Page 17

The velvety carpets suddenly felt cold in the middle of the night, like a hard marble floor.

I tucked my feet into my lehenga in an attempt to seek warmth, but it was futile.

The cool, biting wind crept through the thick fabric of my dress, stinging my skin and causing me to shiver, my teeth clattering, and my nose going numb.

I changed my position and turned to his side, only to face his back.

It was dark, and I didn’t want to get up, so I tried to cocoon myself in my dupatta, but nothing helped.

Giving up, I sighed in displeasure and quietly tiptoed towards the sleeping chamber, not wanting to disturb Suman.

Fetching a blanket, I returned and crouched in the direction he was facing.

I covered him with the blanket, when he mocked in a sleepy tone, “Someone's feeling cold, huhh,”

I gritted my teeth at his remark.

He was enjoying it!

Ignoring him, I lay back facing him.

I shifted closer to get into the comforter and mumbled in a low tone, “It is your duty to protect your wife, even if it’s from the cold, gusty winds,”

and suddenly he pulled me closer to him by my waist, making me place my head over his upper arm.

I gasped at his abrupt action, but relaxed anyway and nestled my face in his chest.

He placed his legs near mine and covered us with the comforter.

Though our midriffs were in distance, his hand was draped around my form, and I was in his embrace.

Safe and calm.

I heaved out a smile; This was it.

This was what I wanted.

No matter how much we fought, I wanted it to end by nightfall.

We could play the king and queen for the world outside in daylight, but I wanted us to be Rudra-Nadani, lying in each other’s arms at night—just us, no hatred, no arguments.

In his comforting and warm hold, I fell asleep.

I woke early from my deep slumber and looked outside at the garden.

It wasn't completely dark; the purple hues of the sky signified the imminent sunrise.

Taking a deep breath, I yawned, trying to stretch my body, but his arm around my midriff prevented me from doing so.

I might've changed sides at night because his limbs were entangled with mine from behind.

But the moment I tried to move out of his clasp, a sharp pain shot through my spine, causing me to crinkle my eyes.

I pursed my lips to suppress a scream.

Oh My God!!!

I tried to look at him over my shoulder, but it hurt so bad, I couldn't move.

Inhaling a deep breath, he moved his arm off and opened his eyes.

He stared at me for a few moments and turned his gaze away.

I tried to get up, but my spine felt so stiff.

“Aahhhh….”

I hollered in excruciating pain and placed my hand on my back.

He chuckled, looking at me crying in pain.

He was finding it amusing?! Seriously?

“How's your wedding night experience, little wife?”

he mocked.

I shot a glare his way for making fun of me.

He got up and said, “Have your back massaged by someone.”

He said, walking out of there with an absurd expression.

I lay back in the same place, closing my eyes.

I couldn't even sit.

The side of my waist and my midriff were hurting too.

He knew it! He knew it would hurt.

I took deep breaths, slowly trying to get up and walked back to the chamber with the comforter.

I had my hand on my back and noticed Suman waking up.

After placing the comforter, I closed my eyes in pain and swiftly settled myself onto the bed.

Tears pooled in my eyes, and Suman hurriedly paced towards me.

“, what happened? Are you alright?”

I shook my head and muttered, “My back hurts so much.

My whole body is in pain,”

She frowned and suddenly a look of familiarity crossed her face.

“Where'd you sleep? The bed is untouched,”

I looked at her face, turning pale.

“On the courtyard's floor.

He was asleep there, so I had to sleep with him,”

she widened her eyes.

“You did it on the floor? Was he angry? Was it rough? Was he not gentle? I mean, I hope it wasn't painful.

Do you understand what I'm saying? Because it's wrong to hurt your wife.

I mean, I know he's huge, strong and has a really fine body, but who makes love like that? Who makes his queen cry?”

Her incoherent gibberish was getting on my nerves.

“Suman, shut up, just… stop..”

I hissed through my clenched teeth.

“It’s not what you think.

And, stop observing him, he's my husband.”

She dropped her gaze and softly mumbled, “I didn't mean that, .”

I cried in pain.

“Ouch….”

She gave me a concerned look and asked, “Should I call the physician?”

