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I spent my entire day contemplating and jotting down my thoughts—thoughts of what I wanted, thoughts I wanted him to read.

However, I was unsure of where to start and where to end, what to write and what not to write.

My seduction lessons have taught me that physical relationships encompass far more than just intercourse and pleasure.

A new understanding flourishes when two people come together and engage in physical intimacy.

As their bodies reveal vulnerabilities by shedding clothes, they experience an incredible solace blooming between them.

And I yearned to feel that solace.

I had heard about his bravery on the battlefield until now, and he had an assertive tone whenever he spoke, which made me nervous.

Consequently, I always panicked when talking to him, mainly because he was much older than I was.

I loved him, but sometimes I felt passive.

He was mature, incredibly attractive, and one of the most eligible bachelors.

I had always desired someone like him.

“What are you doing?”

Suman’s voice startled me, and I quickly folded the sheet.

“Nothing,”

I said.

She looked at me, unsure.

“You look… defensively surprised.” She said.

I raised my brows and retorted ghastly, “No, it's nothing...

everything’s fine.”

She squinted her eyes, unconvinced, but agreed anyway, “Okay, I’m buying it.”

I plastered a smile on my face and nodded.

She left, and I sighed my shock away, taking a breath of peace.

Had she asked me anything, I wouldn't have lied.

She was my partner in crime, and she knew everything about me.

And by everything, I mean everything.

I went back to writing the letter Rudra had asked me to, but I was still uncertain about what to say.

Honestly, I just wanted to feel him, not just sexually, but his tender touches on my hand, my arms, and maybe sometimes, teasingly, on my neck.

Just the thought of it made me a jittery mess.

This was it.

This was what I wanted.

Unfolding the paper, I began writing down my thoughts.

‘As my eyes capture the sight of you anywhere around me, my heart begins racing.

Every time I see you smiling, sensations wave through my body, settling at the base of my spine.

But deep down, I feel this is not enough.

I yearn for more, more than just a smile, more than the subtle touches.

I long for the feeling of your fingers on my arms, on the curves of my waist, somewhere sensitive, like my feet.

I cannot precisely describe what I want, but I am sure that I desire something more than what we have now.

I want you around me, your touch that will set my skin on fire and consume me to the bones, which will ultimately illuminate every inch of me.

I want you to see me more than anyone ever has, and I want to see you more than anyone ever has.

I want us so close that our breathing feels wild yet warm against our faces.

I want us to be one, once and for all.

That’s it!’

Once I finished, I sighed deeply and rolled the letter back, keeping it safe.

This was what I wanted.

I wanted him more than anything, and everything I desired was solely for him and related to him.

Standing up, I looked out the window to check the time.

The orange hues in the purple sky, with the setting sun on the horizon, indicated it was almost evening.

If I wanted to meet him at night, I’d have to finish my work soon.

I hid the letter and went to the kitchen.

After instructing the cooks on the dinner menu, which included most of what Rudra liked, I retired to meet my mother and grandmother.

Later, we all gathered in the dining hall, where everyone was seated.

I found Rudra and Abhinandan, my twin brother, sitting together.

They seemed to be engaged in some serious conversation.

I sat next to my mother and grandmother, facing Rudra, Abhinandan, and my father.

My grandfather started the tradition of family dinners.

Since then, everyone in the family, along with close guests, has gathered for dinner together.

As the attendants started serving the food, I glanced at Rudra, who didn’t spare me a look.

They were both talking, and it looked pretty grave.

“,”

suddenly, my mother’s call caught my attention, and I looked at her.

“What happened? You look lost,”

she asked.

I hesitantly shook my head.

“Nothing,”

I instantly answered, and she frowned, looking at me.

“Your father told me to ask you about the Swayamvar’s4 invites.

He is concerned about your marriage.

I hope you know that,”

she reminded me, and I inhaled a deep breath.

“Yes… Yes, I do,”

I agreed bitterly.

“You've already rejected seven alliances, Princess.

He is concerned about what is going on in your mind.

Now that you are of age and have completed your education, what is preoccupying you? This is the right stage to get married and settle down,”

she illustrated in a neutral tone.

“She is right, ,”

my grandmother interjected, “You must get married now.

You’ve rejected every proposal in the last two years and have not given a valid reason for doing so,”

I looked at her, clueless.

I didn’t know what to say.

I couldn’t lie, and my heart started beating rapidly.

“I will Maasa5, Daadisa.

I will get married.

It's just that I’m afraid and waiting for the right man,”

I said.

They nodded, and thankfully, as the food was served, we all focused on eating.

But I had to talk to Rudra.

I needed to know what was going on in his mind and when he would ask my parents for my hand in marriage.

