Page 41 of Replay (Toronto Blaze #3)

I’m not giving up on my dreams

Josh

I stared at the doorway where my mother had disappeared. I kept waiting for her to come back, but after ten minutes she was still gone. She was angry, thinking I was choosing Katie over her.

I guess I was. It wasn’t like the two of them were drowning and I had to pick one to save, but Mom wanted me to push Katie out of my life and that wasn’t happening.

I’d spent five years looking for something as good as Katie, and now that I had her again, I wasn’t going to waste time looking for someone else.

Would Katie also ask me to choose between them? I didn’t think so, but it was one of the many things we needed to talk about.

I pulled up my phone, anxious to get started on that talk and make sure we were solid going forward.

I stared at the last message I’d sent her. I’d said Love you. That was true, but would it spook her? I didn’t want to have to worry about that. It was time to tell her I was serious and wanted long-term.

My stomach tensed, because she might not be ready. I’d have to convince her I’d wait as long as she needed. Without the trade I had time, for now. Shit, how long before I was a viable trade option again? Not till they knew if I’d recover, I was pretty sure.

My stomach twisted into knots. The two biggest things in my life were Katie and hockey, and I wasn’t sure about either of them. It would be months before I knew if hockey was going to happen again. I could at least do something about the Katie part.

She hadn’t answered my message. Was she busy, or had I scared her? The message showed as read. I drew in a breath and sent another message.

Talked to mom. Told her we were together.

She left.

Was that enough for Katie to know I chose her?

Please come. I’ll make sure you can get in.

I stared at the messages till they showed as read but didn’t see the dots to say she was responding.

Mom had said Katie had to leave because she had exams. I’d have to hope that was all the problem was. I had no idea what Mom said to her, and I was stuck waiting since I was immobilized. Katie had to come to me.

I’d dozed off, phone in my hand, when some of the guys stopped by. Cooper, of course, being team captain. Fitch was with them again, and Mitch, Crash, Oppy and even Petey.

It was a lift to see them, but it also hurt. I didn’t know if I’d play with them again.

“Ducky! We brought you a duck!” Oppy grinned, holding out some bizarre Christmas-decorated stuffed bird. The duck was white and wearing a Santa hat and beard. Red coat and a belt, bare-assed and with an evil expression.

“Where the hell did you find that?”

“I do not reveal my sources.”

Oppy pushed it up by my face and took a picture with his phone. I didn’t want to know what he was going to do with that.

“How are you feeling?” Mitch asked. He looked worried. His girlfriend had lost her hockey career due to a knee injury. What would have happened to them if the trade had gone through?

My stomach knotted again, but I wasn’t going to stress the team. They had games to win. I shrugged. “Enough drugs to keep me from hurting too much.”

“What did they say about recovery?”

“Six months.” But no guarantees.

“You work hard, you play again. I will help,” Petey promised, or was that a threat?

Mitch passed over a bag of something that smelled incredible. “Figure you’re not watching your weight right now, and hospital food sucks, so…”

“Give me!”

I munched on burgers, listening as the guys talked about the last games, how they’d squeaked out a couple of wins, including the one I’d been injured in, but insisted they needed me back.

I couldn’t tell them about the trade that hadn’t happened, but would management switch to sending someone else out after the holiday freeze?

Had they given up on the Blaze’s season?

Would some of these guys be gone before I was back on my feet?

My phone buzzed.

I’m done with school for the day. Should I come by?

YES

I didn’t care if it was shouty. I wanted her to know this was a priority for me.

Fitch smirked. “That Katie?” I nodded. “She coming?”

“Yes.”

He deliberately looked around the room. “Get things worked out with your mother?”

Yeah, she was conspicuously absent. I shrugged a shoulder. “I told her Katie was here to stay.”

“How did that go?”

The guys were watching me. Some looked amused, some concerned.

“Mom left. Her choice. Like you said, I figured out what was most important. And now Katie’s on her way, so you guys have to book.”

Oppy pouted. “We like Katie. We want to see her too.”

“Another time. We have a lot to talk about.”

They teased me, and Petey reminded me not to be distracted by a woman, but they left soon after.

I appreciated the visit, but I needed my girl.

And while it was great of them to come by, they had stuff to do and I was a reminder of how easily we could lose our careers. I didn’t want to bring anyone down.