I shook my head.

“No, the way you misunderstood, everyone in the palace will.

I don't want anyone talking about us on my first day here,”

she nodded.

“So, what’re you going to do now?”

Inhaling a sharp breath, I said, “I'll wait and see if the pain subsides by night, if not, I'll get a massage.”

“Ranisa,”

an attendee called, standing at the doorways of the bedchamber, and we looked her way.

“Badi Ranisa has asked you to get ready for the first-meal ritual,”

she informed me, and I nodded.

“Okay, I’ll be there in some time.”

She was about to leave when I stopped her.

“Wait? Do you know where Ranaji is? I mean, what does he do after waking up, on a routine basis?”

With her head bowed down, she politely replied, “He went towards his old quarters.”

I furrowed my brows in a daze.

“Old quarters?”

she nodded.

“Can you take me there?”

I asked, and she looked hesitant.

“But Ranisa, these servant quarters are for men.

Women are not allowed there.”

Getting up from the bed, I walked towards her and said, “I’m the Queen, so take me to these quarters.”

She nodded and turned towards the exit.

“Please come with me, Ranisa,”

I followed her out of the chamber and meandered through the colonnades and the royal gardens, where at a distance my sight fell on a remote building shielded by the royal palace, the servant quarters.

“This way, Ranisa,”

the soldiers immediately moved aside, making way for me, standing in a line on both sides.

My steps froze in place when my sight fell on him, seated on a stool in the open bathing area, in just his dhoti36, visible to everyone.

His back facing me, he filled the brass pot, emptying the water on his head.

His wounds were still fresh, and some of them were even bleeding.

I felt a knot in my stomach, looking at him, half-naked, taking a bath in the common area.

I caught the female attendants who came with me staring at him.

Hundreds of soldiers were present, as it was open to everyone.

Stopping the attendees from following me, I dawdled in his direction, the sound of my anklet’s bells echoing in the hushed surroundings.

I stepped near him and looked at his wet body.

Opening his eyes, he found me standing in front of him.

Scanning me from top to bottom, he returned his gaze to my face and looked at me so intensely, as if he wanted to tear me apart.

I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

“Ekaant!”

(Privacy) I ordered.

All the attendants and soldiers left from there at his order, but I was rooted in my spot.

I raked my eyes through the empty compound and, bringing my gaze back, I crept closer to him.

“You should bathe in the royal chambers, Ranaji,”

I said, and I didn’t know why, but every time I addressed him as Ranaji, a sense of respect, pride of being his wife and timidness seeped through my insides.

He emptied another pot of water on his head, and a few drops splashed over my arms and face.

“Habits cannot be changed overnight,”

He stated.

Blinking nervously, I countered, “We’re meant to share everything as per our wedding vows.

And so, I can't bathe in the open area.”

Suddenly, he stretched his hand out to me, confusing me.

I didn’t know what he wanted to do, so I placed my palm over his.

He slowly pulled me closer and made me sit across from him, on my knees.

My skirt was drenched on the wet floor.

All my courage flowed down the floor when he looked so deeply into my eyes, like he could see my soul.

My heart pounded terribly against my ribs, making my breathing uneven.

I saw him filling another pot with water, and he steadily emptied it over my head.

And the moment the cold water came into contact with my body, a jolt of shiver passed through my entire form, making me suck in heavy gasps of air and close my eyes.

It felt like thousands of flowers bloomed inside me, tickling me endlessly, making my whole body tremble.

Opening my eyes, I blinked at him frantically.

I was cowering under his piercing gaze.

Even though I was dressed completely, he looked at me like he had ripped my clothes off my body and was witnessing me naked.

The wild thought made me feel so hot; I immediately lowered my lashes.

Standing up from his place, he held out his hand.

Holding it, I stood up.

I remembered that when I told him I was ready to live in a simple cottage with him, I had never imagined life would be so difficult.

He walked me toward a small room nearby and opened the door.

As he took me inside, he locked the door, and I lifted my gaze to look at him.

“I...

I just came…to ask what you would like to have for breakfast,”

I was stammering terribly with my words.