He was merely a guard for King Surgami Dev Singh, his uncle.

However, I was content with being his wife.

I didn’t desire any titles or recognition; I’ve had them throughout my life.

Furthermore, to serve the people and engage in social welfare, I didn’t need any entitlement.

The determination to work was enough.

I was trying to concentrate on dinner and realized that he hadn’t looked at me even once.

He was very much absorbed in eating.

He has always been that way—a disciplinarian.

His schedule was well-defined, and he was known for being very firm. Always.

If he eats, he eats.

If he fights, he simply fights.

No distractions can divert his mind at all.

Once dinner was finished, everyone retired to their respective chambers.

I needed to take a bath because I was going to see him that night.

Returning to my chamber, I asked my attendants to prepare for my bath.

In the meantime, I chose my clothes and detangled my braid to wash my hair.

Once the preparations were done, I took a long and refreshing bath.

The attendees washed my hair and scrubbed my arms and legs with a paste to remove body hair.

After the bath, they helped me dry my hair, and I urged them to leave since their work was done.

From my window, I observed the attendees carrying flaming torches to light other torches and add oil to the lamps.

This was a routine.

Therefore, I patiently waited for them all to fall asleep.

Silence enveloped the night as it grew darker, and it was time for me to sneak out.

My heart hammered in my chest so vigorously that I could hardly breathe.

My fingers trembled as I took out my nightgown.

Ruhani brought this nightwear from her empire.

I liked its design—a full-length, flowy gown with strings in front, reminiscent of an overcoat.

I had to wear it with a translucent, thigh-length, loose inner.

I changed into that outfit and covered my head with a dupatta.

Taking the secret pathway, I walked toward the guest chambers, wanting to avoid getting caught.

Upon reaching the back of his chamber, I jumped inside through the window.

A striking fragrance hit my nose, and I shivered.

I noticed the dim lighting in the chamber.

Inhaling deeply, I walked toward the center of the chamber, where he usually was.

The bed and couches were empty and untouched.

My heart raced as I searched for him.

Suddenly, a warm presence looming behind me put me on alert.

Two manly hands slipped around my waist.

A familiar scent enveloped me, and I realized who it was; my lips arched into a smile.

But the smile was replaced by a burning flush when he pressed his lips gently against the curve of my neck.

His wild, warm breaths near my ear left me gasping for air.

“I asked you to write something for me.

I expect you’ve done your assignment,”

he inquired, and I meekly nodded.

As he slowly turned me to look at him, a gasp escaped my lips as I gazed at his bare chest.

I blinked nervously, glancing at his broad shoulders, wide and puffy chest, muscular arms, and abs, which made me feel hot, too hot.

He was undoubtedly strong.

Holding out his hand, he asked for the letter, and with unsteady hands, I passed it to him.

With a benign smile, he unrolled the letter, and I watched as his eyes scanned the sheet.

By the end, he nibbled on his lower lip and refolded the letter.

Looking into my eyes, he slowly kept the letter on a side table and moved closer to me, stopping right an inch away.

“Did you miss me?”

he whispered in a low tone, and I accepted, nodding.

“Do you want me to touch you?”

I nodded again.

“Words,”

he demanded, and I muttered faintly, “Yes,”

“Where?”

he asked.

I gulped anxiously, out of words and inept to form a sentence.

“On my cheeks,”

I breathed out heavily.

He cupped my cheek and abruptly asked, “Do you want to marry me?”

I looked into his eyes, frowning at the sudden question.

But my answer was clear: “Yes,”

I complied.

“You are very well aware that I cannot take you until we get married.”

“I know,”

I acknowledged.

“And I don't have a home to provide for you, and I'm unsure if I will ever be the throne’s successor.

Do you still want to live with me, knowing all of this?”

He asked.

And my answer was yet again the same, “Yes,”

“Why do you love me so much?”

he probed.

I bit my lip and swallowed to moisten my dry throat.

“Because it's you whom I've always romanticised about.

My sweetest thoughts and my wildest fantasies are of you.

No matter how much I try, I am incapable of envisioning myself with anyone else in such a way.

It is unthinkable for me.

I do not know what in the name of love this is, but this is it,”

I confessed.

He held my arms and walked me toward the dressing table.

I looked at myself in the mirror, standing in front of him, and he gazed into my eyes through the reflection and said, “From this moment on and for always, you are mine.

But, you have to promise that it’ll only be me you will call your world, Agreed?”

He questioned, and I looked into his mystic eyes through the mirror.

It was as if something magnetic had firmly pulled me into their attraction range.

“Yes, I agree,”

I accepted, and he turned me around to look at him.

He cupped my cheek gently and abruptly pushed me against the dressing table.

I balanced my hands immediately behind me on the table to support my weight and looked into his eyes.

