Page 23 of Replay (Toronto Blaze #3)

“The guys tell me the same thing. Too bad—they’re the ones losing out.”

Katie set my beer in front of me and settled on a stool. For a minute, we were busy sharing the food.

She took a bite and moaned. “That’s so good.”

I nodded. “I know a lot of good places around—I can give you recs if you want.”

That got our conversation going. I told her about a couple of takeout places I knew that weren’t too expensive, and then we talked about restaurants we liked back home. And then it was us. Just talking, telling stories… It was easy with Katie. Easy, and comfortable, and just made me happy.

I wanted more of this. I wanted it all the time.

When we’d finished all we could eat, I helped her pack the leftovers in the fridge. We had another road trip coming up, so I convinced her to keep them. She put the dishes in the dishwasher and grabbed us each another beer before leading me into the living room.

I sat on the couch, hoping she’d sit with me, but she curled up in a chair. She was looking nervous again, so it seemed like the talk part was now. And maybe this wasn’t going to go the way I wanted.

“My parents called.”

Something twisted around my guts, clenching them tightly. Katie’s family was close, and they hadn’t liked us together before. I hadn’t understood that, so now, even though I didn’t think I was any kind of a problem for her education goals, I couldn’t trust that they were happy about us hanging out.

“Your mom told them we were spending time together, and they were worried. It made me angry, but I talked to them about what happened.”

“I’m sorry Mom did that.” I was beginning to understand how much Mom didn’t want me with Katie.

“And I talked to Nora. And as pissed as I was—am—about how everyone was so manipulative back in high school, I was at fault too.”

“Wait, what? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Everyone else had made decisions for her, but what did she think she’d done?

“I didn’t ask you why. I didn’t fight back, for us. I just accepted it and hid away at my grandmother’s.”

That wasn’t something I’d even considered. “Oh. So, maybe we could have talked, figured out what to do together?” A smile flickered across my face, and my guts relaxed.

“I could have insisted that we talk, maybe found out what was going on.”

“Yeah, our parents wouldn’t have been able to manipulate you like they did me.” Katie had seen things about my mom that I’d missed. I’d been too quick to accept what was on the surface.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. They played on your vulnerability. And mine.”

“What?” Katie felt vulnerable?

“You know why I didn’t ask anything when you sent that text?”

I obviously hadn’t given this much thought. “Because of Rhonda?”

She twisted the beer bottle in her hands. “That didn’t help. But even right after. I figured, yeah, it was inevitable.”

“But why?” What problems had she seen in what we had together that I’d missed?

Her eyes dropped. “Because I’m just me. A math nerd. Smart about that, but not as pretty and?—”

I sat up. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re pretty. No, you’re beautiful. I like the way you look.”

Her gaze flickered up. “Thanks. But the closer you were getting to being drafted, well, more people wanted to be with you. Hang out with you, go out with you.”

I frowned. “I never cheated, Katie. I never wanted to.”

“I’m not suggesting you did or would. I was insecure. Being smart was always the priority in my family, and once you were done with math classes, what did you need me for?”

I shoved myself out of my chair. “What the—do you think I was using you? Just being with you because you were helping me with math? Because I could have found another tutor. Probably one who would have done the assignments for me and not made me work.”

“Josh, I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m talking about how I felt. Could you just listen?”

I wanted to move. To do something with this jittering frustration I felt. But Katie was biting her lip. I pulled in a deep breath.

I was worked up because if she thought those things, I must have done something to make her feel like that. But maybe I was wrong. I sat down. “Okay, keep talking.”

She watched me for a moment, then continued.

“I get it. It was a shitty thing to think about you, and it was all based on my own insecurities. I know you wouldn’t do that.

But, somewhere deep inside, I expected that one day you’d look around and see that you could do so much better.

” Her gaze fell to the floor. “I don’t have a lot of confidence in my attractiveness. ”

My mouth opened to argue but she continued.

“Just like you don’t have a lot of confidence in your intelligence.”

“But I ?—”

She held up her hand. “It’s not true about you. I know, you had a rough time in school, and I’ve told you that doesn’t mean you’re stupid.”

I rubbed my hands through my hair. Katie thought I’d find someone I liked better. Someone more attractive. I didn’t get that, but I always thought she’d find me stupid and maybe get tired of me. My thinking that was because of how I felt about me. Not what she’d done.

So her feelings weren’t because of me messing up. Right?

“Can we make a rule that if I can’t say I’m stupid, you can’t say you’re not pretty? Not beautiful?”

Her nose squinched up, but then she nodded. “Anyway, I apologize for letting my insecurities contribute to what happened back then. I can’t blame it all on you because I could have talked to you and didn’t.”

I dropped back in the chair. “So you’re not pissed anymore?”

A corner of her mouth quirked up. “I’m still pissed about the text thing, but I’m angry with our parents about why it happened, not you.”

That all seemed good. “So that’s what you wanted to talk about?” We could still be friends, and I could work on getting us to more if that was the case.

I’d push for more until she said no. That was how I got to be in the league even though I was one of the shortest players. I was fast, and I was pushy.

“Yeah. We can be friends with a clear slate.”

Tension eased out of my body. And determination filled it up instead.