He turned away from the door to look at me and asked, “Did you get your back massaged?”

Stepping forward, he towered over me, and I distractedly took my steps back.

“No,”

I mumbled, shaking my head.

“Why?”

He arched his brow, taking another step closer, and I stumbled back further.

He moved even closer when suddenly my back hit the open shelves.

I made an effort to look into his eyes and muttered, “I was afraid that the attendants might start tattling about us.”

He moved his gaze off me, skimming the almirah behind, “Why so?” he asked.

I gulped, looking at the water dripping down his neck, and tried to form an answer, “They might think that I hurt my back and my body was in pain because I slept with you last night.”

He took a dark red shawl from the almirah and looked back at me.

“But you did sleep with me,” he said.

I nodded.

“Yes, but it was our wed… our first night together after our marriage.

So, they might get things wrong.

And I didn't want them to gossip about us,”

He nodded, unfolding the shawl, and draped it around me.

“I eat anything that's made, I sleep on the floor, I drink the milk that I get from the cows, I wash my clothes, I stay here and my life is... simple,”

he said, and I blinked nervously, lowering my gaze.

“I should stay here with you,”

Taking a small glass bottle out of the almirah, he replied, “You don't have to,”

he said in a deep, authoritative tone.

“Turn around,”

he demanded.

After removing the wooden cork from the bottle, he poured a small amount of oil into the palm of his hand.

I looked at him in a muddle as he rubbed his oiled palms and beckoned again, “Turn around, .”

I couldn't help but notice how enticing his husky and low voice was.

The way my name smoothly tripped off his tongue sounded so pleasing.

I gaped at his sturdy expression and turned towards the shelves in a daze.

“Lower the shawl.”

I removed the shawl from my body when he added, “Pull down your dupatta, too.”

I pulled the dupatta off my head and placed my heavy, damp braid on my shoulder to give him access to my back. “Untie,”

He emphasised, and inhaling a sharp breath, I undid the knots of my blouse, loosening it for him.

He inched closer and inquired, “Where exactly is it hurting?”

I pointed my finger at the lower back and middle back, where I usually tied my skirt and the knot of my blouse.

“Here,”

I felt him slowly lather the oil over my back with smooth strokes.

He first made slow circular motions in the middle of my back, gliding his hands up with light friction, and softly brought his hands down to my hips.

Repeating the same technique a few times, he helped ease the stiffness of my muscles, and I closed my eyes in relaxation.

Applying gentle pressure with his fingertips, he kneaded my back in circular motions.

He pressed both thumbs against my back to alleviate tension and continued massaging in the same manner for a few minutes, providing great relief.

He was so careful that, for once, I didn’t feel uncomfortable with his touch.

As he moved away, he took a cotton cloth from the shelf and wiped his hands clean.

“Tie it back.

You will get relief in some time,”

I turned to look at him, clutching my blouse from behind to tie the strings.

However, the interlaced pattern of the strings left me struggling to tighten the blouse on my own.

Seeing me striving, he turned me again towards the shelf and held the strings.

I felt his fingers touching mine, keeping the blouse in place, as he started tying it.

“Tighter,”

I muttered, and he yanked it too hard, making me gasp for air in suffocation.

“Ahh….

A little loose,”

I exclaimed, and he loosened it too much.

“No, a little tighter,”

He secured it slowly and asked, “Is it right now?”

I nodded as he fastened the knot.

Adjusting my clothes, I pulled the dupatta over my head again and wrapped it around myself with the shawl.

“Thank you for the massage.”

I had to thank him because it indeed helped me with the pain.

“And you will sleep on the bed tonight,”

he asserted, looking at me.

Shaking my head, I insisted, “I'll sleep where you'll sleep.

Be it on the bed or the floor,”

Glaring at me in frustration, he grumbled, “What if I do not show up tonight? How will you sleep alone on the floor?”

I looked at him with hurt and held his hand to stop him from leaving.

“I'll wait for you, Rudra,”

I said, “There is no one I know here.

Remember, I came here with you, for you,”

I left his hand, and he held his gaze with mine in a silent contact.

“You should go back to the chamber.

The attendants must be waiting for you,”

I nodded, heading toward the door, but then paused midway and turned around.