His face was dangerously close to mine as he looked at me ardently.

His hand moved toward my hair, which was tied in a bun, and I breathed heavily as he pulled out the hairpin, freeing it and letting it fall onto the table.

I felt his fingers travel down the front of my gown to the strings.

He looked at me and countered, “Are you sure?”

I nodded courageously. “Yes.”

The proximity made my heart beat at an abnormal pace.

For the first time, we stood so close, feeling each other's breath.

As he placed his forehead on mine, the overwhelming feeling made my eyelids heavy, making it hard for me to keep my eyes open.

His gaze dropped to my lips as his hands strode down to pull the strings of my gown open.

As he untied the knot, it felt like my grip loosened on the last string of sanity I was clinging to.

I felt numb, yet every inch of my body felt alive.

My knees weakened, so I leaned over to balance on the table.

The curiosity to know what lies ahead kept me on edge, causing me to tilt my head back.

The warmth of his cheek against mine made me close my eyes to fully experience it.

Slowly, he let his fingers move the coat, intruding as he circled his arm around my waist.

And as I felt his muscular hand around my stomach, I couldn't help the low moan slipping from the back of my throat.

The warmth of his skin soothed me inside out in this biting weather.

Whilst I thought of opening my eyes and looking at him, I felt his hand tugging at the hem of my gown.

Steadily, he slid the gown off my shoulders, letting the loose garment pool at my feet.

The cold breeze hit my exposed arms, causing the hair on my skin to stand on end.

He took a step back and held my hand.

Looking into my eyes, he earnestly kissed my palms and turned me back towards the mirror.

Standing behind me, he collected all my hair, and I craned my head slightly to the side as he slowly slid it aside on my neck.

With one hand, he held my hair to my right and glided his forefinger on my neck with his other hand.

My eyes fluttered closed as I shivered at the dazzling touch.

I saw him slowly leaning into my neck, and an inaudible moan escaped through my parted lips when I felt his lips brushing against my neck.

He applied pressure, and the sensational rush made my eyes tear.

It was so beautiful and captivating that I couldn't help but close my eyes and surrender to it.

He continued to kiss the side of my neck, sucking my skin.

Once, twice, thrice...

a cry of pain slipped from my mouth as the impact became a little harder.

“Rudra…”

I mewled, and he moved his lips away from my neck.

A dark red mark formed on my neck, and he slowly mumbled in my ear.

“What happens in reality is completely apart from what you've learned in your classes.”

His deep voice made me lower my gaze as I felt timid.

But the questions arising in my mind urged me to be brave, so I asked him, “What's the difference?”

I lifted my gaze, finding his eyes gaping at my neck, and felt his hand skimming my thigh.

He crouched down and sucked on my neck again, a bit harsher, scraping his teeth a little deeper.

A profound shudder passed through my frame when his hand moved along my thigh, inside the inner, oozing my brain, which left me in a breathy mess.

“It is very painful in reality,”

he whispered against my ear, and I closed my eyes, giving in to the sensations driving me crazy.

“Very painful?”

I asked in a shaky tone, and he nipped my earlobe, whispering, “Very, very, very painful.”

I felt as if I had just melted away with the heat as soon as he said that.

His fingers grazed my inner thigh, and I audaciously asked, “How painful is it?”

Slowly his other hand wrapped around my waist, and he sucked on my earlobe, making me tilt my head to the side as I felt his teeth dig over my lobe, biting me, making me whimper, “Aahh…”

“This much,”

He described, and I chewed on my lip, opening my eyes to look at him through the mirror.

I saw a shallow smile on his face, and he softly cleared, “For the whole night,”

A strong shiver ran down my spine, and my face dropped upon hearing this.

He straightened his face to look at me, and I gulped, furrowing my brows, imagining myself moaning with pain for the whole night.

I wondered why no one ever mentioned this to me earlier.

“Will it make me cry harder?”

I asked, blinking at him and gulping down my anxiety.

He made me face him, shoving me against the dressing table as he gently held my cheek and looked into my eyes.

“No, you will not cry harder…”

I felt him breathe against my cheek, planting a kiss, and he wildly said, “You will scream harder, my name,”

I moaned as his lips moved to my jaw and asked curiously, “How are you so sure?”

He nipped my jaw and responded, “Everybody knows what they are capable of.”

I cupped his cheek and made him look at me.

My lips, desperate to taste his, I requested in a pleading tone, “Kiss me, please.”

He looked into my eyes, gently caressing my lips with his thumb, and gingerly commanded, “Open your mouth.”

I parted my lips as he inched closer.

I could feel his lips over mine, but instead, he slipped his thumb inside my mouth, brushing against my teeth.

