Page 4 of Replay (Toronto Blaze #3)

Cool Was Not in My Wheelhouse

Katie

I woke up, light sliding into my room around the edges of my blinds. Memories of the night before flooded my brain. I cringed. How embarrassing. Josh. Fucking Josh.

How was I going to face Madeline again, after last night’s drama?

This condo had been an incredible score and I wanted to keep it. Originally, before I’d moved here, I found a couple of women to room with through an online site. That didn’t work. Turned out they were looking for a roommate because no one would stay with them.

One of the first people I made friends with at the University of Toronto was Andrea.

She was a second year TA and was kind enough to take me under her wing.

Andrea had been roommates with Madeline last year before moving in with her girlfriend.

Madeline was a special auditor, worked for the federal tax department, and traveled across the country to work on cases.

A lot of the time her condo was empty. She liked to have someone there to keep an eye on things and preferred grad students since they were past the partying stage.

Andrea had sent her a message on my behalf to see if she was looking for a roommate.

Fortunately for me, she was. Madeline and I met at her condo to discuss rooming together.

As soon as I walked in, I hoped we could make it work because the place was amazing.

Not a student apartment, but a real home—expensive furnishings, security at the doors, and it was right downtown, making commuting a breeze.

We’d sat at her dining room table to discuss the details.

She liked her place to be tidy. I did too, so that wasn’t an issue.

She worked long hours, and didn’t need someone to chat with or plan her life with.

She didn’t want to be set up with nice guys or told she worked too much.

Just someone to keep the place occupied, keep on top of the garbage and take deliveries if needed.

I was tidy, didn’t want to get involved with anyone either, and would be happy to do a lot of my studying here, so there’d be someone around.

She cautioned me that she was likely to bring home her hookups, but they wouldn’t spend the night. I had no problem with that. And if it hadn’t been for Josh—fucking Josh—there would have been no problem ever.

I pulled on my housecoat, shoved my feet in my fuzzy slippers, and left my room quietly, aiming for the coffeepot.

I didn’t want to talk about last night or remember it if possible.

With any luck I could avoid Madeline until her next trip.

And after that, hopefully enough time would have passed that this became a funny story.

Madeline was already up. Damn it. She was dressed in yoga wear that looked expensive, with her hair pulled back in a smooth ponytail. And was that makeup? On a Saturday morning when she wasn’t working? Life goals, right there. But not till I had coffee.

“Coffee’s ready.”

Okay, having a roommate with her life together wasn’t always a bad thing. I pulled out my Second Breakfast mug, dumped milk and sugar in the bottom, and poured coffee into the cup.

“No wonder you don’t care what kind of coffee you drink. There’s hardly any coffee in there.”

She sounded amused, and I refrained from giving her the finger. I liked my coffee sweet and creamy. Take me to Tim Horton’s for a double double and I was happy. But my roommate? “Do you even drink Timmy’s?”

She shuddered. “Sometimes it’s all I can get.”

I swallowed a mouthful of caffeinated goodness and did my best to keep my moan inside. Madeline bought expensive coffee and included it with the rent. She might ruin me for bad coffee.

With the caffeine hitting my veins, I began to qualify as awake. I tried a pleasant smile. “I want to apologize.”

“What for?” She was holding back a smile.

Damn it. She knew that this was about last night. “I’m sorry I messed up your plans for the evening.”

She waved her free hand. “Not a problem. He’s a little young for me anyway, and he was more interested in you.”

Well, it wasn’t because of how I looked, that was for damn sure. “I knew he was playing in Toronto. Anything he does is news back home, but I thought in a city of six million I’d be safe.”

She rested her hip against the countertop. “Safe? Was he abusive?”

“No, no. God no. I just didn’t want to run into him.”

“The odds of the two of you meeting up like last night were pretty low. But if you really want to avoid him, skip the Top Shelf, especially when the Blaze play.”

“That’s where you…” I wasn’t sure the right way to say picked him up .

“Yeah. I had a date there.” My mouth dropped open and she laughed.

“Not Josh. It was a setup by a coworker. I wanted something short and sweet. But he told me he was looking forward to kids—lots of kids. So that wasn’t happening.

I bumped into your hockey player at the bar, and he was cute.

I asked if he wanted one night, and he was down for that. ” She shrugged. “Wasn’t my night.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Why would I be? There are a lot more men out there.”

I felt like a country rube around Madeline. She was the definition of sophisticated. “I’ll make sure to be in my room when it gets late.”

“Don’t be silly. The place is yours to use. I’ll send you a text if I’m bringing someone back next time, okay? Maybe you can do the same if I’m in town.”

“Sure.” I hoped my cheeks weren’t red. This casual talk about bringing a guy home for a night wasn’t something I was used to.

Until my senior year at Dalhousie, I’d lived at home, and there was no way I’d bring anyone back there.

Even at university, I’d only slept with guys I was dating, and that just seemed so unsophisticated next to my roommate’s style.

Ah well, I was a geek. A math student with a Lord of the Rings obsession. Cool was not in my wheelhouse.

“And just to let you know, if you wanted to call Josh, I’d…

” I’d what? Hide out in my room? Find somewhere else to stay for the night?