“There must be something you like,”

I inquired.

Taking unhurried steps in my direction, he looked into my eyes and muttered,

“There was someone I liked,”

I felt a pang in my heart when he referred to me as 'was'.

“Looks like someone is no more,”

I said.

And he pushed me against the door and grabbed me by my waist, closer to him.

“Don't you dare,”

his squeezing hold on my waist told me how angry he was.

“Until when are you going to be angry with me? And how long am I supposed to be angry with you?”

I questioned, my tone filled with despair.

His gaze softened at my remark, and he muttered indistinctly, “I am not angry.”

“You're not happy either.

You didn't have to marry me if you hate me so much,”

my voice cracked with emotion, and I looked at the ground.

Suddenly, he cupped my cheeks and made me look into his eyes.

“And you didn't have to cooperate with me,”

he said.

I furrowed my brows, clenching my fists, and immediately tried to push him away.

“Of course, I was getting married to the King, but it was you who came to marry me,”

I said, gritting, pointing my finger at him.

“Oh yes, it's all my fault.

You're a good little girl,”

he exaggerated, keeping his face neutral.

Backing away, he moved to the shelf and took his clothes out while I stood rooted in place, unwilling to explain anything to him.

He had to understand, whether it was him or me, that one must overcome one’s old beliefs and seek truth.

I strode out of the servants' quarters and made my way back to the chamber.

Suman and the other attendants, standing close by, joined me, and on our way back, Suman asked me, “How did you get wet?”

I blinked at her, not knowing how to respond.

Looking at my wet lehenga, I gave her a curt reply, “I slipped on the bathing-area floor.”

She looked at me dubiously, but said nothing.

Returning to the chamber, I took off the shawl and went to the bathing room.

I quickly bathed and changed into a beautiful orange dress with a matching dupatta.

It was lightweight yet elegant, making it perfect for a newlywed bride.

My back pain had tapered off a little.

Once I was ready, I went to the royal kitchen and saw the kitchen staff gathered around the fireplace, with huge, clean containers for cooking.

“What is on the menu, Ranisa?”

One of the cooks asked, and I looked towards them.

“Khichdi, less spicy mixed-vegetables, plain daal, roti, and Daliya with a light consistency,”

I instructed, “I will cook all of this.

And royal cuisine will not be cooked or served until the soldiers are healed.

Also, ensure every wounded soldier and guard is served with turmeric milk two times, day and night.”

They all looked at each other.

“But, Ranisa, this menu is for the soldiers and servants of the palace.

What will the high ranks eat?”

Maintaining my poise, I looked into their eyes and stated in an unwavering tone, “The higher ranks eat what Ranaji eats and Ranaji eats what soldiers eat.

So, until Ranaji touched the royal food, this would be served to everyone in the palace.”

They nodded in unison, and tucking my dupatta into my skirt, I began cooking food for everyone in the palace.

By the time I was done, it was noon already.

I sighed, washing my hands.

“Serve the food for the soldiers.”

One of them interrupted and said, “But Ranisa, no one eats before Ranaji eats.”

I gave him a slight smile.

“Just do as I say,”

he nodded, and they all started transferring the food into smaller containers.

I looked at Suman.

“Suman, can you please go with the other attendants and make sure the soldiers are well fed?”

She nodded.

“Of course.”

I turned to prepare a plate for Badi Maasa and went to her chamber, carrying the food with the help of the attendees.

The announcer made my presence known, and I entered her chamber.

I found her resting on the bed, and she opened her eyes to look at me.

“, you here? Come sit,”

she welcomed me with a warm smile, and I took the plate closer to her on the bed.

“I brought you lunch.”

I said, placing the plate across her, when she asked me, “You cooked?”

I nodded, smiling back at her.

“Come sit,”

she patted beside her on the bed, and I sat facing her.

She frowned, noticing the food, and questioned, “Khichdi, Daliya and roti?”

I briefly lowered my gaze and replied politely, “You seemed unwell yesterday.

Ranaji is wounded too, so I thought simple food would be good for everyone, for the soldiers too.”

She smiled and held the bowl in her trembling hands.