He smiled, and I playfully bit down on his thumb.

“I heard that your father is looking for a son-in-law,”

He affirmed, and I brushed my tongue on his thumb, nodding.

He inquired, “Will he ever agree to our marriage?”

I gulped and shook my head dejectedly.

He took his thumb out and caressed my lips again.

Taking a few steps away, he held my hand, saying, “Come.”

He guided me toward the bed and made me stand against it.

Enclosing his arm around my waist, he pulled me closer to him and began leaning in.

My body arched back as he made me sit on its edge.

Keeping his one knee on the side of my hips, he pushed me onto the bed and lay over me.

The touch, the feelings, and the blossoming emotions began to take over my being.

I felt intense sensations wave all over my body when I looked at his lips, moving closer to my uncovered shoulder.

His lips connected with my collarbone, and I gaped at my mouth to let out a sensuous moan.

His lips were warm, making me go wild.

My legs were between his, and I could feel all his weight over me.

Reaching out to my wrists, he pinned them over my head, making me arch my back in anticipation.

“Ahh… Rudra,”

I wailed when I felt him sucking my neck harder, biting it fervently and torturing my skin.

I was sure it would leave marks.

I could feel my brain becoming hazy with the sensations, the chamber slowly turning dark, and my vision blurring.

I felt his hand on my thighs, crawling its way up to my core as I heaved with an urge.

In time, everything turned utterly dark.

I could feel our breathing getting frantic.

And I didn't know when I gave in to my slumber.

***

I woke up when I felt someone shaking me, “,”

“Wake up,”

“What are you doing here?”

Muffled voices invaded my ears, and I tried to open my eyes.

For a few moments, my vision was unclear from the sleep, and I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the light.

I noticed the presence of my mother, grandmother, and father as I moved my head to look further. “Maasa—”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

My father abruptly cut me off when I tried to speak.

I pressed my palm against my head as it was dripping with pain.

And my mother urged him.

“Can you please leave us alone? All the men?”

“Don't you dare protect her, Abhi? “ he yelled.

She looked at him.

“I am not protecting her, but let me at least find out what happened in the first place,”

she tried to explain.

My eyes started tearing up as I tried to recall what had happened last night.

I was with Rudra and woke up in his chamber.

I watched my father leave us alone and tried to sit up to cover myself.

“What are you doing here, ?”

My mother asked, grabbing my cheeks.

Her voice was laced with anger and hurt.

“Maasa….”

I attempted to speak and looked around to realise it was noon already.

I tried to ask with a trembling tone.

“Where is... Rudra?”

A firm slap landed on my cheek, making my face jerk aside with the force.

“Rudra? You slept with him?”

Maasa asked.

I placed my hand on my cheek and looked at my mother with tearful eyes.

“Maasa, where is he? Please…”

I pleaded, and she yelled again.

“He left.

He left last night.

What were you doing with him in his chamber? Don’t you know that a girl carries the responsibility of her family's esteem? What, pray tell me, are you doing on his bed? What did you do? What in the name of immorality did you do, ?”

Did he…Leave? Did he really leave?

My entire being went still upon hearing it.

My mother was, so I turned to my grandmother.

“Daadisa, I’m truly sorry, but I love him...

please.

He is the one I want to get married to,”

and just then, another slap landed on my cheek, accompanied by a letter slamming onto my face.

“Who said that he will marry you? Don’t you know he is our enemy's son? How could you forget to stay within your limits? Who will marry you now?”

I looked at my mother, screaming at me, and picked up the letter with shaking fingers.

I closed my eyes as my grieving heart told me something entirely different.

He loves me.

I tried to remind myself and timidly unrolled the letter.

“Ek chhot aapke parivaar ne humaare parivaar ko di thi, uttar mein ek chhot hum aapke parivaar ko dete hain!”

(A scar your family gave to mine and a scar I give back to yours!)

It read.

I read it again.

Again and again.

Until it shattered me into millions of pieces.

My grandmother embraced me as I wept my heart out.

“Daadisa, I loved him so much.

How could he do this to me?”

I sobbed, feeling clueless about what to do.

How would I face my father and the people of the kingdom?

“Get dressed, ,”

Suddenly, my mother jerked the gown onto my face, and I looked at her.

“Maasa, I’m sorry, please.

I truly didn't know that he was conspiring against me.”

She glared at me sharply and ordered again.

“GET DRESSED,”

I nodded.

As I stepped down from the bed, I felt my bones hurt and yelped in pain.

Tears streamed down my face as I realized he had indeed done it.

I didn’t remember anything after he touched my thighs, but the pain I felt told me a completely different story.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I turned to face the bed.

Something in me broke, like those bangles I wore last night, which were now shattered into pieces, scattered across the bed.