Josh and I were so over but being in the condo while he and Madeline had sex would still hurt.

Logically, I had no reason to feel that way.

We couldn’t be more over, but I’d been with him longer than any boyfriend since.

She shook her head. “I don’t even have his phone number. I think I can survive without getting involved with my roommate’s ex.”

That was nice, but I didn’t want to set down rules for her.

She moved over to a stool at the island. “I’ve never met anyone who was close to one of the city’s hockey players before.”

If she thought I had some kind of connection to local athletes, I needed to set her straight.

“We went to the same high school. I lived in the same place my whole life, but he was drafted to the city’s junior hockey team, and he and his mom moved to just outside Halifax.

I was one of the smart kids, especially with math.

My parents wanted me to concentrate on my grades instead of having a part-time job, but they were okay with me tutoring.

Josh was already some kind of hockey prodigy, but he was struggling to keep up in class.

It just happened that I became his tutor. ”

We had nothing in common—I wasn’t athletic, and he wasn’t a keen student. But as we spent time together, we found common ground. He loved Star Wars , I was a Tolkien fan, and we were willing to share each other’s interests. For a long time he made me believe I had more to offer than my brains.

Oh well.

“Then we started dating, until he broke it off. That was hard. I really loved him. I refused to go to school and see him with Rhonda, or anyone else. I planned to homeschool myself to finish the year. My parents finally sent me to my grandmother’s for the rest of senior year.

I was moping around like my life had ended, and the school near Gram’s place had a good AP program.

They were distracted with some stuff going on with my older sister, so it worked out. ”

“And that was it?”

“He was drafted and went away to play hockey, and I went to university. I hadn’t seen him for five years till last night.”

And what a way to run into him again.

Madeline watched me, using that analytical brain of hers. I wished she’d focus on something else. “I’m trying to picture the two of you together.”

Not necessary, since we were so not together now.

“You’re smart. Intense. He’s pretty laid-back. I would have said he was not very bright, but…”

I frowned. People always thought Josh was dumb.

He didn’t do well on tests, and wasn’t a great reader, but he wasn’t stupid the way people assumed.

There was more to him than hockey. He had other things he used his brain for.

He loved Star Wars , and on that, he had opinions.

Very well thought-out and endlessly argued opinions.

Plus, he was hockey smart. I had never been a big hockey fan and avoided the sport altogether after Josh and I broke up— Damn it, now he had me doing it.

After he broke up with me , I avoided hockey.

But before, when scouts were watching him and people wanted to talk about Josh and hockey all the damn time, they talked about his hockey intelligence.

He understood the game on an intuitive level.

I did not. Which was fine, because I was done with hockey.

“He’s not just a dumb jock. Ask him about Revenge of the Sith . He’ll give you a dissertation.”

Madeline frowned, and now I knew she didn’t use Botox. Just looked naturally perfect. “What’s that?”

“ Star Wars movie. Josh had big opinions on that.”

She fought back a smile. “Hmmm.”

Thanks to Josh, I loved Star Wars too. For a while, after he’d cut me off, I’d had to set aside my love of the Force because it reminded me too much of him.

But time passed, the hurt faded, and I’d reclaimed Star Wars .

I’d even stopped my stupid tendency to rehearse conversations with him about some of the new shows.

In my head, obviously, since he was gone, but he’d been my Star Wars and Lord of the Rings buddy. Not relevant here, obviously.

“Two years,” she said. “Was it just tutoring and sex?”

The coffee flew out of my mouth and over the counter as I choked. “Gghh.” I tried to speak but coughed instead.

Madeline laughed and grabbed a cloth to wipe up what I’d spewed out. “No sexy times?”

I grinned at her. “Two horny high school kids? Oh, we made time for that.”

“Did you make him study? Or just do the work for him so he’d pass?”

I almost swallowed more coffee. “I did not do his work for him! He needed to know this stuff.” I’d warned him that hockey wasn’t a sure thing. He could get injured. He might not make it. And shockingly, he’d been willing to put in the work.

“Maybe he needed that. Someone who didn’t let him get by on his athletic skills.”

I bit my lip, letting my brain return to a time I’d mostly blocked out. “Maybe that was it. Most people only talked hockey to him. I knew some, but my family had never been big hockey fans.”

“I’m sure, if he was talented—and he must have been to be where he is now—a break from that was good for him.”

“Well, Dr. Madeline, I think you’ve now figured out why we lasted as long as we did. But we had different paths to follow. We’d have broken up eventually. Though it would have been nice to have some say in that.”

“You absolutely should have had a say in that decision. If Josh hadn’t cared about you or didn’t want the relationship to continue because he didn’t want to, then he has the right to initiate that discussion and make his own decision. But to decide for you? I’d be furious.”

She would. She was angry on my behalf, five years later.

I should have pushed, five years ago, and asked questions. I’d been so insecure that Josh breaking up with me had seemed inevitable. I hadn’t asked why or demanded answers. I thought I knew them—I wasn’t pretty enough, fun enough, any kind of enough except smart.

He hadn’t needed smart to get drafted.

Had I learned? Gotten any better? Did I think I was enough now?