“That’s so thoughtful of you.

God bless you, my dear,”

she started eating, but suddenly paused.

“Did Rudra eat yet?”

I shook my head.

“No, not yet.

He said he would eat once all the soldiers were treated,”

she nodded, staring at nothing.

“He's always been like that.

You know, whenever he returned from a mission or a war, until each and every soldier was treated, he would neither eat, sleep, nor get his injuries dressed.

Sometimes, he would even get in the physicians' hair to see how they were treating the soldiers.

As a commander, he always puts forth his soldiers' health.

He is uncompromising in that,”

Listening to her intently, I lost my appetite, even though I was hungry after working so hard, because I was overwhelmed by how much he cared for his soldiers.

It hurt me deeply to know that for me, he had to raise swords against the people he prioritized in his life.

“Did you eat?”

she asked, bringing me out of my reverie, and I responded, “Not yet, Badi Maa.”

She finished the daliya and picked up the dal to eat.

“You should eat.

Don't worry about him.

Oftentimes, we wouldn't even know where he goes, what he does, or what he eats.

He loves his solitude too much to let anyone intrude,”

she said.

I nodded, pursing my lips.

“You cook really well.”

I offered her a grateful smile.

After she finished, I took the empty plates back and handed them to the attendees.

I returned to my chamber.

Suman wasn't back yet.

I wanted to meet him, ensure he had eaten, tend to his wounds, but I didn't know where he was.

Thinking that lying in bed would do no good, I got up and went to the guards standing outside my chamber.

I had to find him or make him come to me.

“Can you let Ranaji know that I asked for him?”

I requested.

“Yes, Ranisa,”

he said, and bowed before leaving.

On my way back to the bedroom, I asked one of the attendants to bring food, herbal paste, and gauze to dress his wounds.

Shortly after, she returned with everything I had requested.

I told her to place it on the table.

After a long wait, he traversed into the chamber.

“You called me Ranisa,”

he playfully addressed me, sauntering closer.

I looked at him, amazed; my breath caught in my throat, yet I managed to nod.

I didn't know why, but after the wedding, every time his eyes captivated mine in intense contact, a swirling sensation sparked in my gut, like tiny birds flapping their wings inside.

He stood before me in a simple, plain maroon kurta, yet I found him attractive.

Was it his chiseled features? Or his strong physique? Or the way he looked at me, as if he was stripping away not just my clothes, but my skin, my sanity, with just his eyes?

“Why? Everything alright?”

I found him standing mere inches apart and immediately turned my gaze south.

“Have you got your wounds dressed?”

I muttered in a low tone, gathering myself to look back at him.

“Not yet,”

he answered, and I moved forward with the bit of courage I had and said, “Let me do it.”

He receded his steps and looked at the food and medicine on the table.

“I've so much work to do.”

He said.

He was about to leave, but I held his wrist.

“Rudra, aap lad lijiye humse, jhagad lijiye, bol dijiye jo bolna hai, rulaana hai toh rula bhi dijiye, kintu apna adhikaar toh jataaiye hum par.

Hum nahi keh rahein hain ki humse prem kijiye, parantu humein apni patni ke roop mein toh sweekaar kijiye,”

(Rudra, fight with me, argue with me, tell me whatever you want to, make me cry even, but at least express your rights on me.

I'm not telling you to love me, but please accept me as your wife) I desperately pleaded, my tone quivered, and he turned around to look at me.

“Everyone here addresses you as Ranisa, doesn't that mean you’re my wife?”

He remarked, pulling away from my hold.

I stepped closer and shook my head.

“No, that doesn't mean I am your wife.

I'll not be considered your wife until you treat me like one.

Actually, let’s just drop this.

Yes, I'm your wife, and yes, they call me Ranisa,”

I stated, wiping the tears off my face and adding, “So now take your kurta off and take a seat.”

I pointed towards the couch, giving him a stern look.

He stared at me for a few moments; however, he pulled off his kurta and sat on the couch.

I picked up the medicine bowl and sat beside him.

I closely observed the wound on his upper arm and applied the herbal paste.

“I’m allowing you to do this only because you're worried for me,”

He mumbled softly.