I finished the food Mitch had brought and tossed the bag at the garbage.

I missed but couldn’t get up to put it in the can.

Oppy had left the duck on the table with some flower arrangements fans had sent, just out of reach.

So it sat, staring cross-eyed at me between roses and carnations while I waited. I shuddered.

A nurse came in, checked a bunch of stuff, told me I was doing well, and then left.

I heard footsteps and watched the door till I saw her there. Katie. She was wearing a coat, hair messed up from the hat she was now carrying in her hand.

She paused, staring at me while I stared at her.

I was trying to figure out what she was thinking by how she looked, and she might have been doing the same.

It didn’t work, at least for me. She didn’t seem to be upset or angry, but I couldn’t understand how she was feeling. It was going to take words.

“You gonna come in?” The way she lingered in the doorway made me nervous.

A bit of a smile, just one corner of her mouth turning up. “I picked up some donairs.”

Was that our thing now? “Thanks. But you didn’t have to. I just needed to see you.”

She bit her lip and crossed the threshold, walking toward me. I saw her eyes go to the food wrapper I’d not sunk in the garbage.

“You had something already?”

“Some of the team stopped by. Put the donairs on the table—I want them, but first I want you.”

A bigger smile this time. She dropped the bag on the table, giving the duck a strange look. Then she came to the side of the bed.

Finally. I grabbed her hand and tugged her toward me. “Can I kiss you?”

This time the smile reached both sides of her mouth. “Will your doctor be upset?”

“Don’t care.” I put a hand on her cheek and brought her close enough that our lips touched.

Everything relaxed and my brain stopped worrying. Katie’s lips felt a little cold, a little chapped, and totally perfect. I twisted to get closer, and my knee throbbed. I flinched.

She pulled back. “Not going to jeopardize your recovery.”

I sighed but let her go. She pulled up a chair and sat down right beside the bed. I reached out my hand and she put hers in mine. Instant relief. We had things to work out, but I was optimistic. We’d get through this. “We have a lot to talk about.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ve got some stuff to discuss with you too. But first, how are you doing?”

I ran the fingers of my free hand over our joined ones. “It’ll be months before I know for sure about playing hockey again. The surgery went well, but they can’t make any promises.”

“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

“Just be with me. I didn’t mean to tell you in a text that I loved you, but it’s the truth. I love you, and I maybe never stopped. Since I broke up with you, I’ve never found anyone who makes me feel like you do. Could you give me a chance to make you love me again?”

I’d just put it all out on the line, but I wasn’t playing any more games. Clear communication. We were going to be different this time.

Her hand tightened on mine. “What about your mother?”

I shrugged. “When I told her, she walked out. I don’t know what she’s going to do.”

Katie drew in a breath. “I can’t say she’s my favorite person. But I’ll try to get along with her. I don’t want to keep you apart.”

I felt the smile break out on my face. “So you’re staying? Giving this a chance?” I got a partial smile back so I tensed up. There was something coming on her side, something I didn’t know about.

“We need to talk about what that means.”

My stomach was seriously sore from all the nerves twisting it up. I gripped a little harder on her hand. She didn’t let go, so I drew in a long breath, relaxing my grip. “Okay. Let’s talk.”

“How sure are you that you’re staying in Toronto?”

Ugh. “Not sure. I didn’t have a chance to tell you, but the team had almost finalized a trade. I found out before the game where this happened. Me being injured stopped that.” Her mouth opened. “So I don’t know. If they decide to rebuild the team, I’m probably going.”

She closed her eyes. “Maybe it’s a sign.”

“What?” I was confused.

“I’m having problems at school.”

This shocked me. “You were always such a good student.”

She opened her eyes, smiling at me. “It’s not the work. Not the courses. But my advisor…”

I tried to remember what she’d told me about him. Had he done something? I couldn’t even get out of bed to help her. “What did he do?”

“Nothing and everything. Sorry, I’m not trying to be cryptic, but he has some frustratingly old-fashioned ideas about women and academics.”

“Can you do something?”

A big breath in. “I wrote to the chair of the department. But I don’t know if that’s going to help or make it worse.”

“Does that mean—what does it mean?”

“Maybe…maybe U of T isn’t where I’m supposed to be. Maybe I should just be happy with the education I’ve got and forget about going further. I could withdraw and help you till your knee is better.”