answers she hopes to get. “I dunno. I never saw him after you were gone. I looked, but we must have split off in different directions. It’s okay. All that matters now is there you’re here with me.”

“I can’t remember how me and you got separated.”

“There was a group of men, and they took you right in front of me. I couldn’t do anything. I was fighting off rotters. You were just gone.”

“They thought I was someone else.”

He doesn’t elaborate and she can see the exhaustion on his face, so she doesn’t push. Yet.