I glanced at him once.

Bringing my attention to his wound, I remarked, “Oh, thank god, you can see I am worried.

It would've been better if you had realised my feelings earlier.”

His constant gaze on me made a sudden warmth spread across my face.

“, can I ask you something?”

He asked, and I nodded, “Ji,”

“Will you answer honestly?”

I lifted my gaze and blinked at him, nodding again.

“You loved me so much, so why did you sleep with him?”

I swallowed and went back again to dressing his cuts.

“You loved me, too.

So, why did you leave me? Why did you break my heart?”

Dodging his question, I retorted in a low tone.

“How do you know I loved you?”

He counter-questioned.

Shifting my focus from his upper arm to the wound on his forearm, I stated, “You raised your sword against your soldiers, went against your Badi Maa and battled with the previous king to marry me.

I bet it wasn't just for revenge.”

Inhaling a deep breath, he proclaimed, “But, I don't love you.”

I narrowed my eyes at him and countered, “So why did you marry me? You should've just let me marry him and have his children.”

He sighed.

“We had a history, and I didn’t want you to become my aunt.”

I knelt in front of him on the floor and moved my fingers close to his stomach.

“This is it.

It means you would've let me marry anyone,”

And he immediately responded, “Of course.”

I looked at him, astounded.

Dropping my shoulders, I shook my head and tended to his wound.

I stayed silent after that, neither looking at him nor asking anything.

There was no point in talking when he had nothing to offer me.

After applying the paste, I dressed his wounds in cotton gauze, neatly tying its ends.

“Have you eaten?”

he asked, breaking the silence.

I kept myself busy cleaning my hands and placing the empty bowl on the table.

Ignoring everything around me, I served food for myself and settled on the edge of the bed.

I was lost in my meal when I caught sight of him wearing his kurta out of the corner of my eye.

He walked towards the bed and knelt before me.

But I kept my eyes fixed on the plate, munching on the food quickly.

My heart was beating so rapidly in anger.

So much anger.

He could’ve said that he wouldn't have let me marry not just to the king but any other man, at least just to console me.

But, no, this righteous man had to play honest.

Suddenly, he grabbed my spoon and, looking into my eyes, tasted the food.

Taking a few more bites, he playfully remarked, “This is a huge empire, little wife.

How will you rule it with so much anger right at the tip of your nose?”

He stretched his hand out, moving the spoon closer to my mouth.

I blankly stared at him for a couple of moments and took a bite, glaring at him.

“Thank you for cooking for all the soldiers,” He said.

I gobbled all the food and demanded in a low tone, “No thanks.

I want a hug, if you don't mind." He waited for a moment, but eventually stood up and asked for my hand.

I held his hand as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer.

The way he hugged me made me close my eyes in comfort.

I rested my head on his chest, enveloping my arms around his torso and tightly fisting his kurta.

“I would've never forgiven myself if anything had happened to you,”

I said, my tone muffled.

He remained silent, gently caressing my head.

With his other hand, he tightened his embrace around me, and I discovered my peace.

In this hug, all my worries turned to ashes.

As he pulled away from the hug, he gently cupped my cheek and placed a soft peck on my forehead, saying,

“Gatte ki sabzi pasand hai humein,”

(I like Gatte37).

I beamed at his late reply, and he took a step back.

“Should I make it for dinner tonight?”

I asked in a light tone.

He shook his head.

“I'll tell you when to make it, not tonight,”

I smiled, and he added, “I’ve already had my lunch with the soldiers.

Now I must go back; there’s so much work to do.

Rest and don't get angry.”

I nodded, and he left the chamber.

My insides rejoiced in happiness.

I knew it; I knew he couldn't see me becoming angry and upset, and I knew that he would never allow me to marry anyone, even though he didn't accept it.

Later, Suman came back and plopped herself on the couch.

She looked worn out.

“Did Everyone eat?”

I asked, and she nodded, “Yes.

I paid attention to each one of them.

They liked the food.”

I sat on the bed with a contented smile and thanked her.

Since she looked so weary, I asked her to take a break and rest for a while.

“Of course,”

she leaned back, straightening her legs on the couch, making herself comfortable.

I advanced towards the library and, upon entering, scanned the wooden racks lined with hundreds of books.

Taking out a yellow-covered book, I flopped onto a couch to read for a while.

I began reading the story, turning the pages one by one and delving deeper into the narrative.

It was about the experiences of a traveller who crossed mountains to find a hidden treasure.

I became so engrossed in the book that I didn't realize how much time had passed.

It was when my stomach growled with hunger that I lifted my gaze from the book and noticed that most of the lamps were off.

The library was dark all around.

I returned the book to its place and retired to my chamber.

I looked around to find any attendants, but no one was present, not even Suman.

“Suman,”

I called her, but she didn't answer.

I searched for her throughout the chamber, but she was nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, my gaze fell on her as she paced toward me.

“Where were you?”

I asked, and she placed her hands on her knees, bending forward, gasping for air.

“I was searching for you.

I got so worried, where did you go?”

she asked.

I frowned at her.

“I was in the library,” I said.

Standing straight, she smacked her forehead and bit her tongue.

“Oh well! I looked everywhere but the library.”

Smiling, I asked, “What time is it? And where's everyone?”

She looked at me, surprised, and replied, “It’s late at night, .

Everyone retired to their chambers.

The attendants brought your dinner, but you weren't around.

I thought you might have gone to meet Ranaji, so I sent them back.”

I gulped as my stomach rumbled more with hunger.

“No, I was in the library,”

She pursed her lips.

“Sorry, I didn't know that.

Are you hungry? Should I go and get food?”

I shook my head.

“It's late already.

I don't think it is appropriate for you to wander around.

Where is Ranaji, by the way? Did you ask someone?”

She nodded, answering, “I asked about him in the evening.

They said he went out of the palace for some work.”

I lowered my eyes and furrowed my brows, guessing where he could've gone.

“Do you, by any chance, have an idea where he went?”

She shook her head and retorted, “No, and I don't think he will return this late at night.”

I nodded and told her to go to bed since it was already past sleep time.

She left for her room, and I went to the courtyard.

I was waiting for him, looking at the bright moon in the sky and the trees in the garden swirling with the gentle night breeze.

The chirps of the insects in the hushed night were calming yet eerie.

I was frightened, alone in the huge chamber, in the gigantic palace, and above all, I didn’t know where he was or when he'd be back.

Accompanied by the silence, staring at the infinite stars, I lay on the carpeted floor.

Because I knew that wherever he would be, he must be sleeping on the floor or maybe awake, doing something.

I didn't know when I fell asleep on an empty stomach.

***

The sweet noise of birds chirping woke me up, and I sleepily looked at the sky at dawn.

I turned around to see if he had come, but the cold carpets said otherwise.

I felt dejected.

Clearly, he didn't care about me.

This explains why he didn't tell me where he was going.

The uncertainty of not knowing where he went or where he was made my heart sink.

How could he do that? I understood that there were many issues that required his full attention, but this was unacceptable.

How could he leave me alone in the palace without informing me?

I got up, but suddenly a stabbing pain erupted in my back, forcing me to sit down.

Tears brimmed in my eyes, and I couldn't even understand why I was crying.

I was hurt and angry, and my back felt damaged.

Wiping my face, I stood up and went to the bathroom.

By the time I finished taking a bath, the sun had risen.

When I returned to the sleeping chamber, I spotted the attendants arriving to do their daily chores.

However, I sent them all back.

I was annoyed and angry, and whenever I felt this way, I would start working until my mind shifted away from the cause of my fury.

I dusted the entire chamber, cursing him in my mind.

Every nook and corner was cleaned.

I asked the attendants to bring me additional sets of curtains, pillow covers, couch covers, and bed sheets, which I changed with their help.

I even had the carpets and mats replaced.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted, yet my anger still hadn't subsided, and my back pain only worsened.

After washing up in the late evening, I lay on the bed, covering myself with the comforter so I wouldn't yell at anyone.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

He still had not returned.

Lying in bed, I sobbed, feeling my energy drain away.

I hate him.

I hate him so much.

I kept ranting in my mind.